Dear Diary
Chapter 34: Let me make it clear

XXX

A/N:

I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)

XXX

Dear Diary

And so the prodigal son has returned! Kakashi is clearly ecstatic about it and it makes me happy too. Maybe now he will finally see that not everything that ever went wrong is his fault. Maybe now… He can finally say goodbye to the darkness in his soul. But even if he cannot, I will love him forever more. Kakashi Hatake, the love of my life.

Sincerely, Gai M

XXX

We have a new destination now: Hokage Tower. The bounce in Kakashi's step in undeniable, he clearly cannot wait to see Naruto again. I can certainly understand. He's missed the boy so much. And now, when he's realizing that people don't have any quarrels about our relationship, I'm guessing he wants to tell Naruto as well. It makes me a little proud.

"Kakashi," My tone is soft, "I am happy he has returned as well…"

"Yeah?" He smiles at me, one of his real smiles, "I feel… Like a piece of myself that was missing has finally returned… Not just my student, but…" Frustrated, he sighs, "I don't really know how to describe it, Gai. But it feels good to know he's back. Really good."

I couldn't hold back my grin if I wanted to, but I don't want to. There is never a reason to hide my happiness from the man I love. But I don't speak, we can just be happy in silence.

As Hokage Tower draws nearer, a familiar knot begins to twist up my stomach. Last time we were here, Kakashi had a meltdown. Last time we were here, he almost succeeded in turning everyone against him. Last time we were here… Lead to us being together like this. We're together. A couple. We… Are not allowed to keep this to ourselves, now are we? Disclosure of romantic involvement. It's mandatory. How will Lady Hokage take this? Hesitantly, I speak up, "Kakashi…"

"I know," The words come out clipped, "We have to inform her. After what happened at your apartment there is no way to keep this hidden anymore."

"How should we tell her?"

Suddenly, he stops walking. Pulling me into a dim alley, he presses his body up against mine, a naughty glimmer in his eye, "What if – bear with me here – but what if, we don't tell her?"

"Kakashi," Sighing, I look away, "I know you think we can get away with it because she'll be too busy with Naruto's return, but –"

"Not at all, Romeo. Not at all. That woman would skin us alive if we tried to use that as an excuse. But…" Looking off into the quiet street for a second, Kakashi takes a deep breath, "I don't want to tell her. I want –"

"I can do it, if that's what you're trying to ask…" I'm confused, I don't fully understand what Kakashi is trying to say, hoping that this solves the matter even though I really don't want to have to do this alone.

"No, I'm not," Smiling brightly, Kakashi leans in closer, "I'm saying, 'let's not use words'. Let's get this over with a.s.a.p. so I can focus on Naruto. And Sakura. On getting Sasuke back," Those last words sound determined, harsh even – but I can't blame him. Now that Naruto is finally back it makes sense that my rival wishes his entire team was back together again. But… No words…?

"What do you mea–"

"This," He doesn't give me time to react, doesn't even let me finish my question before he presses his lips against mine. His masked lips. Didn't we talk about this? Or did I only have this conversation in my head? Am I turning into him? Having conversations with people that aren't even present?!

Shocked, I push Kakashi away from me, push that awkward feeling of covered lips away from my own. Panting, I stare at him. But I don't know how to explain myself and as I watch his expression turn sad, I don't know what to do anymore, "Kakashi…"

"I get it," Spinning on his heels, he sets his sights on the Tower once more, "We'll just… Say it then."

"That's not…" Sighing dejectedly, I reach out to turn him around. As his defeated gaze finally rests upon my own beaten-down features, I swallow hard, "It's not that I don't want to… I mean…" Taking a deep breath, I look away, "I know you don't want to show your face to people, so if we're to kiss in public, I would have to deal with that. But… I hate that mask, Kakashi. I hate how it feels against my lips. I don't mind not being to kiss in public if it means I don't have that unsettling feeling. I'm sorry, I know it is very selfish. But…"

"It's the mask?" Disbelief in his voice, but I can't look at him yet.

"Yes. I am sorry."

"This mask?"

"Yes, Kakashi."

"You don't like how it feels when I kiss you with the mask on?"

"Yes, Kakashi!" Frustrated, I turn back to face him. Expecting him to be showing me that cheeky smile. But Kakashi seems dead-serious.

"So… You're not offended that I wanted to try and find a way where we didn't have to spell it out, you're just… Appalled by the mask…"

"I am by no means appalled, my love," Smiling softly, I reach up to stroke his cheek, "I just really dislike the feeling."

"It's the mask, right? It really isn't me?"

Confused again, I frown, "I love you. And I know the mask is part of you, but –"

"Yeah, yeah," Literally waving my words aside with his hand, Kakashi finally smiles again, "I just… Got a little insecure, I guess. It'll happen sometimes, Gai. You know me," Shrugging a little embarrassedly Kakashi continues, "When you pushed me away, I just… Anyway, I need you to always be clear about why you're pushing me away, okay? I can handle it if it's something stupid I did. I can't handle thinking you don't want me anymore… I'm… Pretty much damaged goods, Gai. I'm sorry."

"You think I didn't already know?" Cocking my head a little, I smile softly, "I love you, Kakashi Hatake. And I will do everything I can to help you mend again. Always."

Suddenly, the man I love raises one finger, his expression cheeky, "Except kissing my mask, right?"

"Eh…" A chuckle wells up in my chest and I shake my head a little in amusement, "Exactly."

"It's just that, I figured we could kinda freak them out, you know. Just casually walk in there and once we get Tsunade's full attention for a moment, we kiss. I'm kind of curious to see how she'd take it, is all…"

"Probably… Not too well," Chuckling, I try the scene out in my head, "I am quite certain she would yell at us…"

"Ah… But is that before or after she realizes she'll never get the image of two hot guys kissing out of her head again?"

I see where he's coming from and part of me agrees it could definitely be fun, but… "I'd like to keep my job, Kakashi. Lady Tsunade has been so stressed lately she could very well decide to distract herself with finding new and horrible ways to discipline us…"

"Eh…?" Looking thoughtful for a moment, Kakashi seems to contemplate my words, "Okay, you're right. But it's still fun to think about…"

"It is, but we will just have to settle for the boring way of informing her, Adonis. After all, the spotlight is on Naruto today, isn't it?"

I watch in awe as suddenly Kakashi's entire demeanor changes. He strikes a pose, giving me a thumb's up as he grins widely – he's clearly imitating me, it's hilarious, "You got it, Gai!"

XXX

"Finally!" The Hokage sighs as we enter her office, her annoyed look resting upon Kakashi as usual, "Do you honestly have to be late for everything?" Getting up from behind her desk, she walks up to us and I can feel Kakashi stiffen beside me, "I realize that you don't like me very much right now, Kakashi. I get it. I'm just the one of the people that stole your students away – that's how you see it, isn't it?" But she doesn't even give him time to reply, her voice sounding like a whip, "But this isn't about me! This is about Naruto. Didn't Iruka tell you why I summoned you here?"

"Yes, Naruto is back. But –"

"Exactly. He's back. And you're his sensei – even I'm not sure what that makes Jiraiya, but who cares? He's back in the village Kakashi, and you're probably the person he wants to see most right now."

"I think that'd be Sakura though…"

Rolling her eyes at the both of us, Tsunade leans back against her desk, "He's already with Sakura right now. But we probably don't have a lot of time left before they come here. Kakashi, I want you to evaluate how much he's improved during his training with Jiraiya. And Sakura too. You're by far the best man for the job."

I can feel my heart swell with pride as the man beside me rubs the back of his head, looking a little uncomfortable, "I.. I guess so…"

"Yes. You. Are," Smiling softly, the Hokage places a hand on his shoulder, "So get ready, they could be here any minute now," Looking at me, she gently waves me away, "Gai, whatever it is, can we talk about it later?"

"Actually…" Reaching out, Kakashi takes my hand, cocks his head and crinkles his eye at the surprised blonde, "No."

"Wait," Stepping back a little, Tsunade's smile is unmistakable, "Is this what I think it is?"

Smiling, I can't help but move a little closer to my boyfriend, "That would depend on what you think this is, Lady Hokage."

"Are you guys…?"

"Very much in love. I mean – we're together, this is our official notice. That's obligatory, isn't it?" Kakashi sounds a little insecure, probably because he's never dated anyone long enough to let anyone else know before.

"Yes it is, Kakashi," Smiling softly, she gives the pair of us a once-over, quietly repeating her own words, "Yes. It. Is…" Suddenly though, she shakes her head a little as if to clear her head, "Look guys, I'm happy for you, really. But right now we need to focus on the tasks at hand. I was actually going to ask Gai to take on the mission that landed on my desk about an hour ago, but I think I'll pass that one to Asuma. I think you deserve a little more time together. I'll be expecting both of you to return to your regular duties in… Two weeks. That's the best I can give you. By then I'll expect you to have filled in all the necessary paperwork as well. Your 'in case of emergency' forms, the official statement saying you two are together – all that. I'm quite certain you wouldn't be telling me if you weren't sure, so I really need the paperwork done to prevent issues in the future."

"We are sure," Gently squeezing my lover's hand one last time, I let go, "I should probably go, right?"

"Yeah… I don't really want to confront Naruto with 'us' right away, Gai… Unless Sakura's already told him…"

"Sakura knows?" Eyebrows raised, Tsunade smiles, "You are serious about this, huh?"

I nod, "Very. But for now, I've neglected my training too much. Kakashi, I'll be on my regular training grounds if you wish to find me. Let me know how things go, alright?"

"Thanks, Gai," Smiling at me, he glances over at the Hokage for a second, "Hey… Wait up," Decidedly turning his back towards the blonde, Kakashi pulls the mask down just far enough so his lips are uncovered – it's an invitation I cannot resist. But after that, I have to leave. Kakashi should be allowed to reunite with Naruto in peace – and I really need to train, get some of this pent-up energy out. As I leave the Hokage's office I can just about make out Kakashi's voice suggesting to wait out on the roof for further impact. He's such a drama queen sometimes… Oh Kami, I love him so much.