Chapter 5: Honesty

"Where can I take you to," Eric asked as I opened my eyes and looked around. "Where were you headed to? I can take you there."

"To the train depot on Third and Bureau."

Eric smiled and looked like he wanted to say something but then thought better of it and instead asked me where I was coming from.

"Class," I answered simply.

"You're attending Dauntless U?"

"Divergent Community College," I replied continuing to look out the window. Eric still hadn't released my hand. The only time he did was when we reached a stop light and that was to rub the bruise that was forming under his eye. I could see his reflection glancing at me but I didn't want to turn around. I felt ashamed just admitting that I...

"Are you under the Insurgent program?" Finally I turned to him. His eyes held mine briefly before he looked back out onto the road. "You're an employee at the Bank of Dauntless. I know they have a few programs to help their employees get college educations."

"Yes I," my eyes looked down at my hand which he began to hold again. "I came here to go," I shook my head not wanting to get into it with him but knew that I could at least give him some details. "I came to Dauntless to go to college. I was supposed to enter my last year at Dauntless U but I ended up stopping. And well, I want to finish. The HR manager at the bank told me about a way that I could work and attend classes when I first got hired. I missed one of the qualifying factors but she approved my application anyway," I smiled.

"That was nice of her," he noted.

"It was," I nodded. "I wanted..." I wanted to show my family and everyone else that I could do it. Instead I told Eric, "I really wanted to finish what I had started when I first came here."

"I've met the HR manager," he replied with a small smile. "She usually doesn't go out of her way to help a whole lot of people."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he chuckled.

I wanted to ask how he knew Miss Matthews and that's when I remember the time he came into the bank. He said he was having lunch with his mom. I knew she wasn't part of the branch because there were only three people who were mothers and I met their children. That means that she must have worked in the call center. Even though I had been at the bank for three months, I still hadn't met everyone up there. That's when I realized that Elsa had made a comment about employee relationships. Perhaps she thought I was using Hec because his mother was the branch manager and then using Eric because his mother worked in the call center.

"You must have truly impressed her."

"There isn't anything truly impressive about me," I shook my head.

"There must be something there that she saw that made her approve of you, not just to get hired there but also to get into the Insurgent program."

"Honestly, I can't tell you what it was, if there was something. I guess I was just being myself on the interview. That was one of the first things she told me, which was to relax. I guess she would be a little disappointed with me now. She said that she doesn't like it when people sell themselves short," I remembered. "I took whatever advice she gave me and just went with whatever was happening on the interview."

"Well she certainly does not like people who are indecisive or beat around the bush," Eric added.

"I'll remember that the next time I talk to her. But I don't foresee too many problems occurring where I need to get her help. I mean I did call her in the beginning. She didn't look down at me when I told her about my first job or when I asked silly questions about getting reimbursed for mileage," I let out a small laugh. "She said she has high hopes for me when I started the program about two months ago. And to be honest, she sort of gave me some of my drive back."

"She sounds like an awesome manager," he commented still with a small smile on his face.

"She is. They all are. I like working with everyone there at the bank. The managers are strict but they are also good confidants. They made me feel welcomed."

"Well," he paused and looked over at me. "I did say that your employer was fortunate to have you working for them."

"You did," I said softly remembering the first time that we had talked. "Thanks again Eric for getting me out of there. I'm sorry if I interrupted your evening."

"No it's okay. I was just heading out to dinner. Did you eat anything after your class?" I shook my head. "Perfect, we can get a bite to eat together."

"But..."

"You sort of owe me," he smirked as we came to another stop light. "I waited for you to call me back but you never did."

I opened my mouth but closed it up. I didn't know what to say to that.

"Unless of course, you're not interested then you can just tell me instead of avoiding me like the plague," he said with an easy smile.

"It's not that Eric."

"So you are interested," his smile turned into a smirk and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"It doesn't matter that I'm interested, things with me are complicated. You should take someone else to dinner," I replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you don't really want to take me to dinner. I'm in no position to start dating."

I almost wanted to tell him that I'm at an emotionally low state. My self-confidence was shot. My trust in others was almost nonexistent. My reliance on myself was starting to grow. My strength was no longer hanging by a thread but it could still snap at any moment. I was scared and I just didn't want to get into anything right now. What if I did and he was just like Cain? What if Elsa and he were mixed up in some sort of cat and mouse game and I was just the cheese that Elsa was dangling from her claws to get Eric to come out and play with her?

"I just," I took a deep breath. "I just know things will end badly and then you'll end up being disappointed with me and I'll just ruin everything, okay? So just drop me off at the nearest train station."

"Ana I'm going to be serious for a moment," he said dropping the playful smile. "Do you remember what I said when I had dinner at the Chasm? I said that I like it when people are honest and tell me whatever it is that is on their mind. I'm too old to play games so if that was your intention, playing hard to get by not giving me a call back then I'm going to need you to stop. I don't do games."

"Neither would I," I muttered thinking about Cain. It was all just a game to him. "I wasn't playing hard to get. I just know where this is heading and it's not going anywhere nice."

"And that's another thing. How can you know that things will end badly before they even started?"

I let out a deep sigh and then turned to him. "Because I just know. Look, just forget about me. I'm not worth it. Besides, there wasn't anything going on between us to begin with."

"Now I know you're lying." He released my hand again and something told me that he was a little bit irritated. It must have been one minute, maybe two or maybe ten before Eric pulled over on the side and took a deep breath. "Look Ana, I really wanted to take you to dinner. I was attracted by what I saw when we first met back at my office when you were sitting on your cousin's desk. Then the more we saw one another, I kept thinking it couldn't be just a coincidence. I should take a chance and I thought perhaps there was something."

"I think there was."

"Then why..."

"Because," I paused and shook my head, "Just because," I finished. "Look it's nothing personal."

"The fact that I'm attracted to you and want to see where a dinner with you would lead is pretty personal to me."

"Eric," I turned to him. "I just need time to decide."

"To what end, Ana? Say I give you a week, a month, or maybe even longer. And then you tell me 'no' in the end. I would have invested all that time only to come up short. We would just be going back to playing games where you ignore calls and then don't call me back."

"I can't give you an answer now."

"Ana it's dinner," he looked over at me. His eyes were holding onto mine. "I just want to take you to dinner and then let's see where things go from there."

An awkward moment of silence fell on the two of us as we sat in his car. It gave me time to finally take a closer look at what I was sitting in. I realized that this was the same car that Cain's sister had. It was a Porsche and from the look of it he kept the car clean. I almost wanted to curse Hec and point out that there was another similarity that he shared with my ex. He was the biggest account holder that we had, according to Myra. Obviously he came from money just like Cain did. As if the three hundred dollar tip wasn't a huge hint right there, I rolled my eyes and looked out the window.

I was surprised that Dillon did not call me to see if I had arrived at home. Glancing outside the window, I spotted Dillon's apartment building nearby. I had not been paying attention to where we were driving. If I wanted to get home, I would have to tell Eric to drop me off a couple streets away so that I could get on the train. I wanted to go to dinner with him but it wasn't what I needed. I just got back on my feet from the disaster of falling from the last guy I was with. Things weren't going to...

"Is it something I did or said? Was the constant calling to your job too much?"

"Too much," I asked.

"I just want to know if I did something to make you uncomfortable about going to dinner with me. I honestly wouldn't be able to tell if I did. You're actually the first woman I've pursued so aggressively and..."

I let out a nervous laugh and turned in the chair so that I would face him. "You think you're being aggressive?"

"I'm not sure," he shrugged turning slightly as well. "I usually never put so much effort into trying to get a dinner date out of a woman. I went on a whim when I saw you working at the restaurant that night. Maybe I misread the glances you gave me or the conversation that I mistook for flirting at the bank, then..."

"Wait, so that was flirting," I asked.

Eric looked at me thoughtfully then back to the steering wheel. "I thought it was. I guess it wasn't to you."

"Yes, I mean no. I mean," I sighed. "I'm not the flirting type. I wouldn't know if I did it. When my coworker pointed out that I was flirting I shook it off because I didn't think I was. I don't know how to act that way. At least I don't think I behave in such a manner."

"That is what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know how to go about asking a woman to dinner or telling her that you're interested in her. I don't know if my actions are flirtatious or manipulative or aggressive. But what I do know is that I am interested and I do want to take you out. I thought that perhaps you could have a small ounce of interest in me too and decided to call you after you didn't call me for an entire week. I mean I was told that usually you give a woman a day or two to call you back."

"Who told you that?"

"Your cousin," he replied.

"You told Dillon that you gave me your number," I asked.

"No," Eric shook his head. "I posed a hypothetical situation to him after a meeting that we had the next morning after I saw you. To be honest, I was hoping that you would call me that night," he chuckled. "Then when I realized that I had been waiting a week for you to call back, I couldn't wait any longer and called the bank to ask for you. The call center patched me straight into your direct line. I guess that kind of was aggressive," he chuckled.

I guess that does answer that his mother works in the call center. She must be one of the supervisors up there on the second floor in order to get my direct line.

"Talk about stalker," I joked which made him smile at me. "Actually, I didn't think that it was being aggressive. It's not like you showed up at my job when I didn't return your call or followed me on the streets."

Eric chuckled. "Actually, I noticed you at the bus stop across from where one of our job sites is located."

"Is it the building that we just came from?"

"The very one," he answered. "This might sound creepy, like the guy you were just trying to avoid," he nodded his head behind us, "but I moved most of my work there in the hopes that I could see you when you walk by. You weren't answering my phone calls and I," he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and smiled. "Like I said earlier, I never put so much effort into pursuing someone before."

"You know I thought I felt someone watching me when I had finished eating dinner with my coworker," I noted. "I thought it was that customer back there."

"He did watch you a couple nights." I turned immediately and stared at Eric in fear. "One night it seemed like he was going to hop on the bus after you but I sent one of the security guards at our site out there to distract him."

I let out a deep sigh of relief.

"I thought that maybe I was overdoing it with the calls like this guy that was following you. And maybe the whole business card was kind of tacky. But I've never wanted to take someone to dinner as much as you. You see I've worked hard my entire life. I rarely had time for dating so I'm not sure if I'm going over board or not. If I'm being like that guy back there, then tell me. Let me know Ana what I need to do. If I need to back off or keep it up, because the one thing that I do know is that I am interested in you."

He seemed so sincere and he had been the perfect gentleman so far. Not to mention that he kind of did just save me from Mr. Marcus, apparently not just once but on another occasion that I did not know about. I had no reason to hold it against him that he reminded me so much of my ex, with the fact that he had money, a Porsche, or knew the Carmichael family. He looked nothing like Cain and as Hec reminded me, it was just a dinner. I forgot about Elsa and how she threatened me not to speak to him. I forgot about how he had treated her after having dinner with her one night. He may have forgotten her name but he remembered mine. Perhaps the loneliness was getting to me. Whatever it was, I smiled and nodded.

"You'll tell me what I have to do to get a date out of you," he asked.

"Even better," I smiled, "I'll go with you to dinner," I said as Eric smiled.

He started the car back up and turned back onto the road as we drove quickly down the streets. "Oh yeah, just to let you know this is just you owing me for not calling me back," he smirked. "Our real dinner date is going to be somewhere else."

"What," I asked as he started to chuckle. "You are trying to trick me into another date? Are you sure that you haven't done this before?"

"You can ask anyone that knows me, really knows me. I'm all work," he looked over at me and smiled. "Work, work, work," he chanted before turning his attention back to the road. "I'm just being honest with how I feel and what is on my mind. I want another dinner, aside from tonight. The dinner date I had in mind did not start with saving you from the train station."

We both laughed a little and it seemed as though the awkwardness had left.

"You pictured our dinner date in your mind," I asked.

"Too creepy?"

"No, not really. I just want to know what you had in mind."

"I wanted to know what it was like to pick you up from your apartment, see you in a nice dress when you opened your door. Play the whole part of a respectable date and bring you flowers. We would talk in the car about work, our families, our favorite movies and music. Then dinner would be beautiful where I would keep you smiling. Just to know that you're happy and see you smiling would make me smile back and then we'd hold hand walking somewhere and talk some more because we wouldn't want the night to end. You know, something they show in movies," he shrugged.

"Are you sure that you haven't done this before? That sounds like a really nice date."

That got a good laugh out of Eric. "I'm pretty sure that I haven't had a date like that before. It's probably why I hope that you give me another chance at dinner because I really want to experience what it would be like. I'm sure you thought about it as well, having the perfect date with someone."

"I have thought about what a perfect date would be like," I looked out the window again and realized that I had always pictured having one with Cain but really when we did have dates I didn't necessarily enjoy myself.

The more independence I was gaining the more I was realizing what he had stripped away from me. What my father told me on my wedding day had been right. I had changed. The real JoyAnna, my parents' wildflower, would have made him beg for my forgiveness. When we first started dating, I made him work for it. He must have figured that he already had it and there was no need to put so much effort into keeping me. The perfect dates were gone. The phone calls that could last for hours stopped. The text messages just to say hi never came. The smile he had on his face when he picked me up disappeared. When living in Amity, I pointed it out and he worked on it. But for some reason, I didn't voice any concern after moving to Dauntless. I felt happy that we were starting our life together. I was content with just the mediocrity of our relationship. I had grown soft and he made me that way.

"Hey."

I looked over at Eric's gentle pleading.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Are you sure? You seem deep in thought about something."

"I'm fine."

"Be honest with me Ana. That's all that I ask," he said before he took a turn on another street.

Eric had been right about being honest. Just as we parked the car, he said that that was all of what he required of me right now and that was exactly what I would get in return. If we were being truly honest then it was going to be a good night. And that is exactly what it was. We had ended up going to Chili's. It was the nearest 'decent' eatery that he could think of. Considering that he already stated that he was paying, I didn't argue and told him that it was fine with me. I actually thought that Chill's was nice.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Eric. I actually came here once with my cousin." I didn't dare mention that I had always wanted to try new restaurants when I first moved here but Cain stuck to the usual places that his family went to. "I can't complain with free food," I told him.

After we had seated, Eric did not mind the slightest that I took my time in choosing something to eat. It afforded more time for us to converse with one another according to him. We both spoke about the different foods and what we liked or what was our favorite. We had gotten so carried away with our recommendations to one another that every time the waitress came to ask us what we wanted, we kept saying that we needed another minute. She seemed attentive to Eric and I wouldn't blame her. He was after all an attractive person.

When we finally did order our food I was surprised at what Eric had gotten.

"I'm shocked," I took a sip of my Long Island Iced Tea.

"At what," he sipped his beer after he took off his tie and rolled up his sleeves.

Usually this is where I kept quiet. I thought for a brief moment about how Cain had told me that he didn't like it when I criticized him about his food choices. Then I realized that here, Eric was asking me for my opinion. He asked for it when he had dinner at the Chasm. And considering he wanted me to be honest, I felt there was no need to hold back now.

"You just seemed so fussy about your order when I was taking it. You asked questions about how the appetizers were prepared, if the vegetables were organic, what the temperature of the oven was, or if the water you were drinking was tap water," I explained. "And every time I brought something out whether it was your drink or your meal you asked if it was done the way you specified. You had me repeat the instructions back to you. I was asked if I ever tried various desserts and what I liked about each one," I recalled that evening. "But tonight with our waitress, you barely asked her anything," I motioned to her as she waited on another table, "and you got a beer."

Eric chuckled at my statement. "I am a very detailed person. I like to make sure that things are in place. And usually when I am in business mode which I was that night, I tend to be a little obsessive compulsive. But since we're saying what is on our mind," he sipped his beer again. "Majority of my so called 'fussy' behavior was because I wanted to hear you speak, see you think and watch you work."

"You did that so you could observe me?"

"Gage your reactions, more so or less," he replied. "I learned a lot about you from that night."

"Like what," I asked.

"For one, you're a very reliable worker. You knew that your conduct, opinions, and speech were a reflection of not just yourself but also as a representative of the company that you work for. You did not speak negatively about the food or other workers if something was not done the way we wanted it. That also tells me that you own up to your mistakes and don't shy away from responsibility."

"I actually don't like to be given a whole lot of tasks. It stresses me out."

"But you're capable of multi-tasking," he smiled. "You did it that night and looked very well at ease in doing so. You hardly complained when I questioned something meaning that either you took it as a challenge or you didn't want to disrespect me, even if I was behaving in a rude fashion. So," he leaned forward a bit. "Is it that you were determined to prove yourself or that you don't like confrontation?"

"A little bit of both I would assume," I answered. "A lot of people think that I'm not smart enough because I'm from Amity. Or that I can't do certain things because I'm a girl or that because I'm a girl I should only be doing certain things," I rephrased the statement thinking about Cain and his family.

"There are certain expectations you have as a woman," his mother had often told me.

I shook my head away from thinking about her. "People thought they knew me because they knew my parents but I didn't want to fall into the norm there, so I guess that's why I'm a little more motivated than my brothers. I wasn't raised to debate or argue. So sometimes I rather give up and let the other person win."

"Just drop it already, JoyAnna," Cain had sighed.

"No, your mother should apologize for what she said about my family. It wasn't nice," I argued.

"But it was true," he responded as he turned to face me. "Admit that it's true. Your family lives on a farm for crying out loud!"

"Yes they do but that doesn't mean..."

"Look, I'm tired and I really don't want to yell anymore. Let's just concede that your family is the way that they are so we won't demand any apologies from my mother," he kissed my forehead. "I'll admit that it wasn't nice," he made a face, "and you'll admit that it's true and we'll just let it be done with. We won't bring it up again."

"I lost you there didn't I?" I turned to see Eric looking at me.

"I'm sorry," I shook my head.

"Most people say that when you look up and to your right it means that they are lying but I have noticed that with you, you look away because you're trying to recall a memory or something you were taught. It's usually a negative memory because you sigh as though you don't want to think about it. But you will and you are because you were asked something specific about that memory," Eric noted. "Meaning that when I asked you something that night and just now made you feel uncomfortable because you remembered something you didn't like."

"I did," I nodded.

"Care to share," he prompted. Unknowingly I had looked up and to the right again which got a smirk from Eric, indicating that his observation was correct.

"Which part," I asked, "The memory from that night or the memory just now?"

"Whichever story you want to tell," Eric said and for the first time in a long time I remembered that I had the right to choose what I wanted.

I didn't need to be told anymore what to want, what to need, what to say or what not to say. That's not how things worked. I really had become that nice, quiet, sweet girl from Amity. I had let myself fall into that preconception of being a normal girl from Amity. But I wasn't. I didn't have to be anymore. And with that one small line from Eric, I took that as a cue to remember who I really was. I could direct my own life now.

Of course I had to start off small, so I decided to choose the lesser of two evils.

"When you asked if I preferred the lobster or salmon, I grimaced because I remembered the last time I ordered lobster. Actually, I didn't order it. It was ordered for me. For whatever reason, it didn't taste right to me. Maybe it wasn't thawed properly. Maybe that sort of thing doesn't matter to lobster. But it didn't taste like the fresh lobsters back at home and I got a sick from eating that one," I gave him a weak smile.

"Did you tell the restaurant it tasted weird?"

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want my date to look bad. He was the one who ordered it for me."

"Okay, so I gathered two things from that story. One, that you probably don't eat lobster as much anymore and two, when I take you to dinner I am not to order for you," he smiled as though he were creating a list. "And if I do and you don't like it then you would tell me immediately, right? I don't want you getting sick on me."

"I wouldn't want that either so I'd let you know," my voice was soft.

We kept looking at one another smiling like idiots until the waitress came and set down Eric's plate first. Of course she had to lean over him in such a fashion so she could rub her thigh and hip on his side. I had seen Lauren do that a couple times with my cousin when he came in the restaurant earlier in the week. I believe she labelled it subtle flirting. Now if Eric could pick up on my behavior at the bank and at the restaurant then certainly he knew that this girl was flirting with him right? Wrong. I looked over at him to see him totally interested in the steak in front of him.

I let out a small snort when the waitress pressed her lips. It caused Eric to look up at me. "What is it? Is there a problem with your food?"

"Oh no," I shook my head and smiled sweetly. "The food is wonderful. May I please get another Long Island," I took my glass and held it up to the waitress who finally turned to me, "Thank you."

She simply nodded and then walked away. She was the type of person we could use at the Chasm, openly flirting with guys. Okay so maybe I had no cause to get jealous since this technically wasn't a date. That date would be later, according to Eric. Regardless of what this was, I still didn't like the idea of the waitress trying to hit on him. I felt possessive and the thing was that he wasn't even mine. She could look all she wanted. She could even touch, if he wanted her to. I had no say. But for some odd reason I felt a surge of jealousy as she disregarded me and paid close attention to Eric.

Glancing down at my food, I realized that I had never felt that way before. I had never felt that way until I was cheated on. And the more I sat there staring at my food as the waitress took her time to get the drink back to me, the more I came to notice that Cain would have flirted back with the waitress. I never spoke against him flirting with them because to me it was just innocent flirting; at least that's what he told me. I believed him when he said that he loved me and that nothing was wrong with him flirting. I was glad that I wasn't the jealous type before, because Cain had done it so often that I would have gotten hurt every time we went out.

Yet here I was getting jealous of the waitress and Eric and he was not my boyfriend. Was this jealousy? It sure felt like it. I didn't like that she did that. I wanted to tell her that she had to keep her hands to herself but Eric might not like that. No, no guy would like that. They liked the attention. They didn't care if their girlfriend sat and suffered while they smiled, talked or touched another girl. It didn't matter. I didn't matter.

"Ana."

I gasped and looked back at him as he narrowed his eyes.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back," I stood up and made for the bathroom.

I stopped so that I could hide around the corner. Curiosity and jealousy got the better of me as I watched the waitress come back right away after my departure. She smiled and did the same thing as before, leaning her body onto Eric's side as she talked to him. She even rested a hand on his shoulder as they talked. I didn't like it. She obviously said something that he was pleased with because he smiled and then stated something. She laughed again and had made a motion to the front door. It was when he nodded and started talking again that I finally slipped away and went to the restroom. Were they making plans to meet up with one another?

"It was just flirting," I questioned. "She touched you!"

"It was a hug, JoyAnna. Honestly if you're going to act like that every time I take you out, I might as well just leave you at home," Cain replied.

"She didn't need to hug you. She was our waitress. She..."

"She was a classmate from a long time ago that I haven't seen in a while," he interrupted as he stripped down and got into the shower.

I wasn't done with the conversation though and went in after him.

"What in the world are you doing," he questioned. "God Ana, if you want sex just wait until I'm done in the shower."

"That's not what this is about," I said as he moved me out of the stall. "I didn't like how she looked at you."

"I can't control that."

"Well I didn't like how you looked back at her."

"It was looking Ana. It's not cheating. I love you, you know that right," he said in that voice of his and I sighed. "Come on now, you know it's pointless to argue about it. It's not like I made plans to meet up with her later on. It was just some innocent flirting."

"I know you wouldn't meet up with her or any girl for that matter," I said.

"Exactly," he kissed my forehead. "You're my girl JoyAnna Summers."

"I'm sorry Cain. I don't know what came over me. I just..."

"Just trust me, okay," he nodded. "And I forgive you for your little outburst. You really have a temper on you," he reached to pinch my side playfully and for some reason that little incident was forgotten with.

I splashed water on my face, washing the memory away. But I knew that it was there. I looked up in the mirror at my reflection and thought how plain I looked. I had dropped a considerable amount of weight since my breakup with Cain. So maybe I hadn't been fat before but I had lost close to thirty pounds putting me around 110 now. Dillon and Peter told me that it wasn't healthy. I was so depressed though after my breakup that I didn't eat regularly. I would just sit and cry, or lie down and cry. Then as I lost the weight I realized that maybe I wasn't skinny enough for Cain, maybe I wasn't pretty enough. And looking into that mirror, I concluded that I wasn't pretty enough for Eric either.

He stood up as soon as he saw me. "Ana, are you okay?"

"No, I think I have a headache. I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be," he shook his head. He pulled me tightly to his side and then dropped a few twenties onto the table.

"Is everything okay," the flirtatious waitress came back and asked Eric instead of me.

"No, it's not. My date isn't feeling well," he turned to her, "I suggest you let your manager know about that too. It could have been avoided if you had been doing your job from the beginning."

His voice was harsh and she stepped back a few steps timidly. It made me wonder what they had talked about now but I wasn't going to ask. He wasn't mine to get jealous over. We made our way out of the restaurant with Eric holding onto me as though I couldn't stand. And in truth, I probably couldn't. The pain I felt immediately following the day that I became a runaway bride was coming back to me tenfold. My chest tightened and I could feel the tears ready to spill out.

"How bad is it," Eric asked when we got out of the restaurant. "Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you want me to call someone?"

"I just want to go home," I whispered.

"Is there someone who you can call to stay with you or did you want me to stay? I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone."

"I'm fine, Eric. I just need to lay my head down."

"Ana."

"Please," I softly asked.

Eric nodded before asking for my address and then drove us there quietly, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand soothingly, reassuring me that I would be home soon. I felt like a fool for thinking that I could go on a date again or for thinking that Eric wanted to be on a date with me. He may have said it but he didn't mean it. Guys never meant what they said. It was all just a lie. Now the sensation from his hand holding mine was burning hot, and not in a good way. It made me feel sicker. The tricks that guys pulled on naive little girls like me, I thought as a tear did slide down my cheek.

He offered to walk me up to my apartment and I let him. That was the most he could do before I let him run back to that waitress. I remembered the parting words that he told her and then thought maybe there wasn't nothing like I earlier suspected. Then I also thought that maybe he was only behaving that way because I was there. She certainly looked surprised at his behavior. Maybe he agreed to meet her and then looked like my concerned date when I returned leaving her confused. Well, I wasn't confused. I'd make the decision for him.

"I wish tonight had gone better," he gave me a smile.

Oh why did it have to be so gorgeous on him? Why? Someone out there hated me for making me like a guy like Eric who was just like Cain. "So do I," I looked down as we got to my door. "Well this is it. Thanks again Eric. I'll see you around I guess."

"Ana," he reached out and took my hand in his. That comforting and safe feeling came back but I knew just how deceptive it could be. "Why don't we plan the next one? Where do you want to go?"

"You still want to go out with me to dinner?"

"Of course," his smiled widened. "I thought that much was obvious from what I told you tonight. I'll choose the date, since I don't want to wait another month for you to choose when. But I am a considerate man. I'll let you choose the place. Why don't you say we go somewhere this weekend? Where did you want to eat?"

"Actually I don't think that's a good idea."

"Sure it is," he kept smiling and I hated how it made my insides melt. "Unless you wanted to catch a movie? You choose what you want to do but it's got to be this weekend," Eric reached out for my other hand.

"No what I meant is that the whole date itself isn't a good idea. I'm sorry Eric but I don't think that I can go on that date with you," I answered.

I didn't miss how the expression on Eric's face changed. It was obvious that he was a little irritated now. "What are you talking about? Everything was going well and..."

"It would start that way but I just know how it will end."

"You can predict the future now," he questioned dropping my hands and crossing his arms across his chest.

"No."

"Then you don't know what's going to happen," his voice grew louder and assertive. "Ana we had a nice time tonight. I don't get it. Did I do something wrong?"

"No it's not you. It's me."

"I did want a cliché romantic movie version of a date but that is an overused line in both reality and on film," Eric responded.

"It is me, Eric. You don't want to date me."

"Earlier it," he started but shook his head and looked down. "Earlier things were fine Ana. I never smiled as much as I did tonight when I was with you."

And talking to that waitress I wanted to add.

"Please be honest with me Ana. Did I say something that offended you? Was it because I was rude to that waitress? Well you weren't there earlier but she was being pretty rude herself. In fact I was thinking of calling her manager because she was being highly unprofessional with that attitude of hers. But before that, almost all night, you and I seemed to be hitting it off. We talked, we laughed, we," he shook his head again and took a couple steps back. "So tell me Ana. What did I do? What do I need to do?"

"I'm just scared."

"Of what, Ana? Tell me if it's me. Or was it that guy that you were running away from. Please Ana," he pleaded taking a tentative step forward. "What are you so afraid of?"

"Everything," I whispered. "I'm sorry Eric."

I got into my apartment and quickly closed the door. My body slid down against the front door and I broke down into tears. The dinner made everything come back into perspective for me. He may say that he's interested in me but I knew he would get bored with me eventually. Cain did. Eric was just too similar to Cain, the people they knew, the cars they had, the money they made, the amount of women who chased after them, I started sobbing. I couldn't go back to being broken. I just couldn't. I enjoyed the feeling of safety Eric gave to me earlier but how long would that last? How long until he grew tired of me? It was better to not know. It wouldn't feel good when Eric finally disapproved of me.