Chapter 24: I believe in you
She leaves the doctor's office more calm, the fright of having fallen four floors, made her understand how much she wants to have this baby, regardless of age or difficulties, it will be worth it, because it's a second chance with Mulder.
They performed an ultrasound immediately, to rule out dangers, see the baby for the first time calmed all her doubts, that little being forming inside her is a real miracle, she couldn't avoid the tears, another child with Mulder, a second response to all her prayers. The doctor confirmed that she is actually 9 weeks pregnant, that was after seeing William, after returning home with Mulder and giving him a back massage, that makes her smile, now she just has to find a way to tell Mulder, and pray that his reaction is not as unfavorable as her own when she found out. She also has to stay out of work and practice an amniocentesis as soon as possible to discard genetic malformations
She gets out of the taxi and walks into the church, there are few people, it's the usual schedule for confessions or impromptu prayers like hers. She lights a candle praying to God that Mulder be happy with the news, but it is soon extinguished, in that moment she feels him behind her and turns to look at him with stupefaction - That must be a sign. I'm all out of miracles. Turn back. Give up. Accept your place in the numbing embrace of the status quo -
He smiles denying - Uh-uh I will relight your candle and extend your prayers through mine -
She looks at him frowning - What prayers? -
- I can't tell you, they won't come true - he says with amusement, just like a child
She raises her face to look at him - It's a prayer candle, Mulder. Not a birthday cake - She chuckles and he smiles shyly looking down at the floor - Prayers aren't meant to be sentiment - she says to him, more for herself actually - It's a conversation. You can do it like a meditation, or if your needs exceed your grasp, you can ask God to act on your behalf. But you don't believe in God. So you'd essentially be talking to yourself - She smiles again and he looks at her with that face full of love that makes her heart beat faster.
- Well, I… I may not believe in God, but I believe in you. Therefore, I speak to him through you, through the transitive property of equality, If "A" equals "B," and "B" equals "C," therefore, "A" equals "C" Reason and faith in harmony. Isn't that why we're so good together? - his words are kind and sweet, almost a whisper
- Are we together?.. - she asks with sincerity, they are not formally together, he hasn't asked her to stay, and she hasn't told him she wants to do it, one month has passed since the living room of her house explodes and even the house is in perfect condition again, she is still sleeping with Mulder, in his bed, neither of them knows for sure if they are really together, and she needs an answer, she needs to know if he will be with her to receive this baby - You know, I believed I could protect our son, and I failed. I believed that we could live together, and I fled. I gave up on that, too - she says with sadness
- If only you'd fled earlier - he says with a sad tone too, she looks at him expectant - You know how many times I've envisioned that scenario, where you left that basement office before I even needed glasses? You'd have your health, your dog, your sister. You'd be Kersh's boss at the FBI, and be married to some brain surgeon, and have a bunch of kids that you wouldn't have to give up -
She closes her eyes feeling the pain in his words - Mulder, I don't begrudge you any of those things. That's not what I was talking about -
He almost interrupted her - Well, what are you talking about, Scully? Because I don't know if any God is listening, but I am standing right here, and I am listening. Right beside you. I'm all ears. That's my choice -
Those are the words that she wanted to hear, that is the answer to her prayer, that is her wish come true, she looks around making sure there is no one nearby, and approaches him to whisper in his ear - I want a life with you Mulder, without remorse, or past, without fears, just you and me, another chance, a family and William - She pulls away and he blinks slowly trying to hold her words for a while longer inside his mind - That's not my four year old self looking for a miracle. That's my leap of faith forward. And I'd like to do it together - she says with conviction
He half smiles looking at her and sighs - I've always wondered how this was gonna end - he says in a sweet whisper, then he lights another candle raising a prayer for both. He holds her hand and they walk together outside, she instinctively puts a hand on her belly but immediately removes it without him noticing, it's not the right time to tell him.
Maybe she will have to wait a few days, they don't have any other case yet, so she can be relax until then, he says that the weight she has gained is not noticeable, but for her if it is notorious, in two weeks her belly will be the one of a pregnant woman, her breasts are already beginning to be noticed, he hasn't seen her naked for a month, and that definitely helps, for now she is happy knowing that he wants to be with her again.
- So, are we going home now, or you wanna pack some things first? - She looks at him smiling, he really wants to start immediately
- Why you didn't tell me? Why you didn't ask me to stay? - She says holding both his hands and looking into his eyes
- Why you didn't? - is his answer
- I was the one who left Mulder, I couldn't, even if I wanted to - She says frowning with sad eyes, he releases one of his hands and takes her chin delicately, making her look at him
- I would say yes even if you left me a thousand times - a tear slips down her cheek and he whip it with his thumb - Don't cry, no remorse, no past, no fears, okay? - He says repeating her words, she nods and hold him tight laying her head on his chest, he hugs her too caressing her back - Now let's go home, our home, we will think about your another house later - He holds her hand and they walk together to the car, he opens her door and let her get in, before closing the door, he leans his elbow on the door frame and leans forward looking for her mouth, putting his hand on her thigh, she takes his face with both her hands and kisses him, feeling how life is blessing them.