Hello again! I'm ill so be nice Here you go. Do I take it people oppose the idea of Atemu calling Yugi 'Aibou'?
Also, has anyone worked out Yugi's feelings for Atemu yet? No one's commented on it! :O
Oh, and is Atemu's personality ok? He's more than likely to have a break down sometime soon.
Anyways....enjoy...
Much love!
Keep happy and reviewing!
Atemu.
Tears don't fall.
To forgive is to fall.
"Aibou..."
No.
"Aibou..."
Don't.
"Aibou..."
Call.
"Aibou..."
Me
"Aibou..."
THAT!
I've never known a word to resound in my mind and rattle in my chest like that. That word, I can remember screaming it in torment, watching Yugi's soul leave me and murmuring it in a small boy's ear in comfort. It was safety and encouragement. A promise that no matter what, I was there for him.
But....
I can't recall him ever calling me it. It made me feel unwelcomingly secure. It fitted right in my mind and soothed my aching heart. But no! I could not allow it to heal me.
I'm NOT broken! I don't need to be healed....!
......yeah.....that's right.....I think....
/I miss you/
Yugi....Oh Ra!...He...I...what do I do....?
//I....NO! Leave me be!//
I threw up the strongest wall I could. Determined that Yugi would remain forever a stranger to my mind. I threw the phone away with a strangled cry. It bounced once on the carpeted floor and settled under a nearby dresser. With a confused mind I sank down the wall, hugging my knees to my chest.
This was too much too quickly.
Tell me, what do you do when the past won't let you go? Or when you can't let go of it?
The broken shards of my soul grated together, trying to knit fracture edges together all the while missing an important piece. But I would forever deny myself that piece. Because it was a young man, who so carelessly tore me apart four years ago.
Tears I wished I was to stubborn for started to fall. Angrily I dragged a hand across my eyes. Where my stubbornness failed I had my pride. My salvaged dignity. This I told myself, but I lacked the will to pull myself together.
Yet deep inside me....I know....I can't allow this to continue....
Sooner or later I have to decide.
To love....or hate.....
These confused thoughts don't allow my mind to rest. I hate the questions hurtling around inside me.
Do I...can I let myself..... love you again.
What's to stop you from causing my downfall again?
I don't want to love you...but I'm not sure I can stop....
"Atemu? Are you ok?" A hesitant voice came from the doorway.
"Scott." I acknowledged without a glance.
The floorboards creaked as he crossed the floor and settled down beside me. I felt his curious, concerned gaze on the side of my face and pointedly ignored him, burying my face in my knees. His hand fell on my shoulder, an attempt at comfort, I stiffened beneath his touch. If he registered my reaction he did nothing. Soon the hand was stroking my shoulder.
"Até. You know, you can cry. I won't think any less of you."
I shook my head, a stubborn child. I could not let myself go. I can't cry. To cry is to be weak. I can't be that. It's engraved in a soul thousands of years old. What's done can never be undone. Only corrected with gentle caresses. Such touches no one has the time or the heart to give.
"Atemu. It's all right. Let me help you."
"You can't."
Scott sighed. "I'm your friend. You can't keep pushing me away."
Finally I raised my eyes to his, he gasped at whatever he saw.
"How can you help me? You don't know me!"
He flinched slightly at my raised voice. "Atemu..."
"Leave me alone, Scott."
"Not when you're like this."
"For God's sake, stop clinging to me! Go away!" He was hurt by my words, I could see it in his eyes but he held firm. Refusing to move. His loyalty to me angered me and put him in the firing line for my anger , even though I knew it was wrong "You're so stupid, can't you see I don't want you here? What do I have to do? Spell it out to you? Will you understand it then? Idiot! Go away, you freak!"
Finally, he snapped. He gave a gurgled sob and wrenched himself away from me and without a backward glance left the room. Lucy was entering the room as he was leaving and fixed me with a furious glare.
"How could you, you selfish jerk!" She growled and hurried after him.
I heard the front door slam and Lucy's exclamation.
Oh....What have I done?
It struck me then that the one thing I had wanted I had just turned down. A pure, undying friendship. With a weary, aggravated sigh, I fell into bed. Maybe....sleep would bring peace.
Sleep evaded me. Never even came within teasing distance. I laid in the dark, staring through it to the ceiling, listening to the life of the apartment. Scott had come back a few hours ago and so far had not ventured into our room. I didn't blame him as much as I wanted to. Even though I knew it at the time, I could see how unprovoked my attack was. Why did I do that?
Yugi....why do I let you get to me...?
The door creaked open, nervous footfall on the carpeted floor and hushed voices followed.
"Scott, come on. You can't avoid him forever." Kyle whispered
"Watch me." Scott spat back
"What are you going to do then, huh?"
"Well...I'll sleep on the couch."
"Absurd! You'll sleep in your bed."
"No."
His defiance hurt. But I knew I deserved it. I bit back a sigh and listened to Kyle and Scott move around the room.
"Do you think he's asleep?" Scott asked suddenly
"Either that or he's the best actor I've seen in a while."
That almost brought a grim smile to my lips.
"I've never seen him act like that. He's been so....strange the last couple of days."
Kyle sighed. "It's this thing with the guy. It hurts him more that he'll admit."
"Stubborn jerk. I just wish he'd realise we're not the bad guys."
"He will, one day. Anyway, let's get you settled down, kid."
"I'm a few moths younger than you." Scott grumbled
Kyle laughed "Ah, yes. But, still younger."
"Git." Scott complained "G'night Atemu. Hope you wake up on the right side of bed in the morning."
Then they left. Like everyone else.
However...I learn from mistakes....and that man, Scott, I'm not losing him.
I threw myself out of bed.
"SCOTT!"
The blonde haired man turned around in shock at my call. I saw emotions flicker across his face but I didn't give him time to settle on one. I threw myself into his arms, I didn't care that 'men don't hug' and I was supposed to be a Pharaoh, or that all my emotions were supposed to be under lock and key. I didn't even care when Kyle himself gave an impressed whistle. All I cared about was that the body I was currently clinging to had dropped the pillow it was holding and had embraced me back.
"Hey, what's wrong?" His calm, caring voice washed over me. Suddenly I was trembling against his chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Shh. I know. Shh. It's ok."
"No it's not. I'm such a jerk. I didn't mean it."
"Stop it. Everyone's allowed to break down once in a while."
"I shouldn't."
"Why not?"
That's right. He doesn't know about my past. About shadows and light.
"Because."
Scott chuckled, I felt it vibrate through his chest. I clutched myself closer to him when he started to pull away.
"We can't stand in the hall forever, Atemu. We need to decide which room we're moving too."I stiffened. If I moved I wasn't sure I could let myself be comforted again. He seemed to understand this and removed all but one arm from my shoulders. "Our room it is then."
I let him guide me back to the room and seat me on the bed. I reached out for him and didn't care when he took hold of my shoulders and leant me back against his chest.
"What's on your mind? Tell me please."
"You'll think it's so stupid."
"I won't."
"I don't know what to do."
"About 'him'?"
"His name is Yugi. And yeah, I don't know what to do."
"What's happened?"
"He called me today. I spoke to him for the first time in years....and....I...." I choked on the air I breathed
"Shh. We'll figure this out together. What exactly is on your mind?"
"I...."
"Do you love him?"
"I...I'm not sure."
"It's buried so deep down inside, isn't it?" I nodded "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"Are you going to leave? Like you did last time?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Gosh, no! I want you to stay. My best friend, remember?"
I'm so tired of running but it seems to be all I can do.
Run from the problem instead of facing it.
Oh Ra...when did I become a coward?
"Am I weak?"
"Weak? You? Hell no, you're the strongest person I know."
"Why can't I make up my mind? Why don't I know what to do?"
"Because you aren't a God. You're human."
I nodded again, feeling my mind grow heavy. Scott shifted beneath me, soon he was lying on his back and I was half leaning on him but neither of us cared. My eyelids dropped.
"You don't have to stay here." I mumbled
Scott chuckled "I'm comfy. No dribbling, you hear?"
"Loud and clear, Captain."
"Good night for real this time, Atemu."
"Night."
When the morning light awoke me, it was late morning and Scott was gone. Somehow it didn't surprise me but what did was that I awoke with a feeling of dread and anticipation. Like something was trying to warn me. I shook the feeling off and got dressed, throwing on lose jeans and a polo shirt. I met Lucy first and tried to slip past her but she snagged my arm and pulled me back to her.
She kissed my cheek once "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Are you feeling better now?"
"Much. Thanks." I replied pulling her into a swift but firm hug.
"Go and see your boys. They're worried about you."
I faked a groan, smirking when laughter lit up her face. She danced away down the hall and I turned to follow the sound of Scott's voice. I found them, camped in Jamie's bedroom, cans of beer and crisps on the floor between them. All three of them were sat in a semi circle around their horde of food, talking boisterously.
"Is this a private party or can anyone join?" I asked, enjoying their shocked faces when they swivelled around to face the intruder.
"Atemu!" Jamie chirped
"Sure, sit down!" Kyle offered
Scott just looked at me and I knew what was coming before he said it. "Morning sleeping beauty. You dribbled on me."
"Scott!" I moaned, ducking away my red face.
The snicker from my friend was almost worth my embarrassment. Scott patted the empty space beside him and I slipped down. I offered him a silent, secret expression of thanks and his eyes told me he'd understood.
"So? What's happening?" I asked
"Nothing really." Jamie replied, tossing a can in my direction. "We're thinking about another gig soon."
"Yeah?" Excitement lit up Scott's voice and mine wasn't far behind his
"Yup. Pick the songs and entertain the crowds." Kyle smirked
Scott's vibrant eyes turned to me. "What you gonna sing?"
"I...you've just dumped this on me...give me a moment to think." I laughed
Kyle's knowing eyes seemed to already know the sort of song I would sing. I think really, Scott knew too. Jamie reached forward into the pile of food and frowned. Slowly he extracted a card, something I recognised with a sinking, chocking heart.
Duel monsters.
A CEO.
A great dragon.
Blue Eyes White Dragon.
No one understood its significance. Not even Kyle who gingerly took the card of Jamie and tossed it carelessly away.
What in the world is going on?
Why is Kiaba's personal favourite haunting me now?
Surely....he isn't coming back as well....
I snatched the card up, offering no explanation to the others and pelted to my room. With trembling, yet angry hands I opened the draw in which I had hidden the dark magician and almost couldn't hold back a startled cry. There was another card, next to my monster.
Another Dragon.
Red eyes.
Jou's card.
Oh, Gods!
I threw all cards in there together and slammed the draw shut.
Duel monsters is over, done. No one plays a childish game anymore. No one knows how these cards are tired to me. How I fear their owners. How I know that the monster's power also resides within the humans I used to know.
What's going on?
Just another game in the hands of destiny?
I must be able to shape my own future.
Isn't that part of being human.
Whatever was going on it was happening.....and soon.
"Atemu! Picked your song yet?" Scott called out
"Er...yeah...sure!"
I guess I just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent
I've got a brand new attitude,
And I'm gonna wear it tonight
I'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na
I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na
I wanna start a fight!
So,
So what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
Unh Check my flow Uohhh
The waiter just took my table
And gave it to Jessica Simps
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy
At least he'll know how to hit
What if this song's on the radio,
Then somebody's gonna die! haha
I'm going to get in trouble,
My ex will start a fight
Na na na na
He's gonna to start a fight
Na na na na
We're all gonna get in a fight!
So,
So what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
You weren't there
You never were
You want it all but that's not fair
I gave you life
I gave my all
You weren't there, you let me fall
So, so what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
Something isn't right. Someone's here who shouldn't be. A tug on the abandoned mind link and familiar unwelcomed nudge in my mind. The beginnings of a corridor forming between two hearts. I look but I can't see. I try to but I can't see...you...
Even if I wanted to...see you....it would mean forgiving...but you see...
To forgive...is to fall...
I apologise to you....my lovely reviewers for carrying this out for so long but rest assured, they will meet and well....spark will fly.
You deserve medals for putting up with the nonsense I write.
And yes...I'm running out of excuses for any crappy, poorly written chapters.