Chapter 27: A new miracle with you
- He's gone...He's gone Scully…. He shot him… And he shot me - she hears these words far away from her, as if the one speaking wasn't Mulder but a stranger, she can't feel anything and that scares her, she is still trying to catch her breath, running up there was a marathon for her. Although on the way her mind was not present, in her mind resounded the last words his son told her, he was afraid, he wanted them to let him go, he didn't want to be protected and he knew that she loved him.
She doesn't feel anything, Skinner's words come back to her, he was an experiment, he wasn't Mulder's son, he was a creation of the Smoking Man. She doesn't feel anything, she is in shock, the words resonate inside her but don't hit her, they don't hurt her. She feels the need to repeat them and see if they finally reach her, but she is interrupted by Mulder, who throws his gun into the water making her follow the route of it with her eyes.
He, on the other hand, is broken, his expression is hatred and devastation, he turns and walks away from her looking at the sky in search of an answer, he needs to light a candle, as they did recently, but this time he needs her to be his strength. He threw his weapon away trying to get rid of the nightmare he just witnessed, seeing his son die at the hands of his hated father, killing him was the best thing he has done and at the same time the worst moment of his life, he is empty now, there's nothing more to fight for.
Scully turns to look at him and walks closer feeling his pain, she can't feel her own, but feels his, she wants to comfort him, but she isn't able to console anyone at the time, William's words sound inside her head again and she let them out - Mulder… - she tries to call his attention, but he is devastated - He... He wanted us to let him go... He wasn't meant to be -
Mulder looks at her with a frown, he isn't able to make sense of her words, what is she saying?, what is happening?, he feels even more lost hearing those words come out, of the mouth of the mother of his son - William was our son - he tells her trying to make her come back to herself, and come to reason.
She feels a dizziness hitting her and she breathes out with effort, trying to ward off nausea - No - she whispers starting to feel some pain, but is not enough, this words are coming out from her, making her look like a denatured mother
- Scully, he was our son! - he yells this time helpless, his eyes fighting against the tears that threaten to fall, not only because of his pain but because of her words, she is hurting him more
- No - she says again with a sigh, she feels nausea, she is sick, maybe it's her body reacting to her state, or maybe it's her being fighting against those feelings that don't reach her, or maybe it's the chastity of a life of lies and outrages - William was an experiment, Mulder - is Skinner talking through her this time, is not her voice, is not her.
He looks at her with eyes clouded by tears, an incredible expression of sadness on his face - What are you talking about? - he is afraid of the answer, but he needs to hear it
She gives two steps closer to him looking into his eyes, she is breathless and hopeless - Mulder… He was an idea. Born in a laboratory - Skinner's voice again, she can't believe it, but she say it anyway, for Mulder, for herself, for her sanity, he's gone and they have to live
Mulder is sad but also angry, he can't believe her words, he just can't - But you were his mother -
She denies, feeling nausea hitting her again, she has to let go, she has to - No, I.. I carried him. And I bore him. But I was never a mother to him... I wasn't - her voice breaks and she feels a first wave of pain, finally, she is alive, and he is death, Mulder is alive, the Cigarette Smoking Man is death, her son is death, her son - William... William was… - She can't finish her line, she can't hurt him that way, she just can't
But there's no need for her to say it, he gets it, William is not his son, he never was, he was another trick, another conspiracy, another lie, another disappointment, he wasn't his son, but he saved him, he saved them - For so long, I believed - his voice breaks slowly, he thinks about his whole life, about her sister - What am I now if I'm not a father? - he asks with a thread of voice, feeling suddenly how the world stops spinning and all his hopes are scattered on the floor
She listens to his question that resounds with force in her head, and the presence of her unborn child is put between them, she manages to sketch a small smile in the middle of her pain, that baby is the only thing that can save them now - You are a father - she whispers, her voice is now full of emotion, she can't help it, she is losing a child and having another one, a cruel joke of fate
He frowns and looks at her with a question -What are you talking about? - he asks, with a little hope starting to grow inside of him, she can't find her voice, so she holds his wrist guiding his hand to the swelling below her belly button, he opens his hand and puts his full palm on her belly, opening his eyes with surprise and a new hope - That's impossible - is all he can say
She begins to tremble feeling how her sadness and joy collide, feeling that she can't take it anymore and will soon explode - I know - her voice is a trembling whisper, tears fill her eyes and she finally feels that she is herself again - I know it is - she looks up to him and tears roll down her cheeks - It's more than impossible - She knows it, but this time nobody did it, only the two of them, it's just theirs, nobody is going to take this baby away, nobody will chase them anymore.
He looks at her with surprise, sadness, joy, hope, disbelief, all together, a new child, a new hope, a new start. He draws her to him, and she fits perfectly below his chin, the perfect match. He feels a warm in his chest, but she gets cold, she trembles with strength, she cries in his chest disconsolate, she sobs and he rocks her in his arms caressing her back, suddenly she starts to murmur something, but he doesn't understand, he pulls her away and see that her gaze is lost
He despairs looking at her, not knowing what to do, he takes her by the chin and raises her head so she look at him, but she doesn't see him - Scully - he says calling her attention - Scully, honey, look at me - she seems to catch her breath and focuses her eyes on him
He expects her to talk, tears roll down her cheeks, one after the other, in endless lines that do not end - He was an experiment. He was an idea. Born in a laboratory. I wasn't a mother to him - she repeats again in a choked voice, he hugs her again trying to warm her
- Honey, breathe, you are in shock, just breathe, I'm here, I won't leave you, our baby needs us - she cries louder in his chest, the reality is hitting her with full force, she just need to let all her pain come out - I know it hurts, but he saved us, he loved us, he will always be our son - he says trying not to cry
She looks up at him and her chin trembles - they gave him to us and they took him from us, our son Mulder, he's gone, he's gone, he really wanted to leave, he told me so and I couldn't protect him, I failed him twice, I failed as a mother - she can't stop crying and he gets worried, he holds her tight trying to cease her pain
-Scully, you have to calm down honey, this is not good for you right now, you have to be strong, as you said, he wanted to leave and we have to accept his decision - he said it, and he feels better, he must give him a closure, he doesn't want another Samantha in his life
She sighs and pulls away - Do you think we'll be fine? - he nods and kiss her forehead, she is letting him go too, she is feeling the hardest pain, but she is alive thanks to her son, he wasn't a monster, he was a hero, and she is proud of him, she close her eyes and pray for him, they will be fine, he gave them another chance.