Author's Note: Hello everyone! Thank you to everyone that had been reading and enjoying this story! Although I wanted to have this chapter up earlier, I made a few changes so it took some time to rework but I feel like it helped the story line. I do have 2 more chapter outlines worked out so hopefully there won't be a long wait for the next update.
DesertRose3000 (BTW love this username) Wrote the review: "Does Jou really have a right to be angry with Atem for leaving when it was Yugi who forced him to leave in the first place?"
This is a good point. I hope to clear this up in the upcoming chapter but I want to clarify it here in case it didn't come across like I wanted it to. I feel that when I wrote the opening chapters I tried to convey that Yugi didn't "force" Atem away but "opened the door" to let him choose what he wanted to do. His choice was to let Yugi have a normal life and pass on to the Afterlife. It may not have been the choice Yugi wanted but Atem still made it, knowing they would never see each other again. Joey knows and saw how much Yugi was hurt by this and feels like its his responsibility to protect Yugi since he is his best friend. Joey may not have the right to to be angry or intervene the way he did but I see it as a very "Joey" thing to do. He just wants to protect his best friend from having to go through that again.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. Not even Joey and his feisty attitude.
Chapter 4: Influences
Atem turned the lock on the store door and flipped over the "open/closed" sign as the seemingly endless day finished. Since Solomon had a few errands to run he entrusted his new apprentice with the responsibility of closing the shop for the day. Atem found that the longer he was working in the shop, the more Solomon would entrust to him.
After closing the register and ensuring that all the glass cases were locked and secure, Atem headed up to the house. He walked out of the stair well and looked around. The house was empty aside for him and he knew that's how it would remain for some time.
Even though it was a Friday and Yugi normally tried to rush home to begin his weekend, he knew Yugi wouldn't be home for a few more hours. Ever since he and Yugi had their interrupted kiss, Yugi had begun distancing himself again. He wasn't sure what would have happened or how far it would have gone if Joey hadn't decided to drop by and he was beginning to think he never would.
He had wanted to talk to Yugi about the moment they shared but couldn't find the chance to since it wasn't something he could easily bring up with Yugi's grandfather around. Instead he was left to his thoughts and worries about what was the exact reason why his younger half was dodging him again.
Atem sighed as he sulked his way to the kitchen to find something for himself for dinner. He opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents. He didn't have enough skill to cook something for himself but he did have enough knowledge microwave something. He twisted his mouth at the options in front of him. Honestly, the knot in his stomach made eating very unappealing at the moment. The more he worried the bigger the knot became.
He closed the door and leaned against the counter. Atem rubbed his palm on his face in frustration, trying in vain to think about what he could have done to upset Yugi. He winced slightly when his hand grazed over the cheek that Joey struck the week before.
His thoughts always came back to the same instance. Everything started right after the kiss. He reran the scene in his head over and over again trying to find a reason Yugi wouldn't have wanted him to kiss him. He remember the blush, Yugi's slender arms wrapping around his neck drawing him in closer, and the longing he saw in those beautiful, lilac eyes. He thought he had read Yugi's actions correctly and that he had wanted it too but maybe he thought wrong?
In the moment maybe he had been so caught up in his own feelings that he couldn't accurately see what Yugi was feeling? He wanted to slap himself. They had been getting along so well and now they had taken a huge step backwards because of his own stupid hormones.
There was only one other option that could be causing Yugi to keep his distance. Joey had made it loud and clear he wanted Yugi to have nothing to do with Atem. Maybe that was why Yugi was steering clear from him? Joey and Tristan were his best friends and they stood by him through thick and thin. Could they be so against Atem they would go so far as to say they wanted nothing to do with either of them? If they wouldn't accept Atem back would Yugi's loyalties reside with them?
Atem shook his head, ridding himself from the thought. Yugi wouldn't do that. He was never one to take sides. Yugi kind heart would choose to be the peace keeper before would let that happen.
The silence of the house was broken from the sound of the front door opening and closing. Atem glance at the clock and realized it was too early for Solomon to be back yet so it must be Yugi. Atem's eyes drifted to the doorway of the kitchen and his suspicions had been right.
Yugi stopped in the doorway and looked around the room meekly. He was fidgeting with a button on his navy blue dress shirt. "Hey," he said softly.
"Hello," Atem replied just as quietly. He was afraid to move, like if he made any sudden movements it would frighten Yugi away. He wasn't sure how to react right now but he knew he needed to get Yugi alone long enough to find out what was happening between them.
"Is grandpa still down in the shop?", Yugi asked, snot moving from his spot in the doorway.
"No. He went on some errands." Atem glanced to the clock above the stove and explained, "He should be back in about another hour or so."
"Oh…" He replied uneasily.
Atem pressed his lips together, knowing this wasn't the answer he had wanted. Before Yugi had the chance to run to his room Atem took his chance. "Since it's just the two of us how about we grab some pizza for dinner?"
"Uhm…" Yugi tilted his head to the side. Atem could see in his eyes that he was torn between accepting the offer and keeping his distance.
Before he could choose the latter option, Atem prompted him again with an encouraging smile. "Come on, it's my treat."
"O-Okay… Thanks." Yugi said, his lips curving upward slightly.
Atem returned the smile tenfold, excited that Yugi agreed to have dinner with him.
"Great! You like the little place around the corner, right?" Atem asked while he made his way to the front door. Yugi nodded and followed after him, both stopping to slip on shoes and jackets. Atem locked the door behind them before they began their short trek to the Pizzeria.
Both men stayed quiet as they walked through the busy streets. They stayed close so they didn't get separated and Atem brushed his shoulder against Yugi's every once in a while. Every time it happen he saw Yugi glance up at him but always returned his uneasy look with a small smile.
They finally made it to the small storefront and Atem held to door for Yugi. He followed Yugi in and was happy to find that there weren't too many people in the restaurant, only a couple and a small group of highschoolers. There were a few small, round tables in the center of the floor and one of the walls was lines with booths. The delicious smell of cheese and toppings filled the air.
He found Yugi admiring the different pizzas through the glass counter top, a real smile finally on his lips. Atem walked up next to him and asked, "Anything look good tonight?"
Without looking up to him, Yugi replied, "The veggie pizza looks good but my favorite is still the pepperoni. I think I'm going to stick with that."
Atem looked at the case and agreed the veggie looked good. "I think I'll try the veggie."
Atem placed the order along with a couple of sodas. Atem noticed that the woman taking his order hadn't taken her greedy eyes off him since they walked in. He regarded her out of the corner of his eye, wondering how long she would keep it up. She looked about twenty, wearing a red apron over a short, black dress and her black hair was tied tightly up in a high ponytail. The woman rang the order up and put the items on a single tray. she slid the tray toward him, telling him to enjoy his meal and finished with a flirty wink, which Atem ignored completely.
With the tray in hand, Atem decided the best option for a quiet dinner was a booth. The backs of the booths were high and it would give them the privacy he was looking for. He placed the tray on the table and they sat down opposite from each other.
Atem slid Yugi his pizza slice and soda and they began to eat. Atem took a bite of his slice and found it tasted just as good as it looked. He looked over to Yugi and could see he was enjoying his as well.
"Everything you expected?" Atem asked before he took a sip of his drink.
Yugi finished chewing before saying, "Even better! This place never disappoints. I'm surprised it's not more popular but I'm glad it's never busy. How's your slice?"
"Delicious," Atem gave him another smile and they continued eating. Yugi seemed to be in a good mood now and that was promising for his plan to talk.
They both finished their slices quickly and placed their empty plates on the tray. The women behind the counter walked by the table, "Can I get you anything else, sweetie?" She batted her eyelashes solely at Atem, ignoring the fact that Yugi was sitting at the table completely.
Atem gave her a level stare, not interested at all. "No. Thank you," He said politely.
"Well... If you change your mind I'll be right over there." She began to walk away and as she did her hand gently grazed his shoulder, lingering longer then it should have. He ignored her advances again and didn't respond. He grabbed his cup and took a few more sips from it.
When Atem looked across the table he noticed Yugi regarding the woman across the restaurant with a look of disdain. Atem smirked, knowing he must have noticed the unsuccessful flirting too.
He leaned in a little and asked, "Something wrong?"
Yugi jumped a little and tore his gaze away from the women. A small blush ran over his cheeks. "No... Nothing's wrong."
"Really? Because the look you were giving that woman could easily cause her to burst into flames."
Yugi leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I just think its pretty unprofessional to flirt with customers like that."
"Oh, she was flirting?" Atem asked, faking his innocence.
"Come on. I know you saw it too. She did it before when we got the food and then just now."
"Not really. I'm only interested in one person and it definitely isn't her."
"Oh…" Yugi said and looked down again. Atem was relieved when he saw a sweet smile on his lips instead of a frown.
Even though he didn't want to spoil the good time they were having, Atem knew he needed this would be his best chance to get any information out of the younger one. "Since we have a moment alone, I'd like to ask you something."
"Oh…?" Yugi glanced up at Atem, seeing his now serious expression.
When Atem spoke it was gentle, careful not to be too forceful in his questioning. "I've noticed ever since last week you seem to be coming home later and later. I was wanted to ask if you could tell me why?"
"Oh that…" Yugi shifted in his seat on the other side of the table. "Well… I've just been really busy with work."
Atem raised a single eyebrow, knowing this was a lame excuse. "Is that so?"
"Yes..." Yugi nodded his head.
"Oh. Because I was afraid it might have had something to with last weekend."
Yugi paused at the mention of the previous weekend. He picked up his cup and took a few generous sips before asking, "W-What about last weekend?"
"Well there was that fight I got into with Joey," He suggested first.
"That's nothing." Yugi waved a hand. "You know how Joey can get. He's always eager to get into it with someone." He laughed nervously, even though it was entirely true.
"I just want to make sure I'm not coming between you and your friends."
"No." Yugi finally looked up, to see Atem's worried expression. "Joey hasn't given me any ultimatums if that's what you mean."
Atem felt grateful knowing that Yugi wasn't forced to choose between him and his friends. This relief was short lived, knowing it must be the other reason he feared.
"Good. One more thing…" He took a deep breath before bringing up the next topic. "I want to talk about our kiss."
Atem could visibly see Yugi stiffen with the mention of the kiss. When he spoke it was barely above a whisper. "Uhm… What about it?"
"I hope I didn't overstep your boundaries."
"No…" Yugi shook his head slightly, "You don't have to worry about anything… It… It was nothing."
"Nothing?" Atem's eyes widened and he was taken aback. This wasn't the answer he had expected and it felt like Yugi had just punched his square in the chest.
Yugi looked anywhere but at Atem when he explained, "Yeah we both just got caught up in the moment. It doesn't have to mean anything." Yugi's words were rushed, wanting to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible. His mood seemed to chance so suddenly. One moment he was enjoying Atem's company and compliment, the next he was denying his feelings entirly.
"But it could." Atem reached out with a steady hand and took Yugi's shaky one. Yugi stopped his fidgeting and his eyes fell on their connected hands. "I'm not sure where we are right now but I know that it wasn't just 'nothing'."
"Sure it was…" Yugi whispered so softly Atem doubted that if it wasn't so quiet in the restaurant he wouldn't have heard it at all. Atem could also hear the hint of doubt in Yugi's voice, like he didn't believe the words coming out of his own mouth.
Atem shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Yugi's. "No. We had a moment. I could feel it…" He ran his thumb across Yugi's fingers and heard Yugi's sharp intake of breath. "And I know you felt it too."
Yugi gulped, unsure how to respond. He knew Atem was right but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Atem was so close and it was making his head spin. Yugi could feel the strings in his chest pulling him toward Atem but his mind was telling him to run.
The latter took hold of him and he gently tugged his hand away from Atem's. He placed both his hands in his lap and kept his head down.
Atem furrowed his brow, worried he was pushing Yugi to far. He needed to take little steps with him. He decided this was enough for the night so without another word he stood from his seat. "Fine. We should get home before it gets too late."
Yugi looked up at him with a surprised look, probably surprised Atem dropped the conversation so quickly. He nodded and followed after Atem silently.
Neither said a word to each other the entire way back to the shop. The streets had cleared up considerably so Yugi made sure to keep a couple feet between them.
Atem unlocked the door and let Yugi enter the house first. He followed Yugi up the stairs and Solomon exited the kitchen to see who came home.
Solomon perked up when he noticed Yugi in the room. "Yugi-"
"Hey grandpa… Sorry I can't talk. I have a bunch of work to do. Goodnight!" Yugi called as he rushed past him and up to his room, guilty for having to blow off his grandpa.
Atem stared after Yugi with a furrowed brow. He had finally had his chance to talk to Yugi but it only left him with more questions. He didn't have a chance to mull them over because the next thing he heard was Solomon clearing his throat.
"Something on your mind?"
"No," Atem said as convincingly as he could. He turned and walked into the kitchen. He saw the shopping bags on the table and began helping the older man unload and put them away.
"Oh?" Solomon began, joining Atem. "Because it seemed like things are a little tense again. Did something happen between you two?"
"No," Atem repeated, hoping the older man couldn't see through his façade. He grabbed a few cans and placed them in one of the cabinets. "I'm just worried he's going to overwork himself."
"Hm. He does seem to be spending more time working then relaxing lately. Hopefully things don't continue like this."
"Hopefully." Atem finished in the cabinet so he made his way to the refrigerator to change the subject. "We had dinner already but let me warm you something up."
"I can manage." Solomon shoo'd him away from the refrigerator before suggesting, "Maybe you could see if Yugi needs help with anything. His work load seems fit for two anyway."
Atem knew it was a bad idea but if he said that he'd also have to explain why he and Yugi shouldn't be near each other at the moment. He shrugged his shoulders, not knowing a way around it. "I'll see if he wants some help."
Atem quietly walked up the stairs to Yugi's room. He raised a hand to knock, but stopped when he heard Yugi's muffled voice on the other side of the door. It sounded like he was on the phone. Not wanting to eavesdrop on a private conversation, Atem turned to leave until he heard his own name.
Yugi was talking about him? He took a silent step closer to the door and listened even closer to what Yugi was saying.
"I had dinner alone with Atem tonight… It went okay… Fine maybe it was less then okay… I wasn't trying to be alone with him but he wanted to go out for dinner so I said yes… I don't know what I'm going to do Joey… Yes, I remember what you said but I can't do that… Because it's too harsh… I know you want me to avoid him but it's hard since I live with him… I'm starting to run out of excuses…"
Atem could feel his entire body turn to ice and he didn't hear anything else. The only thing he could focus on was Yugi's admission to avoiding him at the encouragement of Joey. Joey… This was Joey filling his head with who knows what! Everything had been going so well until Joey stepped in! The ice in his body soon turned to fire, his glare so harsh it might burn a hole straight through his door.
Atem knew that if he stayed here any longer he might barge into the room, lose his temper, and all would be lost. He needed a chance to gather his thoughts and he needed to get out of this house. His body was on fire from the rage and he needed the fresh air to cool him down.
He swiftly descended both steps, and only stopped to quickly put on a pair of black boots and a light, black jacket over his gray t-shirt. He let the front door close behind him with a loud thud and quickly began to distance himself from Kame Game Shop.
He kept his head down and his clenched fists hidden in the pockets of his jacket, thinking over the conversation he overheard.
Atem walked through the dimly lit streets as the sun continued to set. The cool air of the night felt good against his skin and the more he walked the calmer he felt.
He let his feet take control as his mind pondered over the new information about Yugi. So this was all Joey's doing? He knew Joey wasn't in favor of his return but to actually encourage Yugi to push him away? Atem clenched his teeth at the thought. Joey should be trying to encourage Yugi's decisions, not influencing them to his liking.
But the thing that hurt the most was that Yugi was actually letting it happen.
Atem knew Yugi wanted to work through things. Yugi had told him this himself after all but knowing Yugi was leaning toward pushing him away...
And all this still left a burning question in the back of his mind: What was Joey saying to him to make him doubt his feelings?
At this time of night the streets were mostly empty and now all the street lights were on, drowning out the stars in the dark night sky.
When Atem looked up to see where he was, he realized he was in front of Domino Cinemas, a larger movie theater that was a good distance away from Kame Game Shop. A crowd of people began to emerge from the theater so he decided to take a seat on a nearby bench instead of fighting his way through the crowds.
Atem watched the people as they passed by, busily talking about the different movies they had just watched.
His eyes fell on a couple, a man and women, holding hands. They walked past him and he could hear the women giggle at something the man whispered in her ear. She snuggled up closer to him as he put an arm around her while they walked out of sight.
Atem let out a sad sigh, wanting more than anything for him and Yugi to have that. He was fighting so hard to fix what happened but it seemed like Yugi was still slipping through his fingers. Nothing ever seemed to be in their favor.
The next sight that caught his attention was a small group of teenagers chatting excitedly about the action movie they must have seen. They were about high school age it seemed and there were three of them, two boys and a girl. The taller boy said something that made the girl laugh, which in turn made the shorter boy gentle punch him in the arm. They walked past him laughing, not letting the inside joke ruin their good mood.
This made Atem long for the days he shared with his two best friends while he was still a young Prince of Egypt. Even on the most boring of days, filled with nothing but studies, Mana and Mahad always managed to sneak him away so they could enjoy some time together. Though he knew they would always be with him in spirit, it still stung knowing it would never be as it was again.
A child's laughing screech forced Atem to look up again. Now he was looking at a mother and father, each holding on to one of their young sons hands. They were walking along and every few steps they would lift the small boy off the ground and gently swing him forward and backward. Each time they did this it never failed to bring a delighted screech from the boy.
This is the sight that hurt the most. Now that he had the memories of his life back, Atem could remember the days he spent with his family. Though he didn't get to spend as much time with his parents as he would have liked as a child, his parents being Pharaoh and Queen of Egypt, he still cherished every moment he got to spend with them.
The moments they got to spend together as a family were his favorite memories of growing up. He remembered getting to spend days out on their boat on the Nile, playing with them in his bedroom while the Pharaoh advisors had strict instructions not to disturb their family time, and him running after his dad while they played hide and seek in the palace gardens.
He remembered his first few moments when he entered the Royal Afterlife. The first thing he remembered was two pairs of arms hugging him tightly. When he looked around it was his parents, both telling him how happy they were to see him again and how proud they were for his sacrifices to Egypt.
He had returned the hug full force, thankful to see the parent he had been forced to see pass while he was still so young. His mother cried, saying she wished she could have watched him grow into the amazing young man that stood before her now. She had died when Atem was only nine years old.
Atem had to force his mind away from these thoughts before his emotions got the best of him. He blinked away the tears that had begun to form in his eyes before they could fall.
It was different now. He couldn't go back to those moments anymore because the Afterlife wasn't an option now. He was here, in modern day Japan, with the main goal of getting back to the person that meant the most to him.
The crowd began to clear so Atem stood so he could begin his walk home. He didn't think he had ever felt as defeated as right now. When he made the decision to return all he wanted was to give Yugi what he deserved so they could finally be happy together. Nothing he seemed to be doing was working and he was quickly losing what hope he had left.
Atem wondered if returning to the living world when the Gods offered him the chance was a mistake but he quickly shut that thought down. This is where he belonged and he knew it. He could feel it every time he and Yugi were near each other. He couldn't give up, not when Yugi refused to give up on them in the past.
Atem straightened his posture and his steps fell on the sidewalk more confidently as he headed back toward the game shop. He had a new mission now and that was to show Yugi whatever Joey was saying, was wrong.
The next day started and Atem decided to spend the day in the shop. Yugi had only made a brief appearance to say he would be busy all day. Atem had expected this and decided to go about the day normally until Yugi was ready to talk again.
Solomon had stepped out to have a late lunch with a friend so Atem was alone in the shop. He sat at the glass counter, flipping through a magazine with little interest when the bell above the door sounded. He looked up, ready to greet a customer but instead his face turned to malicious contempt. Joey's face mirrored his as he approached the counter.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Atem asked, his voiced laced with scorn.
"Wouldn't ya like to know?" Joey retorted as he picked up a stack of cards from a bin and shuffled through them.
Atem sat back on the stool and crossed his arms. "If I had to guess you are here to see Yugi. Unfortunately he's busy with work at the moment. I'll tell him you stopped by though." He finished with a mocked smile.
"Actually, he called me up to hang out with him today." Joey put the cards back down and gave him a smug look. "Something about being stuck in the house suffocating him. He didn't mention it?"
Atem put a hand up to Joey, unable to hold back on confronting the man filling Yugi's head with lies. "Alright cut the crap, Wheeler. I'm fully aware of what you are trying to do."
"And that would be?" Joey mocked an innocent look, though his smirk gave him away. He was enjoying toying with Atem.
"Whatever lies you are feeding him, stop. We were finally getting back to where we were before-" Atem didn't have a chance to finish his thought before he was cut off.
"Before what? Before you left him?" Joey closed the distance between them and placed both hands flat on the glass counter. "He told me what ya did. Ya made him all these promises and then ya broke them. Well ya broke him too. He was a mess. But ya wouldn't know that because you were too busy enjoying your paradise while he was here suffering. He doesn't need someone like that in his life anymore so get lost already before ya hurt him again."
Atem refused to let Joey intimidate him. He kept his glare even and stood his ground. "Leaving last time wasn't what either of us wanted but it was what I had to do. I didn't have a choice in the matter."
Joey pushed himself off the counter, uninterested in continuing this conversation. "Save it for someone who cares." He walked over to the stairs and yelled up to Yugi, letting him know he was here.
"This is between Yugi and me. You have no right to get involved."
Joey scoffed. "Yugi is my best friend and I have the right to protect him. And if he needs protecting from you, so be it."
Yugi quickly came down the stairs before Atem could respond and glanced between the two. He knew something was going on between them because they were both still staring at each other with hate.
"Uhm?"
Joey took his eyes off of Atem and smiled at Yugi. "Come on Yug. Let's get going before we're late meeting Tristan."
Yugi gave one more glance between the two before nodding. He gave a small wave to Atem before turning to leave.
"Yugi…" Yugi glanced over his shoulder at the sound of his name. He relaxed his face, now showing more concern then anything else. "Do you think we could talk when you get back?"
"Uhm… Sure…"
"Good." Atem gave him a curt smile. "Have fun with your friends."
It was late by the time Yugi returned to the house. It was past midnight so Yugi tried his best to stay as silent as possible while he entered the house. The light was off in the living room and he was grateful, knowing Atem was most likely asleep. He turned to make his way to his room but froze at the whispered sound of his name.
"Yugi."
He turned slowly as the table lamp next to the couch flickered on. Atem sat up from his spot on the couch. Yugi gave him a nervous smile. "I thought you would be asleep by now…"
"I assumed so…" Atem stood up and faced Yugi. He gestured for Yugi to have a seat on the couch. "It's why we need to talk. We need to talk about why you've been avoiding me again."
Yugi took a couple steps forward but stopped at the back of the couch, keeping it between them. He ran his hands over the fabric without looking up at Atem. "I told you... I'm not avoiding you…"
Atem crossed his arms. "I'm not stupid. I also overheard your conversation with Joey yesterday."
Yugi's eyes widened but he still kept his head down. "…You did?"
"Yes. I heard you tell him that you've been trying to avoid me. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about…" Yugi turned and quickly ascended the steps to his room. He thought for a moment that he was able to get out of the conversation until he heard Atem's steps following quickly behind him. They both entered his room and Atem closed the door behind him.
"Yes there is. Whatever he's saying to you is making you have doubts about us again. If we continue down this path it isn't going to end well. I don't want that to happen. Do you…?"
"I… I don't know…" Yugi sat down on the side of his bed and ran a hand through his hair.
Atem gave him a soft look and sat down next to him, only inches away. He placed a gentle hand on the smaller man's shoulder. "Then talk to me. We can figure this out. We have always been able to figure out everything together."
"Please stop that…" Yugi's voice shook slightly when he spoke. Atem furrowed his brow, unsure of what exactly Yugi meant.
"Stop what?"
"Stop acting like everything is just going to be okay again!" Yugi pushed his hand away and stood. He walked across the room and wrapped his arms around himself, keeping his back to Atem. "You can't just come back and expect everything to be okay again."
Atem lost his composure momentarily with Yugi's outburst, but regained it a moment later. "I don't expect it. I've been trying like hell to fix what happened."
Yugi didn't move. "Well there wouldn't be anything to fix if you hadn't left in the first place."
Not this again. Atem thought they were past this. "You said you understood why I left. That it was what I had to do so that we could get to where we are now."
"Yeah well… I don't know what to think anymore. Before you came back I was finally doing better. And now that you're here I can't tell up from down again," Yugi shook his head.
"Yugi…" Atem stood and walked up next to him. He laid a hand on Yugi's back and gently rubbed it. "One thing that you can be sure of is that it was never my intention to hurt you."
"Telling me you love me and then leaving? You thought that wouldn't hurt me?" Yugi glanced sideways, raising a brow skeptically.
"I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to give you the life you deserved. Not a spirit stuck in the back of your mind. What kind of life would that have been for you?"
"You were what I wanted in my life. I told you that. And you still left." Yugi hugged himself tighter, trying hard to keep his emotions under control.
"You act like it was easy for me. You act like it didn't hurt me to leave. It killed me to walk through that door. Please believe me."
Yugi turned his head away from Atem. His voice was soft and filled with the hurt he had experienced over the years. "I believed you when you said you didn't care about your memories… When you said you would always stand beside me… When you said you wanted to stay. When you said you loved me."
"I meant all of that." Atem stepped in front of Yugi and put a hand on each of his shoulders. Yugi refused to look up at him so he continued with, "When I told you those things I never thought anything would come between us. That was before-"
"BUT YOU PROMISED!" Yugi's head shot up and Atem could see all the pain he had been put through in that single glance. Atem's grip on his shoulders tightened, fearing Yugi would flee. "You promised me… And now you are promising me again…"
"Yugi… Please if you just give us a chance-"
"No…" Yugi spoke softly but the answer was enough to pull all the air from Atem's lungs. "I can't… I can't risk letting you in and then losing you again… You… You should just go back… I'd be better off if you just left!"
Atem was still raking the words through his brain. This couldn't be it. He hadn't noticed that Yugi shook free from his grip until he heard the door to his room opening. He lifted his head to see Yugi quickly walking through the door and he was smacked back to reality. He rushed after him.
They both emerged from the staircase and Atem finally caught up with Yugi before he got the other set of stairs. He reached out and grabbed onto Yugi's wrist. The sudden action forced Yugi's head around and Atem could see the eyes that were usually so full of light, darkened with sadness and the threat of tears.
A sob emerged from Atem's throat at the sight. He never wanted to see the one person he cared most about in so much pain.
Atem was becoming more desperate as every second passed. He couldn't let Yugi slip away from him. His strength was draining from him when he gently pulled Yugi's arm, forcing him to face Atem fully. He reached up to wipe a stray tear away from Yugi's cheek but before he could, Yugi harshly slapped it away.
Yugi's shoulders began to shake slightly and he let out a sob, his voice was officially gone. The only thing he could do was shake his head and tug on his arm until Atem let go of his wrist. It took a few tries but Yugi finally managed to break free.
Once out of Atem's grasp, Yugi dropped his head and quickly headed for the stairs again.
Atem tried to catch him again but Yugi was too fast for him this time.
"Yugi listen to me! It's different this time!" Atem pleaded, his voice shook slightly with each word. He reached out for Yugi but missed, and he disappeared down the stairs. Atem could hear his quick footsteps on the stairs, followed by the front door opening and closing.
Atem stood at the top of the stairs, eyes wide in shock and blurry from unshed tears. How could he let this happen? They had been so close, right on the cusp of getting what they both desired. He didn't know what else to do. If he ran after him, Yugi would only push him farther away.
As Atem stood there, thinking about how he had failed his partner, he balled his fists tightly. The desperation and hurt turned to anger. Angry at himself for being so hopeful. Angry at himself for hurting the one he loved most. Angry at the Gods for forcing the two into this situation.
His knuckles began to turn white the more he thought about all the unfair events they had been forced through and his temper finally broke. In a blink his fist was pulled back and it made contact with the wall beside the doorframe to the stairwell with a resounding bang.
When he pulled his hand back, it throbbed slightly and he knew his knuckles would most likely be bruised by the morning. He was panting heavily, frozen in his spot until a voice broke through the tense air.
"I know you're upset but did you have to take it out on my wall?"
Atem slowly turned his head, as if in a daze, and he found Solomon standing at the bottom of the stairs that led to the third floor of the house, wearing a green, striped pajama top and matching bottoms.
He glanced back at the wall and could see the indent and cracked wall from where his fist made contact. His eyes widened a little more and he dropped his head, ashamed he let go of his self-control so severely.
As the anger in his heart subsided, it was quickly replaced with the sting of rejection. The tears that threatened in his eyes returned but he quickly raised a fist and wiped them away before turning to face the older man.
"My apologies." It took all Atem had to keep his voice from wavering. "I'll fix the wall."
Solomon took a few steps toward Atem and reached out for the hand that hit the wall. Atem winced in the older man's light touch. He let go and motioned Atem toward the kitchen. "Come. You should put some ice on that."
Atem followed silently behind and sat down in a chair at the kitchen table when Solomon pointed to it. Solomon retrieved the ice pack from the freezer and passed it off to Atem. He took a seat at the chair at the opposite side of the table.
Atem fixed his gaze on his hand, now covered by the cooling sensation of the ice pack. He could feel the throbbing begin to subside. He was afraid to look up, knowing the older man had his eyes fixed on him.
He wondered how much of the conversation he had heard. To an outsider, Atem would have come off as the bad guy. Solomon was the last person Atem seemed to have in this time period that was on his side. If he lost him as an ally he wouldn't have anyone left. Yugi was his grandson, his only family and Atem had been the cause for all his pain.
Atem sat quietly, head bowed, waiting for the judgement of the other man.
After a few minutes, Solomon finally broke the silence but nothing could prepare Atem for the words that came out of his mouth. He expected him to be irate. He expected him to shout at him, to throw him out and tell him to stay away from his grandson. But none of that happened.
"Don't look so down. Every couple has a lover's spat every now and then."
Atem's felt his heart sink into his stomach. He looked up, eyes wide and mouth agape. How could Solomon look so calm saying something like that? Sure he had mostly likely heard the fight from before but had he really put together the situation so quickly? And how could he be so calm finding out his grandson had feelings for the 5000 year old spirit he once shared a body with?
Solomon chuckled, seeing the shocked expression on Atem's face. "Don't look so surprised. I'm old but I'm not blind. The way you two act around each other, only a fool wouldn't be able to see it."
Atem gulped, at a loss for words. "I… But how… The thing is…"
Solomon held up a hand, signaling he didn't need an explanation. He gave him a soft smile. "It's okay, I get it. As long as Yugi is happy, I'm happy. He was always happiest when you were in his life."
Atem could see the sincerity on the old man's face. It only stung more, remembering the words Yugi said to him earlier. He bowed his head slightly and whispered, "Not this time."
Solomon gave him an apologetic look. "He's just working through some things right now. After you left last time… Yugi had a hard time accepting it. He missed you very much. He's recovered for the most part but I think part of him is scared he's going to go back to that place."
"What place?" Atem glanced up with a raised eyebrow, curious over what the man meant.
"I think Yugi should be the one to tell you. It might help you both of you cope with what happened."
Atem twisted his mouth at the cryptic answer and then shook his head. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. You heard him. He thinks we're better off apart."
Solomon raised a hand and stroked his jaw in thought. After a moment he turned his attention back to Atem and suggested, "You should tell him that secret of yours. It might help him."
Atem tilted his head to the side in consideration. "I thought about it but… If Yugi can't trust me when I tell him I don't want to leave him again then what kind of relationship would we have anyway? I want our relationship built on trust not on circumstances."
Solomon nodded in understanding but still responded with, "You can't expect Yugi to trust you fully when you have secrets from him. If you tell him what you gave up for him he might believe that you never wanted to leave in the first place. It might be the first step to regaining his trust."
Atem knit his brow, considering the older man's words. All the time he spent considering telling Yugi, he never thought it could actually help regain his trust. "I never thought about it that way. I always thought if I told him he would just depend on that and not ever really trust me again."
"Well it might be a good idea to consider it," Solomon suggested again.
Atem nodded. "I will. Thank you for the advice, Sir."
"You're welcome." Solomon stood from his spot at the table and let out a yawn. He walked toward the kitchen entrance but paused when he was beside Atem. He laid a hand on his shoulder. Atem looked up at him curiously. "And please stop with the formalities already. I told you before, call me Grandpa. You were such an important part of my grandson's life and I know that will continue. Like I said before, I just want Yugi to be happy."
Atem gave him a small smile. "I'll try my best."
"I know you will." Solomon patted his shoulder twice and then retired back to bed.
Atem turned his head and let his forehead rest against his forearm. The silence of the house rang in his ears as he tried to think of his next move. Yugi made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him but he couldn't just give up. He needed to stay hopeful that one day Yugi would open up to him again. In the meantime, Atem had to give him space and find a way to tell Yugi he was keeping a secret from him.
He glanced at the clock above the stove, and saw the bright red numbers read well after one in the morning. Yugi still hadn't come home yet.
Atem began to wonder where he went and if he was safe.
Yugi ran down the street, no particular destination in mind. He didn't know where his feet would guide him but he knew he needed to get away. The sidewalks were empty and only a couple cars passed by him.
He ran until his lungs burned and he was gasping for air. He was forced to slow down and hunched over with his hands on his knees as he tried desperately to draw air into his lungs. He shut his eyes tight, concentrating on trying to calm down his frantically beating heart.
After a few moments he was finally able to stand up straight. His body was calming down but his thoughts were still running wild. He slammed a palm against his forehead, as if trying to straighten out his thoughts by force. He didn't know what to do anymore. Nothing he said or did seemed to be the right thing lately. He was stuck in a revolving door of wanting to be happy and fearing for his own emotions.
He thought about the awful words he said to Atem. Did he really think that he would be better off if Atem just went back?
Yugi had spent so many nights wishing Atem back to him and his wish had finally come true. Atem was back and he seemed so sincere in his actions and words. Why couldn't he welcome Atem back so they could finally be happy?
It was that fear again, stuck in the back of his mind, threatening to darken his heart with awful thoughts. Yugi let out a painful sob as the dark memory of Atem's leaving flashed behind his eyelids.
He was falling and falling fast. He needed to escape this spiral of despair before it consumed him completely.
He knew he needed someone to talk to. That was going to be the only way to sort out his confusing thoughts.
He opened his eyes and glanced around his surroundings. He oriented himself to the familiar surrounds of Domino City. His eyes landed on a street sign, illuminated by the street light above it. Yugi recognized where he was and let out a disappointed sigh.
The street he was standing on was only a couple blocks from Joey and Mia's house. He wasn't sure if Joey was the best person to talk to right now but he didn't have much of a choice.
He slowly walked toward his best friend's house. Yugi stepped up the brick steps to the big wooden door and raised a shaky fist. With his fist raised to knock, he paused, trying to think of a better solution.
He found none.
The sound of his fist against the solid wood of the door was the only thing that could be heard on the quiet street. After a moment Yugi could hear someone fumbling on the other side of the door.
Joey opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and a baseball bat raised in the other. He was wearing a green t-shirt and black, plaid boxers. When he realized who was standing in front of him his eyes widened in surprise.
"Yugi? What are you doing here? It's one in the morning!"
"I know… It's just… I went home and Atem and I got into a fight…" He let his words trail off and looked down at his own feet.
"Oh. Are you okay?" Yugi could hear the concern in his friend's voice.
Without looking up Yugi shook his head.
Joey stepped aside and invited him in. Joey closed the door behind them and walked toward the kitchen. Yugi followed behind silently. They passed by the living room, and went straight to the kitchen. Joey flipped on a light and turned to look at Yugi.
As they stood in the kitchen Yugi noticed Joey was still holding the baseball bat.
"You aren't mad I woke you up, are you?" He cautiously eyed the bat in his friends hand.
Joeys gaze followed Yugi's and he realized what he meant.
"Oh!" Joey chuckled and dropped the bat down on the kitchen table before taking a seat. "It's just my own little security system. I don't normally get visitors in the middle of the night."
"Sorry…" Yugi bit his bottom lip as he explained, "I didn't know where else to go."
"Don't worry about it…" Joey leaned closer, curious over what happened. "So you guys got into it?"
Yugi nodded, taking the seat across from him at the long table. "Yeah. He wanted to talk but I kinda blew up."
"Joey? What's going on?" Both men turned and saw Mia standing in the doorway. All the noise must have woken her up too. She was wearing a shiny, purple robe over a pair shorts and a tank top that sat a little too low on her chest. Her eyes widened when she saw Yugi. She pulled her robe closed and tied the sash around her waist. "Yugi?"
"Hey Mai…" Yugi looked up at her with an uneasy smile on his face.
"Uh oh. I know that look." Mai gave him a knowing look before walking over to the sink and filling a tea kettle with water. She placed it on the stove before turning back around. "I'll make us some tea and you can tell us what happened."
While the three waited for the water to boil, Yugi told them everything that had happened. He started from the beginning, explaining how he just kept going back and forth between what he wanted to do. He told them about the kiss and how he lied to Atem about how it made him feel. He even admitted to the terrible things he said to Atem earlier in the night.
Mai sat the cups of steaming tea infront of each person before taking the seat next to Joey.
"Well I think ya made the right choice-OW! Hey! What was that for?!" Joey was rubbing the back of his head where Mai had slapped him.
Mai gave him a stern look. "Joey, I'm surprised you aren't being more sensitive to what he's going through considering what our relationship was like."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
Mai sighed. "I swear you would lose that pretty, little head of yours if it wasn't attached to your shoulders. I did some pretty unforgivable things but you forgave me without a second thought."
Joey leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "But that wasn't your fault. It was that stupid card that made you do all those crazy things."
"Maybe but I was the one that chose to pick up that card in the first place. And on top of that I left you behind for a while."
"Yes but you never promised me that you weren't going to leave. You said you needed your space. You were always honest with me. You never led me on like that."
"That may be but I don't think he ever intended to hurt Yugi or lead him on," Mia explained. "When he said those things he most likely meant every word."
Joey raised an eyebrow and asked, "Well, if he meant them why did he leave?"
Yugi answered him this time. "He said he thought I would be happier without him." His hands gripped the warm cup tighter thinking about the many times he tried convincing Atem of staying.
Joey rolled his eyes. "Boy, was he wrong."
Yugi sighed gloomily. "I thought I could be strong enough but I never thought it would be that hard to see him go."
Mai gave him an understanding look. "It's never easy saying goodbye to someone you love."
Yugi looked up, desperate to find an answer to the question that's been burning in his mind. "So then shouldn't I be happy he's back?"
"It's not always that black and white. You're hurt and it's not always easy to get past those feelings." Mai reached across the table and placed a comforting hand on Yugi's arm. "It sounds like he's trying to make up for what happened. Has he given you a reason to doubt him since he's been back?"
"Well no… But-"
Yugi was cut off by the phone on the wall ringing. Mai got up to answer it and before she picked it up she read the name on the caller ID. She turned to Yugi and said, "It's your house calling, Yugi."
She picked up the phone and brought it to her ear. "Hello… Yes he's here, Atem… Did you want to talk to him?" Yugi held his breath. He didn't know what he would say to Atem if he wanted to talk to him. Luckily, Atem didn't want to talk to him but at the same time Yugi felt disappointed. "Oh okay… Bye." Mai hung up the phone and walked back to the table.
"What did he say?" Yugi asked.
Mai gave him a small smile. "He said he wants to give you your space but he just wanted to make sure you were somewhere safe. He sounded worried about you, hun."
Yugi let out a small snort. "Even when I'm being terrible he's still looking out for me." He took a small sip from his cup and was grateful when it began warming his insides.
Joey opened his mouth to say something and Mai slapped a hand over it before he could. "It sounds like he really cares about you."
"He does. Since he's come back he's done nothing but trying fix what's wrong between us."
Mai gave Joey a stern look and lowered her hand. "Sounds like he really regrets what happened."
"I think he does…" Yugi scrunched up his eyes. "But I just can't stand the thought of not knowing if he's going to have to leave again. I just wish I knew what was going to happen."
"That's the funny thing about life, Sweetie. You never know where it's going to take you. You just have to try to enjoy the ride… I know it wasn't easy when he left, but you shouldn't let the past stop you from enjoying the future."
"Mai! You can't seriously be suggesting he just take him back like it's no big deal?"
"Oh?" Mai raised a eyebrow. "And what would be your solution?"
Joey didn't say a word, only gestured toward the baseball bat that sat in the middle of the table and smirked.
Mai ran a hand over her forehead and gave a frustrated sound. "That's your solution for everything, isn't it?"
Joey shrugged. "It's never failed me before."
"Well that may work for you but it's not going to work for Yugi. Have you heard a word he's said all night? He wants to be able to trust Atem again, not put him in a coma. He wants to be comfortable enough to let Atem become a part of his life again. It seems like he cares too much about Atem to throw him to the side like he means nothing."
"I do care about him. He… He means everything to me." Yugi held a hand up to his chest and could feel the cartouche through his shirt. The pain in his chest grew stronger thinking about how he treated the person he cared more about then anyone else. "Oh gods… I've been just horrible to him too. The things I said… How I've been treating him. He didn't deserve that. He never asked for any of this either… I never thought about how this whole situation has been affecting him. I've been acting so selfish…"
Mai reminded Yugi, "It's never selfish to think about your own feelings but it's not too late to patch things up. He sounded so worried about you on the phone. You should talk to him," she encouraged.
Yugi held his face in his hands. "I hope he'll forgive me…"
Joey went to open his mouth again and winced when Mai stomped on his foot under the table. He sent her a glare but she ignored it. "There's only one way to find out."
"I guess you are right. Thanks for the talk. It helped a lot. I may not know what's going to happen but… Talking about it helped get my thoughts straight again." Yugi gave them a small smile, feeling a little better now that he had a little more sense about what he was going to do.
Knowing the battle was lost, Joey caved. He offered, "If you want you can crash on the couch tonight, Yug."
Yugi thought for a second and shook his head. "No thanks… I think I'll go home. I need to apologize to him before it's too late."
Joey stood and walked Yugi to the door. Yugi exited the house but stopped on the sidewalk when he heard his name.
"Hey Yug?"
"Yeah?" He turned around to see Joey's worried face in the dim light of the street.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
"I wish I did."
Author's Note:
Okay so... That wasn't terrible, was it?
Poor Atem... Poor Yugi...
Are they ever going to get their chance to be happy?
Will the readers ever find out what Atem's secret really is?
I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out!
PLEASE REVIEW!