Hear me out on this please, before you start reading this chapter.
An unpopular viewpoint:
I like season 3. Am i the only one on this? All the back-stories are amazing! Although, I miss Nicky and I wish Bennett didn't leave. I manage not to binge watch, instead watch it for 2 days haha. Let me explain why before you sentence me...haha.
1.) Laura and Taylor said that their dynamic is changing, and it's true. Piper's the manipulative now and Alex is the vulnerable. I think the writers are trying to establish how Piper's trying to make sense of her life, in the inside. When she saw his father disappointed, and Cal said that even Larry has a job now, I think it snaps something inside of her, that her life outside was changing and everyone seems to achieve something, while hers was stagnant in prison. Remember she's an obedient, achieving, good girl that was raised with money, and yet she finds herself being nothing in prison. Thus, forming the idea of selling filthy panties for the sake of having something to accomplish, and probably ease her worries if her parents decided not to aid her when she's out. She started it with Alex, but then Alex wasn't as invested as she is, because she knew how dangerous network crime is, plus her paranoia of getting killed, leaving Piper alone. I think she wants to prove to Alex that she can do it alone, and even better than her. I also want to stress, that Stella wasn't a victim. She's just an opportunist, as Piper. Stella knew she's out of time and getting out. She said it herself that she needed money, and then Piper came with this business and then obviously, she took advantage. It's a great opportunity for Stella that Alex wasn't around so much with Piper, because Piper's stupid narcissistic self give way for Stella to get close to her. Piper was clear that she was with Alex, as she tried to avoid her when Stella kissed her the first time. Yet, Stella did everything to get close to Piper, so she could trust her and then took all the money. But then, Piper recognizes it, so she played her too. Also, Piper clearly said that maybe her and Alex are just on a break, but it doesn't stop Stella, and continued flirting and luring Piper in, because she has a goal. Stella deserves what she gets. Bitches got to learn, right? There's no love there, as they just used each other. I guess for Piper it's using what's available, but i think for Alex, she's had enough of Piper's weak emotions and by the look that she gave, i fear she's really done.
2.) The writers showed how Piper is trying hard to be tough inside, as prison is changing her. It's prison; she would be eaten alive if she wouldn't. She was no longer the timid, well-mannered, people pleaser Piper, which we saw in first 2 seasons; just the same that Alex wasn't the calm, confident, and collected person anymore. I think, Piper's not power tripping, she just wanted to prove something to everyone, that she's no longer to be fucked with, unlike on the first 2 seasons where she's starved, felt up, beaten and called names. Her old self was still there, it was shown when she apologizes to Chang and accepts Flaca again. Her blankness stare and dead eyes was giving her out, (on the scene with Alex, when she kissed her with eyes open) like she's drowning and thought that Alex would be there. Whereas, Alex has her dilemmas inside, and thus, not being able to pay attention, in which Piper's narcissistic self couldn't handle. She called Alex for dumping her, which is again a punch on her egotistical self.
3.) In one interview, Laura said that on season 3, Alex lost faith in her self, and lost faith in her and Piper. I think Piper would lose it, if Alex gets beaten badly, because she didn't took her worries seriously. It could be her wake up call. However, if Alex decided she's had enough of her rollercoaster ride with Piper, as she was unable to be there for her after she had thrown her back into prison, and choose to be with someone else and stick with it, then it's their foreseeable end, in which Piper also knew, so she's possessive of Alex in which we saw in the field. This is a great plot of dynamic changing with them again.
4.) All in all, I think it's a great writing. I've seen inmates search for something to fill the void in themselves, unlikely friendships forming, getting out of their usual circles, and character justification. I saw how the prison management fall, thus hiring someone to obviously harm a well-loved character. Only, I have a nasty thought that Alex might get recruited from the inside, since we saw in her backstory that she's Kubra's favorite, when he had spare her life instead of Fahri's. But then again, she told on him, so I hope she does just get beaten up instead of dealing drugs again.
Don't get me wrong; Piper is still a bitch for me, but not stone cold. I think that the character development that Piper Chapman went through, is essential for her to survive season 4, as we have seen the flock of new inmates coming in, plus a possibility of Alex changing or finding someone else. My pathetic little heart even sees it like this; the writers are making Piper realize how dangerous crime life is, (in which Alex already knew) so they could have a chance to live a normal life outside. And maybe, just maybe...Alex's sentence lessen because of the attack and lengthens Piper's because of her business, thus making their sentences equal. So, for me it's brilliant writing and I think season 4 will be scary and exciting. Oh, and I miss Nicky with Alex!
I was in the middle of chapter 9 writing, but decided to wait for season 3 to air. I'm glad i waited. This was impromptu and short, so please bear with me on the typos. Thanks guys! Tell me what you think! Reviews please.
Ulay Oh
(How I Became The Bomb)
Thinking back to the last time.
On the wall, as they turned away.
Walking back; was it just a dream or did she hear her say?
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
...
The infinity symbol that you bravely marked yourself with was an emblem of your newborn self-gratification. Why that symbol? You don't know yet, but for whom it is, you're certain. She's always been at the back of your mind. You were just having a break.
You walked out of that room with a newfound sense of self-awareness. You have established yourself as someone to be taken seriously now, somebody to not fuck around, as Stella did. You did that with Alex too, although you justify it being rooted with love, as you used to say it. It maybe prison but at least you're on this, together. You have something to be proud and brag onto Alex about. You have a proof now that you can be good, or even better than her on handling network crime, as your business is booming. She would be proud. There's something strange on the quietness of your surroundings, as if there's something that's not right. It's too quiet, eerily quiet, actually. There's no one around, even the CO's are missing. You've stepped outside and reach near the greenhouse, when you saw inmates, walking back in from the lake, all wet, laughing and teasing each other around. You're confused and about to ask Yoga Jones what's happening, as she's the first to reach you when you heard an awful scream. Lolly's scream is frighteningly delirious. She's losing herself on the tune of her crying and hysterically yelling for help. You saw a scrambling CO run out of the greenhouse and grab his radio, as he yelled that an inmate is down. Everyone was shocked and rooted still on their places, not moving.
"This is awful." Red said, as she stops near you and Yoga Jones.
"What the hell is happening in this prison." Poussey asked, with Soso beside her.
The CO repeats himself since he didn't hear an answer from anyone.
"An inmate is down! An inmate is down!" he shouted this time.
The others seem to back away from the greenhouse, attempting to stay away from trouble.
"Nobody move! Everyone on the ground! Now!" he yelled with authority.
"You! Calm this lady before she lose her shit!" he said to Chang, as she does it unquestioningly.
"Fuck! Where are the fucking people! An inmate is down!" he called again.
"Alex Vause is down!"
The words echoes through your ears, dissecting every word he just said. Your heart is pounding madly on his words, as you heard Lolly screamed all her sanity out.
You woke up instantly catching your breath, as you're sweating on a nightmare, and it registered that you're not in prison anymore. You're on your apartment at your bed, safe and sound. That memory haunted you still after all this years. Lolly's frightening scream, the inmates horrible intake of breath around you, and the CO's cry for help...and her, Alex lying in a pool of her own blood, barely breathing, as you managed to run at the greenhouse to see her. Your heart beats rapidly at your chest, as you placed a hand on it attempting to calm it down. You leaned back at the headboard of your bed, as tears are instantly flowing at your eyes. You cried your heart out again, always when you remember her, every time.
...
There she was like a picture.
There she was, she was just the same.
There she was; she just had to know that she had not forgot her name.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
...
It's been 3 years since you're out of prison, 5 since you last saw her. Life has been decent. You have a stable job and you're earning rightfully now, trying to make something out of your time in prison.
The reform that you had started on the Prison's poor management issues, that caused you losing Alex, worked effectively. You managed to serve in the board of Women's Prison Association six months after your release and become a speaker to students of law, criminology, women's studies and others. You have been invited to speak on America Correctional Association Disproportionate Minority Confinement Task Force, federal probation officers, public offenders, justice reform advocates and even book clubs. You have also testified at a hearing on "Reassessing Solitary Confinement" before the senate judiciary subcommittee on the constitution, civil rights and human rights. You have accomplished things you thought you never even have the chance to do after prison, all for her, even if you didn't have the chance to tell her all about it. You did it for Alex, to make up for all the fucked up things you have done. It's your biggest mistake; you being selfish and conceited, being a narcissistic, self absorbed that you are. She must have hated you still wherever she is right now. You does, you hated yourself still. You wished everyday to have the chance to at least see her again and say you're very sorry, but Alex didn't come back. They told you she's alive, but that's all they can say. The state issued protective custody for her, after what happened, as Alex's lawyer filed a lawsuit against Litchfield Correctional Facility and it's new management MCC. The trial gained enough attention of non-profits organizations committed on helping inmates, and public outrage erupt towards the management inability to ensure safety of the inmates while incarcerated, and it created holes that make people scrutiny if MCC provides decent benefits for its employees. Sofia also filled a case against the management's decision on her solitary confinement, creating a serious discussion.
Your job as a communication strategist on various non-profits organization is what keeping you busies nowadays. It's good; it makes you feel like you're helping. You may not ever see her again but at least in this way, you're making up for the terrible things that you have done to her.
...
You're on your office in a usual Monday morning where your assistant is busy working on your schedule to meet clients and speaking events. You were seated at your computer doing your work, when you heard a knock on the door.
"Come in."
"Hi Piper. I was just going to ask if you need something?" Jana said.
"Oh, thanks. Just coffee."
"Sure. Your usual?"
"Ugh, no wait I wanted a stronger one today."
"Sure. I can get it for you."
"Aren't you busy?"
"Hmmm...I'm still sorting out your schedule, but it wouldn't hurt."
"No, that's fine Jana. I'll just get across the coffee shop…just continue whatever you're doing."
"You sure?" Jana asks.
"Yeah." You said and smile at her.
"Okay."
You went out of your office and walked across the coffee shop. It's quiet today, which is unusual, as this is a known coffee house in your area. You waited patiently in the counter to be served, which took only five minutes. You put two sugars and one cream, as you check if the taste suits you. After your successful run at the coffee house, you started walking back at your office. You remember to get a stack or more of bond paper, as your supplies are running low, so you decided to drop by the nearest store with office supplies, which is a block away from your office. You immediately get inside, took what you needed and was about to leave when you saw some office decorations that you thought would be lovely displaying inside your office. You were absently eyeing some of it in the shelves, when you feel like someone is boring holes in the side of your face, staring at you. You looked at your right where you feel the presence, as your eyes couldn't believe what you're seeing.
"Hey, Pipes." She said gently.
There she was, Alex Vause.
...
You stood frozen, staring at her. She pushed her glasses more to her nose, as you couldn't read what her eyes are conveying. She's there in front of you, standing a few feet away. She looks the same even after all these years, and after how badly beaten they say she was. She's still beautiful. She's still your Alex. Your eyes immediately started gathering tears, as they usually do when you're reminded about her. You suddenly felt overwhelmingly mixed of emotions. You're happy seeing her, but you don't trust yourself around her anymore. You're relived she's here, at the same time hesitant to be with her. You want to hug her, but you're afraid you won't let her go. You suddenly felt numb, as your hand loosely let go of your coffee and the stack of paper you're carrying, scattering it on the floor. Your hand rested on your mouth, as the tears started falling endlessly.
"Piper..." Alex said gently, as she step one foot in front and about to walk towards you, when you backed out away from her and started running to the door.
You heard her call your name but you didn't stop. You kept on running as fast as you can, getting as far away from her, as possible. You reached your office on the fifth floor and saw Jana at her table, still busy doing her job. You passed by her, as she saw you disturbingly crying and were about to ask what happened, when you immediately sprint to your office and shut the door. Your tired legs couldn't carry your weight anymore, as you slide at the back of the door, sitting at the floor. You are sobbing now, your desperate cry was heard by Jana, and was immediately worried at the other side. You tried calming but it doesn't work. You've seen her you've seen Alex. All the guilt, and the pain of losing her came crashing on you on its massive weight. It's hard to carry that load everyday, but you manage because you knew you deserve it. You can't be with Alex. She's so much better without you, away from all the hurting things you did to her. She must have hated you, but you earn it. You love Alex, but you have a terrible way of showing it. She deserves so much better. You have no right to come near her again, let her go. Let Alex be happy. You sob continuously, for the years that you have made her suffer, for taking her for granted, for not protecting her enough, and for always breaking her heart. Your tears keep flowing endlessly, as the scars of your soul reemerge. You deserve what you're going through right now, and she deserves so much better.
...
Trying her best to forget her.
Trying her best to just keep her stride.
Kept her word, but she knows she heard
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
...
You didn't go out your office if not needed, after that encounter. You wouldn't be able to manage if you see how she looks at you differently now. You always surveyed around if you saw a familiar figure near by. You manage to get busy at work, not letting your mind wonder to that familiar brunette. It's been three days since you saw her. You're hoping your paths would never crossed again, as you manage to take control of your emotions. Jana never asked you about that day, and you were grateful to her for that. She knows Alex's story, but you're not ready to tell anyone that you saw her, as it makes it real. You wanted Alex to stay on your memory, to just visit her there once in a while. You're afraid she's disgusted on you, anymore than you're already sickened on yourself.
You were busy reading emails when Jana knocks at your door.
"Come in."
"Piper, someone's looking for you." She said hesitant.
"Who is it?"
"She said her name is, Alex." She said softly.
You're frozen from your desk, as panic shoots through your veins. How did Alex find you? You were sure you've been discreet, as you never saw her lurking around.
"Tell her I'm out." You said rattling.
"Ugh, she knows you'll say that, so she said to tell you that she just wanted to talk...and please." Jana said.
You exhaled a breath you didn't knew your holding, as you close your eyes. You calmed yourself, thinking of another excuse when you heard her speak at the other side of the door.
"Piper, please." Alex said.
You looked at Jana, as she waits for instructions coming from you.
"Okay, let her in." You said anxiously.
Jana nods her head, as she walks out of your office. You stood up facing the glass window of your office, shielding yourself from Alex's gaze, and managing to composed yourself. You heard footsteps inside, as Alex walks in.
"Hi." Alex said unsurely.
"Hey." You answered, as you close your eyes, calming yourself at the raging emotions you feel at the moment.
"How are you?"
"I'm...I'm okay, Alex." You answered opening your eyes, as you manage to hide your shaking voice.
"How did you find me?"
"Your name is known now Pipes. It's not hard to look for you."
Of course, how could you forget? The reform you have started made a lot of noise to improve the situation of inmates. You had been working with a lot of people since then, creating a lot of professional network around you. Alex knew where you are all this time, yet she didn't look for you. She's not interested to see you anymore. It must have been a coincidence seeing her three days ago, nothing more. It pains you so much thinking about it, but it's fine you earn it.
"Piper, please look at me." She said gently. It hurts more hearing Alex's call your name, as there's no resentment on her tone. You don't deserve that from her.
"Why are you here?" you ask.
"I visited Nicky here, she's out. Pipes please…" she said begging.
She's talking to Nicky, while you suffer, longing to hear anything from her. It pains you, but you deserve it. You close your eyes again, trying to relax around her presence. You turned around giving in to her request, as your eyes are everywhere, except on hers.
"Please look at me."
"I can't. I can't manage to look at you." You said sadly, as you're afraid of what you'll see when she looks at you. You heard her exhaled a breath she's holding.
"Okay." Alex said softly. You couldn't figure out if she's hurting or resignedly letting you take in, that's she's there.
"I would let you process that I'm here right now and give you your space, but can I talk to you tomorrow before I leave the next day? There's a park near here, its nice and quiet. I'll be there around three."
"I'll…I'll think about it." You said, still not looking at her. You wanted to turn her down, but there's so much you wanted to say to her too.
You saw her nod and smiled at you, not quite reaching her eyes.
"Okay." She said, as she walks slowly towards the door opening it, and was about to leave, when you saw her stop for a while and faced you again, as if waiting for something. Your eyes reached hers for the first time, while she smiled genuinely, but you couldn't hold her gaze for long, so your eyes drops to the floor again.
"Piper, please come okay? I'll be waiting." Alex said, as she looks at you. She waited for you to say something but you didn't, so she started walking out the door and closes it gently. You stared at the closed door, trying hard to control your emotions but your tears flowed effortlessly. You should let go of Alex Vause.
...
There they were like the picture.
There they were, they were just the same.
There they were, but she walked away and her eyes could only say
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
...
You and Alex are seated at both ends of the bench, at the park. You contemplated not coming, but you wanted to apologize to her for all the things that happened between the two of you. You're certain that this is the last time you'll see her. You knew she didn't have any more desire to see you, after this. Your thoughts are loudly screaming, as silence envelops the two of you. She exhaled a breath she was holding, as she looks at you. You still couldn't look at her longer than five seconds and not cry, so you stare ahead.
"Tell me your story. What happens when you woke up?" you inquired gently.
"I was beaten badly." She said, as you close your eyes trying to calm your feelings.
"I woke up after three months in a coma. I had TBI, traumatic brain injury caused by the blow in my he…"
"I know the details Alex. I demanded it on prison. I want to know, what happens after. Where they took you? Why you didn't come back!?" you said, as your voice raises a little. You couldn't take the severity of her attack, as it kills you to listen again on how many broken bones she had, or how many times she took a blow in the head, or even how swollen and unrecognizable her face is, plus how her legs are the main target of that vicious attack, with a goal to never let her walk ever again. You can't listen to that again without loathing yourself, knowing full well that you're the reason she almost died.
"I was on protective custody in Vermont, as my lawyer demanded to serve the rest of my sentence in there. It's a huge case for him, allowing him to make a name for himself, so he didn't let go of my case and I get to be kept safe and well. It's a win-win for both of us. I went on therapy two months after I wake up. I was able to walk a year after, and my sentence is reduced by three years."
Your eyes observed her face, as you're thankful that nothing has changed but as you reached her neck you saw scars of the sharp pointed ends of the rake that was used to cut her throat. You felt the anger rise in you, as Alex recognized the rage in your eyes. She covers the scars with her hand to diffuse your temper, but it's too late.
"Pipes...it wasn't your fault."
"Bullshit!" You yelled, before you can catch yourself. You stood up, as a sudden rage fill your emotion, and wanted to come out in the open.
"You and I both know, that I'm responsible with it...just as much as Aydin." You paced in front of her, as your tears gathered at the edge of your eyes.
"Pipes, I was not..."
"Stop! Fucking stop! Tell me…tell me you're mad at me Alex. Tell me that I'm a horrible person...that Tiffany's right...that I never deserve anybody's love." Alex was quietly observing you, as you weep right in front of her.
"I...it didn't have to come from me...I think you've already judge yourself enough." Alex said softly, as she looks at you.
Your tears kept flowing, as the things you've done to her come back in sequences. You sat back at the bench, still far from her, and your legs started trembling, as it couldn't carry the weight of your conscience.
"Why don't you hate me? It would have been easier." You said, as you stare ahead and sob. You look at her miserably, as she looks back at you with pity.
"I did. I was...but eventually, I forgave you. You're not the only person in this relationship who screwed up. I had my fair share Piper." She said gently, as you exhaled a breath you're not aware you're holding.
"I followed the reform that you started. You did a great job Pipes." She said, consoling. You look at her, as she smiles tenderly.
"I stopped the panties, right after what happened. No one wanted to continue it, so we just all kept silent and let it go down the drain."
"Good decision. I am living now in…"
"No! Don't tell me. I'm giving you a way out, Alex." You said broken hearted, as you look at her. She looks back at you, as your eyes drop at the ground. It hurts to let her go, but it will hurt more to hold on. You felt her hand wrap on yours, which is resting beside you, at the bench. You gaze on both of your hands, as your eyes rested on her ring finger, which is a little disjointed. It serves as a reminder of what she has been through in the past. Your eyes started to well again with tears, as you grieved on the past and all things you have done to make you both damage.
"I know that I have a fucked up way of showing it…but I loved you Alex. I really did." You said in tears, as she held your hand tightly. You looked at each other with affection, the same way as before, but you both knew you didn't know how to love each other anymore.
"Well, I hate you." She said, as she slowly grins.
"No, you don't." You said, as tears flow continually at your cheeks.
"No…no, I don't." She said, as she smiles.
...
You've been busy as years passed. You've been invited to speak on different events about prison reform. Maybe you can't really run from the past, as it always been at your tail, waiting to be revisited every time you're doing your profession. You're invited to speak to the students of Benedictine University at Springfield, Illinois, to share some progress about the justice system reforms and current issues concerning inmates.
After the event, you decided to roam the city proper, viewing some stores in the area. You passed by a tattoo shop, and you stood there looking, as memories flooded your thoughts. You remember the one you had in your arm. You're glad you immediately removed it, after saving enough money for a laser. You don't want to be reminded of that time of your life anymore. Your thoughts immediately reached Alex. It's been two years since you've last seen her. The last you've heard is that, she visits Nicky again, but you weren't in town that time, as you had a speaking engagement. You kept your word of letting her go. But you still wonder sometimes, how she looks now, or how she is. Is she with someone new? Is she happy now…genuinely happy? You tried dating again a year after you saw her, but it didn't worked, as your emotions are still trapped in the past. You exhaled a breath you've been holding, as you reminisce, and decided to leave after a while, before your emotions get the best of you. You're about to continue walking to leave the past again, but something surprised you. You gazed ahead, as your eyes immediately filled with tears again. The stranger across you stops, while looking for something in her pouch, when she felt someone staring, a few feet away. She looks at your direction, and your eyes locked. She was surprised as you are, and a smile slowly edges on her lips. You grinned back at her timidly, as a tear left your eye.
There she was...Alex Vause.