"Alright, Operation: Iliad is a go."

"Alya," Adrien whined, "I still think that's a terrible name."

"I still think I'm never letting you forget that you described yourself as Marinette's gay lover."

Adrien hung his head and sighed. "That's fair. So remind me again what exactly Operation: Iliad is."

"It's our plan to get you with Marinette!"

"I mean, yeah, I know that. I mean what's the actual plan?"

Alya grinned and clapped him on the back. "That's what we're here for! The operation is beginning, and it's time to brainstorm."

Sighing loudly, Adrien leaned back in his seat on the bench. "Well, I guess this is as good of a time as any. You should probably know that Alix already has a plan." And we're starting final jeopardy in three, two, one…

Alya narrowed her eyes. "Does she?"

Category… classmates, for one hundred. What is… "Yeah, I kind of agreed to it but I'm still not a hundred percent. She's confident though."

"And how much does Alix know?"

Two hundred. "Despite the fact that I haven't told her anything? She knows everything."

Alya rolled her eyes. "What's her plan?"

"She told me that if I tell Marinette who I am, then I'll, and I quote, 'be dating Marinette within the week'."

"What?!" Alya exclaimed. "No, no, no, why would she think telling Mari now would be a good idea?!"

Adrien just shrugged. Wait, Jeopardy has that asinine backwards thing where the questions are statements, that's right. So like, if our conversation was backwards then that would have worked. Sort of. Oh never mind. I have no idea how Jeopardy works. That was dumb anyway.

Alya took out her phone and scrolled fervently, frowning intently at the device. She tapped it and held it to her ear. "Alix, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Alya put the phone on speaker and held it between them so Adrien could hear.

"Dismantling the patriarchy," she chuckled. "Brick by brick."

Alya groaned. "While that is an admirable goal, I'm talking about Chat Noir."

"Oh, yeah I'm getting him together with Mari."

"And who said you have the right to do that?" Oh dear, Alya, you don't have to get so aggressive about it.

"I did. They're my friends too. If you can meddle, so can I."

Adrien leaned closer and talked a little louder to make sure Alix could hear him (Still being careful, though, to refrain from being too loud. School courtyards were not the best place to scream about your identity.). "Alya knows I'm Chat, by the way. For wherever that conversation is going."

The voice in the phone paused for a moment. "You're talking to Friskies?"

Alya sputtered. "Friskies?!" She directed her gaze at Adrien, who turned red and looked away, pretending to busy himself with his phone. Why did you have to keep using that, oh my god, now Alya's going to want all the details.

"Long story. You're talking to Adrien?"

"Yeah. There's no way you're not telling me that story." She stared at Adrien, making it clear to him that she was not letting him off the hook for that, even when Alix did tell her.

"Anyway," Alix said, "I assume you're calling because of my plan."

"Yes, actually. Marinette is awkward enough around both of them, if he tells her who he is then she'll just get even worse! At least he can talk to her as Chat Noir. If that plan goes bad, then you just take away any opportunities for Patroclus to talk to Achilles."

"Okay, those nicknames sound like a story I'm going to want to hear. We'll exchange later." Adrien thought he heard some papers rustling on the other side of the call. "Look, Detective. Normally, you'd be right. This plan is way too risky. But the fact of the matter is that you don't have all the information."

"Excuse me?!"

"Just saying. Marinette will handle it. There's a variable you haven't noticed yet, and it makes a world of difference, girl. I don't blame you for not seeing it, of course. If Mari was my best friend I'd probably miss it too."

Alya looked like she felt personally offended at Alix's suggestion. "Are you saying that you know something about my best friend that I don't?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Oh we are so doing this."

"You can't hurt me over the phone, Alya. And I can take you, anyway. Here's how it is. I can personally guarantee that if your Patroclus tells Marinette who he is, they will be significantly closer to dating. I'll help nudge them together if needed after that as well."

Alya paused for a moment, stoking her chin. Adrien swallowed the lump in his throat. Either way, that's between the girls. I'm just going to stay out of it and do what they tell me. Seems to be working so far.

"Literally the worst case scenario is that she ends up in a weird state of half awkwardness with Adrien, and the occasional hopeless stutter. Which, quite frankly, is still an improvement."

True. I still think the worst case scenario is unbridled rage, though. "If things go wrong," Alya said, "do you have a backup plan? One to fix things?"

"Who do you think I am? Of course I do."

"Fine. Then I'll let you get away with this. Only because I don't have an alternative yet."

"Sweet, tell Friskies to get his fine butt ready. I'll trust you to figure out the details. Location, method, that kind of thing. After all, you know Mari better than I do."

Whether Alix intended it or not, Adrien felt like Alix said her last sentence just a little too teasingly. Alya's going to be so pissed. Maybe I should like, hold her up so we only get to class just before the bell rings so she can't murder her. I do wonder what Alix found that's making her so confident, though. Of course, I also know that there's literally zero chance of ever finding out anytime in the predictable future. It's probably not relevant to anything, anyway, excepting of course the way Alix just said it was relevant.

Yes, that was definitely a coherent thought that I just had.

"So…" Adrien said when Alya tapped the button to end the call. "I'm telling her, then?"

"Yes. Yes you are."

Wonderful. "Right. So how should I do that, exactly? Like, maybe when we're alone, on her balcony?"

"No, no, no." Alya quickly shook her head. "Dude, no. You know Marinette. She's going to make a scene. If you tell her on her balcony, you'll get noticed by her parents if no one else and I don't think you want to have that conversation."

Good point. If she gets loud at all and people look then they'll see Chat Noir with some random girl in the night. I have enough experience with media to know that there's no way that ends well for either of us. "Then what do I do?"

Alya frowned for a moment, and then her lips curled upwards into a grin. "You'll tell her here, at school."

"What?" He exclaimed, eyes wide and nervously glancing around. "I can't transform here!"

"That's why you're not transforming." Alya grinned as her plan began to take shape in her head. "Yeah. You don't need to. All you have to do is prove to her that you're her soulmate. No transformation required!"

Adrien moved further down the bench a little, inching away from her. "And how do I do that?"

"Alright, listen here. This is officially phase one of Operation: Iliad."

Adrien could tell that Nino knew something was up. He wasn't sure how much his best friend knew, or if he knew exactly what Alya and he had planned, but Nino definitely knew something.

And Nino definitely didn't want to be there.

Sorry buddy, Adrien thought, this is Alya's show now. He looked over to Alya, who was talking excitedly with Marinette just a small distance away.

He checked the time on his phone. Two minutes. Seriously, why do you have to plan everything down to the exact minute? At least she didn't give me a script.

Adrien sighed heavily, tucking his hands in his pockets and leaning on the wall. He thought for a moment about what could potentially happen. Wait. Shit. She didn't give me a script. Oh my god, what am I going to say? I'm going to make a complete fool of myself, oh man. Too late now though. I can't exactly walk up and be all like "Hey Alya could you please facilitate this entire exchange? Yes, this is my relationship on the line here but you see, I am a socially inept idiot who can't figure out how to talk to his soulmate. Also this is basically your pet project so you may as well, let's be real."

Oh golly, what am I supposed to say? Nervously, Adrien looked at his phone again. Great. Time to put Operation: Never Let Adrien Forget His Embarrassing Metaphor Ever into motion.

He took a deep breath and, with a glance shared between him and Nino, walked forward to where Marinette and Alya were talking, in a small corner of the courtyard. "Uh, h-hi, Marinette!" I'm stuttering now, oh my god, I'm going to make a fool of myself. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

He brought his eyebrows together and up, pushing out his lip slightly by habit to give her his best pleading expression. Of course, he also knew that his face was burning, and that Nino was looking between him, Marinette, and Alya with the most unimpressed expression Adrien had ever seen on his best friend.

"O-of course!" Marinette responded after Alya nudged her with an elbow. "Anything you want." Her eyes went wide. "I mean, anything did- you want- uh… did you want anything?"

Adrien had to chuckle a little. Knowing that she actually likes me makes this so much cuter. Well, it was kind of cute before, but I was also terrified of her, so now that that's gone it's just all the cute. "Yes! Actually, I did want something." He paused, trying to figure out how he was going to do what Alya told him to do. Where could I even draw on myself that she'll notice right away? And what if she doesn't notice? What if it gets washed off before she does? I guess Alya would point it out but… "This might sound kind of weird, but, uh…" He swallowed the lump in his throat and talked through the small amount of air he felt he could get. Plastering a forced smile onto his face, he held a hand out to her, tucking his other hand behind him, grabbing and uncapping the pen in his back pocket. "May I have your hand?"

Wait. Wait, no, no, no, no, no that was bad. That was just about the actual worst way to ask to draw on her oh my freaking god I am dead. I have died and gone to Hades and I'm in the fields of punishment doomed to eternally relive this single moment of my life. It's just a scratched record skipping back but it's a record of all of my embarrassment and shame coalescing into one dumb reference to Marinette being the princess that she doesn't even freaking know I call her, I am so, so dead and Alya will never let me forget this either, oh my god.

Adrien was only shocked out of his internal monologue when he felt someone else's hand in his. It took him another second to realize that it was Marinette's.

It took him another second to realize that he wasn't doing anything and was just holding her hand. I'm holding her hand, oh god.

Grinning through his panic (If there was one thing that being a model taught him, it's how to smile when he really just wanted to crawl under his bed and hide for the next eternity.), he stepped closer to her so as to refrain from pulling on her, and raised their joined hands to meet his lips as he ducked his head. He kissed her knuckles, like Chat Noir might do to Ladybug, and, before she could react, flipped her hand over, exposing her palm. He drew his other hand out from behind him and hastily wrote down two words before letting her go.

Pen still between his fingers, he raised that hand, palm towards her. "Thanks," he said. "See you later then, Marinette."

He held his pose just a moment longer than would be natural, but once he saw Marinette's eyes shift to his palm, and then down to her own, he quickly dropped it, turning to Nino. "Well, we should get to class, don't you think, bro?"

Nino just gave him a flat look and said nothing, only allowing himself to be turned around by Adrien's hand on his shoulder and guided away. As he turned, Adrien saw Alya give him a thumbs-up, although she was obviously holding back laughter, with her other hand covering her mouth. I will never hear the end of this.

Oh god I kissed her hand. That was not in the plan! What was I thinking? Good god, she's going to flip. She's going to kill me. I have unleashed the rage of Achilles and it's all directed straight at me and concentrated through glass and now it's so powerful I only need to show my face anywhere in public ever again and I'll just straight up drop dead.

You know what? I'm just going to blame Alix and Alya for this whole thing. Everything is their fault. This was not my idea in the first place. That's right. That is simply the way it is.

Oh god, I'm so dead.

That was when he heard the screaming.

It was only Marinette's voice, so he knew there wasn't an akuma. It still took all his self-control not to look back. He still, barely, had the capacity to realize that if he did make a show about looking back at her while she was screaming, he'd only make it worse. Just pretend to not notice.

While you're at it, pretend that entire conversation took place in the idyllic realm you enter when you plan out these things in your head before-hand. Everything is perfect. I didn't make a fool of myself; Marinette isn't actually the personification of rage. I told her and she just sighed with that dumb, cliché, dreamy smile that girls in movies have, that Alya told me I have, and she told me she's so happy that I'm Chat because she's liked the both of us for so long and oh by golly you have no idea what a relief it is to hear that the two people I love are the same. By the way, I'm Ladybug. "Oh gosh, Ladybug?! The two people I love are the same too? This is literally perfect and nothing could be wrong in this scenario ever!"

And then we kiss and date and live happily ever after like in a fairy tale and definitely not like any of my Greek slash Shakespearean tragedies.

Maybe a comedy. I'll take Much Ado About Nothing any day, to be honest. At least we're married and alive at the end of it.

Adrien glanced over at Nino as they entered the classroom and took their seats. Note to self, never let it slip that one of my reasons for even jokingly wanting my relationship to be like an actual comedy was because the characters get married. Even Nino wouldn't let me forget that one. He leaned on his desk, resting his head on his palm. Why am I so hopeless?

He felt Nino wordlessly poke at his hand, and so, without looking, he opened it to display the message on his palm. The soft groan from his best friend told him that it was exactly as stupid as he thought it was. "Hi, Purr-incess." Of course I had to go with the cat pun, just to shove it in her face like "I am Chat Noir! Pay attention to me!". Golly, now it seems desperate. He shook his head slowly. Whatever. she'll calm down and I'll just have to deal with the aftermath.

Either that or she will continue to be a vessel of the rage. One or the other. And okay, so maybe she was never really angry at me, but still. She's scary. When she blows up at Chloé? Good god, I do not want to be on the receiving end of that again.

The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and Marinette and Alya both had yet to show up. I shouldn't be surprised if they skip today. Maybe I should take notes for them? It's kind of my fault, after all. He glanced over to Alix, who just spun her pen in her hand with a smug smile and no more than a casual glance in his direction. You're responsible for this, he thought, if Marinette hates me now it's up to you to fix everything.

Sighing once again, Adrien turned his attention to the teacher. He decided that at the very least he would make sure Marinette and Alya didn't fall behind in class because of him. That resolve was the only thing keeping him focused on the lecture.

"So, Friskies, how'd it go?" Alix wrapped her arm around his shoulders, appearing at his side suddenly like Chloé did sometimes. "The dynamic duo didn't show up for class so I'm assuming you told her."

Nino rubbed his face in his hands, muttering. Shoot, does Nino even know that I'm Chat Noir? He must, he was with Mari when she met me that Friday and then he saw me write on her. I didn't even think about it. How nice of him not to make a deal out of it. It's good to know that not everything has to be a federal freaking issue all the time. "Yeah," Adrien said, "I told her."

"In the most asinine, backwards way possible," Nino said.

"It wasn't- okay, fair point." Adrien just shrugged. "I was put on the spot. I'm not good under pressure."

Nino and Alix both just gave him a flat look. "Dude," Nino said.

"Okay, but not in things like this!"

Alix rolled her eyes. "Look, I'm going to dig up the details from Alya, and we'll figure out the next phase of the operation, capiche? Don't worry your pretty face on it. I've got everything figured out." She flashed Nino a grin. "D.J., did you hear her scream?"

"Did anyone not?"

"That was gold. It turned out even better than I hoped."

Adrien crossed his arms, turning to face her slightly. "Did you make me do that just to watch Marinette's reaction?"

"Of course not." Alix waved him off casually. "I did an entire other thing just to watch her reaction. That was already entertainment enough. This was for you, man! From nowhere but the bottomless wellspring of kindness that is my heart."

Nino snorted with laughter.

"Oh, you laugh now, D.J. I'm the one making sure your best bro gets a date, though, so I wouldn't talk if I were you."

"One," Nino said, "I'm not messing with those shenanigans, ever. Mystical soulmate stuff is only stressful and confusing."

Alix laughed. "Says you. Do you even have a soulmate?"

"I do, actually. And I'd like to not talk about that!" Nino frowned. "What about you? You're romantic or something? Is that why you're so serious about helping Adrien?"

"If you must know, my soulmate is a very nice boy and we're good friends." Alix punched Nino's arm. "And we only started talking because of mystical soulmate shenanigans. I agree that it's freaky but it doesn't even really matter anymore." She let go of Adrien and spun to face him directly. "Speaking of which, if I'm going through all this trouble and I find out that the only reason you're interested in Marinette is because she's your soulmate I will personally beat you so bad that your father will have to sue me for ruining his model."

Adrien resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic, but it's not as if Nino hasn't had that conversation with me already. Besides, I'm not going to do anything only because of some writing. Maybe because of some writing and also the fact that she is adorable and sweet and perfect and man, when she gets serious about something she goes from this cute little cinnamon roll to terrifying badass and I am far too attracted to her for my own good. "Of course I like her for more than just being my soulmate. I'm not that bad."

With a devious smirk, Alix glanced at Nino for just a fraction of a second before sidling up and leaning close to Adrien to whisper in his ear. "And what about Ladybug, huh?"

"Ladybug," Adrien said, calmly, "doesn't like me. It doesn't matter." He carefully stepped away from her. "And she'd want me to move on. I do like Marinette, that's what matters." Alix snickered, and looked over at Nino, quirking an eyebrow. She turned her gaze back to him, a question in her eyes. "He knows, Alix."

"Some secret when everyone knows."

"Not everyone knows! It's just you, Alya, Nino, and Marinette, now."

"Oh, so Alix does know," Nino said. "Thought so."

"Yep. Everyone knows, Nino."

"There's not that many people, okay?!"

"Oh?" Alix retorted. "How many people know Ladybug's identity?"

Adrien crossed his arms, pouting. "None."

Her grin only widened at that. It's like she thinks she has the answer to the freaking universe. Which would be impressive, since that isn't even a question. "Exactly. Now obviously we're all extr-" Alix stopped talking when her phone's ringing interrupted her. She glanced at it and swiftly accepted the call, holding the phone to her ear. "Detective! Talk to me."

Adrien wanted to ask what was up, or at least if she could put it on speaker so he could talk to Alya too, but the moment he opened his mouth, Alix held a hand up to silence him. Only Alya knew, after all, what Marinette was doing at that moment. And whether I even have a chance anymore. Alix nodded slightly, keeping her expression stoic. "Yeah, I hear you… mhmm… I see… That's interesting…" Adrien watched as Nino yawned exaggeratedly, rolling his eyes. "So, the verdict?" Another pause. "Ah… Yeah, I am… Alright, I'll tell him. Thanks, detective."

Adrien nearly grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her when she just looked over at him with a satisfied smirk and shrugged. "What happened?" He asked.

"Your Achilles is holed up in her tent. She's just hiding in her room."

"Oh."

"Let her stew for a while. She'll need time to process it. With luck, you can talk to her at school or at her balcony tomorrow. I'd recommend you leave her alone for tonight though."

Adrien just sighed. Well… I have patrol with Ladybug tonight anyway.

In the end, he couldn't wait even that long. When he arrived in his room and flew through his homework, he was left with little to distract him from thoughts of Marinette except thoughts of his upcoming patrol. And quite frankly that paled in comparison with the situation he found himself in with his soulmate. So he couldn't resist the urge to send her just a few text messages, spread out over the few hours he had to waste.

CN – sorry about running off, I was just a little scared about how you'd react.
CN – but, uh, now you know! that I'm Adrien.
CN – sorry I didn't tell you right away too, I just really didn't want to mess anything up and you weren't very comfortable with me
CN – either me, really.
CN – I guess what I'm trying to say is I know you don't want to rush into anything but I really do like you and I just want us to be able to stay friends?
CN – patrol time. uh, in case I'm back late, I just wanted to wish you good night.
CN – 3

Adrien rubbed at his face and put his phone away, calling Plagg to transform. I thought she'd at least be able to talk to me if she doesn't have to look at me. That's what I get for being optimistic, I guess.

When he arrived at the meeting point, Chat Noir had to look at the time on his baton. Just a few minutes late. Ladybug might be held up. He sat down roughly and let his legs hang over the edge of the building. Speaking of, I guess Alix and Nino do have a point. I've liked Ladybug a while now, and this with Marinette is kind of new. But it isn't just because of the soulmate thing. I know, because I didn't like her right away after that. It was when we met on her balcony that night that did it. And it's not like I haven't pretty much given up with Ladybug. I still love her, of course, but honestly the thought that we could be something more at this point is a little strange. At least while we still haven't gotten to the "actually knowing each other when we're not saving the city" thing.

After a few more minutes deep in his thoughts, Chat Noir laid back, staring at the cloudy, darkening sky. Hey look. It's overcast. Mood weather. He spent the next ten minutes or so tracing the silver linings of all the dark, ominous clouds with his eyes.

The familiar sound of Ladybug's yo-yo catching on something nearby and retracting brought Chat's attention away from the sky to his partner instead. When he caught sight of her face, he bolted upright and nearly leaped to his feet. She couldn't meet his eyes, she held her arms across her chest, and she bit her lip, furrowing her brow all the while. When she started shifting her weight from foot to foot nervously, Chat Noir had to say something. "Are you alright, My Lady?"

She closed her eyes, clenched and unclenched her fists, and sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the building next to where he had been sitting. Hesitantly, he returned to his spot next to her. She brought one of her legs up rested her arm over her knee, and her chin on her arm. "Not really."

"Is there any way I can help?" He scooted just a little bit closer to her, carefully gauging her reaction. When she didn't do anything, he put a hand on her shoulder.

Ladybug laughed. "Yeah, actually."

"What is it, My Lady?"

"You can listen."

"Always, to anything you have to say."

Ladybug shifted her position, throwing her leg back over the edge and leaning into him just a little. "So it turns out, my soulmate is a pretty interesting guy."

Chat smiled. How long has she known her soulmate? Has she not told him who she is? "Is he?"

"Yep. But I went through the dumbest, most roundabout way of figuring out who he is."

He had to laugh at that. "Oh? Tell me the story."

"So," Ladybug began, a small smile on her lips, "tell me, Kitten, what do you think of your soulmate?" Chat just gave her an amused smile. "Tell me, and I'll tell you."

"Okay," he said. "Then I'll say that my soulmate is an amazing girl that I'm very lucky to be magically connected to. She's a little headstrong sometimes, and she has this razor wit that makes every conversation with her even more interesting than it normally would be. And speaking of that, she's just really interesting in the first place. She's a fashion designer, you know. She won't let me see her work, yet, but I think that's really amazing. Plus, when she starts talking about fashion she starts talking kind of fast and she gets excited and starts gesticulating a lot and it's just really, really cute." Ladybug grinned at him, so he kept talking. "Oh, and when you get her mad I'm pretty sure she turns into the actual next incarnation of Achilles and it's actually strangely attractive but I don't know maybe that's just me. I think she's wonderful and every time I talk to her I learn something new, which is heaven for my kitty curiosity, you know." He grinned when Ladybug laughed. "So what about you?"

"My soulmate is pun-loving trash who I wouldn't want to shut up if I could." I like him already. "He's strong and brave and smart. He knows when it's appropriate to be a goofball and when he needs to be quieter and tamer, and when he wants to he can be a perfect gentleman. Of course, sometimes he goofs off just to bother me. He's witty and just really, really kind. One of the nicest people I've ever met. Actually, we knew each other before even figuring out we were soulmates."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I had the biggest, most embarrassing crush on him for a long time."

"Hmm. You must have been ecstatic when you found out."

Ladybug snickered. "Actually, I was terrified."

"You, My Lady? No!"

She casually threw out her hand, palm up, in a sort of shrug. "Yes. I didn't even say anything at first. I was just too shocked, and he was gone by the time I could form words."

Ladybug stopped there, and didn't seem life she was intent on saying much more. "Well what happened next? What did your lucky boy say when you talked to him next? Come on, you can't just leave it there!"

Ladybug laughed again, pulling away from him to look him in the eyes. "Nothing happened next. I haven't talked to him yet."

"Oh, so this is a recent thing?"

"Very. He sent me a few texts, but I haven't replied. I was kind of preparing myself for our next meeting."

"I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you again."

Ladybug just chuckled. "It certainly seems that way." Chat took a moment to blink slowly. What does that mean? "You see, it took some preparation because…" Ladybug averted her gaze, staring at the spots on her legs rather than at him. "Because I needed to be ready to let him know that he's my soulmate. Because apparently our identity shenanigans just make everything way more complicated than it should have been."

Chat Noir hesitated. "What?"

"I'm saying you're him, Adrien."

Oh god, oh man, red alert. She figured out who I am? Ho- Shit did she just say I'm her soulmate?! That means… she knows I'm Adrien because… "Marinette?" His voice was weak, timid, when he asked.

Ladybug nodded, blushing slightly but smiling and not breaking eye contact. "Yep. I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Also known as 'Princess', 'Beatrice', apparently, and if I'm not mistaken, I have been referred to, once or twice, as 'Achilles'." She bit her lip, obviously nervous but still trying to hold back laugher. "Nice to meet you, Patroclus."

Oh my god, Alya told her.

Are we in that idyllic dreamscape again? I'm imagining this, right? No, if this was my imagination there's no way anyone would ever have heard about that Iliad metaphor. Adrien had no idea how to react. Honestly, only one thing came naturally, and it slipped out before he had the right state of mind to hold it back.

He screamed.