She really should have known where Ben had gone without Captain Ocram having to feed her the location, she decided, once she was circling the landing area. It was the obvious answer. Although he'd worn a mask for much of his tenure as homicidal megalomaniac-in-chief, he'd still be recognisable to many people who'd have a grudge against him. So he'd have to hide somewhere so remote it was only possible to find with a map, part of which was missing.

She set her pristine white ship down next to the battered old transport already parked, settled back in the chair, and let her mind relax. He was there in her head quicker than thought, that sense of him she'd missed for so long, but different to how she remembered in a quiet, subtle way.

He certainly wasn't angry, she could sense that about him, and he was somewhere up high. So with resignation, she exited the shuttle and began the trek through what was basically an island made of steps. There was the boulder she'd chopped in half, over there the washed-out firepit where she'd first felt that instant, powerful connection and known that she belonged, still further out the disturbingly buxom, mint-flavoured cows.

She found him in Luke's favourite spot, sitting on the rock she'd once sat on, staring out at the sunset. She approached hesitantly, unsure of her reception, and stopped level with him, so he'd have to look up to meet her gaze. He was thinner, but his skin had lost its sallow complexion, a legacy of spending so much time masked and indoors, and the scar had faded into a silvery spider thread down his cheek. His hair was almost long enough to need tying back, and in what was perhaps the biggest surprise of all, he'd changed his clothes. She squinted, trying to categorise the colour of his shirt. It might be midnight blue maybe, or phantom grey, but it was flapping loose from the close-fitting trousers he wore, and she could tell by the contrast that it wasn't black.

He sighed, still not looking up. 'It faded in the wash, alright? And you're still shouting.'

She cleared her throat. 'How have you been?'

He closed his eyes for a second. 'Angry. Then guilty. Remorseful. Angry again.' He shrugged. 'It comes and goes. You?'

There wasn't enough room to sit next to him, so she leaned her thigh against the stone base. 'I've been Supreme Leader. I've been stressed, over worked, under pressure, and lonely. Mostly lonely.'

'I imagine that's because you made me choose between killing you or leaving you.'

'That was for your own good. You needed some time on your own to decide who it is you want to be.'

A frown flickered across his face. 'You sound like my mother.'

'She asked me to look after you.'

He sucked in a deep breath, exhaled slowly through his mouth three times in quick succession, explaining, 'Jedi relaxation exercises. I almost don't feel like punching the floor when you mention her.'

'I heard you call,' she said. 'But I wasn't expecting to find you here.'

'There weren't many options in the end. After you threw me out, I landed on the first planet I came to, but you'd be amazed how recognisable the command shuttle is, especially with me inside it. The colonists all started bowing, and then they realised I was on my own, and they started blasting instead. I couldn't fight them all. I tried, but a few got lucky.'

The memory of pain shot through her awareness of him, pain and blood.

'The second place I came to wasn't so fussy, and I sold the shuttle. There were pictures of you all over the media channels sitting on a throne, pontificating about alliances, and I was slightly too… vocal about it. Someone recognised me. It's the voice apparently. I wasn't even wearing the mask. There was a fight. I had to leave in a hurry.'

Something had been broken that time, she sensed. He had taken time to heal, nursing his pain alone in the dark.

He sighed. 'Since then, I've just drifted from place to place. I don't belong anywhere anymore.'

She accepted that with a nod. 'Did you come here to see Luke?' She could already sense he wasn't on the island.

'I came here to kill Luke. After I'd asked him to explain what he meant about knowing when I'd finished my training. It's been annoying me.'

'Everything annoys you. Did you kill him?' She managed to ask the question as if she didn't care about the answer.

'No. He was already gone. Left me a lovely note about how to look after his cows though.'

'So why did you stay?'

'Have you tried their milk? It's worth staying anywhere for.'

'Seriously.'

His gesture took in most of the island in its sweep. 'This place, you told me about it, but I guess you have to be here to understand. It suits me. The light and the dark don't pull against each other here, they balance.'

'And have you found balance? Do you feel like you've changed?' She sounded pathetically hopeful, even to herself.

'You haven't.' His shoulders dropped, and he finally pivoted on the stone, tucking his legs up under his chin. 'You still expect too much. You always have.'

She perched in the space he'd vacated, close enough to touch, but not daring to.

There was another pause as he considered. 'Some of the things I've done, they're…' He wouldn't meet her gaze, searched the horizon for words instead. 'I don't expect anyone to forgive me for them. Anyone like you, for example.'

She knew better than to break the silence.

'And some of the things that other people did to me, I can't forgive either. Some decisions I took and some I was forced into taking. I get angry at it, at myself, at everything. It's not easy to find a way through.' He turned, tried his smile on her again and it was so sad and so lost she felt tears prickle the back of her eyes. 'On balance, I think I'd rather have been born to filthy junk traders on Jakku.'

She returned the smile and nudged his side with her shoulder. 'They'd only have sold you for drinking money.'

His smile faded, his attention wandered back to the sunset, and she could feel the distance between them growing although neither of them had moved.

'What happens now?' She was afraid of the answer.

He sighed. 'I can't be who you want me to be. I won't ever change enough to give you what you want. I can't undo any of the things I've done. I called because I thought I ought to tell you that in person.'

'The only thing I ever wanted from you was your loyalty and devotion. Particularly the devotion. I've missed it.'

His face filled with doubt. 'You've been too busy to miss me. I've been watching. Every system I went to, every planet I visited, you were there. I carried you with me everywhere I went. People talk about you. They like you. They like what you're doing.'

'I'm not doing it any more. I never wanted to be Supreme Leader. I never wanted to join the First Order. I only did it because you asked me to, and I wanted to help you. There was so much conflict inside you. I thought if I showed you an alternative way to live your life that might resolve it. I thought if I loved you enough, the anger might go away. But I realised that nobody changes for love, least of all me. I didn't handle it very well, what happened between us at the end, but I'm not a monster, Ben. I never wanted power. I only ever wanted you.'

'And I only ever wanted you to love me, exactly as I was, without trying to make me into somebody else. I didn't think that was too much to ask.'

She shrugged. 'I did. I still do. I'm not expecting you to change. I just want you to be the person you are with me, always. But this is your chance to choose who you want to be. You've had time to think about it. I brought a ship – you can go back to the Order if you like. There's still a place for you on the council, but you might not like some of the changes I've made - you won't be Supreme Leader any more. You can choose power. You can choose to rule. You can't undo the things you've done but you could make amends. Or you can choose to stay with me.'

'You're not going back?'

A smile pulled the corner of her mouth. 'Never. You told me I was nothing once, do you remember? Not important to anyone except you. Well now we're even. Neither of us has anything except each other. And that means we're free.'

He put out a hand, ran the knuckles gently down her cheek and she leaned into the caress.

'I know what Luke meant,' she declared suddenly, realising. 'I know how you know when your training's finished.'

His black eyes searched hers, and she felt the magnetic pull towards him reasserting itself.

'It's when you know, in your heart, that you're good enough.'

He pulled a face. 'I've never known how to be good enough.'

'You are already good enough for me. And I don't expect it to be easy, or quick, and I imagine that there will be some days when you kick the cat and I have to remind you not to be Lord of the Sith. But I think that if you want to, you can be a good enough husband and a good enough father, and a good enough man, not for me, but for yourself.'

She reached out, brushed his cheek, and let her mind fill with all the hopes and dreams she'd had for their future, which were both numerous and varied, since she'd spent every spare moment over the last six months thinking of and planning for little else. The bigger, faster command shuttle equipped for a crew of two who might want to spend long periods of time alone together, the maps in its databanks of systems in which the First Order was still unknown, the credits stashed in secure accounts, and the range of flamboyant, hand-picked wardrobe choices now available to him on board.

He always had another chance, she thought. She would always have given him that, but she still wasn't sure what his choice would be. She wasn't sure if he could let the past die, and become who he was meant to be - hers.

She raised her hand. 'Join me,' she said. 'Please.'

The connection between them was instant, and powerful and through it, she knew that she belonged, whether that was here on the island, or anywhere else that life might take them in the future.

He stretched out his hand slowly, so slowly, but his fingers avoided her grasp and cupped her face instead. 'I don't belong anywhere anymore,' he repeated. 'Except with you.'

Thank you to everyone who has read this story. If you'd like to read more, my romance novels The Car Crash Bride and The Postman's Daughter by Sally Anne Palmer are available now on Amazon for about $3.