Chapter 3: The smoke incident. When people smell cigarettes, they know something´s up, or: Shipping wars will get you nowhere
"Your mother's an *****!"
Shinpachi was singing from the bottom of his heart while swinging the duster through the room. He was cleaning the Yorozuya's office again because they were going to have a big party tonight. It was a surprise party for Gin-san and frankly, he was quite excited. It was just a few friends; their apartment wasn't big enough for so many people after all. He had already dusted the cupboards, washed the dishes and cleaned the bathroom. Kagura was walking Sadaharu, for once. She was also supposed to pick up a cake, but he didn't trust her enough. So he had brought a small cake as well, stored it in the fridge and put a lock on it. In any case.
The young boy with the glasses was in a good mood; he was genuinely looking forward to tonight. Only a few hours and this place would be bustling. He was excited to see all of them again and about Gin-san's face when they would surprise him. Gin said he would return in the evening. He was probably in a Pachinko parlor again. Happily, he was singing along to Otsu-chan's best of album and put the duster back into the closet. Next was washing.
Shinpachi collected the dirty clothes from all over the flat when he heard someone coming in. A few seconds later, Kagura yelled from the entrance. "I'm back!"
"Welcome back!" Shinpachi chimed and walked into the living room as well. Sadaharu was greeting him by brushing its head against his arm and barking. The red-headed alien girl followed a moment later. She had a white package in her hands, presumably the cake. Shinpachi smiled. Wow, he was proud of her. "Thanks, Kagura-chan!"
She yawned a half-assed reply, still a bit tired and put the thing on the table.
As Shinpachi turned around to do the laundry, Sadaharu was suddenly in the way. He sniffed the clothes and whined, shaking its head. The glasses boy laughed nervously. "What? Does it smell? That's why I'm washing it."
"He probably just smells Gin-chan's dirty underwear." Kagura chewed on a strip of sukonbu, unfazed.
"Probably." But the big, white dog kept sniffing it and howled like he was trying to tell them something. Shinpachi tilted his head. "What is it, Sadaharu? What do you smell?" As he got another bark in reply, he reluctantly sniffed on it, too. And suddenly, he could smell it as well.
"Eh?"
"What is it, megane?" The alien girl stared at him with a blank, disinterested expression. "You're into sniffing someone's underwear? Really, you're disgusting."
"N-no!" he protested fiercely, his head red. He grabbed one of Gin's white kimonos and held it up. "But-but it reeks of…"
"Of what?" she shivered, her glare horror-struck. "Urgh, on second thought, I really don't wanna know…"
"Grah! It reeks of cigarettes, damn it!" he screamed, completely embarrassed now.
"Cigarettes?" Suddenly, Kagura looked honestly surprised.
"Yes… cigarettes." The teenage boy repeated and gulped. He stared down at the clothes in his hands and felt the atmosphere around them grow cold. He checked the other parts and literally all of Gin's clothes reeked of tobacco. For a long moment, both stared at the clothes in an uncomfortable silence. Then, Shinpachi smirked frantically.
"…He has been out late-nights often lately, hasn't he…?"
Kagura had an anxious expression on her face. "So? What do you want to imply?"
"…Gin-san obviously has spent some time in a place where people smoke a lot… or with a person, who smokes."
"Wait? What does that mean?" Kagura asked uneasily as well as appalled by the implication. "You think Gin-chan is turning into a mafia boss? You think he's into some shady gambling business? He's not that kind of guy!"
"Well…" the glasses character still smiled, his mouth twitching. "…staying late… sometimes returning only in the morning… It's either that, or he… he may have… may have… met with a lover."
The three Yorozuya stared at the clothes and froze. The conclusion was hard to swallow. The air between them was thick and none of them dared to breathe. Re-really? Could that be it?
"AHHH!" All of the sudden, Kagura began to scream. She jumped up and threw her hands in the air, yelling at Shinpachi who promptly flung the clothes away in response. "That's no joking matter, Shinpachi! Don't say something like that! Does he really have a lover? Does he?"
Freaking out, his eyeballs squeezing out of their sockets, Shinpachi cried as well and tore at his hair. "Ah! How would I know! But when his clothes suddenly start reeking of tobacco, it might be!"
Shrieking, the teenagers ran through the apartment and went bananas. In panic, Kagura was taking the clothes and buried them in the washing machine, throwing the whole pack of washing powder in and started kicking it.
"There! If there's no evidence, then it never happened! It never happened! Gin isn't seeing anyone! No! He isn't!"
"Kagura-chaaan!" the teenager shrieked and tried restraining her before she would trash the machine. "C-c-c-c-calm down, will you? W-w-w-w-we don't know for sure! I-i-i-i-it could mean anything!"
"Ahhh, let me go! We have to destroy it! Destroy it!"
As Sadaharu joined in, howling loudly, the chaos was complete.
An ear-piercing scream broke through the breaking dawn.
.
A few minutes later, the washing machine was demolished and the three Yorozuya members sat silently on the couch and stared into nothingness. Both Shinpachi's and Kagura's heads were flushed and their eyes and heads spinning. They were a nervous mess. Sadaharu was equally depressed and wailed lowly.
The oldest of them looked like he had a broom shoved up his ass. His back was straight and his hands coyly stashed in his lap. He trembled, but tried to go about it as calmly as he possibly could. "…So… let's think this through… there has to be a logical explanation…"
"What kind of logical explanation is there?" Kagura shivered, as if she had been struck by lighting. "He won't come home and when he does, it's the next day and his clothes reek of cigarettes. There's only one explanation."
"B-b-but! He would have told us, wouldn't he? I-if he had a girlfriend."
"Maybe he's too ashamed…" Kagura's eyes went red because she forgot to blink. "…or maybe it's because… because she's a prostitute."
"N-n-n-n-no way!" Shinpachi resolutely shook his head. "You know Gin-san! He wouldn't! He-he's not that kind of guy!"
"So why hasn't he told us yet?!" She squealed.
"M-maybe i-it's because…" The glasses boy paused and gulped.
But Kagura caught his drift. The next second they were staring into each other's eyes, incredulously. "…it's… someone we know…"
For another long minute, they anxiously glared at each other. Then, the hysterical roaring began anew.
Kagura tore her hair and scratched her cheeks. "Ahhh! That can't be true!"
"C-calm down already!" Shinpachi shouted and shook his head. "T-there's no need to freak out! L-let us just think this through logically! I-if he hasn't told us, then maybe… we're not supposed to know!"
"Like hell I care!" The alien girl roared and stomped on the table. "If Gin-chan is meeting with some kind of shady woman, I wanna know! I have to know! That's too big of a secret! How am I supposed to keep quiet about that?"
"J-j-just pipe down a bit!" He tried to persuade her with a gesture of his hands.
"Ahhh! I caaaan't!"
"Sorry for intruding!" a soft voice chimed from the entrance and cut like a lightning strike through the two teenagers. Panicking, they stared at the entrance and hissed at each other to shut up. They ended up kicking and shoving each other. It was not until their guest stepped into the living room that they sat on the couch again, pretending nothing had happened. The black aura around their heads, however, made it plain clear that something was up.
"Well, well… what's wrong with you two?" It was Otae who entered, a smile on her lips and a bag of groceries in her hand. "Why so gloomy?"
Surprised, Shinpachi stared at her. "S-sis!"
Kagura sniffed and couldn't suppress tears. The next minute, she stormed towards her and fell into her arms. "Boss lady! It's horrible!"
"Ah? Is something wrong?" The brunette girl instantly hugged her and stroked her hair comfortingly.
"…I-it's about Gin-chaaan!" she whined and buried her head on her chest.
"What about him? Tell me what's wrong." The cabaret girl replied softly and pushed Kagura away, a concerned expression on her face.
"Well…" Her brother scratched his head, forcing a smile.
"Gin-chan has a girlfriend, he won't tell us about!" the girl squealed.
"A girlfriend?" For a moment, she seemed genuinely surprised. "…How would you get this kind of impression?"
"His clothes reek of tobacco…" Shinpachi confessed, still haunted by the idea.
"Oh, really?" She pondered and then stroked Kagura's head a last time before she sat down on the couch. "So who do you think it is?"
"We don't knooow!" The girl in the chinese outfit wined and sat next to her. "And it's driving us crazy! Do you know something, do you? Do you?"
"Not really, no." Otae smiled. "But it shouldn't be that hard to figure it out, should it? Who do we know who's smoking?"
All of the sudden, Kagura gasped and her face showed pure horror. Her voice squeaked. "What if it's… OTOSE?!"
Shinpachi screeched at her. "Hell no! This is the first person popping into your mind? Of course it's not Otose-san! How could you even think that?"
"But she smokes!" The girl replied, as if this would be proof enough.
"Like hell this is enough! She could be his mother after all!"
"Hmmm, so not Otose." Otae tilted her head and tipped against her chin with her pointy finger, riddling. She seemed awfully invested in this. But of course, she had a gossipy side after all. "Ah! What about Tsukki?"
Oh! Both Kagura and Shinpachi nodded and bumped their fists into their hands.
"That's true! She is in love with him after all."
"Hyaaa, when it's Tsukki, I'm okay with it!" Kagura proclaimed proudly. "She's the perfect match for Gin-chan!"
"Hahaha, maybe that's true." Shinpachi scratched his head, smiling. It helped him calm down, actually. "So it's Tsukuyo-san. We should have thought about her first. She's an attractive lady after all. And she lives in Yoshiwara, so of course he wouldn't tell us. Wah, that's a relief."
"Right?" His sister grinned happily. "They make a cute couple, don't they? In that case, I'm happy for them!"
"Hoooyaaa!" Kagura was all fired up now. "Does that mean Tsukki is now my new mother? Awesome!"
"Hold it right there!" All of the sudden, a shrill voice penetrated the air and the next moment something jumped off the ceiling. The four watched as a woman with lilac hair and glasses landed next to them and stared at them furiously. She had three cigarettes stuffed into her mouth and lighted them gracefully. "Weren't you a little too fast? As a matter of fact, I started smoking a few weeks back! So if anyone's gonna be your new mother, it's gonna be me! Me!"
Their faces went blank and annoyed. They really had nothing to say to that.
That made the kunoichi angry and she yelled at them. "What?! You don't believe me?! Grr, youuu! First, you don't invite me to his surprise party and now this! It's as I said! I'm Gin-san's new lover! It´s me!"
"Really?" Otae was pissed off by her, as usual. "And why would you suddenly start smoking, I wonder?"
"I-it's because…." She hesitated and closed her eyes, taking a drag. "Because I wanted to change my style a bit! What's there to-" Instantly, she started coughing as she chocked on the cigarette smoke. Her eyes were popping out and she was wheezing, toppling over.
The three people at the table just stared at her in annoyed silence and then started ignoring her all together. Shinpachi scratched his neck and smiled. "So the mystery is solved. We were idiots for worrying about something like that. Though, I really don't understand why he wouldn't tell us. He knows we like Tsukuyo-san. Why would he keep that a secret?"
"Keeping what a secret?" A deep, monotone voice sounded.
As they looked to the entrance, they could see two men standing there, each holding small bags of sweets in their hands. One of them had long, dark hair and wore a blue kimono with a white hakama, the other had sunglasses and a long dark-red cloak wrapped around his shoulders. And of course, Elizabeth was also next to them.
The young boy couldn't hide his surprise. "Katsura-san! Sakamoto-san! I didn't hear you come in. You're early!"
The joui patriot stepped dramatically over the still chocking kunoichi as he came towards them and sat next to them on the couch. "A real hero never comes late. By the way, I figured you might need help."
"That's very thoughtful of you!" the boy smiled and moved in so they could sit down. "Thanks!"
"So what are you talking about?" the elegant man asked while crossing his arms.
"We found Gin-chan's clothes and they reek of cigarettes. So we are thinking he might have a lover or something like that!" Kagura rounded it up and chewed on a new piece of sukonbu. Her face was relaxed. She seemed to be quite satisfied. "Though the mystery is solved already, it has to be Tsukki!"
"Reeking of cigarettes?" Katsura tilted his head.
"Kin-san having a lover?" Sakamoto weighed in and scratched his chin.
They then shared a look and nodded. "Yeah, it has to be him."
"Him?" Otae eyed them. "What are you talking about?"
Dramatically, the joui patriot closed his eyes and nodded to himself. "Well, if we're talking about a smoking lover, then the answer is obvious. They have a long history after all."
"Who are you taking about?" Shinpachi asked politely and yet very curiously. All of them were staring at the two men and even Sarutobi had ascended from the dead to join it. There was a long moment of silence.
Then, they nodded again and Katsura gave them a passionate look. "It has to be Takasugi. No doubt about it."
"Whhaaaaat?" the echo sounded rowdily. The ninja was most appalled by that thought and pointed her finger at them in rage.
"What are you two implying? Gin-san is no *****! He loves ***** and not *****, that should be plain obvious!"
"Yeah!" Kagura yelled. "It's Tsukki! End of discussion!"
"Grr, it's not Tsukki! Why are you saying that all of the time?! Are you some kind of TsukkixGin shipper?!"
"A what? What did you just call me? Is this some kind of insult? Do you want me to cave your skull in, haaa?"
"Haaa! Come and get it! For Gin-san I will fight to death!"
"Shut it and let them speak!" Shinpachi demanded, yet a little frightened. "Why would you think it's Takasugi-san, Katsura-san, Sakatamoto-san? I mean… aren't they like…"
Katsura nodded again, theatrically. "That's true. Gintoki and Takasugi had their difficulties and they were rivals for the most part. But that's just how they roll."
"Ahahahahahahahahaha!" Sakamoto did his trademark laugh and scratched his chin again. "That's true. Even back then, they were close. Every time, there was such an eminent subtext. Do you remember the time we fought on the planet of the Yato? Kin-san said Takasugi should fuck himself. But it was plain obvious that he wanted to fuck Takasugi. So that's what I translated. Even though I got hit by him. Well, he is shy after all."
Shinpachi looked fed up and not very convinced. "Pardon me, but… that doesn't sound right. I mean… Gin-san obviously likes women."
"Does he?" Sakamoto laughed again. "Well, back then he didn't. Not exclusively at least. He was pretty popular with the men in our squats."
Katsura nodded. "Hm-hm. That's true."
"What do you want to imply? That Gin-san was some kind of whore?" Sarutobi shrieked and fumed.
Kagura hit her with her bare fist, angry. "Zip it or I'll waste your ass! Gin-chan is no whore!"
"Why do you care anyway?" Otae gave the woman with the lilac hair a sharp, dark look. "Didn't you say you were his new lover?"
"Gah!" Sarutobi gasped and started bellowing at her. "I will be, just wait and see! Don't give me that smug face, bitch! But if my precious Gin-san is smelling of cigarettes right now, I have to know! I need to know what he's doing and who he's doing! Ahhhh!"
The glasses boy tried ignoring the battering women and eyeballed the two men instead. "But honestly now… I can't imagine Gin-san being… well you know… He loves women. Why would he be interested in men?"
"Haaa…" Katsura sighed dramatically and shook his head. "Can you believe them, Tatsuma? Such ignorance. The youth these days are plainly ill-informed."
"Hahahahahahahahahaha!" Was Tatsuma's only vacant answer.
"For realz!" The cute pet wrote on a board.
Shinpachi's eye twitched. Why was he being insulted like that? Did he deserve that? Did he really?
Then, the joui patriot closed his eyes again and nodded his head, his arms still crossed. The gesture was melodramatically, as per usual. "You younglings probably don't remember… but before the Amanto ravaged our country, things were pretty different. Back then and even in the war, men loving men… it was nothing deviant. People did it all the time. Only when the Amanto prevailed and changed our society, this kinda thing developed into a taboo. So, you guys are probably too young to remember. But back when we were young, this was pretty standard procedure. Really, you should read some books for a change. It is improper to not know something like this!*"
Now, a big throbbing vain emblazoned on Shinpachi's forehead and he mumbled. "Why are you acting like a teacher all of the sudden? You're not even thirty. Really starting to piss me off…"
Otae tilted her head and seemed deep in thought. "So Gin-san is really that kind of guy? Funny, I always thought way too many gay jokes were made on his account. So these were actually true?"
"Nothing is true!" Kagura continued to protest violently. "Gin-chan is not a homo!"
"Yeah!" Sarutobi joined in, shaking her fist. "So stop sprouting such nonsense!"
But the two veterans didn't seem to listen. They were facing each other now, ignoring the rest.
Tatsuma eyeballed his friend from behind his sunglasses. "But isn't Takasugi back in space?"
Katsura shook his head. "No, I saw him in town recently. Surely, he's here for Gintoki."
"I think they're banging right now." Elizabeth "said".
"Hyaa…" Sakamoto Tatsuma chuckled. "I'm so glad these two finally made up. I always enjoyed them together back then. They really are a perfect match, don't you think?"
"Un!" Now, the long-haired man grinned. "They sure are. Though, I really wonder who's gonna be top and who's bottom."
"Well, Takasugi is a tough guy and apart from being little, he´s a vicious character. There´s no way he´d be bottom."
"What?" Katsura exhaled shocked. "You´ve got it all wrong! Gintoki is a proud samurai, he would never!"
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha, you know he has a kink and also, Takasugi's d*ck is-"
"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!" In a team effort, the four others kicked them off the couch and drilled their heads into the wall until the blood starting splashing.
Kagura shivered and seemed disgusted. She spat on them. "One more word and you're dead, ya hear me?"
.
"Sorry for the intrusion!" someone yelled at the door and everyone looked at them. It was an odd sight. Tama was there, standing next to Hasegawa, taking a quick bow before them.
"Sorry, everyone… I wanted to bring out the trash, but this one was hard to get rid off."
The homeless man began crying. "I'm trash? Really, trash? Why is everyone always picking on me?! I just wanted to surprise Gin-san at his party! You are so rude!"
"You just wanted free food and drinks and a place to crash on!" Kagura yelled. "Get out, damn Madao!"
"What? That's… only partly true! I'm one of Gin-san's best friends! I'm his favourite drinking buddy! You know we're good friends! Besides, I even got him a gift!" He showed them a bottle of sake.
"More like shoplifted it!"
"Is there any way you guys could be more hurtful?!" Hasegawa wined.
"Ah!" All of the sudden, Otae jumped up and pointed at the homeless man. "It's you, isn't it?!"
"Ehhh?!" all of them joined in in the unbelieving chorus, even Hasegawa himself.
Then, the cabaret girl stared at them seriously. "Hear me out! This cockroach smokes and he and Gin-san have a long history of drinking together! They've been in bed together, as well!* Just picture it! It's not completely off!"
"She has a point." Elizabeth showed on a paperboard.
Kagura reeled and held her mouth. "I… rather not picture it."
"This is just a mess…" Shinpachi mumbled under his breath, not being able to cope with this much bullshit.
Then, finally, Hasegawa understood and laughed, waved it aside. "What? Me and Gin-san? No! It was only this one episode. We're just drinking buddies! It's true though, he recently stopped going out drinking with me. And besides, I'm married!"
"Of course it's not this cockroach! We told you! It's Takasugi's c*ck!"
"I'm a cockroach? Really? This joke is so old, why are you still torturing me like that?"
"'Cause you are a cockroach."
"Are you talking about Gintoki-sama's lover?" Tama weighed in and tilted her head. "If you wonder, it's Hijikata-san."
But no one paid attention to her. They were knee-deep in their shipping wars. Kagura stomped her foot on the table, while shaking her fist at Katsura und Sakamoto.
"Enough with this Takasugi crap! Gin-san is never going to be in love with some psycho like him! I won't allow it! Never!"
Katsura looked down at her, challenged but nevertheless adamant about his choice. "I deeply respect you, leader, but in this case you're wrong! I've known Gintoki the longest here and I can assure you, if it's anyone, it ´s him!"
"Take that back! If Gin-san is going to be with anyone, it will be me! Because I loved him the longest! This smoking thing is just our cover-up, but congrats! You blew it! I'm Gin's new lover!"
"You're just a damn stalker-bitch! So shut up!" Otae yelled, honestly pissed off now.
"I said…" Tama reiterated, slowly. "…it's Hijikata-san. I know it for a fact."
"It's Tsukki! End of discussion!"
"How the hell can it be Tsukki! You have no proof whatsoever!"
The red-haired girl pranced and pouted. "Have you even seen Gintama?! They are basically a couple already! They had so many arcs together and in every single one of them, their romantic feelings towards each other were implied! She's the obvious choice! Why are we even discussing this!?"
"You're wrong, leader, it's Takasugi!"
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha, I totally agree!"
"Shut it, you damn yaoi shippers!"
"Woof!"
"Maybe, it's the cockroach after all." Elizabeth pondered.
"Why is the only one shipping me with Gin-san a creepy pet?!"
"And why am I the only one shipping myself with Gin-san! Are you that cruel? Are you saying I'm not pretty? I'm not the best choice for his d*ck?! Aren't there any Sa-chanxGin shippers out there?!"
"QUIIIEEEETTT!" Shinpachi yelled ear-shatteringly and stood up.
He managed to get everyone to shut up and look at him. He was pissed off and trying to be reasonable. He pushed back his glasses with his eyes closed. His voice was shaking with authority. "Whether it's the one or the other doesn't matter! Why are we even fighting about this?! If Gin-san really has a lover, it's no one's business. He will decide whom he likes and we'll just have to deal with it! These shipping wars are bringing us nothing but hate! They're pitting us against each other! If you have preferences as of who Gin-san should end up with, that's fine! We should respect each other's preferences! So let's end this stupid discussion and prepare his surprise party! That's why we're here in the first place, aren't we?!"
All of the characters were quiet now, staring down at their feet with a guilty expression. Shinpachi was proud of himself and nodded, sending his authority through the room with a strong-willed expression. "Besides, there is no way we can actually find it out, so let's just drop it!"
They exchanged looks.
A short silence prevailed.
And then they nodded at each other.
As for the next second, everyone was jumping off their seats and running around the apartment wildly. Kagura and Katsura were ripping the drawers of his desk open and throwing everything around, Otae and Sarutobi started ravaging Gin's closet and Tatsuma was busy using some kind of alien device to scan the surroundings. All of them were screaming at each other, trying to be the first to find proof of their theories. Only Elizabeth sat on the sofa and stared at him with a blank expression and a cardboard saying "Well, that worked out just fine."
Shinpachi stared at the scene helplessly. In the blink of an eye, the whole room had turned into a mess, underwear and chocolate and insults flying around like shrapnel. Everyone was all over the place and scrabbling about. He had failed as their leader. And the worst thing about it… was that he wanted to join them!
The glasses boy had just opened his mouth to scream in frustration, as a clatter made him cringe. It was the sound of a door being pulled open and a familiar voice yelling monotonously. "I'm home!"
SHIT!
Frightened, Shinpachi turned around to them and starting waving and mouthing, whispering. "It's Gin-san! He's home already! Wah! Everyone, quick! Scatter! Hide!"
And then panic broke loose, everyone running around and kicking and shoving all of the chaos back to where it belonged. The footsteps came closer and they could hear his deep voice.
"Hello? Someone there? Kagura? Shinpachi?"
As the fusuma to the living room opened, it was a miracle that everything looked exactly how it was supposed to. Two teenagers and a dog sat all proper and stiff on the sofa, slurping a cup of tea. The other horde of monsters they called friends were crammed into the living room closet and didn't even blink. The air was tense and reeked of a trap.
Gintoki stared at them unbelievingly and scratched his head. He mumbled. "What's wrong with you? Not even a hello? Not even a welcome back? Really, show your elders some respect!"
"O-o-o-o-oh! Gin-san!" Shinpachi pretended he had just recognized him now. "You're early! Welcome back!"
"Pah, now it's too late!" He replied, miffed. "What's going on here? Why are you sitting like you have broomsticks shoved up your asses?"
"We do not!" Kagura replied overly indignant. "You're being way too suspicious!"
"Woof!" Sadaharu joined in, having sweat running down its fur.
The silver-haired man raised a brow, but let it slide. Growling, he turned around and walked into the kitchen. "Yeah, whatever! I made a small win at Pachinko today. I bought some things for dinner. Maybe we can make Okonomiyaki. I bought the sauce, eggs and mayonnaise."
As he left the room, the three Yorozuya stared at each other in an attempt of telepathy. How were they supposed to get out of this situation? Damn it! They had to play it cool! Kagura was doing weird pantomime to tell the guys something, but neither understood, so she started kicking Shinpachi for being such an idiot. He then hit her back and Sadaharu started snarling softly.
"Huh? Why is there a lock on the fridge?"
Damn it! He had totally forgotten about that! The cake was still in there! Hastily, Shinpachi cried out to him in the next room. "O-oh! Sorry! I-I did some experiment and i-it needed to cool down so I used it! Nobody should touch it! S-sorry! Can you just put them somewhere else?"
Another growl. "Damn it… I just wanted some strawberry milk…" Then they heard his footsteps coming closer again. He found the three Yorozuya just how he left them and it freaked him out. His face contorted, he walked towards them and slumped down on the couch. He scratched the inside of his ear and eyeballed them. "What the hell, you guys! What's going on? Did something happen?"
"N-n-no! Of course not!" Shinpachi denied in cold sweat.
But Kagura couldn't take it anymore. She had been holding her breath for the whole time now, but it was impossible to hold all of this in. Her blue eyes burnt and she gawked at him fiercely. "Gin-chan! You like Tsukki, right?"
"Hah?" Unfazed, he stared at her. "Yeah, I guess? What about it?"
"So what are you doing late nights recently?"
"Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi tried persuading her.
But she didn't move, glared at her guardian stubbornly. "Are you going to Yoshiwara?"
Some chocked noise came out of the closet, but Gin didn't seem to hear it. He tilted his head and frowned instead, giving the alien girl a suspicious look. "Huh? What is this about? Why are you asking this all of the sudden?"
"So are you going or not?!"
"I don't know what you're getting at." Gin replied, a little unsettled. "Why would I go to Yoshiwara?"
Shinpachi watched the man next to him grow nervous and his jaw dropped. Really? Was it really true, then?
"So what are you doing recently?! Sometimes you don't even come home at all!" She didn't give in, her eyes drilling him, trying to detect any lie.
"Seriously, where is this coming from? Why am I being questioned like this?" He closed his eyes and seemed pissed. But the glasses boy could still feel his edginess.
"Why are you evading the question?!"
"Because I don't know why you're asking! You know I go out drinking or playing pachinko! What do you think I'm doing?!"
"Aha! And why do your clothes stink of tobacco then?!"
All of the sudden, Gintoki's jaw dropped and he gulped. He had a strange, almost terrified look in his eyes and that made Shinpachi feel sorry all of the sudden. The boy started talking, but was drowned out by the girl once more.
"No lying, Gin-chan! Do you have a lover or not?!"
"Kagura! That's enough!" Shinpachi yelled now, sternly.
But when he looked back to his mentor to say something, he saw that his face was all flushed, blank and red as a tomato. The boy held his breath. Oh dear.
"Who is it?!" Kagura demanded and stomped on the table.
"Stop pushing!" The next second, the closet door broke off and a pair of idiots poured and tumbled out, piling up on the ground. Sarutobi, who was buried by all of them, squealed and screamed. "I can't take this anymore! Just tell us! Tell us!"
"Damn it! You ruined everything!"
"Because you ripped one!"
"I did not!"
"You were shoving too much!"
"Only because you grabbed my ass!"
Gintoki had jumped up and stared at them in utter disbelieve. His cheeks were still reddish and when all of their gazes met him, he couldn't take it anymore. His face was growing pale and he tumbled a few steps backwards.
"…I… what… no… I mean…"
Perplexed, all of them gawked at him. He could feel their glares peeling off his skin, seeing things they were not supposed to see. He knew, he didn´t have anywhere left to hide. He knew, it was over. A hard gulp corded up his throat, he couldn´t breathe. His head started shaking and his alarm bells went off inside of him. And all of the sudden, he completely blanked. Panicked, he turned around and fled in terror.
They were left behind in silence.
The only one moving was Elizabeth, holding up a sign that said one thing only.
"Surprise."
Annotation:
*That's true. Homosexuality among men was pretty institutionalized in the Edo period! You can read more if you search for these: tofugu japan/gay-samurai/
*Otae refers to the "Skandal" arc when Gin drank too much and nailed a few "chicks". Anime 239-240; Manga 336-339.