Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
The tavern was busy as usual, but something seemed different tonight. The Inquisitor had just left, muttering about a war table after patting the enormous, horned, grey mass slumped in the corner. The Iron Bull was usually the loudest and merriest of the taverns regulars, his seat at the wall the axis around which all raucous laughter circled; but tonight was not the same. He was quiet, sullen. His mercenaries sat around him, murmuring to each other or even sitting silently, watching their leader with concern. The rumour of the Ben Hassrath agents sent to dispatch of the Inquisitor's companion had, despite the Inquisitor's attempts to quell it, naturally trickled through Skyhold, and many hushed whispers circled the disgraced Qunari this evening.
The Iron Bull's second-in-command approached him wordlessly, perching next to his seat. "I heard what happened, Chief," he muttered. "Worship told me."
The Bull looked at Krem, sighing heavily. "Who do they think they are?" he grunted, indignantly. "They've tangled with the wrong Qunari."
"Damn right," his lieutenant responded quickly, nodding at his fellow mercenaries.
"No one sends death threats to the Iron Bull!" continued the leader, his scowl deepening. "And such bad assassins! Belittled! Publicly humiliated!" He sighed, resting his forehead on a large palm. "Why, it's more than I can bear."
Krem looked lost. "More beer?" he suggested, waving his own tankard. Bull waved it away.
"What for? Nothing helps," he groaned. "I'm disgraced."
Krem shook his head. "Who, you? Never!" He shook his boss' shoulder lightly, again looking to his comrades for help. "Bull," he sighed, "you've got to pull yourself together."
He stood, looking his boss directly in the eye. "Gosh, it disturbs me to see you now Bull, looking so down in the dumps.Every guy here'd love to be you now Bull, even when taking your lumps!" Krem motioned to the rest of the tavern, whose patrons had been watching the beardless Tevinter man with some interest. "There's no man in town as admired as you – you're everyone's favourite guy!" he continued, as the pub nodded eagerly. "Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not very hard to see why.."
There was a pause as he searched for some inspiration. Then he grinned impishly. If anyone knew how to get into The Iron Bull's brain, it was Cremisius Aclassi.
"No one's slick as The Bull," he announced, slamming a hand onto his meaty shoulder. "No one's quick as The Bull! No one's neck's as incredibly thick as The Bull's!" He drove a knuckle into the Qunari's neck muscles, prompting a small chuckle and a sigh of relief from those around. "For there's no man in town half as manly – perfect, a pure paragon!You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley –" he motioned to the rest of the Chargers, who nodded vigorously and waved tankards – "and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!"
The Chargers looked to each other, finally catching onto Krem's game. "No one's big like The Bull!" they chanted. "A king pin like The Bull!"
"No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like The Bull!" chuckled Krem, socking a playful punch on his boss' jaw.
Bull shrugged. "As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!" he admitted, swatting Krem's arm away like a gnat.
"My what a guy, Iron Bull!" cried the Chargers. "Give five "hurrahs!"Give twelve "hip-hips!"" they called to the bewildered tavern onlookers, who found themselves carried along by the impromptu celebration.
"TheBull is the best," affirmed Krem, standing up on a table and raising his tankard, "and the rest is all drips!"
More voices came bounding from the bar as more people stood to raise a glass to the now almost smiling Tal-Vashoth with his arm wrapped around his lieutenant's shoulders. "No one fights like The Bull!"
"Douses lights like The Bull!"
"In a wrestling match nobody bites like The Bull!" croaked Krem from his headlocked position in the Bull's arm.
"For there's no one as burly and brawny," giggled three off-duty maids from a table.
Bull threw them a wink and they blushed furiously. "As you see, I've got biceps to spare," he grinned, flexing his impressive arms as the women swooned.
Krem shook his head, laughing. "Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny," he admitted.
"That's right!" interrupted the Bull, motioning to his massive chest "and every last inch of me's covered with hair!"
"No one hits like The Bull!" cried the Chargers.
"Matches wits like The Bull!" continued the chess players in the corner, waving.
"In a spitting match nobody spits like The Bull!" laughed Krem.
Bull nodded, chuckling. "I'm especially good at expectorating –" he spat loudly into the air, the globule clanging into his own empty tankard –
"Ten points for The Bull!" roared the tavern as one.
"When I was a lad," sighed Bull, sitting once again in his chair and looking round at his admirers, "I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large. And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs…" He paused, raising an eyebrow and smirking as he stood. "So I'm roughly the size of a barge!"
A gasp of awe emanated from the mouth of every onlooker as they took in the rippling muscles. "My what a guy, Iron Bull!"
"No one shoots like The Bull," winked Dalish.
"Makes those beauts like The Bull," grunted Rocky.
"Then goes tromping around wearing boots like The Bull," muttered Krem, shaking his head as the Bull guffawed.
"I use dragons in all of my decorating!" cried the Tal-Vashoth, motioning to the series of hoarded dragon teeth the Inquisitor allowed him to adorn the tavern walls with, to a cheer of approval.
"My what a guy, Iron Bull!" roared the tavern goers, raising tankards in unison to the well-loved mercenary leader.
Krem returned to his seat, pleased to see the Boss returned to his old cheerful self as people came up to him from every seat to congratulate his achievements.
"That'll go right to his head," grunted Skinner, shaking his head with a wry grin.
"'Course it will," replied Krem, chuckling. "That's the point."
Blimey, an update!
It's been, what, a year? Yeah, I basically had a stupidly busy time and I lost interest in DA but now it is bACK and so am I and we can be expecting some more fun Inquisition chapters until I actually decide to end this thing.
Thanks for being patient, guys!
Next Up: Cole wants to know.