Chapter 17

'Morning Beverley. Is the boss about?'

'Oh, hi, Kate. Yes, Dr Elliot is in residence! I was just going to make her a cup of coffee. Would you like one?'

'Not for me, thanks. Just passing through.'

The P.A. watched as Kate knocked at the door and heard a quiet call for her to enter. Beverley had not been surprised when Caroline had confided in her that John had left the family home, knowing full well the stress and anguish that his frequent phone calls and visits had produced. Recently she had also noted, with satisfaction, the look of pleasure on Caroline's face after Kate's increasingly frequent visits to the office. She knew from her neighbour that the two women attended Pilates sessions together and she was delighted that Caroline had the support of someone so kind.

As Kate entered the office Caroline had her back to the door, organising papers on the desk.

'Better put it on the mantelpiece, Beverley. There's not a spare square inch of desk or table.'

'Sorry to disappoint, I've come empty handed.'

'Kate! I was expecting my mid-morning caffeine boost.' She turned, stood tall and crossed her arms over her ribs, her go-to defence position.

'It's on its way. I just called to see how you are.'

'Yes, sorry, Kate. Life's a bit manic. Gavin's idea of a reasonable time scale is anything but.'

'Anything I can do to help?'

'Thanks for the offer but if I don't do it myself I find I don't take the information in and then I run the risk of looking inefficient in front of the governors. Nearly there, hopefully.'

'That's good. I wondered, hoped, if you were up to Pilates tonight. You haven't been since before the Christmas break. But I guess the state of your desk is telling me the answer.'

Kate's disappointment was evident on her face and Caroline had to look away.

'Sorry, Kate. I thought I'd texted to tell you that I wouldn't make it.'

'Is everything alright, apart from Gavin's unrealistic expectations, that is?'

Caroline sat on the edge of the nearest available chair and looked towards Kate. She took her glasses off and twirled them around by one of the arms. She knew that she'd been distant since the last e mail from Meg, which she hadn't yet shared with Kate.

'Just processing things, Kate, that's all. Just processing.'

'The same offer, anything I can do to help?'

'Not here, Kate. Not now.' Her tone was distinctly formal and dismissive, but she appeared close to tears.

'Oh, Caroline. Don't bottle it up. You've done so well, come so far.'

Drawing her left hand through her fringe, Caroline turned towards the window and hoped that Kate wouldn't notice her wet eyes.

She pulled her shirt down to straighten it, her mind working overtime. 'Would it be ok if I came to your house later? If you don't mind missing Pilates.'

There was a knock at the door and Beverley entered with the promised coffee and another pile of letters.

'That's fine, Caroline. No problem. I won't disturb you any longer. I'm off to prepare for the choir rehearsal.'

Caroline donned her professional face once more.

'God, Beverley! I'll not be held responsible for my actions if you have more work for me. You can leave the coffee and take whatever else you've got in your hands and follow Kate through that door.'

Beverley smiled, placed the coffee on the sill and the papers in Caroline's hands.

'Don't worry, I'll fill out my own P45!' she smiled, as she left the room.

ooOoo

While the boys concentrated on their homework Caroline secreted herself in her bedroom and gave in to the tears which had been threatening for days. She paced, she sat, she paced some more. Like a recurring nightmare Meg's e mail reverberated around her brain and the postscript screeched the death of any hope for a happy future. She knew that her mother was no less prejudiced than she had been over twenty-five years ago. If anything, as she had aged Celia had become persuaded that she was fully entitled to voice and defend increasingly extreme opinions. That would be bad enough, but Caroline was concerned that she hadn't changed for the better either and still lacked the wherewithal to fight one specific battle against her mother. She also knew that she was not prepared to subject Kate, the woman with whom she was slowly but surely falling in love, to the malice that Meg had faced all those years ago. It seemed a hopeless venture and one that shouldn't be attempted. She intended to speak to Kate that evening to put an end to any false hope that their friendship would develop into something else. She could see no other way forward.

Once she was ready to leave she looked in on William and Lawrence who were playing a board game on the lounge floor.

'I'm going out for the evening. Gran's about if you need anything. Woe betide the pair of you if there's any hint of an argument while I'm out.'

'Where are you going, mum? Oh, of course, it's Pilates night. Don't strain your funny bone!' Lawrence joked while bending and stretching his arms towards the ceiling.

'Don't mess about, it's your turn.' William groaned. 'I'll be glad when Gran gets here with her laptop so I don't have to entertain an idiot!'

'One word from me, or so it seems.' Caroline muttered to herself as she picked up her car keys.

ooOoo

Since arriving home Kate had also spent time pacing and worrying. She had not been able to fathom Caroline's mood and had no idea if it really did relate to being overrun by work or if that was just an excuse. They had not spoken properly for several days and not about Meg for over a week and, as far as Kate was aware, Caroline was still waiting for a reply to her last e mail. Kate thought that it was time for them to have a further conversation about the future, feeling that Meg was unlikely to offer any form of closure. She showered and dressed to throw off the trappings of the day, choosing a casual yet flattering fitted shirt and tight black jeans.

As Kate welcomed Caroline into the cottage, the latter caught her breath, overwhelmed once more by a complete physical attraction. Her resolve of earlier that evening was gone in a flash and she knew that she could not give up the chance of a future with this stunningly pretty and thoughtful woman. She struggled to move her eyes from the dark-brown ones which seemed to twinkle despite the low light. She leaned forward as if to kiss Kate's cheek but deliberately changed direction at the last second, placing a fleeting, yet affectionate, peck on Kate's smiling lips.

'Hello, you.'

'Hello to you too! That's a nice greeting. I'll go another week hardly hearing from you if that's the effect it produces.' Kate teased.

'Have I been that bad? Don't answer. I know I have been.'

'Work?'

Caroline grabbed at Kate's hands with her own, knowing that this connection gave her confidence.

'No, not work. Well, not entirely. I've been distant, I know. I wasn't lying when I said that I've been processing things.'

'Come on, first take your wet coat off, you're soaked through. Do you want a drink of anything?'

Caroline shook her head as she removed her coat and scarf and Kate hung the clothes on the pegs by the front door before leading the way to the lounge, which was in darkness apart from a single scented candle burning in the hearth. Kate stopped abruptly as she turned to switch on the wall lights and collided with her guest.

'Oh, sorry. Here, let me turn the lights on.'

'Let's not. This is romantic.'

'Caroline!'

'It's time, Kate. It's time to plan for a future, not dwell in the past.' She put out her hand and drew her index finger across Kate's stomach.

Now it was Kate's turn to catch her breath.

'You know how to shock a girl. I was not expecting that.'

'Well, looking at you gives me more than a shock, Kate.' Despite her best intentions her eyes wandered to Kate's necklace and then lower to the hint of cleavage where shirt buttons started, and she blushed.

'Gracious. Where did that come from?' She followed the direction of Caroline's gaze as she spoke, causing her heart and body to ache for intimacy. 'Talk to me, Caroline.'

They settled side-by-side on the sofa and once again, Caroline sought sanctuary through Kate's hands. She described Meg's e mail; briefly summarising Meg's phone conversation with Celia, but giving full details of her health, life in France and best wishes for Caroline's future. She totally omitted one part, the post script, feeling that she had given enough information about Celia's bigotry without highlighting the suggestion that it might still be relevant.

Kate listened in silence, only passing comment once Caroline had finished her story.

'So, explain your thoughts now you've spent time processing.'

'A whirlwind of differing emotions, as I've focused on its individual parts. Grateful, challenged, relieved, angry. Yes, especially that.'

'It sounds as if you weren't the only one to be intimidated by your mother.'

'You're right, Kate. To be honest, I am not totally surprised. If she could vent her disgraceful opinions at me, in person, it's hardly surprising that she didn't hesitate to do the same to a stranger, a perceived threat, on the end of the phone. How lovely that Meg is gracious enough after all that happened to hope that I'll have a good and rewarding life with someone who adores me. That's how she put it. Also, did I tell you, she said it would be justice if I was now in a relationship with another woman?!' Caroline hoped that the diversion wasn't too obvious as she moved from her mother onto positive thoughts. 'That's why it's time, Kate. I want that life and I want it with you. I've waited over half my life to get to this point.'

Each woman felt sure that the other would hear her heart beating over the ticking of the clock and the rain drumming on the window.

'Meg's given you quite a wish list.'

'Well, we lead good and rewarding lives so that just leaves one other criteria to fulfil.' Her words were sown hesitantly, hoping that they would reap reassurance.

'Don't know about you but I've already ticked that box.'

Months of caged passion and tenderness overflowed as the distance between their bodies shortened, foreheads touching briefly before lips joined, open mouths and moist tongues desperate for contact. Low moans escaped as breathing became erratic. Soon lips moved from lips, sucking and licking at cheeks, ears and necks; each mouth fighting to cover ground while trying urgently to receive from the other. Fingers began exploring, tentatively at first and then rampantly, hunger building uncontrollably.

They were soon laying rather than sitting, pushing and grinding where they touched, eager to please while seeking pleasure. Hands now began to explore inside clothing, nipples hardened as thumbs and forefingers caressed the already swollen buds. Kate reluctantly moved her mouth from the nape of Caroline's neck.

'Here or in my bed?'

ooOoo

'Is Lawrence in the shower yet?' Celia asked her elder grandson.

'Yes, thank goodness. Then he'll phone dad and hopefully go straight to bed.'

'Are you going to speak to him?'

'Dad? No. I don't have anything to say to him that isn't rude. I can't keep pretending that everything is ok. Lawrence thinks that if we keep on at dad he'll eventually give up and ask mum if he can come home. If he won't come back without us nagging him that means his heart wouldn't be in it and he'll probably do it again sometime and I don't want to be responsible for that. Now that mum's started to smile I don't think I could bear to see her sad all over again.'

'You haven't got to make your decisions to protect your mum, William. She wouldn't want you to be distant from your dad for her sake.'

'I know, and I don't, not really.' The teenager smiled awkwardly. 'Can I ask you something, Gran?'

'Of course. I'm always here for you, William, you know that.'

'How do you know when it's love and not just, I don't know the word. Infatuation. Lust. Mum said that dad was her first boyfriend so how did she know that it was the real thing if she didn't have anything to compare with? If he was the one, how can mum be happy with someone else? I wouldn't want her to be on her own forever.' The boy-man struggled to hold back the tears.

'I can't speak for your mum apart from to say that hearts do mend. They're scarred but they learn to love again. It's a conundrum. We say we've found the one and then someone else comes along and we find that they're also the one. I'm not talking about a roving eye; that is just thrill seeking and a different thing altogether.'

'You've just described dad.'

'You know, William, I lost contact with my first love when I was younger than you. It broke my heart, but then your grandad came along and, although it wasn't identical, I knew that was love too. It just hits and there's very little you can do to stop it.'

William smiled.

'Gran! So, I might have had a different grandad!'

'Oh, I don't know about that! We never even went on a date so who knows what might or might not have happened. But, it's what I was trying to say about that connection with someone, especially in those days when we didn't do what they do now – try before you buy! Huh. Life is so different now but falling in love is as old as history. Except today, of course, we're told to accept without questioning that women can fall in love with women, men with men. They'll soon say it's possible to be in love with your Great Dane.'

William had known for some time that his Gran held many extreme views but he also knew it wasn't right to let her prejudices go unchallenged.

'Gran, you said yourself that love just hits and there's little you can do to stop it. Don't you think it would be awful to be prevented from being with the one you love just because someone didn't approve for whatever reason? I'm sure you'd have had something to say if others had said you were too young to fall in love.'

Celia was shocked at William's bravery, knowing she wasn't an easy person to challenge.

'That I would. Maybe they did. I'll never know.'

'You could always find him and ask!'

'Even if I could remember his address I doubt he still lives there.'

William was observant enough to see pain and hope in his Gran's face.

'Have you heard of Facebook, Gran?'

'That internet thing? Yes, I saw a story in the Mail about this person who lost his job because he phoned work to say that he was ill but then his boss saw on Facebook that he was in Ibiza! I thought that was funny. Served him right for lying!'

'I would have laughed too but you don't have to do stupid things with it. One thing you can use Facebook for is to find people you've lost contact with and for them to look for you.'

'Oh, I don't know, William. What will people think?'

'I know what I think, Gran. If you're not taking risks, you're not living.'

ooOoo

Meanwhile, a couple of miles across Harrogate, snuggled contentedly under Kate's duvet, the women explored each other's bodies without the frenzy of their first love making. They seemed to have seamlessly moved from friends to lovers, secure in the knowledge of mutual respect and affection.

'I can't stop smiling!' Caroline beamed.

'I can see. Please tell me you're not laughing at my technique!'

Caroline played her left index finger around Kate's mouth before running it down her chin and onto her cleavage. She stroked and rubbed, unable to stop touching her lover's silky skin and witnessing the results of her actions.

'Smiling because of your technique, Kate, not at it. There's a glorious difference. I'm the one who's at the top of the fumbler charts. You've got a most amazing body. Please don't ask me to stop touching. This is much better than an evening of Pilates. Sorry, am I rambling?! You've scrambled my brain while you've been….' The last words were whispered in Kate's ear and caused her to smile too.

'Pleased that I could oblige. If what you're doing is fumbling, I'll give you a fortnight to pack it up! I'm not going to let you go home.'

'Oh, God, Kate. I really don't want to go. What time is it?'

Kate turned to check her bedside clock.

'Just before half nine. How much time before you have to go?'

'Long enough but not long enough, if you get my drift.'

'Again?'

'Oh, yes, again.'

ooOoo

'Here, let me help you with your coat. It's dried out, thankfully.'

'My coat might have.'

Kate playfully smacked at Caroline's shoulder. 'You're impossible. I'd just started to recover and with one remark you've set me off again.' She opened her arms wide and the women hugged.

'See you tomorrow. Don't be late for assembly!'

'I wouldn't dare! Not only is my boss very demanding but I'm looking forward to drooling unobserved from the back of the hall.'

'Actually, we should talk about that, Kate. We need to keep this between ourselves, for now.' Apprehension tweaked at her brain.

'Of course. Let's just get to know how this works before we think about telling others.'

A goodnight kiss sealed the agreement but there was a spectre at the feast that neither wanted to mention to the other.