A/N Thank you to everyone for your patience. The Exam period is now over and I'm fairly sure I did okay lol. I'm sorry for the hiatus but I'm back, baby! On with the show!

Bella's POV

The drive back to the house was silent and filled with tension. I wasn't in the mood to talk. But, as we approached the mansion, I regretted my decision to keep the tension going. I didn't want this awkwardness to continue for the duration of my stay.

The problem was obvious to me; I didn't trust them. I wasn't sure I ever fully did, but the Joker's words still rang through my mind. A part of me feared it was the truth.

Jasper came around to the backseat of Carlisle's Mercedes and opened the door for me and offered his hand to help me out. I brushed it off, pretty rudely, and pulled myself to my feet, slamming the pristine door shut. Jasper acted as though he didn't notice my callousness and just stayed behind me as Carlisle led the way to the front door.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find as we walked in. Balloons? Flowers? A band playing a welcome home song?

But the front room was vacant. The glass wall had been replaced already and everything was in order. It was as if absolutely nothing had occurred. And there were no other Cullens in sight.

Carlisle must have noticed the flash of confusion that flashed across my face before being replaced with my vacant stare.

"I thought it might be overwhelming if everybody was here waiting for you," he explained.

I nodded and looked at the glass, remembering how mere hours ago, the love of my life came back for me… tried to kill me… and took everything from me…

"We have people," Jasper chuckled.

"Huh?" I mumbled.

"The glass. We have people who work for us around the clock."

Oh, he thought I was wondering about the glass and how it got fixed so quickly. I just nodded, not wanting to explain my true thoughts.

"Can I just… go to my room, please?" I asked softly, staring at the ground.

I heard Carlisle sigh. "Bella, I'd really like to talk to you, first."

I was already shaking my head. "I'm tired, doc. I just wanna go to my room."

I could sense the tension between Jasper and Carlisle but I knew they wouldn't refuse my polite request. Not when I've just gotten home and they know I don't really trust them.

"We can continue tomorrow, then," Carlisle concedes.

I don't give either of them a second glance before making my way to the guest room. I wasn't sure what I was feeling as I looked at the familiar white sheets and curtains. Too much had gone on in here in too short of a time. I wasn't sure I had even fully processed it yet.

I felt depressed… heartbroken… angry… and afraid. I was afraid of how much I'd lost. What did that mean to me? Once the Cullens get me back on my feet, if that was even possible… what then? I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have anyone to run to. Charlie and Renee haven't spoken to me in years… by my own choice. Or the Joker's. I had no one. I was on my own in this world for the very first time. I didn't even know how to feel about that.

I went to the bathroom and splashed my face with some cold water. I just needed to think through this. I may not ever recover from this, but I couldn't let that become known. I didn't want any more pity. The pity I felt for myself was more than enough.

I unbuttoned the prison clothes. Maybe a shower would clear my mind. It would at least offer a temporary escape from reality.

As I prepared to turn to the shower, I paused. A patch of inked skin on my chest caught my attention.

Daddy's Little Monster

This was a marking of territory. I was a monster. I belonged to the Joker. I knew what it meant… why I got it… and how untrue it felt right now.

I wanted it gone. I didn't want any reminders of what I had been through. I wanted everything gone.

Then, something on the corner of the counter caught my eye. I knew what I had to do.

Edward's POV

I made my way to the living room where Carlisle was sitting solemnly, his eyes vacantly staring at the black screen of the television.

"Well?" I asked impatiently, standing in the doorway.

He turned to face me. "She still seems rather undone. She went straight to her room, as you heard." He leaned forward and placed his head in his hand. "Perhaps a rest would do her good."

Jasper then appeared in the doorway beside me. "When did Alice and Rosalie leave?"

I shrugged, still preoccupied by thoughts of Bella.

"A while ago." Hunting was a go-to when heads needed to be cleared. "They didn't go far. Just head North you'll catch up with them."

He nodded gratefully and left the house in a flash. He wanted to be with his love. As I did. He was lucky to have that opportunity.

Carlisle sensed my unease.

"Things can only get better from here, Edward."

My love. My life. The universe was surely playing a cruel joke on us for daring to cross each other's paths. Perhaps Bella wasn't the unlucky one. Perhaps I was just cursed.

I leaned against the doorway and sighed.

"Carlisle, I'm not sure how long I can handle not being with her… We're…"

"Mated." It was a statement. He peered back up at me. "Edward, you and Bella… it is a possibility…. But not now, son. I need you to understand that. And be patient. Bella deserves to heal and, ultimately, make that decision on her own."

"If I could only get her attention long enough to talk to her…"

He shook his head sadly. "I don't think that is a good idea, Edward. Not now… and, depending on how things go, maybe not ever. It's all in her hands. And her healing."

I nodded. While I didn't agree, I respected that he knew what he was doing. After all, I had created a disaster when relying on my own cognizance.

Just as I turned to leave him to his thoughts and return to solitude in my bedroom, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out. Alice.

"Alice?" I asked. "What-"

"Bella!" she gasped out desperately. "Check on Bella!"

Just as I was about to ask, the beautiful scent of Bella's blood filled the air.

The phone crashed onto the floor and I was already at Bella's bathroom door, Carlisle in tow behind me. I could sense Esme's hesitant footsteps following while Emmett's scent left the house.

"Edward-" Carlisle attempted to caution.

I was too far gone to notice. The door lock broke and the wooden slab was thrown to the side of the room. I felt Carlisle's arms wrap around me forcefully, attempting to pull me from the room.

There she stood in from of the mirror, tears streaming down her face. She turned to face us and I saw it. Blood was seeping slowly from several gashes already made on her chest. A thin blade was between her fingers and the pink plastic of the shaver was broken on the floor beside her.

"I had to," she whispered, in the most broke voice. "I didn't want it… on my body… I had to get rid of it…"

That's when it dawned on me. Her tattoo. The broken skin and blood covered it nearly completely, but the ink around the edges could still be seen.

My knees shook and I fell to the floor, weak with grief.

Carlisle's thoughts went from frenzied, to relaxed and worried in a matter of seconds. I realized then, he wasn't trying to protect me… he was trying to protect Bella. He thought… I would… attack her.

My anger at the thought of that was dulled and overtaken by a greater pain. An ache in my chest that threatened to suffocate me. I may not have needed the air, but I clung to it… willing it to keep me going.

"Bella," Carlisle said sadly, releasing me from his iron grip and approaching her. "Bella, we're not going to hurt you. Please. Put the razor down."

She complied more willingly than I anticipated. As if that tiny blade weighed 50lbs, as soon as she released it, she collapsed to the floor.

"Edward," he warned. "Leave."

Although there was not one part of me that longed to do anything but comfort her, I needed the time to think. The clean air to hit my brain.

I was gone immediately, out of the room and out of the house.

I kept running until I came to a sudden stop at the meadow I had brought her to. The flowers were dying slowly as winter approached. As beautiful as they were, even they had to die.

I fell to my knees and let out a growl so loud, it felt like the trees surrounding me shook. Then, it turned into a moan. I clutched my head between my palms, willing the images to leave my mind and knowing they never would. It would haunt me until the day I ceased to exist.

This was my only chance to break down. I couldn't do it in front of Bella… I needed to be strong for her.

So… who would be strong for me? I certainly couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't go through this. I couldn't see her like that again. The arrogance and craziness I could handle. This… brokenness… it was just too much.

Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, the last person I expected to see was leaning in front of me, peering at my pained face with disdain and frustration.

"Fucking get up," Emmett griped harshly.

"I can't," I sobbed helplessly.

"You can and you will," he said, pulling me forcefully to my feet. "Pull yourself together. I'll give you two minutes."

I shook my head. "You don't understand!" I exclaimed. "You didn't see what I did."

"I don't have to." He glared at me. "But while you're crying and moping out here like a pussy, Bella is suffering. You owe her way more than this, Edward. You know you do."

"Emmett…" I moan. "I… cannot see Bella like that. I just-"

"Just what?" he interrupted. "Grow some fucking balls and have the guts to face her. You are a part of this. You don't get to pick and choose which parts you wanna be a part of. We all need to fix her… not just Carlisle. You especially."

"What if it were Rosalie?" I countered. "How do you think that would affect you?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'd be devastated. But I wouldn't run away to cry in the woods like a little bitch. I'd be in there, by her side, already planning how we would get through this." He sighed and put a hand on my shoulder. "You're my brother… but you're wrong, Edward. You don't get a pardon just because it's 'too hard'. You think seeing it is hard, imagine being the one going through it."

His words hit me harder than could have anticipated. He was right. I was a coward. I was running from something that I had caused…

"I don't deserve her."

He nodded. "No. You don't. At least, not when you're like this. Do better. What you saw was just a glimpse of what's still to come. But you need to be there. She needs to know that you're there."

I nodded and lowered my gaze. How was I going to get through this? If that was glimpse, I shuddered to think about what was still to come. But he was right. Bella was breaking. Slowly but surely. If we… if I didn't put her back together soon… her pieces may scatter beyond recognition.

"I'm going back," Emmett finally said. "If you have any manly bone in your body, you'll be right behind me… for your mate."

He began walking to the trees, not once looking back to check that I was following.

After one more moment to compose myself, I caught up to him, letting myself fall just behind him, ashamed.

When we finally reached the house, I sighed. I could do this. I would do this. For my mate.

A/N let me know what you guys think!