Chapter 6: Comforting you
Our lady of Sorrows Hospital
Washington D.C.
After getting an appointment with Goldman and talking to Agnes, Mulder and Scully walk out of the hospital through the emergency entrance
They walk side by side, Scully looks tense while Mulder is excited about their recent discovery - It's insidious, Scully. A ward for pregnant women paid for by Augustus Goldman, the founder of a company with deep ties to the Department of Defense. This could be another phase of the project - their experiments in eugenics. Those women in there... could be incubators - They stop walking and Scully turns to face Mulder with a little anger in her eyes
- Mulder... I'm not a fragile little girl - He looks surprised and doesn't know what she means
- Scully… - He says as a question, she is uncomfortable with the situation, every time someone talk about a child like Agnes, she feels a wave of pain that hits her hard - This is what you suspected all along, but were afraid to articulate…- She sighs getting new air to continue - Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby? - Mulder sighs heavily knowing where this conversation is going - Was I just an incubator? -
How can she say that, he will never think that about her, she is everything for him, he feels her sadness and that crush his heart - You're never "just" anything to me, Scully - he looks at her with tenderness and she can't help herself, she knows this has been a hard topic since the beginning, and even when they found a way to avoid it, sometimes she just can't ignore it anymore
- Do you ever think about William? - She asks with a sad face, he knows that she knows the answer to that question, but is her pain talking, her fear, she needs to hear it again
- Yes, of course I do, but I've... I feel like I've had to put that behind me - his last words came in a lower voice trying not to hurt her, but her pain is visible. She can't look at Mulder as she thinks about William.
She turns her head away from his sight, her mind far away from there - He'd be 15 years old now. And I've missed every single year of his life. And sometimes... I hate myself that I didn't have the courage to stand by him - He has heard that before, many times while they were together, her pain is he same as fourteen years ago.
He doesn't have much to say, she need to stop blaming herself or this conversation will always be the same for the next twenty years - You did what you did to keep him safe. His adoption is secret, his location is unknown because you had to protect him - She turns her head back to Mulder with a sad expression, she has so many questions, she knows that is circling the same topic again, but can't help it - Do you believe he was an experiment? -
Is there a right answer for that? Not really, he wish he had the answers for all her questions, but all around William was and keeps being a mystery - I don't know - he says almost whispering
She seems tense, maybe they will never know how to deal with the subject, the only topic that is difficult between them, so personal that there's no way to talk about it calmly - What if he's out there somewhere, like one of those kids on Sanjay's wall? Fighting for his life? -
She awaits for his answer looking deep into his eyes, he gets her face closer to her - All we can do, Scully, is pull the thread. See what it unravels - she swallows trying to put all her nerves behind, he moves closer to her and caresses her forearm.
She jumps a little feeling his touch - Come on Scully, let's get out of here, and I'll drive this time - he says smiling trying to make her painful thoughts go away.
She nods and he walks behind her putting his hand on his spot to guide her, as a way to protect her, she smiles a little when she feels his hand on her back, he opens the door for her and then close it behind her, then he turns around the car and gets in the driver's seat, she is looking outside lost in her thoughts, he hates cases likes this, she is right, they must solve it as soon as they can or all their feelings will come back as strong as they used to and he isn't ready for that. He reach for her hand and squeeze it, she turns her face to see him and squeeze his hand back - Are you ready Scully? - she nods with a half smile and lays her back on her seat feeling exhausted, her pain always does that to her, it's like a big weight on her shoulders.
He drives looking at her every short time, she looks out the window, lost in thought but has not let go of his hand on the gear lever - I don't know why I have been thinking about him so much lately, do you think we will ever see him again? - she asks without looking at him, he looks at the road, he has been thinking about their son a lot too, but he can't tell her that
He sighs and squeeze her hand - Maybe… I really don't know Scully - he doesn't know what else to say, she turns to look at him - I'm sorry Mulder, I know this is hard for you too, let's just talk about something else - he takes her hand to his lips and kiss it, she smiles at him and sighs.
- I miss you Scully - he says looking at the road, she frown with her gaze on his face, she smiles sadly and puts her hand on his tight, he turns to gaze her smiling - Hey, careful down there - he says smirking, she laughs and takes her hand away putting it on top of his on the gear lever again - It was a joke Scully -
She nods and smiles - I know Mulder, even I will give you the benefit of the doubt - she says raising her eyebrow, he laughs because she is right, one touch and he feels energy running through his whole body, she is his entire life and he needs to get her back.