Dear Diary
Chapter seventeen: Baby, you spin me around

XXX

A/N: Let's create some more turmoil for Kakashi, shall we? xD

Thank you Mswan0117 for your Beta! You're awesomely, incredibly, fabulously, amazingly fantastic!
Wow! Thank you! I don't know that I deserve all of that, but I'll take it!
Couldn't resist keeping Mswan's note in ;)

I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)

XXX

Dear Diary,

Jiraiya is an ass.

That's about all I want to say tonight.

K.

XXX

"Are you going to bed yet?" Gai's tone is soft, he is the only living person that truly understands why I give him the answer that I do.

"In a little bit. I have some friends to talk to."

I smile softly, unable to resist the temptation of touching him one last time before I leave. So I touch his cheek for only the briefest of seconds. Then I turn quickly, knowing that if I linger here any longer I will not be able to resist kissing him again. And Gai is clearly tired. Besides, I have some explaining to do to a couple of friends of mine…

Blowing him one last kiss is just too tempting, and I smile when I catch his blush. But after that, I'm really leaving. I have to. I've put this off for too many years already…

XXX

Coming up to the memorial stone, my footsteps falter. What if they're mad at me now? What if they think it's gross? What if they say I should've said something years ago so they wouldn't have had to deal with someone disgusting like me all these years?

What if I don't care? I love him, no-one is going to take that away from me. Certainly not after he said he loves me too! Taking a deep breath, I walk up to the stone. I love Maito Gai. It's about time I let the most important people in my life know that.

"Father? It's me again… I know it's been a while, and I honestly didn't mean to neglect you or anything. Although… You were probably happy to be rid of my whining for a little while, huh? But I promise you I'm not going to whine today, really. I just… I'm a little insecure because I don't really know how you'd feel about this, and… Well, you see the thing is…" I let out a frustrated sigh. For cryin' out loud, it's not like he can disown me anymore or anything! "You should be happy for me, father. You see, I've been in love with someone for years now. I think… Yeah, it's probably been over ten years by now… And you see, the other day, I sort of… Blurted that out. Well, to be honest I kind of yelled it out… It was pretty humiliating, father," An embarrassed chuckle escapes me, "You know me, I'm not really one for showing too many emotions, or creating this big spectacle, but I kind of did anyway. The thing is though… This person… Said they love me too, father. Maito Gai loves me, and I love him."

For a few seconds, I stand frozen. Waiting for something, though I don't really know what. Thunder, maybe? A lightning bolt to come down and turn me to ash? The ground splitting open and gobbling me up? But nothing happens. The stars are twinkling just like they did before, the moon is shining softly. No disasters, natural or otherwise, are happening anywhere near my person.

"So… You're okay with that, then? Father? I'm just going to take that as a yes, alright? But, eh… Could you maybe tell mom for me? I know I don't really have the best of relationships with her, you know with her leaving so soon and all… And I… Well, I kinda got this feeling that she'd want me to have kids and stuff? You know, find some nice girl? I tried that, I honestly did, but… I just really love him, father. I can't really help it. You'll tell mom, right? I'm sorry if I made her cry, I really am. But I kind of have to live my own life, right? Right. I know you'd tell me the same thing. I think so, at least…"

Taking a deep breath, I swallow hard. Telling dad about Gai was tough, but also strangely cathartic. Now it's on to the next one, "Minato-sensei, you there? Kakashi here… I eh, have something to tell you…"

"You're just gonna go down the entire list like that?"

Spinning on my heels, I only barely manage to hold back a yelp. I know I spoke very softly, and this person heard me! That's… Really embarrassing. Swallowing, I watch as Jiraiya slowly draws nearer.

"A lot of my friends are on there as well, Kakashi," He smiles a little sadly, I can just about make it out in the pale light of the moon, "Including Minato. He wouldn't have minded, though. You know that , right? Neither Minato nor Kushina would've made a big deal out of it. Your father however… I'm not too sure about him. Probably not, if it meant you were happy. I'm sure he would have needed a little time, though," He winks at me, and I can feel my legs trembling.

"What about you?" I whisper, my tone even quieter than when I spoke to the Stone.

"Me? As in, do I have a problem with you and Gai?"

He sounds a little surprised, almost as if he hadn't expected the question. I nod, just barely.

"No," Jiraiya's tone is definitive, "I don't see the problem at all, to be honest with you. I don't see what the big deal is."

He moves to stand beside me, suddenly looking a little thoughtful as he adds, "Though I presume anyone falling for Gai is kind of a big deal…"

Frowning, I open my mouth, intending to defend the one I love, but Jiraiya cuts me off once more, "Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. It's just that most people seem unable to see beyond the spandex, so to speak."

"Oh, yeah, well…" I'm not sure what to say, I never expected to have a conversation like this in the first place, and this is Jiraiya! The guy who writes my literary addiction!

"By the way, Kakashi…" A dirty smirk settles on Jiraiya's face and I'm suddenly quite sure I don't want to hear the rest of his sentence, "Did you see beyond the spandex yet? Not that it's not already abundantly clear what's there, of course, but –"

"Shut up!" My eye is wide, and I'm trembling once more. But this isn't fear, it's anger, "Don't you speak of him like that!"

But the sannin appears unfazed, "So you didn't, then? Taking it slow, I presume. Building a solid relationship first, sort of thing?"

I groan, turning on my heels, "I'll leave you to say your piece to your loved ones in peace, Jiraiya. Good night."

His voice follows me through the silence of the night, "A word to the wise, Kakashi. Don't forget the lube!"

I can hear him chuckling, and my cheeks burn. Not wanting to show the older man my uneasiness, I jump up and continue my way through the branches. I'm going home. I'm going home and I'm going to try and forget I ever saw Jiraiya tonight.

XXX

Once I reach my apartment, unlocking my balcony door, I realize that's never going to happen though. The older man's words are forever etched into my brain. 'Don't forget the lube'… What the hell does that even mean? Sure, I know that if we were to, eh… Engage in certain activities, we'd need that stuff, probably, but… What the hell does Jiraiya know about that? And why bring it up? Walking over to my bedroom, I pick up the orange-covered book. Turning it around and around in my hands, I contemplate the sannin's words. Icha Icha is a romance between a man and a woman, right? Right. There was this guy, the main character's best friend, he… Sort of acts a little gay, maybe? But… I mean, if I'm in love with Gai, that makes me gay, right? Right. Gay for Gai at least. And I don't act like that. Nor does Gai. So… That's just a character in a book, though. I always kind of thought he based him off of Orochimaru, the guy certainly looks the part… And the main character is obviously modeled after Jiraiya himself. The female lead is an interpretation of Tsunade. All that is crystal clear to me. So… What's this about lube…? He kind of sounded like he knew what he was talking about there.

Lube… Jiraiya and lube…

I start pacing, walking up and down my small bedroom. In the second book, there's little mention of that supposed best friend, which makes sense, if he's actually based on Orochimaru… The third book isn't out yet, so I have no way of knowing if that would make things any clearer…

Sighing, I drop myself on the bed. I shouldn't even be thinking about any of this right now! I just spent the day with Gai, having an amazing first date, and here I am thinking about Jiraiya?! That's just wrong. And gross. And very unsettling.

I pull a face against the book that's still in my hands, "You can't really tell me anything, now can you? You're just a book, after all. Jiraiya wrote you, but that doesn't mean you know anything about the plot for the next books, or what kind of research Jiraiya –" Wait… Research… He didn't! No way, I must be imagining things… Have to. God, I so hate Jiraiya right now. I want to think about Gai! Gai is the amazing one, he's funny and kind and gorgeous… Jiraiya's… Well, his books are funny sometimes, and really dirty, which I like. But Jiraiya… He's no fun, he's a student-stealer. And he's not kind, he's a student-stealer. And he's definitely not hot, he's a student – wait, that may be true but it doesn't apply here... I can't see why Tsunade would even consider him for a second. And I happen to like guys. Well, one. Gai. Maito Gai.

I should go to sleep now. Go to sleep and dream of Gai. Not Jiraiya – Damnit! Whatever, I'll try.
Gai. Gai. Gai. Jir – Gai. Gai. See? Gai. Lube… Fuck this. I need a drink…