A/N I'm posting this on Valentine's Day to say thanks to all of you who continue to encourage me with your reviews and PMs. We're rapidly approaching the events of the first episode, so the story will, at times, divert significantly from the original….

Chapter 24

While Caroline was hoping to ascertain Kate's feelings about a future with someone who had two teenage boys, which she thought was a big enough hurdle to jump, a baby would mean pole vaulting heights – for both of them. Unfortunately, her face spoke volumes and she could see that Kate was devastated by her reaction. As she listened she remembered a conversation they'd had in France when she had so clearly told Kate what she thought about a baby in a house with teenagers and regretted that she had been so outspoken.

'Gosh, Kate. I don't need to tell you that you've shocked me.'

'I knew I would, but I couldn't not tell you. I could kick myself for not at least dropping hints before but it's as if we've arrived without knowing we've set off and there didn't seem a right time to bring it up. Not that I'm complaining because the journey and destination are wonderful, but I am sorry to surprise you.'

'That you have. Wow. This is some roller-coaster.'

'I guess I should feel grateful that you didn't compare it to a ride through the house of horrors.'

'Oh, Kate. Don't. It's just such a lot to take in.'

'I know. I'm ahead of you, I guess. You've not even told your family and I'm proposing an even more radical change to your whole way of life.'

'I do see why you had to tell me now because you can't keep quiet about something that's so important to you and I also see why you hadn't told me before. I feel guilty, Kate, because I haven't bothered to get to know what makes you tick. Not really. I suppose I looked at you as a career teacher with great prospects and didn't wonder, let alone ask, if you had any other hopes and dreams.'

'It is a dream but not one that I'd want to fulfil alone.'

'How would, how could you? Get pregnant, I mean.'

'I think practicalities are the least of our worries. I don't want to lose you.'

'You stopped just as you were about to say 'but'. No matter. I can guess what the rest of that sentence says. This is a deal breaker for you, isn't it? No baby, no relationship.' Caroline tucked her hands underneath her legs and shuffled backwards on the sofa, matching the emotional gap that she had put between herself and Kate since the conversation started. She was inwardly ashamed of her reaction, while continuing to erect barriers of self-preservation as her brain worked furiously.

'I didn't say that and it's not something I've wanted to consider. In my head I had you agreeing to the idea, well, until the conversation in France, that is. Reluctant initially but agreeing. The reality is we've both done rather too much assuming and not enough communicating.' Kate pulled Caroline's left hand from underneath her thigh, sure that resuming physical contact would help a return to where they had been emotionally. 'You need to take time to think but without thinking you've got to choose between our relationship and a baby. I don't want you to follow my dream just because you don't like the alternative. This is a massive thing, Caroline, and we would both need to be on board. Wholeheartedly.'

Caroline lunged forward to pull Kate into a hug. This was partly because she wanted to feel Kate's arms around her, providing that sense of secure acceptance which had been missing most of her life, but also because she didn't want her face to be subject to scrutiny. Truth be told, at that moment, she felt as if any chance for the future of their relationship was slipping out of reach. She could not see a way forward. Her boys would soon be 15 and 17. She was already planning to tell them something with the potential to rock their already fragile world and if she couldn't imagine how to add a baby into that mix, how could she expect them to do so? This was more than enough in itself so she pushed away the nagging vision of her mother which threatened to shred the last few fragments of her sanity. The women's thoughts were not dissimilar. Kate really did understand the enormity of her proposal and took the responsibility for this precipice moment solely on her own shoulders.

'What are we going to do?' Caroline queried abruptly, trying in vain to prevent tears.

'We weren't going to meet this weekend anyway. You've promised your mum to go out with her on Saturday and I won't get back from Durham until Sunday afternoon. So, what I think we should do is to carry on with our plans. That way, we'll have time apart to regroup and take the pressure off having to conjure up answers to tough questions too quickly.'

'I was going to tell the boys about you this weekend.' Caroline sounded disappointed, which was a delight to Kate's ears. She loosened herself from Kate's hug to take a tissue from her pocket and wipe her eyes and nose.

'Keeping it for another weekend won't matter, will it?' Kate reassured. She reached forward to cup Caroline's head in her hands and kiss away a stray tear from her cheek. The tension of their predicament melted at the tenderness of the gesture, and the longing that was restrained earlier that evening now burst from its chains. They made love there and then as if their very souls depended upon their coupling, both fearing it might be the last time they did so.

ooOoo

'Hi Lawrence. I was thinking about Saturday and thought we had better get our heads together.' John had already told his younger son of his intention to speak to Caroline about returning to live with the family, but they had yet to agree a strategy.

'Hi Popsicle. I can't wait.'

'Me neither, Lawrence, but don't get your hopes up too much. Your mum might not agree straight away but if we work together I'm sure we'll get there eventually. I'm glad I've got your support as I don't think my grovelling will be enough on its own.'

'I've got things covered. Leave it with me.'

'What are you up to?!' John's excitement was evident in his voice. He knew his wife was open to manipulation where their sons were concerned, and Lawrence was a master of guile.

'Best I don't tell you, then you won't give the game away. Mum's out now but I'll be ready with the bait when she gets back. All you need to do it be ready to hook her in on Saturday. Let's meet at rugby as usual but afterwards we should come back here instead of going out. Mum and William are taking Gran out. She's been moaning that mum's been too busy to see her lately, which she has, so I think they'll make a day of it to shut her up and not before time.'

'Lawrence. Enough. That's your Gran you're talking about.' John found his son's opinion funny but knew he should pretend otherwise.

'And? Your point is? You can't stand her and I've heard you say far worse. Anyway, I'd better go and get things ready as I think mum will be back home soon.'

'Ok, good luck with whatever it is!'

'Dad? Just one thing. Make sure you shave and put a clean shirt on but don't look too obvious. Mum's no fool and you'll need to be convincing.'

ooOoo

Caroline drove home from Kate's with a heavy heart. She felt burdened by the weight of her thoughts and the possible consequences of the choices that she might make in the following days. The weekend in France seemed like a distant memory and she thought it would be cruel if their relationship failed so soon after having a taste of what it could become. She was pleased to see that the boys had already made their way to their rooms, at least this saved her having another stressful encounter. She intended to pour herself a glass of wine to take to her room but stopped herself as she reached into the cupboard for a glass, feeling that alcohol might make her even more maudlin and, in any case, would not provide a solution.

She checked on William first, who was fast asleep with a text book in his hand. She placed the book on his bedside table, kissed his wavy hair and turned off his light. He didn't stir, and she smiled despite herself, remembering how different he had been as a baby when he would have woken at the slightest noise or movement. The smile quickly faded from her lips as she opened Lawrence's door. His room was in total disarray, belongings everywhere as if they had been taken up in a tornado and returned to earth. Moreover, Lawrence was nowhere to be seen. Frantically she rushed to the bathroom; no joy. Now almost on the point of becoming hysterical she ran back downstairs, checking doors and windows to ensure that there had not been a forced entry. The ground floor showing no sign of her younger son she resumed her search upstairs, her logic telling her that nothing awful could have happened. William might be a sound sleeper, but he would have woken to any loud noises, she reasoned. Opening her own bedroom door, she was relieved and shocked to find Lawrence asleep across her bed, cuddling one of his father's jumpers. She tentatively touched his shoulder as she sat beside him. He squinted up at her before throwing himself into her arms and sobbing loudly.

'I miss him so much, mum.' The youngster wailed, his body shaking with emotion.

'I know, Lawrence. I know.' She cooed into his hair. 'You seemed to have been doing better. Why haven't you spoken to me?'

'It seems so silly. I came up to bed early to do my maths homework and it went wrong and it was if everything seemed to pile on top of me and I was just so mad I couldn't control my actions. I'm sorry, mum, but I trashed my bedroom.'

'I saw.'

'You're not cross?' He sat up and looked earnestly into his mum's eyes as he yawned dramatically.

'No, not cross. There are better ways of dealing with hurt, Lawrence, but I understand you may not have found them yet. Shall we tidy up so you can get to bed? We'll talk tomorrow.'

Lawrence yawned again and rubbed his eyes.

'Don't tell William. Please.'

'I won't. Have you spoken to your dad tonight?'

'Yes, as always. I think he's sorry about what happened, mum. He seemed sad, too, so I didn't tell him I was upset.'

Caroline's affection for her sons was limitless but she was not ignorant of their shortcomings. While Lawrence appeared genuine, his recounting of his evening had not rung true and once they returned to his bedroom she looked more carefully at the mess before them. Nothing had been broken which was odd. His bedside lamp was on the far side of the room, by the door and the lampshade was elsewhere yet the bulb was intact. Models that he had made years ago, fragile balsa-wood constructions, also appeared undamaged yet they too had been disturbed. They quickly put things in their rightful place and she hugged her son again once he was settled under his duvet.

'I'll stay while you fall asleep,' she promised.

'No need, mum. I'm sure I'll be fine now. Night.' He rolled over to face away from his mum, unable to mask the smile for any longer.

Caroline considered the most recent events of the evening as she prepared for bed. How strange, she thought, that the discussion at Kate's house could so quickly have reduced in importance. While convinced that her son had engineered the chaos and tears, it did not mean that his emotions were any less significant. Surely, she reasoned to herself, the events signalled the distressed mind of a seriously troubled teenager.

ooOoo

The following day at breakfast Lawrence reminded his mum that he had been invited to a sleep-over with Angus and would go to rugby from his house. Caroline waited until William had left the kitchen before challenging Lawrence.

'Don't we need to talk, Lawrence, after last night? I don't think you should stay over. Go after school for a while if you want, but not for the night.'

'No, that's not fair. That means I'm being punished for being upset. You're being unreasonable.' His voice was loud, and his tone was contemptuous.

'Don't you want to talk about things? You're obviously feeling angry and upset. I just want what's best for you.'

'If that was the case you wouldn't have told dad to leave in the first place, so no, I don't want to talk about things.'

'I know you have been caught up in the whirlpool, Lawrence, but it wasn't me who threw the rock into the water.' Despite her intention not to allocate guilt, Caroline's defences were low, and her words escaped before she realised. 'Stay with Angus if you must but you know full well that I'm not being unreasonable. We WILL talk tomorrow night, whether you want to or not.'

Lawrence flew from the kitchen and stomped upstairs, cursing himself under his breath as he realised he might have been better to forgo the enjoyment of the proposed sleepover to further his cause and knowing that the skirmish with his mum had not gained any ground for his dad in his battle to be readmitted to the family.

ooOoo

The headteacher was not sorry that a major problem with the school's boiler kept her occupied from the middle of the morning. The last thing she wanted was to have time to dwell on her personal problems and she was pleased that she could direct some of her emotional energy towards the heating engineer's lack of progress. The bell sounded to indicate the close of school before the problem had been solved and she watched, annoyed, through a front-facing classroom window as the staff began to leave for the day. Satisfied that the maintenance team could manage without her input she met up with William about half an hour later, sure in her mind that Kate would have been on her way home and she had lost the opportunity to see her. Her assumption was incorrect and whether by Kate's design or pure chance they met on the stone steps outside the front entrance.

'Wait in the car for me, William, please. I need to talk to Miss McKenzie.'

Some weeks previously two of the boys in his class had made snide insinuations about his mum being in a relationship with the French teacher but he had put their remarks down to ignorance and malice. Not having seen much interaction between his mum and Kate McKenzie he decided to make the most of the opportunity presented to him, studying their body language through the Jeep's windscreen.

'Are you ok?' Kate asked, her hand coming to rest on Caroline's right elbow as their eyes locked.

'Not really. You?' she absent-mindedly stroked her lover's hand before she realised what she was doing.

'If you can be ok after a day of teaching hormonal teenagers when you haven't slept!' she laughed while her face showed every emotion but pleasure.

'I hope you get a good sleep tonight so you'll have enough energy for the drive and reunion.'

'Thank you. I'll try. I'll ring you on Sunday when I get home. We'll sort something out, Caroline.'

'I hope so, Kate, I hope so.' She touched hands with Kate again, this time leaving their fingers joined.

They said their goodbyes soon afterwards and Caroline tried to be more upbeat than she felt as she climbed into her car. William pretended to be preoccupied with his phone, while he worked out how best to make comment.

'Kate looked upset, mum. Is she ok?'

'Yes, William, she did seem upset but she's ok; just tired like the rest of us, I think. When did you have permission to call her by her first name, by the way.'

'Choir. As it's an extra-curricular activity she said we could. She's nice, mum, funny and very kind. I like her.'

'She is all of those things, William. I agree.' She looked into her rear-view mirror, desperate to catch a final glimpse of Kate before the Jeep headed in a different direction.

'I'll be going to Uni next year and Lawrence two years afterwards. Well, if he gets his finger out. Don't forget that, will you?'

'That's a funny thing to say but no, I won't forget.' She shook her head and put her hand out to pat her son's knee, not having interpreted the meaning behind his words.

William smiled, satisfied that he had said enough for the moment without embarrassing himself or his mum.