Post-Story Chapter: Attuned
A/N: Sorry this is a couple weeks later than it usually takes me to update. Hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy!
Kaito and Shinichi were sitting across from each other at a little table in a fancy restaurant, the city-scape stretching out below them where it could be seen clearly from the wall-length window next to them. A lit candle was floating in a little vase of water between them on the white-clothed table, two roses neatly intertwined in the vase, one scarlet like passion, the other an icy cyan.
Kaito smiled across the table at Shinichi, all batted long dark eye-lashes and messy hair, shiny violet eyes alive with the dancing flame of the golden candle-light.
Shinichi returned the smile, his lips tight with the motion, flawless porcelain skin lacking any signs of a flush. Kaito didn't notice the stress of his smile, lost in the curve of his lashes and the azure of his eyes.
"Happy one-year anniversary, Shin-chan," Kaito smirked joyfully.
Shinichi responded languidly. "Yes. Happy anniversary, Kuroba-kun..." Kaito's smile faltered minusculely at that. Since when had Shinichi stopped calling him by his first name?
Shinichi stared out the window, off into the distance, his face blank and gaze hard. Bored was what Kaito would describe him as in that moment, but surely that couldn't be right. Who was ever bored in the presence of Kuroba Kaito...?
Gnawing at his bottom lip a bit, Kaito decided he had to do something quick. He picked up a white, silky-soft napkin and held it between his hands. Shinichi watched his motions out of the corner of his eye, but didn't turn to give him his full, undivided attention as Kaito so desperately hoped that he would.
Determined, Kaito rolled the silken cloth until it was hidden from view within his cupped hands and then, in a fluid and elegant motion, pulled it out into the shape of a perfect, stark-white, pristine rose.
Shinichi turned his head to face Kaito once more as Kaito presented him with the rose, but his face was still slack with disinterest. "Thanks," he muttered, taking the rose from his Soulmate's offering hands and placing it casually into the vase between them on the table. It strayed too close to the open flame of the candle, its tips crinkling away like ruffled paper and turning dark brown at the edges before transferring to black, bits of ash drifting down to rest at the top of the water's surface, the edges of the white rose's petals now tattered and burnt.
Shinichi didn't notice, back to staring out the window and, Kaito guessed, wishing that he was elsewhere. Kaito frowned, crestfallen for but a moment before his determination returned ten-fold.
"Hey, Shinichi, look at this!" He chirped merrily, reaching out for the blue rose. Shinichi turned to observe him once more, face still neutral and hard-set.
Hurriedly, hoping to return the excitement to his Shin-chan's face which he'd grown accustomed to seeing over the past year, he clasped the stem of the rose in one hand, disregarding the thorn on its side which pricked his index finger as he held it and made blood trickle down the inner expanse of his palm. His other hand cupped around the top of the rose, enclosing its petals, and when he pulled the flowery portion disappeared, leaving behind a large blue sapphire which, under the light of the moon outside their window, was revealed to be set into a silver band, wrapping around into the shape of a ring. Kaito offered it to Shinichi.
"It's the jewel from the first night we met," Kaito informed him, and Shinichi stared at it disinterestedly. He didn't move to accept it.
"That jewel's too big to be any good as a ring," he commented monotonously, and once again, Kaito's smile faltered. Outside their table-side window, shining white light down over the city, the full moon waned a little, a sliver of it fading into the black inkiness of the sky surrounding it.
"Oh," Kaito sighed. "Yeah, I... I guess you're right."
Shinichi hummed. "Listen, Kuroba-kun, we need to talk."
The moon outside grew a tad darker.
"Oh, okay... Then, can I start? Listen, Shinichi, I really love you, and I-"
"I should rephrase," Shinichi interrupted, silencing his Soulmate's words. "I need to talk, and you need to listen." His voice left no room for argument.
Kaito held on to the last dredges of his smile, leaning forward in his chair and using the table in front of him for support, attempting to be as close to Shinichi as possible. To inhale his scent, to memorize the curve of his jaw and the spark of intelligence in his eyes. He had a sinking feeling that this would be the last time he'd be allowed near enough to experience such marvels first-hand and up-close, so he wanted to soak it all in, as much as he could, drown in it, so that he could hold on to the fading memory for comfort through his troubles to come.
"Kuroba-kun, I'll spare you the speech and say it frankly. We need to go our separate ways."
The light of the moon dissipated by half.
And, honestly, didn't Shinichi even care enough to try to soften the blow? Kaito wanted the speech! He needed the "it's not you it's me" and the "we can still be friends". But a "go our separate ways"? That was essentially the equivalent of an "I never want to see you again"! And all Kaito could wonder was 'why?'
"Shinichi, I-"
Shinichi frowned, and Kaito instantly fell silent. "Just listen, okay? I know what you're going to say. You'll say you love me, and we can work it out. You'll promise to do anything, and you'll ask how I could do something like this to you, tonight of all nights. I know you, Kuroba Kaito." Kaito held his breath, dreading the words which he knew to be coming next. He wanted to stop time; make it stand still. He begged every deity he knew to prevent that which he knew was at this point inevitable. He almost, almost wished a dead body would fall next to their table at this moment.
But nothing saved him from hearing that which he knew was capable of shattering his soul.
"I know you, and I don't want you."
The moon outside dimmed into nothingness, and the shine in Kaito's eyes faded. Staring at the dulled, tear-damp eyes dimming before him, Shinichi knew that if he were to lift his shirt and peer down at his Soul Mark, it would be faded into a matted grey.
Kaito's Soul Mark burnt under the words which were simultaneously familiar and foreign, his eyes dropping to the elegant blue cursive upon his skin. Just as he'd felt it once before, his spine tingled in pleasure while every nerve in his body felt the shock of pain which came with the rejection. He'd read the words so many times, had stared at them for hours on end, dreading and fearing and belittling them, but only once before had he heard them. Having heard them now a second time, he couldn't help but wish; not to never hear them again, but instead he hoped that he would hear them again. If he heard them again one-day in the distant future, it would mean he and Shinichi came together again. That they'd work it out and have the potential for falling apart once more.
To never hear them again, at this point, meant that they were final. That Shinichi meant them.
Shinichi stood, placing some Yen on the table. Kaito didn't bother to look up, his gaze settled on the table, unseeing. He was still, lifeless almost, except by the quivering of his shoulders and spine, testimony to the tears slowly seeping from his hazy, clouded orbs, once a bright violet. Shinichi doubted if they should ever glow again, or if he would ever be able to read the words of his luminous Soul Mark in a darkened room.
Kudo Shinichi walked away without another word, and Kaito sat. For minutes, hours, he didn't really know. Only one thought swam through his mind, repeatedly on loop, hypnotizing, so many times that by the end of it all it felt so naturally ingrained into his thought-processes that he felt he would never have a moment where it didn't swim about in the back of his mind, lurking there, or else moving front-and-center, consuming his every contemplation.
Only one thought:
'He doesn't want me because I'm worthless.'
...
Kaito started awake, gasping for breath, that one thought still swarming through his sleep-addled mind on repeat, his eyes hazy and pain-filled. Tears streaked down his salt-rosy cheeks and he curled in on himself, breaths coming out in shudders and sobs, pulling his knees up to his chest.
It took him five minutes to realize that it was just a dream. His head jerked up and he looked around, peering about his dark bedroom. It was a dream... wasn't it? He could see the icy blue words of his Soul Mark glowing on his skin, could read the words clearly in the shadowy bedroom. Heck, he thought he could feel the lingering sensation of burning on his mark, the burn he'd felt when he first heard those words spoken, pleasurable in an entirely undesired way and painful on numerous levels.
Was it a dream, or wasn't it? He thought it was, but the quivering racking up and down his entire body and the sting of emotions and hurt coursing through him felt entirely too real. Was it real? Had he passed out at the restaurant and someone returned him to his room? Had he walked home in a daze? How long had he known Shinichi; two weeks or a year? Reality and illusion had always been concepts which, as a magician, he tried to blur the lines between, to make one feel more like the other and vise-versa, but he very much wanted to be able to distinguish between what was reality and what wasn't at the moment.
Blindly, he reached for his phone that he kept on his bed-side table. He tried not to stare at the glowing azure cursive of his Soul Mark as his left hand felt blindly for his mobile. When his fingers finally clamped around cool plastic, metal and glass, he jerked the phone towards himself, movements still rigid and shivers continuously racking through him.
He searched through his contacts for Shinichi's number, having to swipe multiple times at his eyes so he could see, his vision too blurred with salty tears otherwise. When he finally managed to press the right buttons and ended up at Shinichi's number, he hesitated.
If it had been real, if Shinichi had broken up with him, Kaito obviously couldn't just call him, right? He couldn't do that, couldn't stand to hear Shinichi's annoyed voice or displeased regard to him. But at the same time, if it wasn't real he'd like to know as soon as possible so that he could stop feeling as if his soul was being dragged aggressively over a cheese-grater, so...
Kaito went to press the call button... and hesitated again. He sat there, lingering over the button for several long minutes (possibly hours, he couldn't even tell at that point) until, finally, he threw his phone down on the bed next to him, curled up on his side under his covers, and sobbed uncontrollably. Because honestly, who was he kidding? Of course Shinichi didn't want him! He'd been entirely convinced of it when he'd woken up none-too-long ago, and that same thought was still lingering, replaying itself over and over again, integrated until it was verbally forced out of him.
"He doesn't want me 'cause I'm worthless." He curled into himself more tightly, his heart constricting and making him wrap in closer, whimpers escaping him.
Soft, hurried footsteps padded against the floors, Kaito barely registering them. Was he moving? He didn't think so...
Warm, sturdy arms lifted him, and suddenly he was engulfed in warmth and comfort. Kaito gasped and wiggled, feeling the arms constrict around him. He looked up to see Shinichi's worried and serious, determined face peering down at him. Kaito was sitting in his Soulmate's lap, wrapped in his covers and Shinichi's arms, tucked safely against Shinichi's chest.
"S-Shinichi?" Was this real? Kaito wasn't sure. It... God, it felt real... Could a dream really so precisely capture how soft Shinichi's hair was when it brushed against Kaito's temple? Could a dream re-create the scent of pine needles and dark coffee this accurately...? Could his memory, eidetic though it may be, serve him so exceptionally well?
Shinichi was still watching him, his gaze intense and steady. He lifted a hand and cupped the side of Kaito's face, forcing them to maintain eye contact.
"You. Are. Not. Worthless." His words were slow and deliberate, and filled with as much truth as the detective could muster. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Kaito's forehead, soon pulling back just enough to speak, his lips brushing against Kaito's clammy skin as he murmured clearly. "I want you. I'm sorry Kaito. I'm so sorry. I want you. I'll always want you, I promise." He swiped his thumb under Kaito's eyes, wiping away his Soulmate's tears. "Please don't cry."
Kaito shuddered as Shinichi's breath ghosted over his face and he buried in deeper against Shinichi's chest, clutching at his already wrinkled shirt. He nodded against his Soulmate's sternum, trying to reign in his tremors.
After a few minutes of Shinichi patiently comforting his Soulmate, Kaito finally pulled back enough to speak, his voice only slightly trembling.
"N-not that I'm not glad, or, or anything, but... What're you doing here, Shinichi?"
Shinichi shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We can talk about it later. What happened, Kaito?"
Kaito shivered. "It's nothing, I just... Had a stupid dream is all. You... We met less than two weeks ago, right?"
Shinichi nodded slowly. "…. Yes..." The detective really didn't know what that had to do with anything.
Kaito only nodded. "Yeah, I kinda figured when you showed up. Then it was just a dream."
"…. Do you want to talk about it?" Shinichi asked, and Kaito shook his head.
"No, It's fine. I'll get over it. It wasn't real, so it's not important. I'm just overreacting."
Shinichi blushed a little. "I... I doubt you're overreacting. It looks like it must have been pretty bad, and... I kinda rushed all the way over here because I had a nightmare too, so..."
Kaito frowned and looked up at him, concern written all over his face, swiping away his previous troubles in favor of focusing on Shinichi's. "Really? Are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it? What happened?"
Shinichi did want to talk about it, and he hoped that telling Kaito about his own dream and reaction would help Kaito open up about his, so Shinichi nodded, shifting so that he was sitting more comfortably, back propped against the wall as he kept Kaito situated in his lap.
"I had a nightmare that I... That I was breaking up with you. And I told you that I didn't want you again. God, it was horrible. I wanted to stop, to tell you that I didn't mean it, but I couldn't control myself. It was like somebody else was controlling me, and no matter how hard I fought I couldn't regain control of myself and comfort you. You looked so heartbroken, and that made me feel horrible, too. I couldn't stand seeing you like that, so you can imagine my surprise when I got here and found you actually crying." Shinichi pressed a kiss against Kaito's messy hair, his hold tightening as if to reassure himself that Kaito was there with him, and Kaito didn't speak. "I came over because I needed to tell you that I love you, to see you and know you're okay. I thought about calling you, but I didn't just want to talk to you. I needed to see you, I guess, so... Yeah. If anyone's overreacting to a nightmare it's probably me."
Kaito was silent for a while. "Huh," he finally hummed, sounding vaguely intrigued. "Now isn't that peculiar."
"What is?" Shinichi asked.
"…. My nightmare was like that, too. You... You broke up with me, and told me you didn't want me. And, I just thought you meant it. In your dream, you really couldn't control anything?"
Shinichi nodded. "Yeah. It was terrifying." Shinichi sighed and laughed a bit, breathily. "So we essentially had the same nightmare?"
Kaito shrugged. "I... I guess we did. Or really similar ones, anyway. Think it's just a coincidence because we have similar fears, or some kind of Soulmate-telepathy?" He sounded like he was only half-joking.
Shinichi shrugged. "Most likely we just have related fears, but I suppose it's not impossible that our connection is responsible. Soul Marks are real magic, after all, and even across a distance Soul Marks can react to the emotions of Soulmates, like how my mark reacts to your emotional and physical state, and Soulmates are naturally drawn to each other after their initial meeting too. I'd say synching up our dreams could, theoretically, fit within the abilities of a Soul-Bond. But it's still more likely that we have similar fears."
Kaito snorted, his shivers having finally completely receded and the tear tracks on his face having dried. "Kill-joy," he commented jokingly, and Shinichi chuckled. They sat in a comfortable silence for some time, Kaito beginning to doze off in Shinichi's embrace while Shinichi contemplated their situation.
"Hey Kaito?" The magician hummed in inquiry, but didn't otherwise respond. "You and I will be finished with high school in a few months. Once we're out, do you want to move in with me? My house is plenty big enough, after all, and my parents bought a permeant residence in Las Vegas they're planning to call their new official address, so the Kudo place is practically mine now anyway."
Kaito's eyes were closed, but he still managed to quirk an eyebrow, one eye opening slightly. "Why?"
Shinichi had half-expected a quick yes from his Soulmate, but he tried not to let the lack of an immediate response in affirmation dissuade him. "It's just, if you have more nightmares, I'd really like to be there, you know? And... Yeah. That's the main reason, I guess. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to be able to see you more often."
Kaito nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that too, but there's just one little problem."
Shinichi frowned. "What?" Kaito laughed because Shinichi sounded kind of a bit like a petulant child who'd just been denied something they wanted.
"My KID-lair is here."
Shinichi blanched. "Your what now?"
Kaito laughed again, and God, was Shinichi glad that Kaito was a mirthful kind of person because he could listen to Kaito laugh all day and not get tired of it, especially while Kaito was still in his half-sleeping daze, all relaxed and easy-going and effortlessly beautiful….
"Yeah, there's a whole secret lair in this house." He waved, gesturing non-specifically towards the other side of his room. "Behind dad's painting." Kaito stilled, tensing a little as he thought about his father, but he soon relaxed again, smiling fondly. "Dad was old-fashioned, loved the classics. Had a whole bad-guy lair made in our secret basement and everything. All the KID supplies are down there."
"Well... How big is it?" Shinichi asked.
"There's a car down there."
"A car?" Shinichi asked, flabbergasted. "How?"
Kaito shook his finger at him. "Magicians have to protect their secrets, you know~! You're just lucky you're my Soulmate, otherwise I wouldn't have told you about my secret lair at all. Still, the point remains that it'd be difficult for me to move in with you. I don't have too many personal effects I'd have to take with me, but my magic tricks require a lot of supplies, and it's not just the supplies I keep down there. There's lab equipment too, for creating my gas and smoke bombs and stuff, and machinery for making gadgets, tools of the trade. Lots of stuff that'd be difficult to move without anyone noticing and that can't just be put in a random room at Kudo Manor, you know?"
Shinichi hummed. "Well, my next-door neighbor happens to be an inventor who uses a lot of lab equipment, and who blows up part of his house every month or so, so he's made himself devices which help him fix his house himself. He's trustworthy: We don't have to tell him about KID being involved, but if I told him I needed help making a secret room and moving some equipment, I'm confident he'd be able and willing to do it."
Kaito actually pried his eyes open at this point, peering up at his Soulmate. "You'd build a large, expensive, secret room in your family home, just so I could move in with you?"
Shinichi nodded. "Yeah, of course I would. And it wouldn't be that expensive, since my neighbor knows how to do most things efficiently using his devices, and he's creative and effective with what he does."
"Except when stuff blows up," Kaito pointed out.
"Erm, well, yes. But I'm sure he'd be extra careful to check everything over and plan it out since he'd know someone could get hurt if anything went wrong, and your equipment itself would just be moved from here, so it's not like any of that would go bad. Besides, he usually only uses inventions with other people that he's already tested to the point of making sure that it works correctly. That's why his house blows up in the first place; he's testing things until the point at which he's sure it won't go wrong. He's the kind of person who does everything he can to safely help others, and he's known my parents since before I was born, so I'm sure he'd help me no-questions-asked if I told him it was important, and he'd do a good job of it."
Kaito nodded. "Okay, alright. If we can get it to work, then sure, I'll move in with you. I have someone like that too, a person who knew my parents and helps me out, who'll probably have a few ideas about how we can discreetly move the equipment. I'll have to introduce you to him sometime."
Shinichi nodded and smiled, already excited about being able to have Kaito actually move to his house in a few months' time.
Satisfied with his thoughts for the night, Shinichi shifted until he was laying down, Kaito no longer in his lap, but rather pressed into his side as they lay next to each other on the mattress, his arms still looping around Kaito's back.
"G'night, Shin'chi," Kaito muttered, his voice already drooping back into its sleepy slurs.
"Goodnight Kaito," Shinichi reciprocated, nuzzling against Kaito's soft, ever-messy mop of hair. "I love you."
Both Soulmates slept soundly for the remainder of the night.
A/N: Kinda wordy or something, but whatever, I write what I want! Hopefully you liked it anyway. If you did, drop me a review, yeah? I'll probably get back to them meeting each other's friends and family in the next chapter. 'Till then, thanks for reading~!