Chapter 5: Codewords never go the way you want them to
Content: Hiji and Gin being dads, basically.
"Sorry for the intrusion!"
"Come in!"
Hijikata Toushiro silently closed the door, took off his shoes and placed them neatly at the entrance. In his socks, he walked into the living room only to find a bored looking alien girl on the couch. She was picking her nose while watching TV. Detective Conan was on, but she didn't seem too immersed in it. Instead, she was looking his way when he entered, scrutinizing him.
"Oh, it's you, Toshiii…"
Honestly, when the hell did she get used to this stupid nickname? But well, at least she didn't hate him. He guessed…
"I was looking for Yorozuya." He admitted, carefully. He was wearing his usual off-work garment, a dark blue yukata with a simple obi. Nothing fancy.
"Gin-chan?" she yawned unfazed and turned to the TV again. "He's taking a shower."
"Really? At this time of day?" It was afternoon, after all.
"Yeah, he went out drinking yesterday with Hasegawa and the others. So he was pretty smashed and slept the whole day. He just got up like half an hour ago."
Honestly, this guy was such a neet*. The cop sighed and left it at that. "kay, I'll wait for him outside then."
"It might take a while, just stay here."
Eh? Uncomfortably, Hijikata stared at her, but she didn't even seem to notice. She just slouched there with a bored expression on her face, gazing into the TV. The black haired man was a bit taken aback. Did she want him to stay? Or was it just childish naivety? He couldn't tell and it took him a few moments until he realized, there was no polite way out of this situation. So, reluctantly, he sat down opposite of her and crossed his legs and arms. Kagura didn't seem to care either way.
The room was silent except for the sound coming from the TV and the distant ticking of a clock. It made him nervous, to be honest. Unsettled, the man let his gaze wander the room, but it really wasn't that interesting. So he eyed Kagura, then the TV and back again. He wasn't a big fan of an amateur detective and he had no idea how to cope with this alien gal. How the hell did he get into his awkward situation? How the hell was he supposed to act now? He didn't know a damn thing about dealing with a young teenager. Especially one that was both the adopted daughter of his boyfriend and the descendent of a violent alien race.
Oh what the hell…
"…So… you like Detective Conan?"
"Nya…" was the only, half-hearted reply. She didn't look at him, started picking at her ear instead. "It's okay… nothing better on…"
"I see…"
Woah, this was awkward alright. But still, sitting next to each other in silence was even more awkward. He knew he didn't need to talk, silence was fine. But, it hadn't been that long since both of them had come out. And he hadn't exactly spent time with her since. He wondered if she had gotten used to them dating yet. Or if she still wanted this Yoshiwara girl to be Gintoki's girlfriend.
The cop closed his eyes and racked his brain. He knew Gin cared a great deal for those two. He had basically adopted both. So he knew he had to get along with them. Besides, when he had been trapped in Gintoki's body, he had gotten used to them. They were kind of cute, to be honest. But still, being in his own body again and on top of that now being their mentor's boyfriend… this was just different. He wondered if she had a problem with that. But seeing her, she probably didn't care one bit. That was good in it's own way, right?
"So, did you come here to lick Gin-chan's lollipop?"
.
"W-what?!" His eyeballs almost popped out as he stared at her, utterly shocked.
Her lackadaisical expression remained and she watched him attentively. "Oh wait, or was it something else? Sharing your hot-dogs? I don't remember. Gin-chan was pretty drunk."
What the fuck?! "NO!" His head was burning red. He was going to kill him!
Kagura didn't seem to understand. She tilted her head. "Huh? What's wrong? Why are you so flustered?"
He seriously was going to kill him! What was he thinking teaching her something like that?! He tried to keep his shit together, but failed miserably. "D-d-do you even know what that means?"
"Hm." She shrugged and gawked at the TV again. "I dunno. Probably you two getting all smoochy poochy and lovey-dovey. How the heck should I know what you two losers are doing in your free time?"
God! At least she didn't seem to know exactly what that meant. That was a close shave. Still, how vulgar was that guy?!
"But honestly! Next time you're buying food, let me have some, too! I'm starving here, damnit!" she whined.
"Ah… yeah…" Hijikata's eye twitched heavily, but he managed to smile frantically. What the hell was this turning into? Now this sounded like a lolicon hentai! No way in hell he would share his hot dog with her! He wasn't a pervert, for Pete's sake! And what kind of ridiculous expressions were those anyway? How old was this guy? Twelve?
"Ahhh~ that was good!"
"Gin-chan's out of the bath." Kagura commented, unfazed. She was chewing a strip of sukonbu now.
The next moment, a silver haired guy waltzed into the living room and had smile on his lips. Though, when he spotted a certain policeman on the couch, it got even bigger. "Kagura! What did I miss- oh!"
Hijikata didn't move an inch, he didn't even look at him. A dark aura encircled him, but the neet samurai didn't seem to notice. Instead, he came closer and grinned teasingly. "What a nice surprise! My favourite Vice Commander coming for a visit, I'm honored! I wonder what's the occasion~."
As he wanted to sit down next to him and give him a kiss on the cheek, Hijikata finally moved. And before his lips could even touch his cheek, he had a fist buried in his face. Shrieking, Gintoki fell backwards and rolled on the floor, holding his bleeding nose.
"OW! What the heck!"
Hijikata was looming over him, his face black and his eyes shimmering in a deadly red. His fist was still clenched and shaking, his voice tumbling. "You damn bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing?! Using phrases like that in front of a child! What kind of language are you teaching her?! Want me to skin you alive?!"
"Ahhh, Hijikata-kuuun!" He whined, frightened now. "What the heck are you talking about?!"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about, asshole! I swear to god, I'll arrest you for sexual harassment and child molestation!"
"Wh-what now? Why are you so angry, Hijikata-kun?! Did I deserve this? Do I?" Gin-san squeaked and covered his head, as the officer starting stomping him. "Ahhh! Help me Kagura!"
"Not interested." She yawned and stored her face in der hand, watching TV. "Whatever you've done, you probably deserve it."
.
And that was about it.
Pouting, Gintoki sat next to Kagura a few moments later, a tissue plugged into his nose to catch the blood. He sat across from the officer, so he couldn't hit him again. His face was annoyed and he leaned back, rolling his eyes.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"You better are, damn idiot." The cop was still in a foul mood, a dark aura flaring around him. He had his arms crossed once more and growled. "I swear to God, I'll send you to the hospital next time you're pulling some shit like that."
"Urgh!" Being scolded like that, Gin felt like a child. He glanced over to Kagura and knocked against her head. "I don't know what you're even worried about. This girl's head is as hollow as a sake barrel on January first. She doesn't even get it."
In response, he got a foot shoved in his face. "What was that, you damn perm? Your head's the melon I'll smash at the beach next!"
"Doesn't matter." Hijikata stressed. "Don't teach her stuff like that, damn it! And you call yourself a responsible adult?" He was pissed at him. So damn pissed!
"Don't recall I ever said that. And stop nagging, bastard! Why are you even here in the first place?!"
The man with the blue eyes suddenly paused and gulped. The emerging silence was filled by Kagura's indifferent comment.
"Probably because he want's to you to eat his mayonnaise."
Gin looked surprised for a moment, but then he chuckled, tousling her hair. "Oh, good one! But, you know, I would rather make him eat my banana split instead. Kehehe~."
"Do you have that much of a death wish, Yorozuya?!"
"Not fair! I want to eat your banana split, Gin-chan! If you have something left, you should give it to me first! I'm still growing after all! Why are you favouring Toshi over me?!"
"Sorry, Kagura! This banana is reserved for Hijikata-kun only, kehehehe. But don't worry, once you're old enough, you'll find your own banana split to suck on."
"That's dirty! I want one now!"
Hijikata was drawing his sword, truly having the eyes of a demon.
But Gin just giggled and waved it off. "Calm down, Mayora! It's just a joke, just a joke, okay? It's not like- OW!"
.
And another punch mark decorated his face, leaving him with a bandage wrapped around his head and a black eye. Wearied, Gin glared at him now. "So… what is it you're here for again?"
"Grrr…" Hijikata closed his eyes and crossed his arms for a third time, pissed off. "I can't believe you…"
Gin tilted his head. "You're not answering my question, Hijikata-kun."
His lips pressed against each other in a thin line and he blushed slightly. A low grumble poured out of his mouth and he was reluctant to say it. Since they had decided to date openly, they had to… well, think of a discreet way to communicate in public. Gin was living with two teenagers after all and honestly, what they were doing was nobody's business. So… they had come up with a code word. Pretty smart idea, he had to give him that. Apart from being a gigantic, procrastinating idiot, this freak had some good tactics. Sometimes.
He felt stupid saying it, though. But he had to give him credit for thinking about that. It was actually a pretty elegant solution. There was no way anyone would notice. And he was really craving some love right now. Even though he still wanted to beat him up for being such a creep.
"I um…" He was going to say it! He was! For real now!
Gintoki looked at him while Kagura was minding her own business, laying on the couch and chewing her sukonbu.
"…you wanna go to the movies?"
He said it! Gah!
He couldn't look at him, for he was blushing hard.
He could feel Gin grinning, though. Dirtily. "Oh? What do we have here? Interesting, veeery interesting."
Really, he just knew he swallowed a comment on the lines of: looks like the Vice Chief want's my banana after all! Or something like that. Good thing he didn't choose to say them out loud. Or else he would seriously kill him today. No, Gin just chuckled deeply and kicked his head back just a little to show him an approving and cocky smirk. "Sure. I'd love to."
Hijikata didn't want to admit how sexy he found that. He just stared at him, still a bit grumpy but relived as well. Damn, was he some kind of addict now? What a nightmare.
"What?!" Suddenly, Kagura jumped up and glared at the two men reproachfully. She pouted and seemed pretty offended. "First I'm not allowed to eat with you guys and now you're going to the movies without me?! That's it! I won't allow this! I'll go too! You have to take me with you!"
But then again, Gintoki's ideas were infamous for being stupid.
How the hell did he even think for one second that this would work?
Kagura was yanking Gin now, winey. "Take me with you to the movies! Please! You won't even realize I'm there! Come on, take me with you!"
"Ugh, um…" Dumbfounded, Gintoki stared at Hijikata for help, but the man was as clueless as he was.
"We never go to the movies, please! Please!"
"Well, we might see an adult movie, so…" The perm head tried, smiling desperately.
"I don't care! Just take me with you! Please!"
"But won't it be boring going with two old men? Don't you have other things to do?"
"No, I don't! I'm dying of boredom here!"
"B-but… this guy will ruin the popcorn with mayonnaise and…"
"Please, please, please, please, please, please!"
"All right, all right!" Gin groaned, annoyed. "Guess we have no choice…"
"Yaaaaay!" And with this, Kagura jumped up and stormed off to the closet, humming a happy song. She was all fired up already.
Grunting, Gin closed his eyes and shot Hijikata an apologetic look next, shrugging. The policeman just sighed and messaged his forehead. That just wouldn´t go well.
Well, it couldn´t be helped.
With a joyful scream, a little girl crashed into the seat and jumped up and down for a few seconds. She was elated, her excitement bubbling over. People started staring already and Hijikata appeared to be the only one feeling embarrassed about that. Gintoki just screeched in his usual blunt manner and started shoving her.
"Move it! You're sitting in the middle, so I can't get through!"
"No way!" She pouted and curled her legs, so he could walk past her. "I wanna sit in the middle! This is the best spot!"
Obviously, Gintoki did not agree. They squabbled about that some more while a dark haired man just waited behind them carrying all the popcorn and drinks. And people were staring even more. He couldn't look anymore and hid his face behind his bangs. Oh dear lord…
Finally, Gin gave in and slumped down next to Kagura and an old lady with thick glasses. He shot Hijikata a short, irritated look and shrugged. It was not like the policeman didn't understand what he was trying to do. The theater was packed, almost all seats sold. These had been one of the last three seats in a row. The Yorozuya had tried to persuade his little ward to sit at the outside for some time now, but it seemed she was adamant about sitting between them. He really wondered why. Was it because of some kind of jealousy? Didn't she want them to sit together? Or was it rather that she wanted to sit next to both of them because she enjoyed it? Hijikata didn't even know anymore. This girl was a mystery to him.
"Oi, Toshi! Fork over the popcorn! Come on, pronto! Movie's about to start!" she spat, bossy.
"Yeah, yeah…" Sighing, he sat down next to her and passed it over.
In the mean time, he heard Gintoki slurping his strawberry milkshake raucously, moping. Really, he felt like he was taking care of two teenagers now. Why was he the one having to buy the tickets and the snacks anyway? Honestly, he hadn't expected this day to become this way at all.
As the lights turned off and the trailers began to roll, Kagura was making weird sounds. When he glimpsed at her, he could see the awe in her face and the sparkle in her eyes. She had picked the movie. Obviously. It was an action comedy, so Hijikata didn't complain. He liked action films. Though, to be honest, he never really saw one with another person, much less with a lover and his adopted daughter. Sighing, he leaned back and put some mayo on his popcorn. Well, it couldn't be helped. He could as well enjoy the movie while he was here.
"Aah!" Unexpectedly, the redheaded alien girl jumped up and started bellowing. Apparently, a very tall man had sat down in front of her. And so, naturally, she was shouting at him. "Hey! You! Who do you think you are?! You're blocking my sight! I can't see a thing!"
The tall man, as well as all the other guests, was gawking at her, utterly shocked. But she didn't care. Provocatively, she shook her fist and stomped on the back of his chair. "Change seats, now! You can't sit there! Bugger off!"
Hijikata was dropping further down into his seat until no one could see him anymore. God, this was embarrassing.
"Didn't you hear me, colossal titan? You want me to attack your weak point? I don't even need 3-D gear for that!"
"I… I just…"
"Get lost!" She started throwing popcorn at him now. Of course.
"That's it!" Promptly, she was seized and thrown into the chair. Gintoki was slumping down, too. Although, now, he was the one sitting in the middle. "Go sit over there, for Pete's sake! He won't bother you there."
"HMPF!" To say she was sulking was a massive understatement. Her head was red, her arms crossed dramatically and her cheeks puffed up. She looked like an angry hamster. "Not fair!"
"You can see now, can't you?" Gin complained. "So shut up already and enjoy the movie!"
He heard her ranting some more, but she didn't move. Instead, Gintoki turned to his boyfriend and gave him a smug smile. The wink and the thumbs up made his intentions even clearer. Hijikata looked at him from behind his hand covering his flushed face. He was a shrewd man indeed. And an idiot on top of that.
Then, the movie started. Kagura had forgotten all about that and was munching her popcorn, her eyes glued to the screen. Gintoki was slurping his milkshake and Hijikata was still trying his best not to die of embarrassment.
"A long time ago in a far away country… there was a man. He was called many names. The destroyer… the wanderer… the butcher… the faceless man… the viper… shitface… David… the-"
As the narrator kept on, something suddenly grazed Hijikata's shoulder and almost made him jump. Startled, he turned around and gazed into red eyes the next second. With a mischievous grin, Gintoki was leaning in to him, whispering.
"Hey there~"
He didn't reply anything. He really had nothing to say to that.
"Sorry for Kagura. This plan turned out shit, but how about this? We drop her off at home after the movie and then… we'll go somewhere else… just the two of us."
A heavy sigh and Hijikata closed his eyes. "Let's just get this over with…."
"Hehehe, so you really want my banana, huh? Really, Hijikata-kun~! You're so dirty!"
"Zip it and watch the movie!"
"But we're here, so let's make the best of it!" He chuckled throatily and placed his hand on Hijikata's thigh.
"Keep your hands off!" The policeman hissed as quiet as possible and tried shoving him away.
"Aw, come one!" Clearly enjoying this, Gin leaned in closer and kissed his neck. "It's dark, so no one will see."
"Grrr, drop it!" As if the movie wanted to highlight the threat, the music turned heavy and mysterious.
But the silver-haired man didn't. He pursed his lips and air-kissed him. "Just one kiss, Hijikata-kun. Come on~. No one will see."
The cop blushed again as he scowled at Gin's stupid face. Damn, why was he taking so much pleasure embarrassing him in public? He wanted to punch him for that. But he also wanted to kiss him, too. Don't ask. He didn't even understand that himself. But it seemed logical, didn't it? It would shut him up…
Ah, what the heck. Angrily, he turned around to kiss him. His eyes closed and his lips pursed like a five year old kissing a girl for the first time. The sooner he gave this maniac what he wanted, the sooner he would have his peace and quiet.
"OH MY GOD!" A voice shrieked and the music turned into a chaotic mess. Kagura was jumping up and losing it. "Gin-chan! Did you see that? Did you- YOU'RE NOT LOOKING!" And the next second, their heads crashed into each other, leaving both men unconscious for the following scene.
As the alien girl was screaming louder and shouting at the screen, Gin woke up and covered his reddened and bruised face. He started yelling and fuming and fighting with her, asking her what he ever did to her to deserve this kind of abuse. Hijikata just held his bleeding nose and turned away from them. He really started wondering if he would survive this day in the first place…
Somehow their quarrel ended in Kagura scolding Gintoki and forbidding them both to make out or even look at each other. She was awfully invested in her guardian following the movie. So in the end, the Yorozuya had given up and kept his distance. Yay him, it seemed. Though, of course, it wasn't long before he started embarrassing the hell out of him again. It was like fifteen minutes into the movie that an intense scene came up and Gintoki suddenly jumped up and started shouting "watch out!" and "behind you!" like a five year old would… Encouraged, Kagura did the same and as the protagonist wouldn't listen, they began throwing popcorn at the screen as if that would make him react.
There was no way Hijikata Toushirou could sink any deeper into the seat cushions. He was so ashamed, he just wanted to crawl in a hole and die there. How the hell did he end up with these two idiots again? He didn't even know anymore…
A loud sniff echoed through the crowd as the three of them left the cinema. Hijikata had a waterfall of tears gushing down his cheeks and tried brushing them away with his arm. His voice was shaking a bit. "Wow… that was a good movie…"
"What, are you crying? You're crying, aren't you?" Gintoki sniffed, fighting tears as well.
"Nu-uh! I'm not crying… You're crying…" The cop sobbed.
"Nonsense! You're crying, you big crybaby…"
"Wuuuhaaa!" Kagura was bursting through them, tearing them apart and started shadowboxing. She was all fired up, obviously. "That was awesome! What a great movie! Did you see the scene where they hijacked the train and when he caught the bullet with his teeth?! Or when he was kicking their asses all naked? Or when he was building the sandcastle? Awesome!"
The girl was all over the place, kicking and fighting and crying in ecstasy. She kept going on and on about her favourite scenes and how she wanted to see it again. It was getting dark outside now and the streets were pretty busy. Together, the three of them were walking down the main road. It took some time and effort, but the silver-haired man finally managed to brush off the waterworks on his face. He was eyeing Kagura as she was marching onwards like she had a plan where to go next. Not good. He had to prevent that. So he cleared his throat, serious, but also quite inert.
"So, anyway Kagura… we took you to the movies and it's getting late already, so…"
She was ignoring him, clearly. Just a little bit annoyed, he tried again. "Kagura, are you listening? You got what you wanted, so-"
"Kyah! Look! A festival!" A girly squeak escaped her mouth and she started dashing off, whirling up the dust behind her.
"O-OI! Kagura!" But it was too late. She had already set her eyes on a takoyaki booth standing at the entrance of what seemed to be a little festival. He didn't remember today being any special holiday, but he guessed with modern times came new festivals. Exasperated, he massaged his neck and closed his eyes. "Honestly… this girl is more than I can handle."
"It's fine." the man next to him suddenly said and started walking towards her.
"Huh?" Surprised, Gin stared at him and started following a second later. "Really?"
"Yeah…" Hijikata lighted himself a cigarette and seemed pretty relaxed. "Let's spend some more time with her. She seems happy enough."
For a long moment, the samurai couldn't react. He just kept gawking at him, genuinely surprised. Then, he began smiling. "Don't tell me… you're enjoying this, Hijikata-kun~"
Uncomfortable, he shot him a look. "Don't be ridiculous! All I'm saying is: if we're here, we might as well enjoy it."
A hearty laughter and a soft patting on his back was the response he got for that. "Well, I take it you're paying for us then?"
"Tsk… am I just a big fat wallet to you?!"
"Among other things… kehehe~"
"Toshi!" Kagura practically tackled him, jumping up and down like a rabbit. "Buy me something to eat! And I want to do kingyo sukui!"
"Hahahaha, you catching goldfish? Not in a thousand years! You're way to brutal and clumsy for such a delicate task!" Gintoki chortled and promptly got punched in the face as Kagura roared at him.
Toshi just sighed and opened his wallet, handing her a few thousand yen bills. "Don't spend everything at once, I don't have too much on me."
"Yaaaaay! Thanks a bunch!" She ripped it out of his hand and started skipping to the next booth, buying three servings of yakitori at once. All for herself, as he quickly realized.
He didn't particularly mind, he liked takoyaki better anyway. He gave Gintoki money too, so he could get something he liked and stayed behind at the takoyaki booth waiting for his order. When he got the steaming hot octopus balls, he fetched his very own mayonnaise bottle and drowned them in white sauce. His mind started to wander along with his gaze as he searched for the China girl. She was playing a shooting game at a nearby booth and almost threw the gun into the prices in frustration when she couldn't get the hang of it. He couldn't refrain from smiling at that.
Eating his takoyaki, he watched her from afar, keeping an eye on her. She was kind of cute, he had to admit that. And although this was his day off and he almost had spent all of his money on them, he didn't mind that much. To be honest, it was worth it in a way. Seeing her so cheerful like this made him unexpectedly happy. Of course, he wasn't exactly aware of this feeling. He just felt oddly content.
"Wahh! Festivals sure are great!" A familiar voice pestered him from the side and as he turned to him, he saw Gintoki beaming. He was wearing a kitsune mask upon his hair, was sucking on a dango stick and had a piece of candy stuck between each finger. There was a candy apple, a banana covered in chocolate, cotton candy and a taiyaki filled with ice cream and anko. Hijikata's mouth distorted. He felt like getting cavity just by looking at it.
"You sure seem to enjoy it…"
"That's what you said, didn't you?" Gin grinned devilishly.
"Ugh…" He massaged his forehead and turned away.
"What? Aren't you having fun?" A snicker. "You look pretty pleased to me."
"Yeah, yeah…" He nodded towards Kagura. "Take care of your little adopted daughter instead before she trashes the place."
"Nah, she's fine." Hijikata could feel Gin getting closer, but not enough to make people suspicious. "I wanna stay with you."
The cop appeared embarrassed at that comment and averted his gaze, gulping down another mayonnaise-drenched takoyaki. "Doesn't matter… I might be off duty now, but I'm still a cop… so if she causes a ruckus, I have to take responsibility."
"Woah, lighten up." The Yorozuya pinched his cheek playfully and took a bite of his chocolate-covered fruit. "This is your day off and we're on a date, so relax a bit, won't you? Here…" He grinned mockingly. "Wanna nibble my banana?"
As he shoved the chocolate banana into his direction, Hijikata didn't know if he should blush or be aggravated. He opted for both and stuffed the last takoyaki in his mouth while moving again. "You're a real moron, you know that?"
"Hahaha, just the way you like me~"
"Gin-chaaaaan! Tosssshiii!"
They were tackled by a redheaded girl having tears in her eyes. She was being overly dramatic. "I neeed more moneyyy!"
"Oi, oi." Gin gave her a soft knock on the head. "Don't go wasting Toshi's money. Be a little more grateful!"
"Grrr… Don´t you start with that, too! Stop calling me Toshi, damnit…"
"Look who's talking! You bought way to many sweets, too!"
"Well, but I am his sweetheart, so it doesn't count!"
"Like hell! You're going to pay me back!"
"Whaaat?! That's unfair! That wasn't the deal! Don't you want your sweetheart to be happy?"
"Who're you calling my sweetheart?!"
"Toshiii!" Kagura was pulling him to the kingyo sukui booth and ogled him with big, shimmering eyes. "Please! Please, please, please! I haven't even caught a single fish yet! Come one, please!"
Oh dear. His cheeks reddened and he couldn't look at her. He scratched his neck instead and growled a little. "Honestly… but that's the last thing, alright?"
"You sure bet!" She grabbed for his money the second he fumbled for his wallet. As quick as lightning, she was armed with a little paper scoop and tried fishing out the goldfish into her bowl.
The officer moaned quietly and felt like he was not good at dealing with a teenager at all. But, oh well.
He saw Gintoki appearing next to him, grinning like an idiot. Hijikata ignored that, though. He couldn't handle his thorny comments right now.
A few tries later, the girl in the Chinese clothes groaned loudly and threw her broken scoop into the water, cussing heavily. Seemed like she didn't have any luck with this one, either. Of course, Gintoki was all over her, mocking her.
"Kehehe, I told you~ You're not good at this delicate stuff."
"Graaah!" Tears swelling in her eyes, she barked at him. "Then you try it, Mister know-it-all! This is harder than you think!"
"Tsk, gladly!" Challenged, Gintoki tucked up his sleeves, kneeled in front of the basin and took a new scoop. "You've been doing it all wrong, anyway."
"Fine then! How am I supposed do it?"
The silver-haired man grinned cockily now. "Catching goldfish is much like persuading a woman. You have to be gentle, charming, fast and not be afraid. I'll show you how to do it. Watch and learn."
The next moment, he got super concentrated. His eyes were fixating the fish and his hand was ready to strike. The whole aura around him got tense and Kagura held her breath. Then, all of the sudden, Gintoki struck.
As quick as a flash, his scoop hit the basin and aimed for the fish. "PLEASE SEND ME NUDES OF YOU, KETSUNO ANA!"
The impact of the scoop hitting the water was so hard, the liquid started splashing out in all directions, causing the fish to shoot up and rain down again. One fish was still in the little basin, swimming with its belly upside down, knocked out. Gin pointed at it demonstratively.
"There you go."
"LIKE HELL THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!" Hijikata screeched, as Kagura was applauding Gin with a proud expression glued to her face.
"Maaah… this is harder than I expected." Gintoki complained as he had wasted the fifth scoop in a row. He was trying it the normal way now, after he had to apologize to the shop owner and put the goldfish back into the basin. Hijikata had made sure of that.
"I told youuu!" His ward jostled him. "It's not that easy!"
"Gna, pain in the ass. Why do you need goldfish anyway? We can't have them as pets. Sadaharu would eat them first thing in the morning."
"But I waaaant theeem!" She sobbed and hit him. "You're an idiot, Gin-chan! An idiot and a loser! You can't even catch a goldfish!"
"Haaa? Since when does one person's worth depend on how good they are at catching some damn fish?"
"Tossshiii!" Out of the blue, she was tugging at his kimono. "Can't you do it for me? Just one! I only want one!"
"M-me?" he stuttered.
"Yes, please!" She dragged him to the basin and shoved him onto his knees. "You can do it! I know you can! You're nothing like this loser here! Please catch one for me!"
"Isn't it enough already with you calling me a loser, haah?"
"Pleease!"
"Alright alright…" The policeman sighed and tucked his sleeves up. To be honest, he had never really done this before. And he was also a bit nervous. He didn't want to disappoint her. Still, he reached for the scoop and began watching the fish. Frankly, he had no idea how to do this. But he guessed their way had been wrong, so maybe he should try a different approach.
"Oi, oi, can you do it? Don't get her hopes up, bastard." Gintoki teased, obviously offended.
"Shut up, I'm trying okay?" he barked and turned back to the fish. They seemed pretty riled up. Probably still scared shitless from Gin's last brutal attempt. So he let the small bowl into the water and waited a few moments until they had calmed down. It was only after that, that he made his first approach. The net broke pretty fast and he got two people shunning him for that. But at the second try, he somehow managed to get it right. With a lot of patience and a calm hand, he scooped the fish into his bowl successfully.
"Wow! You did it!" Kagura celebrated and was openly amazed.
Gin just snorted and got huffy. "Tsk, damn bastard."
The policeman couldn't hide a proud smile himself. He gave the bowl to the redheaded girl. "Here, take it. It's yours."
"Thanks!" Her eyes gleamed again and she was jumping up to get her price from the old lady at the stall.
As Hijikata fixed his kimono and got up again, his boyfriend crossed his arms provocatively and clicked his tongue. "Show-off…"
Now it was his turn to chuckle and smirk. "What? You a sore loser?"
"Hmpf! Don't get too cocky. Gin-san 's still her biggest hero!"
"Suit yourself, if such a dumb title means anything to you." Hijikata teased him, for once. "But honestly now… why would you think shouting at fish would get them into your bowl?"
"Tsk, to scare them and render them defenseless, duh! It's like a battle cry!"
"Gosh… no wonder you haven't had any luck with women when this is how you tried seducing them."
"Look who's talking! You're the one who never had a girlfriend!"
"Tsk! Only because I chose to! If I had wanted, I could have had them all!"
"Ah yeah?! Women want more than just good looks, you know! If I ever tried seriously, I would have a harem by now!"
"In your dreams! You're way too vulgar and your personality is rotten to the core!"
"Haaa? What did you just say, bastard?!"
"I want to eat some more cotton candy." Kagura looked at them with big, cute eyes.
Both men stared at her and were in full fighting mode. Just to annoy Gin some more, Hijikata grinned and opened his wallet for her.
"Sure, sure… take all you want. I am a working adult, after all. So naturally, I have enough money to provide properly for a child."
"Grrrr, children need more than just money! Don't think you can buy her like that!"
"Thanks Toshi, you're the best~" Kagura chimed innocently.
And Gintoki took the bait. "Whaaat? Just you wait and see! Kagura, I'm going to win you the biggest toy they have!" He wanted to storm off, but came back to growl at the cop. "Oi, give me some cash."
"Like hell I will! I'm not your sugar daddy! Find your own money!"
"Just a few yen to get me started! Don't be so stingy, konnoyaro!"
"I said no!"
But Gin wound up stealing his wallet anyway, dashing off into the crowd. Naturally, Hijikata started chasing him, yelling and cussing and insulting him. Kagura stayed back and smirked. Satisfied, she was counting the money. Really, men were so easy to manipulate. A few girly gestures here and a bit of fluttering her eyelashes there and it was done. Pathetic. But good for her. With this, she could buy all the sweets she wanted.
Yay!
Urgh. Hijikata had given up completely now. He had lost Gintoki a while back and had no hope of finding him before he wanted to be found. Damn this little sucker. Oh, he was gonna sort him out, alright!
He was walking down the festival street again, messaging his neck. It really was bustling here. Way too many people for his taste. But it seemed peaceful and that was a good thing. Wandering around, he held his eyes open for either of them. He wanted to find them soon. Being alone here in this kind of place felt really lonely for some reason.
It took a while until he heard a strange sound coming from the streets at the park nearby. He looked around, but saw no one. Only when a high-pitched and lifeless heeeelp sounded, did he realize where it came from. A few steps to his right, a little girl lay in the grass, holding her swollen belly. At first, it seemed like a woman in the last month of pregnancy, but sure enough, it was a hoggish alien girl on the verge of exhaustion.
Her eyes watery, she looked at him and whined "Toshi… help me…."
Sighing exasperatedly, he came closer and hunkered down. "How can you even eat that much?"
"I… can't moooove anymore…" She burped and reached her hand out for him, shaking. "You… got to save me!"
"Just sit tight, I'll get Gintoki."
"Noooo!" Dramatically, her eyes rolled inside her head. "Can't wait… Help me… now…"
A slight panic took over. "But… I don't know what to do."
"You have to carry meeee!" she coughed like she was about to die. "Hurry! I don't have much time!"
It worked and a bit frantic, he started fussing over her. "Alright, alright!"
It was hard to give her a piggyback ride with such a big belly, but he managed somehow. The little girl swung her arms around him to hold him tight and started complaining as soon as he started walking.
"Urgh… you smell of cigarettes…"
"I can let you down anytime you want." He growled in a low response.
"Just get Gin-chan and bring me home…."
Reluctantly, he carried on. He could feel her weight on his back and she was quite heavy, to be honest. But still, she was a lightweight compared to other people. Her loud gasping was creeping in his ear and making him shiver. He tried to ignore it as best as he could. She smacked her lips from time to time and seemed to enjoy the ride. Honestly… he was wondering if she tested him. Or was this just her nature? Or maybe she was just lonely?
In any case, she seemed to have enjoyed the day with them. Bossing them around, extorting his money, playing them off against each other. It was not like he minded too much. If anything, this day turned out to be a nice change. He actually had enjoyed spending time with them. And in a weird sense, it had made him feel like a part of their family. It was a nice feeling. Even though that was still hard to imagine. What would he even be for them? A big brother? Or just another friend who happened to be dating their guardian? Dating… that still sounded so weird.
Lost in thought, he almost didn't hear the second strange noise he should have watched out for. It was a low wining, crying, sniffing. As he looked to the side of a cotton candy booth, he found another weird object lying on the ground, unable to move. It was Gintoki of course and his belly was second to none. When he saw them passing by, he sobbed and reached out for them.
"Hijikata-kun~ You have to carry me, too!"
A few well placed kicks was all he got. "Like hell I can carry you both!"
Gintoki was still sobbing, but had managed to stand up at least. He was walking next to the policeman as they were on their way back.
"Honestly… what did you even do?" Hijikata growled annoyed, still carrying Kagura on his back.
"I… I wanted to win her something big, but…" Sniff, sniff. "…I never won anything. So… in the end… I was so frustrated, I stuffed myself with sweets… I couldn't help it."
"God, you're an idiot…"
"Well you can talk! …You're the one who won her that stupid goldfish…"
"You're still sobbing about that? Man, get over it. I'm sure she's not disappointed. I mean, you never get anything done."
"You are so cruuuel!"
Oh dear, what a crybaby. Hijikata rolled his eyes and adjusted the girl's weight anew because she was sliding down from time to time. "As I said, I'm sure she doesn't mind. Right, China?"
"She's sleeping…"
"Huh?" The policeman tried cocking his head to the side to see, but he couldn't. Still, now that he mentioned it, he could hear her snoring. "Oh…"
"She's been asleep for a while now. Did you really just notice now?"
"Um…" Honestly? Yes.
"She's been drooling all over you since we left the festival."
"Urgh! Yuck!"
All of the sudden, Gintoki laughed again and shot him a contented look. "Serves you right."
"Ah shut up!" A growl and he closed his eyes, marching on nevertheless.
For a few moments, they were silent, though he could feel Gin scrutinizing him. The smile, however, had never left his lips. He seemed pretty happy, to be honest. It made the cop kind of itchy. He couldn't bear it for long before he stared at him from the corner of his eye.
"What?"
"Nuffing." Chortling, Gin shrugged and closed his eyes. "Just… you'd make a horrible father."
"Come again?"
"Well, I mean… you're totally too soft. Allowing her anything, giving her no boundaries. That's bad stuff. Everyone knows that. That's Parenting 101."
"Huuuh? If I'm too soft, then you're an even worse father! Teaching her bad language, cursing in front of her, encouraging violence, bad behavior and stealing! I should arrest you for that! I really should! You shouldn't ever have custody for a child!"
"Well, you can't because she chose me as her guardian!" He poked his tongue out at him. "'Cause I'm the coolest."
"Urgh, you're a damn plague!"
"Hehehe, who's the sore loser now, huh?"
"I was never competing with you to begin with!"
"You wouldn't stand a chance against me, anyway!"
He was seriously giving him a headache. Good thing, they were at his home already. "Shut your face and open the door."
They battered a bit more until they managed to get in. Being inside, Gintoki had strangely seemed to calm down a little. He was preparing her futon in the closet while Hijikata was standing in the living room waiting. She really was getting pretty heavy now. So when the silver-haired man turned towards him, he was a bit relieved.
"Give her to me."
As he was pulling her into his arms, she was sleeptalking for a few seconds, kicking around as if she sensed danger. Deftly, the samurai dodged those and put her into the sleeping closet. Hijikata watched as he placed the covers over her and stroked through her hair once with a smile on his lips. It made a part of his chest hurt for a brief instant. It startled him because he had no idea where this came from. But seeing him like this was somehow very bittersweet. A second later, Gin shut the closet door and turned around. The smile on his lips was cheeky and mysterious. He lowered his voice a bit.
"Let's go outside."
Obediently, the officer followed him to the balcony and closed the door behind him. The night was quite warm and back here, the air was thick. Even though they were in the middle of the city, the sound of the cascades chirping was annoyingly loud. Above them the sky was clear, but even in this dark backyard area, the city lights were too bright to see the stars. It felt like a small haven of peace here. But also, pretty suffocating for some reason.
Instinctively, Hijikata fumbled for a cigarette. He had been craving one for a while now and he was glad Gintoki had realized that. Inhaling the bitter scent helped him calm down a little, though he didn't remember when exactly he had gotten nervous again. Maybe it was whenever he was alone with him. Even after almost two months into dating him, he was getting edgy when they had some privacy.
"Mind if I take a drag?"
Genuinely startled, the dark-haired man eyed him. "What?"
"Mind if I take a drag?" he repeated patiently and with a crooked smile.
He was confused. "Weren't you the one who said a protagonist never smokes on a kids show?"
"Gintama's not a kids show, you know that. Besides, this entire arc has been PG18, so nobody would care anyway." He leaned towards him, still smirking.
"Fine, do as you please." He passed him his cigarette.
And Gintoki took it, grinning mischievously. He took a deep drag and his face contorted immediately. "Ugh… too bitter."
"What did you expect, idiot?"
He still smiled and took another drag, blowing the smoke into his face. "Don't you have strawberry flavor or something like that?"
"Of course not! Besides, why do you even want to smoke all of the sudden? Aren't you always complaining about me?"
"Sure, but…" His grin was so cheeky and seductive, it was hard to resist. "…this is like an indirect kiss and I like that."
Honestly, this guy always said such reckless things. His bluntness always got him. He couldn't deal with that. His eyes went off into another direction and he got way too nervous.
He had expected Gin to give him his cigarette back, but strangely enough, he didn't. Instead, he leaned against the balcony and observed him. He had a peculiar seductive aura sizzling around him that was very much like the one of a hunter faced with his prey. At least that's how it felt like to the policeman. Still, seemed like Gintoki didn't plan on making his move yet. He was still keeping his distance, smiling, never taking his eyes off him.
"Thanks for taking care of Kagura. It really was a nice evening."
"N-no problem…" He stared into the distance, craving his cigarette more then ever. But it was still stuck between Gintoki's lips.
"It feels like this was our first real date, doesn't it?"
"U… un…" How was he supposed to reply to that? How was he normally talking to him in the first place? He didn't seem to remember at all.
His eyes were fixated on him and his smirk mischievous. He held back with teasing him, Hijikata knew. He could, but he didn't. Somehow, that made him even edgier. Seemed like this bastard enjoyed the effect he had on him.
"So… what are we gonna do about the night?"
The officer bit his lip and held his breath. Honestly, he hadn't even thought about that for most of the time. But being with him here now was something different. And this whole situation was enough to make his pants feel tight. So he gulped and tried to be as cool as possible.
"China's here, so…"
"Yeah, we shouldn't…" Gintoki came closer, blowing another round of smoke into his face.
When his hand reached his waist, Hijikata shuddered. Damn this bastard… He could see Gintoki licking his lips. He was teasing him and it got harder and harder to resist.
"Don't tell me you want to do it with her sleeping here."
The silver-haired man chuckled almost inaudibly and came so close their bodies touched and his nose grazed his. "Of course not… even I have my limits. Though you seem to be quite turned on by the thought of being caught, don't you?"
"Idiot… if anyone's turned on by that, it would be you." Hijikata muttered and felt a lot of blood rushing down below his belt. He was hard already and could feel Gin was in the same position, grinding it against his own.
"Hmm… that might be true…" he hummed and closed his eyes, caressing his cheeks and lips with his nose.
Oh dear lord. Hijikata couldn't think straight anymore. He wanted him now. But heck, not here. Not with Kagura in the next room. But a love hotel would be way to far away. Also, he didn't have any money left. What should he do? Gulping, he heaved for air and grasped Gintoki's buttocks, pressing him against his erection. And that was him holding back. "Don't say things that will make this even harder…"
"Mhmm…" He grinned and seemed to have a hard time dealing with his arousal as well. Though, he also appeared a bit more composed than his boyfriend. Still, he couldn't refrain from letting his fingers run through black hair. "In that case… you should really leave now. …Before I tear off your clothes and ride you like a bull."
Oh God. He wanted that. He wanted to see him doing that. He wanted to take him now. But he knew he shouldn't. So, with all his strength, he pulled back and gulped down his arousal. His head was all flustered. "Yeah… better…"
A small, almost proud smile appeared on his face and he backed off as well. "Think of me when you jerk off, will ya? …'Cause I certainly will."
The cop was so horny, that blunt comment caused his pulse to drum hotly against his manhood. "U-uhu…"
"Call me when you're free again?"
"I will…"
"…Okay…"
Wow, that was really tough. Not knowing how to even walk anymore, Hijikata was nodding to him and started leaving. He looked like a robot in doing so. "W… well then… see ya…"
"See ya…." Gintoki whispered as he clutched the cigarette between his fingers.
Hijikata had left the Yoroyuza's house and began walking home. He was a wobbly mess and it was difficult for him to keep his balance. His pants were still abnormally tight and it hurt with every step. God, he hadn't been this horny in ages. What was it about this loser that always riled him up so much? Sometimes, he only needed to look at him and he was ready to go. He was so hot. And their last love hotel visit had been ages ago, it seemed. Gah, he couldn't think straight anymore! But it was better that way. He didn't want to do it when there was a child around. If she caught them, he would never forgive himself. So it truly was for the best.
His phone rang. Instinctively and without even looking who was calling, he picked it up.
"Moshi mosh. Hijikata Toushirou speaking."
"…Or… you know… we could go to the hotel near the Angles Club… that's pretty close…"
For only a second, he froze. But before he had even realized what he was doing, he had already been starting to run.
"I'll be there in five!"
So much for that.
Annotations:
*NEET is an Gintama inside joke. It means: Not in Education, Employment, or Training and hence referring to useless people not doing anything ,).
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