A/N: This is a really sad story for me to write! Trying to balance the rights and wrongs of a relationship that came together under so unfortunate circumstances… Well, here's more angst for you!
.
Have you heard from him yet?
No.
I don't know where he could be. It's after midnight.
I don't know where he would have gone. If not here.
I'm worried about him.
So am I.
I'm on my way. Sitting here alone is killing me.
Okay.
But was it okay? It had been midnight when she had begun texting him. It had been hours since she had first called him to break the news. And now... Killian was still waiting on either one of them to show up to his home.
The feeling was worse than he had even imagined. It was the brokenness that he had discovered in Emma's voice when she had called that first time. He knows. He didn't need any other explanation before his heart sunk in his chest, leaving a deep thud as it beat slowly.
It was even worse because of how Emma said he had found out. It shouldn't have surprised him. They were supposed to have been together that night. Emma would have been on her way soon after he had received her phone call. So it had not been the call saying that she was on her way, but instead the call that said that Neal knew. He had overheard a phone call she was having with Ruby. It hadn't been explicit, but it was just as easy to catch on to what the truth was.
Killian expected Neal to have presented himself to him by now. Although he wasn't looking forward to the confrontation, the fact that he had been missing for over two hours now only worried him all the more.
They had been friends for such a long time. Killian had royally screwed up. He was dealing with all of those fears and worries that he'd collected since Emma had told him she loved him at the bar that fateful night. Friends for more than a decade, and this is what it has ended over.
Never did he think for a moment that this didn't signify the end of a longstanding friendship. He knew it the moment he gave in to his feelings and to Emma that he was putting that all above his friendship with Neal. And now that it was reckoning day, it didn't make it any easier.
Killian moved quietly and restlessly through the apartment, Neal consuming his mind.
Where in the hell could he possibly be? It was a back and forth conversation with himself about going out and looking for him. But what stopped him was knowing Neal. He would come to him. He would want to have this out tonight.
It was then, while questioning that decision to just sit there and wait- and knowing that Emma was on her way as well- that he heard the commotion outside his door.
There was a rambling and some stumbling, feet hitting against the bottom of the door. It was followed by a soft banging of hands and possibly head to that door.
Not Emma…
Killian took in a deep breath as he moved slowly towards that front door. And then…
The doorknob, being grabbed on the other side, began to twist violently.
His lips pressed into a firm line as he tried to stop focusing on the heaviness of his heart.
He pulled his phone from his pocket as he moved. No messages. But he was quick to find Emma's name and shoot her a quick text.
He's here.
Killian heard the slide of the key go into the keyhole. It felt like a lifetime had passed before the knob turned slowly from the other side. The swing of the door was quiet and infinitely slow.
Question answered: he's drunk.
He looked a bit disheveled, but he was on his feet which was a good thing.
Killian slipped the phone in his pocket, not waiting to hear back from Emma. Not when Neal turned his attention solely on him with a bit of a wry smile.
"Was that Emma?" he asked as that smile grew into a wicked grin. He didn't wait for a reply. Instead, walking straight into the apartment and closing the door behind him, he continued. "I… hope you don't mind." He held up his keychain by the single key that he'd opened the door with. "I used this. You know, the key you gave me in case of emergencies." He shrugged and his lip poked out as he watched him. "Like the key I gave you to my apartment for the same purposes."
Killian felt his eyes narrow on his friend. "Neal."
"It was a key to my apartment, but it didn't entitle to all the pretty things that you'd find inside," he said with a shake of his head.
Killian watched as he moved into the apartment. His eyes never left his.
This was Neal. He was trying to deflect some of the pain he was feeling by using sarcasm. But Killian saw the red-rimmed eyes. It wasn't all from alcohol, he knew.
"You deserve my apologies, Neal," he told him firmly. "I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."
"Emma said that she loves you," Neal said quickly. "She said that she loves you." His faced pinched and his eyes squinted over at Killian. "She said that she loves you. My girlfriend told me that she loves you- my best friend."
He was still making his way closer to him. The stammer in his steps had to be looked for, but Killian saw it.
He took in another deep breath and raised his chin just so.
"I didn't want this to happen like it did, Neal." He shook his head. "I never wanted to hurt you. But I also knew that it was inevitable."
"Was it Emma?" Neal asked, again quickly. "Did she come on to you and… try to seduce you, Killian? Because the more I thought about it the more I couldn't decide on which story seemed more likely: did Emma really come on to you like she said did, or was she trying to protect you when it was really you who had come on to her?"
"Does it matter who said what?" Killian asked with a frown.
Neal's eyes, guarded as ever, locked on his.
"I guess that answers my question. It was Emma." He gave a short nod. "Very chivalrous on your part, Killian. Offering to share the blame."
He was standing right in front of him now. Killian could feel the contact from the imaginary blow. Would it make Neal feel any better?
"I never thought I would see the day." Neal's voice was thick and raspy as he stared up at him. "That you would put a woman above our friendship. Especially when, in fact, she was mine and not yours. How in the hell could you do something like this, huh?" He shrugged and shook his head. "Are you telling me that Emma is more important to you than that of our friendship? Was it easy to forget the decade of our friendship just for the idea of sleeping with Emma?"
"It wasn't about that," Killian murmured, staring right back at him.
Neal's eyebrow's shot up instantly. "Oh, don't you dare tell me that you think that you are in love with her, too."
"Like I said, I didn't want to hurt you, Neal," he told him slowly. "Don't you think that I know how wrong this was? I tried not to react to how I felt about Emma. I tried. Don't you think there are reasons why things haven't went farther than they have already? We didn't sleep together. Not because the opportunity hasn't arisen, but because we didn't want to hurt you any more than we already had."
The anger was clear and present in every inch of him.
"You fucking son of a bitch."
Killian saw the punch coming, quick and hard. He didn't try to block it or get away from it. The right handed-punch landed square in his jaw. It was immediately followed by a left-handed punch to the other side of his face.
God dammit. Anger was a great adrenaline-inducer, he realized as those sound punches connected so thoroughly with his face.
"Damn." He felt the force knock him backwards. His steps propelled him to take a step away.
"You son of a bitch!"
This time, the slam of knuckles into his lips also brought contact of those lips to his teeth. The taste of blood was only brief, because the continuous smashing contact of fists to head, ribs, and abdomen made it difficult to concentrate on just the one aspect.
He should have defended himself, but it was the fact that he was the one who was ultimately in the wrong that stopped him. He had prepared himself for this reaction. And… damn… he could withstand the physical and verbal beating for as long as Neal could give it…
"Oh my God!"
Emma?
"Stop! Stop it right now."
The attack ceased all of a sudden. Killian didn't notice until then, as he opened them, that his eyes had been closed. He glance up to see that it had been Emma's voice that had broken the attack.
Her arms were wrapped around Neal waist from behind, pinning his arms down at his sides. The look of horror she shared between the two men was not surprising.
"Are you okay?" She was staring wide-eyed at him, fear evident on her face.
Killian stood up straight. His attention was drawn to the door, seeing that it had been flung wide open. He hadn't heard her come in, but was grateful that she was there.
Neal was still seething. He let Emma contain him, but there was still fury in those eyes. His chest was heaving as he did nothing but watch him.
"I'm fine," Killian murmured in answer to Emma. His fingers came up to cover his bloody and already bruising lips. "I'm fine."
Emma laid her head against Neal's back and she gave a stiff nod.
"Neal, are you okay?" she whispered. He watched how her eyes closed and how those arms seemed to tighten around him.
"I'm fine." His tone indicated something different as he watched Killian.
It should have looked right. It should have felt right. Emma holding onto Neal, protecting him from causing any further damage, was the natural thing. So why did it feel all wrong to him? Why was he craving her touch on him instead?
"This is not the time, Neal," Emma said. Did she hug him even tighter to herself? "You're not in any shape to be having this fight right now. And you're too upset."
He placed his arm over hers, but his gaze was on Killian.
"I may not have deserved this, but you sure as hell deserved that."
His busted lip seemed to throb even more at that particular moment, highlighting the truth behind those words.
"Neal, stop." Emma moved, coming from behind him to stand in front. Her hands ran along his arms, up and down, trying to soothe the pain. "You have every right to be bad, but you are… drunk. No matter how angry you are, fighting it out isn't going to make it any better. So we are leaving."
"We?"
Killian shared the unbelievable reaction with Neal. She wanted to leave with him? His gazed darted from one to the other.
Emma was moving all the closer to him.
"Yes." It was strong and determined. "We are leaving. Be angry with me. Be upset with me. Tell me that I'm the one you hate. But you're in no condition to be by yourself."
He stepped back, moved away from her.
"You didn't come here for me," he said as he took in the length of her. "You're him for him. Just like you have been for only God knows how long."
And she looked hurt. And Killian felt enraged. Damn, the predicament before him.
"I came here for you," Emma told him. "Because I know you. I knew that you would find your way here eventually."
Neal shook his head, his eyes falling to some spot not quite on her.
"If you were here for me… Emma."
There was too much pain circulating the room. He was sure they all felt it…
"Let me take you home, Neal," she whispered.
He was slow to look back up at her. There was a pause as their gazes connected. And he was slow to nod, but it was a nod, so…
Emma blinked slowly, and she nodded her head. It was a fragile and precarious moment for them all.
Killian watched as they were both slow to move together back towards the door.
"Emma?" Her name fell from his bruise lips instantly, and he hadn't meant for it to. Was she seriously going to leave with him? It was as simple as that?
They both looked at him. Neal watched him with a tinge of anger and disbelief. Emma looked at him with some sort of wariness.
"Is this how we leave it?" Killian asked to no one in particular. "You come in here to punch my face in and then you walk out as if it is over?"
Neal's chin lifted in the air, watching him closely.
"I'm not done with you yet, old friend," he assured him. "Because I will get down to the bottom of this. If you two think that what you did is fine with me, it is not. But before I have my final say, you will tell me everything. Maybe… right now isn't the time. But I wasn't going to let a night go by before saying anything."
"Neal…"
"Let's go," he told her, cutting off any further conversation.
He wasn't like himself, Killian noted. That was understandable though. It was Emma who was a bit more confusing.
Killian watched as they made their way towards the door, Neal walking stiffly out and Emma behind him.
"Emma." This time it was a whisper.
She looked from Neal and then back to him.
"I have to leave with him, Killian."
A deep and heavy frown creased his forehead. "Why? Why do you have to leave with him?"
She tilted her head, looking at him as if she wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to read him.
"I have to try to fix this," she told him. "Maybe… maybe you were right, Killian. Maybe… I was… wrong."
He was quick to move towards her then, his heart beating fast for the first time during this.
"What does that supposed to mean?" The widening of her eyes made his own eyes widen in surprise. "Are you saying that you want to stay with him? You want… to end this?" Was she.,. "Are you serious, Emma?"
"I… screwed so many things up, Killian," she reminded him. She turned her attention outside that door where Neal had already walked off from. "If he can forgive me…"
"And what about me?"
She turned swiftly back to him.
"He's not going to forgive me for this, Emma," he told her. "But it's okay if he forgives you? You're okay with putting my friendship on the line and me being the complete loser in this- losing my friendship with him and losing this relationship with you? How is that right? How is that fair."
Her mouth opened slightly, her eyes falling over every part of him.
"That's not what I'm trying to do. I just want to fix this!"
"You're talking about leaving me," he countered, his heart now racing at just the thought. If he lost her… If he was left with nothing when that was his biggest fear… "If you leave then it means you're choosing him over me."
"Choosing-"
"It means that all this was nothing. That this meant… nothing to you."
"That's not true!" she said, pleading for an understanding. "Neal… we-"
"You told him the same thing that you told me," he cut in. "That you love me."
"I do!"
"I love you, Emma." It was fierce. It was true. It was easy enough to finally admit.
Emma's expression softened. There was a small smile on her face.
"Now?" And those eyes closed.
"I love you, Emma." Killian shook his head. He was close enough to grab at her arm. "So… don't… do this. Don't go with him. Stay… with me."
Her eyes opened then. There was a sheen of tears in those eyes.
"I can't… stay. I can't fix this if I stay. Neal…" She turned her attention back out into the hallway.
Neal had disappeared down the hall and out of view.
"Neal needs me right now, even if he doesn't want to admit it." She turned back to Killian then. "Let me try to fix this." And then she was pulling out of his reach, moving closer to where Neal had once stood and farther away from Killian. "I can do this."
She was choosing Neal over him. It was the way it was supposed to be. So why did it hurt so damned much? Why was it a bitter pill to swallow? Why did it leave him seething with a jealousy that he'd never felt before?
There was a definite sadness in her eyes as she continued her trek away from him. It didn't ease the pain or his disbelief of the situation. She was choosing Neal.
"I'm sorry… Killian." Emma was quick to turn away then, actually running down the hall and disappearing from sight.
It wasn't supposed to end like this. He wasn't supposed to have opened himself up to her in a way that left him vulnerable to being not only hurt and betrayed. Because no matter how much he understood his role in the wrong-doing, it didn't mean that it was any easier to accept his fate in being alone.
He'd essentially lost Neal in that night. He felt nothing but awful about it. But it was Emma that currently haunted his mind. The woman who had stolen his heart so long ago, and then gave hers to him so freely. It was Emma who he now mourned for.
Damn.