Dear Diary
Chapter nine: Diary, tell me what to do

XXX

A/N: Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Or maybe it's a date, I dunno ;)

Thank you so much Mswan for your amazing and slightly (did I say slightly, I meant very) perverted Beta eyes ;) I love you though! You make me smile. Just like reviews, they make me smile a lot too!

I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)

XXX

Dear Diary,

I have made a bold decision. I sent Bisuke over to Gai with a little note, telling him to be ready to go by noon. I'm a pompous ass, aren't I Diary? But let me explain: Last night, when I was laying in my bed, I realized something. As far as I know, this is Gai's first date ever. And I intend to make it memorable for him. He wrote me back, 'Do not be late this time'. Sounds a little… Curt. But I have to admit the guy's got a point.

I've got a plan, though… I hope. Do you think it's good enough, Diary? It better be. I've got no time left to make it better. So now there's only one question left: What am I going to wear? Uniform? Civilians? A funky combination of the two? Neh, I think… Let's not shock the guy and give him a heart attack on top of his concussion, right? Right.

I have to hurry now, it's almost eleven and I still have to shower, change and pick up some supplies. I'm not going to be late this time. Hopefully…

K.

XXX

I quickly close the book, carefully placing it back in the drawer before hurrying to my bathroom. For some weird reason it reminds me of Gai's. My medicine cabinet is a lot smaller, and not nearly as well stocked. That guy must own every herbal remedy known to man and then some. And aspirin. For some reason that didn't really seem to fit in, and it made me curious. But honestly, almost everything makes me curious. It's just that usually, I already know what I'm going to get for my trouble so it's boring. Gai isn't boring. Never.

I realize I'm getting lost in thought again, quickly shaking my head to clear it up. I turn on the shower before stripping down. Pants, undershirt, leg wraps, boxers. Then I step into the shower. The water is hot, relaxing my tense muscles for a moment. I take a deep breath. No more thinking about Gai until after I've left my apartment, that's the deal from here on out. Reaching for the shampoo, I quickly apply it before rinsing out my hair again. Soap is next, I thoroughly clean my entire body. Not that I think we're going to be getting that personal anytime soon, but it's always better to be sure, right? Right. After the soap, I reach for my conditioner. Without that, my hair would just go wild, standing out in all angles. Not that it doesn't already, but it would be so much worse. Like, I would scare little children. As always when I'm putting conditioner in my hair, I wonder why my parents felt the need to name me 'Kakashi'. Scarecrow. My head sure looks like one. Were they just being mean and playing a practical joke or something? I'll never know. Ever since I was about twelve years old, I've been asking them about it. Needless to say the memorial stone won't answer me. I sigh quietly. The only person that ever truly answers me is Gai. Gai… Another sigh escapes me. A wistful one, maybe even a lust filled one. I try not to think about that too much. It'll happen when it happens even if that's never. In the meantime, I'm getting ready for my first date with the man. The man. Sounds a little weird, but not bad weird. Just… New. Gai… He's gorgeous. Strong, broad shoulders. Soft, warm eyes. Bushy eyebrows that always make me smile when he wiggles them around. I know he knows that amuses me. I know he does it on purpose sometimes. I smile, feeling my heart warm up. Blinking, I realize other parts of my body are heating up as well. Not good. I wasn't supposed to think about him. Quickly turning off the hot water, I stand under the near-freezing stream for a minute or so before hurrying to make up for the lost time. Roughly toweling myself dry before wrapping another towel around my head. It's never a good idea to be rough with my hair. It'll stand out as if I've just been electrocuted. Not what I want to look like on my first date with – No. Don't think about him! Tsch, love-sick puppy!

Walking over to my dresser, I quickly pick out my clothes. Decision made, I don't hesitate too much. It would take too much time to change plans now, anyway. After getting dressed as quick as I can, I carefully remove the towel from around my head. It's always a pain to get dressed before my hair dries, the towel is a huge obstruction. But I'm in a bit of a hurry today, so I'm dealing with it. Just for today, though. No way am I going through all this trouble for anyone else!

My hair is still damp. Shrugging, I figure I have no choice, waiting for it to dry naturally would take too much time. So I gently towel it, hoping, praying that it won't backfire. Oh please lord, not today. After the silver on top of my head is as dry as it's going to get, I sit down on my bed. Reaching in my nightstand to pick up my hairbrush. I have to be very careful with this part, but I'm also hurrying. The worst combination possible. I sigh softly as I get to work. I'll just have to hope and pray again. That's all I can do, really.

XXX

As I open the door to my balcony, I glance at the clock. Damnit, I'm running late! This is bad. This is so bad. I almost forget to lock the door behind me, realizing that I've left my apartment. I'm allowed to think about Gai again. But no, better not. I'm running awfully late. I resign myself to not thinking about him until I'm actually on my way over to his place. Jumping off the balcony, I make a run for the little corner diner across the street. Rushing in, I almost bump into the owner, managing to shift my direction just enough to slam into the counter instead. She just smiles at me, chuckling as she hands me the order I've placed right after sending out Bisuke. She's been extra nice to me; packaging the whole thing up in a wicker basket. I crinkle my eye at her, swiftly paying the bill before dashing back out again.

Okay, I'm on my over to Gai now. I can think about him now. About how his muscles always seem to stretch that green atrocity that he calls 'clothing' just a bit too far, like it will tear. About how his teeth seem to light up when he smiles. About how – Ouch!

Rubbing my aching head, I glare at the wall that's not supposed to be this close to me. I sigh quietly. Thinking about Gai while hurrying to get to his apartment is bordering on dangerous, I don't even see where I'm going. And since Icha Icha isn't in my hands, even the people around me seem less friendly – no-one is stepping aside, no-one pointed out that I was about to run straight into a brick wall. Fine. No thinking about Gai until I'm on his doorstep.

Deciding it will be faster if I choose the rooftops over the street, I jump up. The wicker basket is an awkward thing to carry as it obstructs my movements in a way I'm not used to. I'll just have to deal with it. Picking up the pace, I turn my sights on Gai's apartment complex.

XXX

Doorstep reached. I can think about him now, right? Right. Better not though. Even these loose pants will start to look a little suspicious if I think about him anymore. I swallow, raising my hand to knock as a thought hits me. Should I have brought something? Flowers? Chocolates? Training gear? Deciding it's too late now to change anything about it, I raise my hand once more. In the distance, I can hear the Academy bells, signaling the start of their lunch break. Exactly twelve o'clock then. I swallow once more, connecting my hand to the wood.

The door opens immediately, revealing… Gai. How the hell does this guy manage to always look exactly the same? Here I am, spending way too much time on my hair, knowing it's still a mess, knowing that I'm probably flushed and sweating from running all the way here. That I've probably fucked up my hair even more while doing so. But Gai just looks like Gai. Freaking perfect. Except for the jumpsuit, that is. And the bright-orange leg warmers. And maybe the bowl-cut hair. Though I'm starting to think I might actually like that. And the jumpsuit really shows off his amazing body. But the legwarmers are just ugly.

I cock my head to the side, crinkling my eye in a greeting manner as I raise my free hand, "Yo!"

"Kakashi!" He smiles wide, and the sun reflects off his teeth, all but blinding me. I blink, why does this guy have to look so amazing? Not fair. With a small wave of his hand, he invites me in. Unsure what else to do at this point, I accept the invitation.

Gai closes the door the moment I've crossed the threshold, coming closer until I have no choice but to lean back against the wood. What the hell is he thinking? Is he angry with me? Am I late after all? Is he having second thoughts?

He places his hands on either side of me, next to my shoulders. Coming closer still. I swallow. Now what?

"Kakashi," He all but whispers, and I swallow again. Not so much from nerves this time, but because of what his voice is doing to me. He chuckles lightly, "Kakashi, I'm going to take that damned mask of your face now," I blink, but before I have a chance to reply, gentle fingers curl around the edge of the mask. This feels strange, and it's not a good kind of strange. No-one has ever taken my mask off. I'm the only one that's allowed to touch the thing. Panic rushes through my body and reflexively, my hand shoots up, grabbing a firm hold of Gai's wrist.

I listen in horror as my lips move on their own, my voice coming out in a gruff, warning tone, "Don't."
Oh shit! No, no, no! This is bad, this is really, really bad! Why the hell did I have to go and do that?! Oh god, I screwed up so bad! Gai, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Please forgive me? I swear I never meant for this to happen! I'm so, so incredibly sorry!

He chuckles again, his face inching closer until his forehead rests against mine, "I didn't mean to scare you, Kakashi."

I swallow hard. Am I that obvious? Probably. Did he really mean it? Most likely. Am I still holding on to his wrist? Absolutely. Aren't I hurting him? No doubt. I try to relax my hand, but it isn't exactly working. Pulling a face, I try again. Gai bursts out laughing. Well, there goes my one and only chance…

"Are you trying to let go or trying to break my wrist? Because if you keep going you're probably going to succeed in the latter, Kakashi."

Okay… That's got to be the worst thing I've ever done to him. Oh wait… I gave him a concussion last time, didn't I? Oh, fuck…

"Kakashi?"

I swallow, suddenly realizing I haven't said anything to him other than 'Yo!' and 'Don't!' I really have to start working on my vocabulary here… "I'm sorry, Gai. Really, I didn't mean to hurt you or anything, I just…" I swallow again. Admitting weakness? Not my strong suit, "I freaked a little…"

Warm eyes look into mine, seemingly peering into the depths of my soul, "I know," He smiles softly, "No way your hand is coming off now, is there Kakashi?"

I squeeze my eye shut in shame, shaking my head. But Gai chuckles, using his other hand to pry his wrist out of my death grip. I can feel him take a small step back. Opening my eye, I watch as the man before me attempts to massage some life back into his mangled wrist. I frown as I notice the onset of bruising, "I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine, Kakashi. That was a stupid miscalculation on my part," Gai smiles at me. How the hell can he be smiling at me? I just damn near broke his wrist! I slammed his head into the wall so hard he had to give himself bed rest. I'm horrible, right? Right.

"I shouldn't have…"

Chuckling, Gai shakes his head a little, "Instincts, Kakashi. I disregarded your instincts. I got what I deserve. Probably less," He winks at me, and I can feel myself go weak in the knees, "But I still want that mask gone."

What the –? I don't understand any of this! "Why…?"

Gai chuckles again, "Because kissing you is much more fun without it."

Okay. I'm seriously going to need a moment here. That's just… I'm gonna need a moment. Did he really just say… He did, didn't he? A chuckle wells up in my throat. Gai really just said he wants to kiss me! Leaning down a little, I set the basket down on the floor. Straightening my back, I swallow one more time, bringing both hands up to my face. I take hold of the edges of the mask, my eye trained on Gai's face. He's so gorgeous, isn't he? So amazingly – wait, the mask. Right. Bending my head down a little, I lift the edges of the mask. My head comes back up as my hands pull down, automatically folding the fabric under my chin. For some reason, I always shake my head a little when I take the mask down. I suppose it looks a little like when girls pull the band out of their ponytails. My hands almost mechanically follow the edge of my undershirt, folding the entire thing so it won't creep up. Essentially creating a turtleneck. My gaze searches for Gai's again, and I can feel my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as my nerves soar.

"That is a lot better," He moves forward again, and this time I don't pull back. I know what he's going for, know he's not angry or backing away. Quite the opposite, in fact. Soft lips meet my own, barely grazing past. I smile, if no-one's ever seen Gai express even the slightest interest in the opposite sex – or the same one, apparently – wouldn't that logically mean that…? I almost chuckle. It certainly does. As he starts to pull back, I quickly wrap my arms around him, fingers running through dark locks. Pressing my lips securely against his, I part my own, letting my tongue slip out just far enough to tease his bottom lip. The rest, I will leave up to Gai. I'll not pressure him, I'll not force him into anything. He's startled, I can tell. Almost pulling back, but pushing back instantly. Hands traveling to my shoulders, ghosting over my body until they cup my face. But his lips remain together. I suppress another chuckle. This is just too cute, too precious.

We stand there for a while, as I place soft kisses on Gai's lips. Quickly retreating some times, lingering others. It really is so adorable how he never quite seems to be able to keep up with me. It almost distracts me from the biggest, most amazing experience in my life: I'm kissing him. Seriously. I am kissing Maito Gai! The thought alone is enough to make my head spin. And it does; I'm getting dizzy. Though, on the other hand, that could just be because I can't for the life of me remember the last time I took a breath. Kinda bad. Kinda… Pressing by now. So I pull back a little, watching this man, the man that I love, as I try to catch my breath.

Gai is swaying lightly on his feet, his hands still on my face as he seems to hold on for dear life. Which would be funny, if it didn't hurt. But then again, I've hurt him a lot worse, right? Right. So I wait semi-patiently for him to release me again. Seems like that's gonna take a while. I can't suppress my chuckle any longer.

His eyes finally open, surprise and embarrassment and fear fighting for the front row in those dark orbs. I smile at him, trying to comfort him a little, "You're right, much more fun without the mask."

He smiles a little self-consciously, seemingly just now remembering his hands are still on my cheeks. He lets go now, almost as if I've burned him. Gasping, Gai stumbles back a few paces. I am instantly worried, reaching out to take the hand that's – for some reason – pointing at me, while the other covers the man's lips, "Gai, what's wrong?"

He turns his hand a little, grabbing mine back as he pulls me deeper inside the apartment. I haven't had the time to take off my shoes, which means I am now embarrassed. Walking around in someone else's apartment with my shoes on is not exactly proper manners. Not that I have proper manners, but still. This is kinda bad. Gai doesn't even seem to notice though, dragging me into his bathroom. I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. Was that kiss so amazing he wants to share a bath? That could get a little… Awkward… But Gai still doesn't speak, grabbing my shoulders he turns my body. Facing the mirror, I yelp. To be fair, I always do that. I wear the mask for a bloody reason, folks. Don't go around shoving mirrors in my face when the mask is down. Preferably not when it's on my face either. I just don't like it. Clear and simple. But he doesn't seem to be startled by my girly little yelp, which would probably be due to the interesting pattern of surfacing bruises on my cheeks. I pull a face, cocking my head to get a better view, "You've got pretty big hands, you know that?" I ask him casually. Gai might be startled by something so silly, I'm not.

"I am so sorry, Kakashi! I will walk on my hands for twenty miles to –"

"Meh, don't worry about it. I've had worse…" Turning my face, I check the other cheek, "Besides, I did worse. To you. This is actually quite artistic," I watch as Gai's reflection blinks. Turning back around, I lean my ass against the sink. Cocking my head, I smile at him. Gai is the only person I ever smile at, and usually not even very often. But I seem to be doing it a lot today. I think I like it. I also kind of like the fact that I can smile at him and still see him at the same time. The little eye crinkle that people always seem to go a little gaga over has absolutely nothing to do with smiling. It actually started when I was annoyed and didn't want to look at people, but didn't want to make them angry either. I did it once, it worked. I did it twice, they said I had such an expressive smile. I did it thrice, and the girl before me fainted. So I kept it up. But this…. This is a real smile. One that affects every part of my face, every tiny little muscle, I can feel them. All those muscles are probably going to hurt like hell in the morning, because I don't do this very often, but Gai seems to appreciate it. Which is nice. Really, really nice.

Without thinking, I lean over, brushing my lips against his. Instinctively stepping forward, I wrap my arms around him once more, almost chuckling as I realize something: I've never actually kissed someone with a body broader than my own before. Well, except for that one chick, but she was a mistake anyway. Don't fuck with an Akimichi. Not that kind of fuck! Although I honestly can't say that sounds very appealing… Just… 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' doesn't even begin to describe an angry Akimichi. I honestly couldn't walk for two whole weeks.

My right hand is up in his hair again, left hand hesitating somewhere around the base of his spine. Go lower? Or go up? Do I dare? I decide I don't, resting my hand on the small of Gai's back. Even though that part of him is rather wide as well. Why did I never before notice exactly how big this guy is compared to me?

I simply cannot resist the temptation to run my tongue over his lower lip again, feeling slightly disappointed as I still don't get the desired effect. I won't pressure him, though. Pretty sure he's never kissed anyone before and who am I to force my tongue down some virgin's throat? But I do press my own body up against his. It's just… Too enticing, really. Gai is right here, and for the first time ever, I can actually touch the guy. Touch him without feeling a pang of guilt, touch him without feeling a little ashamed of what I'm doing. The throbbing between my legs has returned, and I hope to god that Gai won't notice. But then again, this is Gai – He didn't notice all my attempts to shuffle a little closer as he threw his arm around me for all these years either. Probably. Hopefully. Oh, who am I kidding? This is Gai, of course he noticed…

So I pull back. Cheeks burning as I try to find a stance that will conceal my body's response somewhat. I lean back against the sink, cross my legs. That seems to make it worse. Okay… I spread my legs out a little. Isn't that even worse though? I can't tell. Gai seems to be a little awkward as well. Did I do something wrong? Did I push him too much after all? I study his face, but I can't find the signs I'm looking for. This is bad, right? Right. I clear my throat, trying to get rid of the lump in it. But Gai almost jumps, staring at me. I have to say something now, right? Right. Say something… Anything... Come on!

"Eh… Gai… I, eh…" I swallow, this isn't going so well, now is it? I take a deep breath, "Not that I'm not really enjoying this, because I am," I smile at him, feeling relieved that he seems to relax a little, "But I kind of had… Plans," I end a little weakly, not sure if I even still care about those.

"Yes," Gai takes a deep breath, puffing up his chest a little. I find myself staring, so lost in the sight that I almost don't catch his next words, "Our date. What did you have planned, my ri – Kakashi?"

I chuckle, "I'm still your rival, Gai – I will beat you," I wink at him. He probably won't see because it's only another eye crinkle, but – wait a second! He saw it! Gai friggin' noticed! Awesome. He's so awesome. He's – right, we were talking here, "I thought I'd take you out to the forest with me, enjoy a little fresh air…" I try to sound nonchalant, but I'm not sure if I'm pulling it off. Actually, the reason why I came up with this idea is a little selfish. Oh, sure, I'm pretty certain he's going to like it. Or I hope so, at least. But mostly… I just don't want to be in the village right now. I want to be away from prying eyes. Honestly, I should count my lucky stars that I didn't run into anyone on my way over here. I'm sure they're all making fun of me right now. Not something I want to be thinking about. Think about Gai, think about how amazing he is – Oops, no… Don't think about Gai. Ignore how tight your pants feel, ignore how tight your pants feel, ignore –

"A little fresh air it is!" Gai suddenly booms, interrupting my slightly OCD-ish thoughts. His voice suddenly drops, though. His tone soft as he gently cups my face, "And no-one else around… You really are a genius, Kakashi."

I blink, blushing fiercely as I rub the back of my head, "Meh… It's not all it's cracked up to be…"

He chuckles, pulling my face a little closer. I can feel his lips brush over mine again, his breath tickling me as he whispers, "Let's go then, Kakashi."

My knees are trembling, and as he lets go, I grab hold of the sink behind me. I swallow, but then decide I might as well be honest, maybe it'll sound like a flirt or something. That would be nice, but either way, there's just no way I'm walking right now, "In a minute, Gai. You pretty much just turned my legs to jelly…"

He's beaming at me, his teeth blinding me as he grins, "I can wait for that."

Yay… Glad he's happy about it, I find it freaky. This has never happened to me before and I can't help but wonder if that's because I never really cared before, or if it's just because I've been in love with him for so long it's worn me down. Has to be the latter, right? Right. Although… Probably not. I never did care very much, that's why none of my relationships have ever lasted over a week. And why I turned to Icha Icha. To get my mind off Gai. But I'm here. In his bathroom. And we just kissed. And I'm taking him on a date. I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to stand again.

Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated. I think… Maybe I can stand on my legs again. I gingerly try it out. Seems to be working. Okay. Good. Now what? The date, right. The basket's still by the door. Where my shoes should be. But those are on my feet. I feel another blush creep up and I tug at the mask in an attempt to cover it, but Gai's hands on mine still the motion. I have no idea what he's thinking, the guy's looking at me so darned seriously that I can't remember how to breath. What did I do? Is it the mask? Is he going to expect me to keep it down all the time now? Is he angry with me for wanting to pull it up?

"Kakashi," His tone is soft again, soft and warm. My legs tremble once more, "I am happy that you are here. I am happy that we have a date. I…" He sighs softly, "Will you please stop being so nervous all the time?!"