Chapter 23: Praying with you
Scully enters the consulting room and sees a very young pregnant girl sitting in the waiting room, she sits in front of her and the girl smiles at her, she smiles back and looks away trying not to feel bad, every time she sees a pregnant woman or a baby, feels a twinge in her heart, without managing to avoid thinking about William
After a couple of minutes her OB, the Dr. Allen invites her to come in, she walks towards her smiling and shakes her hand, the woman closes the door and then goes to sit behind her desk, they talk about her last symptoms and the regularity of her period, in addition to her last physical changes, the doctor talks about some treatments they can follow, but they must first do some blood tests and urine, after that they can talk about hormone treatment.
- Okay Dana, in a couple of hours I will receive the results to make sure everything is fine, and then we decide what treatment is better for you, but you don't have to worry, all those symptoms are perfectly normal - she says with a smile, Scully nods and sighs
Scully goes to church, listens to the gospel, commune and when is going out her cell phone rings, it's Mulder, she crosses herself with holy water and goes to meet him at the crime scene.
After checking some hospitals looking for possible organs transplants, her doctor call
- I got the results Dana and I need you to come
That can't be good, why she has to go and see her, they usually send her the result and schedule a new appointment, she thinks the worst, she is maybe sick and there's something terribly wrong, cancer? It can't be, at least not her last one, she sighs and drives to the hospital imagining a bunch of possibles diseases.
- You are having an active sexual life right? - she nods with a serious expression - You said your last period was a couple of months ago, and I know this will be shocking for you, but trust me, is not as uncommon as it seems - Scully holds her breathe unsure about what to think - Congratulations Dana, you're pregnant - she remains speechless breathing through her open mouth a few seconds, the doctor give her some time to get the news
- There has to a mistake, this… is impossible, I… I can't… I can't have children… maybe you confused my tests with someone else's… This has no sense - she says, her voice shaking, the doctor smiles understanding her reaction
- I know what you're feeling Dana, but these are your tests, there's no mistake here - she says trying to calm her
Scully frowns looking at the doctor - I'm 54 years old - the doctor smiles again and sighs
- Look Dana, I had older patients that have been pregnant, it's risky but not impossible, even more when you have an active sexual life without protection - she says with a chuckle
Scully gets blush - How far you think I am, when can we do an ultrasound? -
-Well, that's a question for you, when was the last time you had sex? and we can do an ultrasound this afternoon if you're available, otherwise just schedule an appointment with my assistant, I hope in the next couple of days, we have to be sure everything is alright, due to your age and the complications in your previous pregnancy - Scully stands and thank her, leaving the consulting room, outside she sees another pregnant young lady again, the girl smiles at her too, but this time Scully just walks away unsure about her feelings.
She goes straight to the church and prays, she lights a candle and prays, her mind is a whirlwind of confusion, how is all this possible? Pregnant? A baby? How? She can't understand, she doesn't even know what she's praying for, at the St. Rachel Motel she talked about wanting to have another child, but not now, not when she's 54 and Mulder 57, not when her first son is almost 18, is this really how miracles work? Is this another test? Will this baby be safe?
Mulder meets her there, it's something new, Mulder in a church, she never thought she would live to see this day, he seems comfortable, almost normal, is he believing in God now? She has to find a way to ask him, but not right now, they talk about the case and then about her faith - So are you praying for another miracle now? - he asks her with interest
That's a good question, she thinks, is this pregnancy a miracle? is this really happening? - I don't know if I believe in miracles - she says with a sigh - But I do know the power of faith - she takes out f her pocket her mother's medallion, is like an amulet for her now - I saw it in my mom, the strength that she received - she talks in a whisper trying not to cry, she has to be strong now, even this is more she can bare at the moment - I could use some of that strength now - she says putting the medallion back in her pocket, then turn to look at him with tenderness - I need what you have, you always bear north Mulder, no matter which way or how hard the wind blows against you - her words are sincere, what will be his reaction when she tells him about the baby? The baby, God, it sound so real, a new baby with Mulder, what if he wasn't want it? What if he has her same doubts about their age? What is he leaves this time, like she did in the past?
- I think all I have all any of us have are the results of all the choices that we've made - he takes her out of her thoughts - And at the end of the day, we just hope that we made the right one - she can't help but feel tears filling her eyes.
How many times she prayed for a miracle in the last 20 years? How many times she prayed for another baby and a normal life? How many times she wished for another chance with Mulder? How many times? And now, what about now? Why is she so afraid? Her prayer have been answer… a second time, and this time he is here, right beside her, why is she so afraid? Why not take it as a matter of faith? Just like her mother said to her when WIlliam was a baby.
- What if we have been making wrong choices our whole lives? - she asks closing her eyes, stopping the tears - What if we are out of choices? - she sighs looking down at her hands
He stares at her with tender eyes - We are humans, that's what we do, we make mistakes Scully, adulthood and responsibilities take us farther and farther away from the pure happiness, we fear failure, we fear success, we fear the future, we fear the past, we fear possible scenarios with only a shred of evidence to lead us there. We put a lot of stock in our beliefs. We've spent a long time cultivating them, supporting them, proving to others that we have the last word on the subject, until you find that you have lost yourself in the process. It's just life - she nods with a sigh, she is afraid, she just need to process everything and then think about it with cold head.
- Let's go Mulder, we have a case to solve - he half smiles and follows her outside, she stops and crosses herself with holy water before going out, he smiles at her gesture, but is too soon for him to do the same, his hand might burn.