Chapter 1: A bottle of booze

Please keep in mind that I´m writing this chapter with no idea how the manga will end! So all of this is pure speculation. I expect Gintama to end in a fashion that many things will stay the same or go back to the peacefulness of the first episodes. Meaning: everyone will be happy! In this sense: please enjoy the chapter!

He was so freaking nervous!

His heart was already beating like crazy and nothing had even started yet. Nothing worth mentioning had happened, the situation was completely calm and yet, he was feeling horribly itchy. Every time he thought about what was going to happen, it got worse. We are talking about sweating palms, accelerating pulse, stalling breath and a prickle in his chest. Full on high school girl. Or at least that´s what he felt like.

Damn, be cool! And even though he told himself that over and over and over again, it didn´t particularly help. In fact, it didn´t help at all. If anything, it made him even pricklier.

They were sitting in the old lady's bar again. No coincidence. For their personal reunion they had chosen the place where they had said goodbye. Of course, the official reunion had already happened. Everyone had been drinking and eating and partying as friends and family. It had been a great party, honestly. But Hijikata and Gintoki had just needed to share a look to know that they would still have their own, private reunion as well. Of course, Gin had teased him about owing him some booze. Just to be sure.

So, here they were, sitting where they had parted, enjoying their specials. This time, each his own, of course. They would not go through that kind of pain again. There was sake, too. Pretty good stuff. The restaurant was also quite bustling. It was loud and full of people and laughter and music. Gintoki didn't particularly mind. In fact, he was quite thankful for that. It drew the attention away from him. So he was shoving ankodon* into his mouth and gulping down some sake in the mean time. It was pretty good to make him feel busy.

They didn't talk much at this point. Some might say they were wordlessly enjoying each other's company while eating full of relish. Others might say the sat together in awkward silence. Gin was one of the latter. God, he was nervous! He hadn't expected that. In his head all of this had played out quite differently. And he had gone through this scenario a lot in the last months.

In his head he had always been the cool charactre, not giving anything away. Like confidently leaning over to him and telling him how handsome he was. Like acting like a playboy and smiling seductively. Like pinning him against a wall and being all kinky. He would have liked to feel that confident now, but it seems reality was far off from what he had expected it to be. He was a nervous mess. God!

How often he had thought about this meeting. He had missed him so much. Since the second he had turned his back on him, he had had this sour, squelching feeling. And even when he vowed to not think of him anymore, he had popped into his head a couple of times. It was hard not to think of him after all. Especially when drinking this stupid sake he had reserved for him and him only.

This thought made him shiver again, tremble with every potential sign that Hijikata felt the same for him, to be honest. He had racked his brain about that many times. He still wasn't sure what exactly Hijikata felt towards him. Was he interested in him, too? Was he not? Was Gin misreading all the vibes? Was he reading too much into the atmosphere? Argh, damn it at all!

Gin sipped his sake and his face turned red. The uncertainty still took a large toll on him, turning him into an anxious wreck. The last weeks without him had been rough. They had been full of heartache and yearning and, yes, admittedly, at times, kinky fantasies. He had played out this very scenario thousands of times in his head. Normally, Gin wasn't the type for that. Usually, he was straight-forward, pragmatic and acted on instinct and feeling. But this was different. With this, he couldn't count on his fighting skills, combat experience and battle strategies. This was a whole new thing to him and he had zero practice it. Urgh, this really was a mess.

He still wanted to do it. There was no way around it. He would make it crystal-clear for him. He didn't go through all of this not to. But he felt his confidence wavering with every waking minute. Just what was he supposed to say, anyway? He didn't know how to behave anymore. He didn't know how to bring it up. So he decided to drink instead. Smart decision. Very smart.

Restlessly, he glanced over to him. Hijikata was sitting next to him, drinking and eating peacefully, it seemed. That bastard! Didn´t he have any idea how much Gin suffered here? Couldn't he just finally break the ice? Why was that always his job, damn it?! He could say something too for once. Gin-san wasn't his personal entertainer!

With his head flushed, his eyes turned to his own dish, just to sway back to the handsome man next to him the second later. Hijikata was dressed in a ridiculously sexy garment. It actually looked very similar to what he had worn at the time he had quit the Shinsengumi to work as a detective. The time he had almost punched the Shogun in his ugly face. Tight dark pants of a hakama and a tabi, as well as a pale blue haori. Though Gin also liked western clothes, he had a particular fetish for the traditional Japanese outfits. Or maybe he just found them insanely sexy on Hijikata. He didn't know anymore. The thing was, the sight of Hijikata made his stomach feel warm and fuzzy.

He couldn't look at him anymore without his heart skipping too many beats. He really wondered what was going on inside of this bastard's head. Was he happy? Or was he bored? Did he feel this awkwardness, too? Did he feel this tension between them? All these unsaid words? Did he feel nervous at all?

Gin was gulping down another cup of the sake that Hijikata had bought him. Today was the day. He would finally tell him the truth. Show him how serious he was. He had been waiting so long for that. And now he was just dawdling around, waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting for an opening, for a sign, for something. Damn, he was a coward! But just how in the world should he do this?

"So…" As Hijikata's voice sounded, Gin honestly felt his heart drop to his feet. "…how… have you been?"

Really?

Really? Was this guy freaking serious?! He wanted to beat him to a pulp so badly right now! Gin was angry, couldn't control his feelings anymore. They were whirling inside his chest, creating a weird indefinable clutter. On the one hand, he was grateful Hijikata was making the first step, on the other hand he wanted to kill him for being such an idiot. God, this wasn't at all like the sexy reunion scenarios he had went to bed with! This was such a mess!

"Yeah…" Honestly, it was the only answer Gin was able to process in that kind of situation. He didn't want to talk about something like that right now! Damn it, couldn't this guy get a clue?

The dark haired man went silent. Seemed like he didn't know how to start a conversation either. Awkward. Damn it. Seemed like it was up to Gin to start this conversation. Again. He pouted for a moment, but then drank his sake and mumbled.

"…Liquor is good…"

"…I got it at the shop in Ginza. The owner said it's a very good one."

"…Ginza? And there I thought you promised me something from outer space."

"…I did not!" just a faint protest, then a low growl. "Don't nag about presents from other people, damnit…"

"I didn't nag, I said it's good, didn't I?"

"While backslapping, yeah."

"Ah, you're a pain in the ass." Gin, his face flushed now, scratched his head and pouted. Damn, this was hard. But then again, in a way, he really enjoyed their bickering. It felt like nothing had changed after all.

"Look who's talking." Hijikata growled and took a sip of alcohol himself. He didn't seem particularly angry. That reassured him. So he decided to ride on this track for a while longer.

"…What are the Gorilla and Okita-kun doing tonight?"

"Ah…" seemed like he was a bit taken aback by this question. He emptied his sake and allowed Gin to refill it. "Don't know exactly. Think Kondou is going to the Shimura's household and Sougo… don't really know, don't wanna know."

Yeah, he wondered if this sadist was still on their tail. Though, of course, this time Gin would gladly buy some snapshots.

"What about your two?"

"Ahn…" Gin scratched his head. "…Shinpachi´s at home, I guess. Kagura wanted to have a sleepover with Sojo-hime. I think they're having a girl's party at our place."

"I see…"

Yeah, this was awkward all right. But at least they tried. Gin sighed and stared into nothingness, just a little shy. If they would have been just friends, this meeting would go a lot different. He really wondered if Hijikata realized something was off about him, realized how fidgety he was. Did he have a clue at all? Was he able to put the pieces together? Was he expecting him to have fallen in love with him?

Damn it, this was unbearable. Why did this bastard invite him to drink here of all places? They should have chosen a place more private than this. But here, with so many people, it was hard. He felt eavesdropped as well. He wanted to go some place else. But where? He couldn't go home. For one thing, Kagura was there, for the other, it would be too straightforward to invite him home. Gah!

As he gulped down another cup, he felt the alcohol kicking in. He had had a lot of cups already, so he was glad and a little bit surprised when he finally felt the warmth spreading and his head spinning. Hijikata had had a few cups as well. They both couldn't hold their liquor very well and he wasn't planning on getting shitfaced drunk. Just a little bit, to have a pretense. He wanted this guy to be sober when he confessed after all. But as the evening progressed, this seemed farther and farther off. How was he supposed to pull that off now?

He was glancing to the side again. Hijikata seemed quite taken by the alcohol as well. He stared into nothingness and was stiff as a poker. He really wondered what was going on inside of him. But then again, he would never find out while they stayed here. They had finished their orders as well. If they didn't start having a decent conversation soon, this ship was going down.

This thought made him angry. No, he wouldn't allow that! This time there was no quitting! He would get with this man once and for all. He needed to get a hold of himself.

So he said. It still took him a few nervous seconds before he had the courage to speak his mind. His voice was kind of low and shy, too. Damn it!

"…Let's… go someplace else… it's too loud to have a decent conversation here."

Atta boy! He was almost proud. He would be prouder though if he had managed to say that more assertively, like he had imagined in his head. Still, it was some progress. He wasn't interested in talking to him in the slightest, but he needed to get out here. He needed another opening, another approach. Sitting here in silence wouldn't do any good. They were men of action, after all. And he was tired of fiddling around like that.

"Oh... okay…"

Yes, that's more like it. Gin emptied his sake cup and grabbed for the bottle to take it with them. In his fantasies, he would have shamelessly grabbed Hijikata's wrist and dragged him along, but well… in reality he was too timid to do that. So he straddled along and took the lead, trying to hide his insecurity in doing so. As he stepped into the open street, he shivered for a moment. It had been hot in there, but the wind cooled his head down for a second. When the policeman, however, followed behind him, all had been for naught. He was back to his edgy state. He concealed it with false poise and started walking.

"Let's go."

Would have been a lot cooler if he actually had a clue where to.

So he was just strolling casually through the streets, trying his best to come off as unfazed and natural as possible. Both men were walking side by side in silence. Sometimes, Gin snuck a peak, but he couldn't look directly at him. He was racking his brain as to where he could take him. Another restaurant? A bar maybe? Straight to a love hotel, to make his intentions clear? Or a shady backstreet? God, there were so many possibilities. He didn't know what to do. Who would have thought this would turn out to be so difficult? Drat.

Just from the corner of his eye, he realized they had left the busy streets and were walking alongside the riverbank now. There were fewer people here and the lights were less frequent. It was night after all. Also, there were a lot of promising dark back alleys to go to. But that felt really cheap. God, he just wanted to be alone with this guy, was that too much to ask?

The street was deserted and quiet. There was only the sound of the far away bustling streets and the soft gushing of the river. The next street lantern was a few feet away, so they were engulfed in a weak twilight. Gin's heart was beating faster, he hadn't realized they were heading towards such a relatively remote location. Even the houses next to them were dark and the lights turned off.

This was his chance, right? His first real shot! He just needed to man the hell up to do it! Gah, what a pain in the ass!

Gin took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. He gathered all of his courage to open his mouth and say something. Anything. The first thing that popped into his head.

"So, …aliens, huh? Did you ever-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, he felt a strange sensation weakening his body. There was a hand curling around his wrist, forcing him to stop. With big, widened eyes, Gin stared at Hijikata and when their eyes met, he felt like dying for a second.

The cop's glance was clouded, but yet very firm. He glared at him with his steel-blue eyes and Gin knew he was in trouble. For some reason, he felt like a deer staring into the eyes of a wolf. His heart skipped a beat when the man dragged him a few steps towards the terrace front and stalled him there. Suddenly, they were very close and Gin could feel the officer's bitter nicotine breath strangling him. He gasped for air and couldn't move.

Without ushering a single word, the policeman came even closer. Gin could feel himself retreating backwards without thinking. He hit the wall of the building and shuddered. The night was dark and along the riverbank there was no one in sight. The way Hijikata was looking at him made Gin feel woozy. He didn't touch him anymore and still, it felt like he was under his skin. There were a few inches between them and yet, the air was thin and unstable. The tension got unbearable.

Gin's body was beyond saving now. He felt his racing heartbeat in his chest, his temples, his throat and his tongue. A fever was burning him up, evaporating all the air around him until he couldn't breathe at all. The wall in his back was no help at all, it rather had the strange effect of arousing him. He felt all the strength sapping out of his body, his legs growing weak. His head was blanking. Ayaiyayaiyai…

Another step and Hijikata was so close, they almost touched. It was ridiculous how close they were and how it messed with Gintoki. He could smell his breath, could smell the acetous scent of the booze and the mayonnaise and the bitter smack of cigarettes. It wasn't something he genuinely enjoyed, but knowing it belong to him, he didn't mind. Hijikata was observing him, he thought. No, he was… waiting. What was he waiting for? The tension riled him up and chased his heart towards an abyss. He couldn't stand it any longer. He wanted this man so much. And then, it popped into his head and he almost wailed. Wait, was he waiting for him to give some kind of permission? Permission to kiss him? God, he was such an idiot.

He was sick and tired of waiting.

Without thinking anymore, Gin did as he pleased. He let the alcohol bottle fall down into the grass, grabbed Hijikata's haori with one hand and his neck with the other, using both to pull him into the kiss.

When their lips finally met, Gintoki felt an amazing wave rocking through his body. It was hot, dripping down from his head to his toes, followed by a second strike of a cold tingling. It felt so good, he almost moaned into the kiss. His whole body was on a rampage now. His pulse was beyond saving and his head was swirling, swimming, drowning. He took a deep breath and could taste this man. His tongue, the booze, the mayonnaise. It was surprisingly good.

Hijikata had reacted quickly. As soon as the silver-haired man had pulled him closer, his arms had wrapped around his back, dragging him into a forceful embrace. He could feel his strong grip and fingers digging inside his clothes. His tongue was hungrily searching for his. Gin felt lightheaded, as if all of his worries fell off him like a crust of dirt. He was leaning into the passionate kiss, savoring every single second of it. God, so good.

The kiss was way too short. The dark haired man retreated and panted for air, leaned his forehead against his. It was just a few seconds later that the Odd Jobs realized he was heaving for air as well, needing it more than he had expected. His head was swirling, burning in a fever and his chest was as tense as the string of a shamisen. So many thoughts spun inside of him. He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to scream them at him. How terribly he had missed him. That he thought of him every freaking day. That he was dying to see him again. He wanted him to know, he wanted him to understand. He wanted to say it, out loud.

Violently, his heart hammered against his rips. At the same time, a hand as tender as a feather stroked his cheek and ear, running through his hair. He shivered and couldn't believe this actually happened. Hijikata looked quite worn, out of breath, helpless. It was insanely arousing. And yet, his reaction was a smile. He couldn't hide it, it came on its own. A pleased, genuine smile.

He was shaking in his boots. Wow, he really never figured this day would ever come. How the hell did he fall in love with this man, again?

As he smiled, he could see the corners of Hijikata's mouth bent up as well. He beamed, happily. God, how he loved this smile, these eyes. He would never let him go again. He would be at his side forever. In this very moment, he didn't care if it sounded cheesy or how stupid it was. He just wanted to see him smile for the rest of his days.

Carefully, Gin let his thumb graze Hijikata's cheek, caressing his lips. So many words wanted to pour out of his mouth, but he knew he didn't need to say them. He knew this guy would understand without him telling. Because he could feel Hijikata's feelings, too. The craving in his tight embrace, the affection in his gentle touch, the overwhelming happiness in his smirk. It was obvious he felt the same, had gone through the same troubles he had. It was plain as day how their feelings matched. It couldn't make him happier.

For a moment, both chuckled softly. It was a load off their chests. Though for some part, it was still hard to believe it finally happened. Especially Gin had a hard time swallowing all of this. So Hijikata had feelings for him after all. He was so grateful for that.

As he leaned in to kiss him again, they could hear faint voices from afar. Someone was coming their way. Both men took a quick peak to the side to see a couple walking into their direction. Seemed like they hadn't see them yet. Gin, though still breathless and with a rattling pulse, grinned and regained his lost confidence. He whispered.

"Let's go someplace else."

"Yeah…" the reply was hushed, but Gin couldn't detect any real protest. So he grabbed the policeman's wrist and stormed off, dragging him along to someplace else.

Annotations:

*Anko don stands for anko (sweet red bean paste) and donburi (rice served with toppings) and is one of Gintoki´s regular dishes.

Next chapter will be uploaded on Wednesday!