Max stared wide eyed at her journal that lay in her lap; fresh ink scribbled on the lined pages. It was late, very late, but Max didn't care, she had to write. She had to get out what she was feeling. She was never good with expressing her emotions, that's why she wrote. Words came better to her on paper than they did to her mouth. The brunette was just so utterly confused at the moment. Her lips still tingled from that kiss, and the only thing she could think about was Kate. "What the fuck did I do?" She muttered to herself, mentally kicking herself for bailing on Kate like that. The poor girl was probably heartbroken, she was probably across the hall in bed crying.
Isn't this what she wanted? Didn't she want Kate to make her move? Of course she did, but now she was left with the consequences and the aftermath. Max had never really decided if this was what she wanted. Her wrist and hand ached as she wrote, but she knew that this was good, it was good of her to be writing. I had never once thought to question my sexuality, she wrote. But Kate Marsh is something that has to be mine. Gay? I doubt it. Bisexual, probably. But why did it have to have a label? Couldn't we just be together without question? Did Kate want me as much as I wanted her? Is that why she kissed me? Max scribbled down her thoughts in a hurry, her mind practically racing.
Max Caulfield had never had a boyfriend either. Of course, she'd had crushes, thinking boys were cute and what not, but none of them ever made her feel like Kate did. And that's why she was so conflicted about all of this. Wasn't that against Kate's religion? Had Kate thought about these things as well? Who the hell cared if she was gay though? She was an adult, it was her life, and as long as she was happy that's all that mattered, right? Once that thought settled in, Max felt giddy. Kate actually liked her, Kate reciprocated her feelings, Kate wanted to be with her. And all of that was way more than Max could ever hope for.
She continued to write, I think I'll ask her to be my girlfriend. Let's just hope that she'll forgive me for leaving her after that kiss. With a sigh, she closed her pen, and shut her journal, and then put the items back in her messenger bag. Max was glad that tomorrow was saturday, no classes, and she'd have plenty of time to make up with Kate. She then changed into her pajamas, and crawled into bed, covering up with her many blankets. On the wall beside her was a little collage of pictures of she and Kate, and she just couldn't help but to smile at this sight of it. Kate really did make her happy.
Sleep for Max just wouldn't come. Her mind wandered and wandered on, mostly about the blonde girl in the dorm across the hall from her. But she was probably asleep already. She wished dearly that Kate was here with her, so that she could wrap her arms around her, like at the sleepover. She had done that on purpose, succumbing to what her heart and mind were telling her. She knew deep down that Kate wouldn't mind though; hell a part of her deep down knew that she would like it. Max sighed, she wanted to kiss Kate again as well. Her lips felt so good, they were so soft. And you could tell she was nervous when she kissed Max, but Max didn't blame her. That probably took a lot of nerve to do what Kate did.
She rolled over in her bed, hugging her pillow. Maybe she should have just confessed to Kate a long time ago, then she would have saved the both of them all this nonsense and trouble. But even so, if Max did confess to the blonde back then, would she have reciprocated the feelings as well? Their connection with each other was strong, and Max was grateful for that. They were the ultimate best friends, and deep down, Max knew that somehow, some way, they would be even better girlfriends. At the word girlfriend, Max felt herself blushing. Kate was going to be her girlfriend, they would do couple things together, and Max couldn't get over that.
Meanwhile, over in room 222, Kate had finally managed to dry up her tears. She was eating her noodles and tea that Max had given her earlier, and the christian girl was still so confused about everything. Why had Max run out like that so fast? She thought that her friend wanted the same things that she wanted, but she guessed wrong. A part of her wanted to go across the hall the Max's room, ask her if she was okay, ask her what was going on, but Kate knew better. She'd give Max some time, and hopefully the brunette would come to her when ready. Maybe the kiss was just overwhelming? That's what Kate was hoping for. She would have asked permission first, but she knew that by then she would have chickened out. Not thinking about it helped a lot.
Kate finished her noodles, and threw the container in the trash. She then laid down, knowing the faster that she fell asleep, the faster she and Max would see each other again, and she so desperately wanted that. Now that she had Max Caulfield in her life, she couldn't imagine her life without Max in it. Max had gotten so acutely underneath her skin, and now, they were both in too deep, there was no getting out of this... Before Kate fell asleep, she sent Max a text, and hoped that they girl would see it when she woke up in the morning.
I'm sorry... xoxoxo, Kate.