Chapter 27

As the front door shut, John put his empty glass down on the table. Not one who would usually be able to see further than the end of his own nose, something began to gnaw at his understanding. Judith's reaction to his leaving had verged on threatening, but she had laughed when he told her what Caroline had said, a huge guffaw driving the venom from her reaction.

'You expected her to take you back with open arms. You stupid bugger! You were thinking that she'd just been sitting at home, nursing her bruised heart while you were here with me! What a typical, misogynistic belief. That's so funny!'

'What do you mean?' John asked, annoyed at the accuracy of her insight.

'She's moved on, John. That's obvious. She's found someone else. I mean, well, look at yourself; you're not exactly God's gift, are you? She's probably been sampling the options available and she's now secretly grateful that you gave her the opportunity to have her taste buds tickled by someone rather more adept.'

'Caroline wouldn't. I can assure you, I never left her wanting more. I mean, she was heartbroken when I left.'

'Yes, when you left. She's had six months to realise you aren't worth pining for. Six months of freedom to cast her net!'

Until he left the grimy, untidy flat John had continued to contest Judith's suggestions, sure that his wife would not have got over him so quickly. Now, recalling twenty-four hours of events and conversations with Caroline, the tide began to ebb. There was something that she had said that he thought was just imagery at the time but now, following the secrecy of the phone call and going out soon afterwards, he wondered if there wasn't more to it. His hand shook as he refilled his glass with the last of the wine.

'I don't need you to mow my lawn anymore.'

He's missed the relevance completely at the time but now he knew with certainty that this was an admission, a boast almost, of Caroline having someone else. Repeating them within his head, the words changed their meaning, albeit slightly, with the change of emphasis on certain words. Caroline had put the weight on the word 'you'. She didn't need him because someone else was doing the deed, and she hadn't been talking about cutting the grass. The only viable conclusion was that she hadn't refused his overture for any other reason than she was being unfaithful. He was going to be kicked out of his house again so that she could move her lover in. His angst demanded more liquid solace and disappointment greeted him there too, an empty glass and bottle mocking his need.

Whether he would admit it or not, his time with Judith had aggravated an already unhealthy habit of drinking his woes away. He was not, yet, in the same league as his ex-lover but his tendency to grant himself what he deemed a just reward at the end of each day was fast deteriorating into a dangerous reliability and he headed back to the kitchen for a further supply. He checked through the bottles in the rack, pleased to see that in his absence his wife had kept it well-stocked. He had never been particularly fussy and took an identical red to the one he had just finished, for the simple reason that he hoped it might hide the fact that he had started another bottle. He was rooting around in the drawer for the corkscrew when Lawrence joined him.

'Hi Popsicle. Will's just paused the film while I get some nibbles. Want some?' he questioned as he opened the snack cupboard.

'No thanks. I'm still stuffed from dinner but I'm just getting a drink.'

John watched as Lawrence chose a couple of packs of snacks and some chocolate bars.

'I guess growing lads need plenty of goodies, but I bet your mum doesn't let you have so much.'

'Ah, but she's not here and you're not miserable enough to deny a craving!' he chuckled as he pointed to the bottle.

'Touché! Mum go out often while I've been away?' he questioned, the way he referred to his absence suggested a short business trip rather than an affair.

'Yeah, loads. Sometimes Will was meant to be in charge and sometimes Gran but they were often at the flat together, so I had freedom to munch to my heart's content!'

'Where did she used to go?' John had lost interest in the looking for the corkscrew and sat at the breakfast bar.

'Oh, that thing where you need a mat and pretend its exercise. I know, Pilates. I think she goes with a friend.'

'Oh, and does this friend have a name?'

'No idea and haven't asked. I thought Pilates was meant to help you chill as well as tone you up, so she needs to ask for a refund; it ain't working.' Lawrence was getting tired of chatting as it was keeping him from his film, but his dad always treated him like an adult, which he appreciated, so he joined him at the breakfast bar and popped open a bag of breadsticks. He offered them to his dad, who took one absent-mindedly.

John ignored his son's poor grammar, knowing that it was important to keep him talking.

'It's good for her to go out. Is it always on a Sunday?'

'Oh, yeah, it's Sunday today. Nah, that's not Pilates. That's a Thursday as it's the night when Flash is on tv.'

'Lawrence!' William called from the end of the hallway.

'Better go, dad. The Pussy is after his share of the snacks.'

ooOoo

Celia continued to follow at a distance, smiling at her own audacity while wondering what she would do when Caroline reached her journey's end. Her courage did not extend into driving at night, newly developing cataracts causing oncoming headlights to dazzle, and she hoped that they would remain within well-lit, built-up areas. The confidence with which Caroline negotiated the junctions convinced her mother that it was a journey she had driven before. As the route took them off the main roads and began to wind through a residential part of Harrogate that she did not know, Celia surmised correctly that they were nearing their destination. The Jeep eventually slowed before pulling across the road and parking against the opposite kerb. Celia stayed on the correct side of the road, a safe distance away, continuing to watch as her daughter climbed out of the car and pushed open a small gate before disappearing from her view.

Celia turned off her ignition and lights while she looked around. Her assessment was that the road seemed pleasant enough, although she was aware low light could cover a multitude of sins. The gates to the houses were well spaced, suggesting reasonably sized gardens if not properties. But she was an older woman driving alone and for the first time since she started to follow her daughter Celia realised the foolishness of her actions. Knowing deep down that she had never had any intention of ambushing her daughter she decided to make the best of a bad job and return when Caroline would be at school. If nothing else, a stroll along the road might provide an opportunity to pick up gossip from a neighbour of whoever owned the house. Then, suddenly, reality hit; it was already dark, with the engine off she was beginning to feel cold and she had no idea how to get back to Conway Drive. More significantly, time was not on her side; she regretted not using the bathroom before heading out for petrol.

ooOoo

'Not in the bath yet then?' Caroline commented as she briefly and dutifully returned Kate's hug.

'Well, I was going to but thought you might be upset at being left waiting on the doorstep. Anyway, I am still savouring a very palatable ice-cold lager. Want to share what's left?'

'Lager? Since when would you drink that at home? Or out, come to that?'

'That is what comes of spending the weekend with drunken reprobates who initiate a resumption of dormant habits. Weak, cheap lager was my drink of choice twenty-five years ago and I'd forgotten how good it can taste! The lovely Greg had some for us to share in the hotel and I brought a bottle home with me.'

'Well, not for me, thanks. I have had half a glass of red and can't drink any more as I'm driving. Shall we sit down?' The lack of warmth in her words matched her body language as she began drowning in the wave of jealousy generated by the affectionate mention of this 'Greg' person. Her imagination fixated on the image of Kate sharing lager with him in the hotel and she shook her head to deter the vision.

'That's rather formal. Are you ok?'

They sat at either end of the sofa and Kate put her glass down on the coffee table; the drink's appeal having evaporated. Caroline didn't make any attempt to respond to the question and Kate began to wonder what had changed since the phone call. She looked on bewildered, noticing a drawn look on Caroline's face for the first time. Perhaps she had decided about their future during the drive and was working out how to break the news.

'What is up, Caroline?' Harshly spoken and terse, her words aimed to challenge. Kindness remained her dominant characteristic, but a shell of self-preservation had begun to form over recent days as she prepared to receive Caroline's decision. She was not just going to sit back and wait for her fate to be announced.

'John's moved back in.'

Nothing had prepared Kate for such an emotional bombshell and her fledgling steeliness yielded under its first challenge. The words to her reply formed almost without conscious contribution, her face telegraphing devastation to even the most casual of observer.

'Goodness. What exactly does that mean?'

'Oh Kate, please don't look at me like that. It's only until he finds somewhere else to live. Judith's an alcoholic. That's why I agreed. He's been contriving with Lawrence to get back with me and I can't bear the sight of him; John, not Lawrence, obviously.' Caroline put out her hand to reassure Kate, the first touch she had initiated since her arrival.

'Well, that's not a surprise but it can't be easy having him back under the same roof. No wonder you seem drawn.'

As the conversation continued Caroline started to gain benefit from Kate's listening ear. She knew that she consistently received far more from Kate than she gave, and this had been one of the first things she had appreciated from their friendship. Kate's seemingly boundless empathy had never failed to support and at a time when anyone else would consider how the weekend's events might affect their own future, here Kate was, propping her up – again. Caroline paused for breath, trying valiantly to remain focused, as her thoughts continued their rampaging challenge to bring her to the realisation that, whatever the consequences, she could not contemplate a future without this wonderful woman.

'My worry is not that he's back at number 46 but more that I think he'll soon ask me to sell it, so he can have his half of the money. I couldn't bear to part with it, Kate. I couldn't.'

'Well, that's not someth..'

Her words were cut off as Caroline talked over her, words tumbling from her lips.

'And if that's not enough, I know that I can't bear to consider a future without you. You've been away two days and that's been purgatory. Now you tell me that your weekend's been spent with someone you think is lovely, so this insane jealousy is pecking away at me. AND on top of all that, on top of everything else that's doing its absolute fucking best to derail my existence, my mother knows I am seeing someone and although she's tried to be clever, I know she's been following me since I left home tonight. She's now parked a few yards up the road and it wouldn't surprise me if there was a knock on your door any minute.'