A/N: So… this isn't the last chapter, but due to some major trepidation and all around bad feelings that this fic is causing for me, I do see the end in the next chapter or so. Yeah, the negativity is really getting to me.

Thanks to everyone for reading, liking, and commenting! I appreciate it more than you know.

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Emma listened as the phone rang, rang, and then rang again. She listened to how the phone went to voicemail. She listened to his voice, deep and smooth and easy as it prompted her to leave a message.

How many messages was she going to have to leave him before she heard from him? How many?

Killian hadn't answered her all day! He hadn't answered when she called from the apartment that morning, more than shook up by her conversation with Neal. He hadn't answered the call she made when she first got to work, needing the soothing words that only he would be able to give. And he wasn't answering her during her break, when her mind wouldn't let her rest from the tense day. He was avoiding her. He was upset and didn't want anything to do with her.

"Killian, call me back please," Emma whispered into the phone. "It's really really important that you call me back." She paused for a second, debating on if she should say more. But, no.

With a groan, she ended the call and dropped the phone to the counter in front of her.

"Hey."

The soft and cautious greeting made Emma turn swiftly around. She saw the timorous and precarious way Ruby made her way into the room. There was a look of real regret and worry painted across her face.

"Hey, Ruby."

She was quick in her movements then, crossing the room to make her way to Emma. Her arms were outstretched so that she could throw them around her shoulders.

The hug was firm, bordering on tight. And the feeling of being held had magical and healing powers. Emma felt the tears gathering in her eyes- could feel the sting. All day she had been strong. And now? Now those tears felt as if they would betray her and find their way to slip down her cheeks.

"I'm not even here today, and I am sorry for that," Emma sighed, holding her friend tight to her. She wouldn't cry- she couldn't cry.

"You don't have to apologize," Ruby assured her with a shake of her head. And that embrace became even tighter. "This all started because of me. I'm sorry, Emma."

Emma knew that Ruby did feel a bit of guilt about their phone call. But it wasn't her fault. The blame could be laid nowhere near her feet.

"It didn't start with you," Emma whispered. It was then that she let herself move out of Ruby's arms. She stepped back, bumping up against the counter. "It started with me. It's all my fault."

Ruby's big warm green eyes were as sad as ever as she watched her.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" she asked.

It was Ruby's approach. Last night over the phone, while Emma had been in the midst of having the rug pulled from under her, Ruby had been a gossipy friend who wanted the details of World War III. But the person in front of her was now the friend that she had needed: caring and cautious, worried and understanding. And besides the person in front of her, Emma felt like she was all alone. So…

"I've been trying to get in contact with Killian," she started slowly. "He isn't answering my calls or my texts."

It felt like forever since she'd seen him last. When she had ran away from him to go after Neal. When she wanted to make sure that Neal hadn't gotten into any more trouble than he had already put himself in. When she had chosen Neal over Killian…

She felt her breaths begin to come in hiccups. Those tears were back, filling her eyes and making her vision blurry.

"Emma, what happened?" Ruby asked with a shake of her head. "Did… Neal… did he go over there last night?"

Because Ruby didn't know any of the story beyond that of Neal finding out.

"He was beating on him when I got there." Emma swiped at the tears before they ran down her cheeks. But it had started. And once tears started…

"Killian beat up-"

"Neal was doing the beating," she cut in. The memory of hearing the Neal's shouts from the hallway burned in her memory. The foul language that fell from his mouth- he had never been that way before…. before she did this to him- had made her nervous. And when she had opened that door…

"Emma, I'm… sorry… but… how… how is that even possible?"

She understood, and if the circumstances had been different then maybe she would have laughed at that.

"Killian just stood there and took it."

There was a deep understanding in Ruby, Emma knew. Her hand reached out slowly for her, still cautious.

"Sharing in on the guilt," Ruby muttered.

Taking ownership of too much of the guilt. It wasn't his fault. It was all hers. All hers.

"But… if you were all over there…" There was confusion marring Ruby's face as she watched her. "Then how can he not be talking to you? I'm assuming that the cops weren't called because your fears lie with Killian and not Neal. So… how can you not have talked to him?"

It made Emma's heart speed up. It made her, again, question every decision that she had made. Hadn't it been the right thing to do? Hadn't making sure that Neal was safe and sound the right decision? Even if there had been a part of her that had wanted so desperately to have his understanding and his forgiveness, there was even more of her that wanted to know that he was going to be okay after all the hurt that she had caused.

But Killian had nearly begged her to stay. He thought that she was choosing Neal over him. And that hadn't been the point. It was about taking ownership of the drama she had caused. It wasn't because she no longer wanted Killian. And that's the way he must have taken it.

He was avoiding her…

"I left with Neal to make sure he was okay." Emma took in a deep shuddered breath. Would Ruby understand? "Killian wanted me to stay, but… I didn't."

She stood there, watching her. Ruby's silence for those long seconds only made Emma wonder even more. Had she done the right thing? Everything in her had said yes, but…

"Oh." Another aching pause. "So… how is Neal doing?"

And it made Emma wanted to scream out in sheer desperation. Why was this her life?

"What, Emma?" Ruby asked, shaking her head.

Emma nodded and pushed herself into the counter from behind her.

"I'm over here fixated on Killian- needing him so badly to call me back- when I should be trying to find a way to move all of my belongings out of the apartment. And finding somewhere to sleep tonight."

"He put-"

"I deserve it."

"I'll… I'll have…" She shook her head, her eyes blinking as she thought. "Victor. I can have Victor pick up your things, Emma."

Emma watched, mesmerized and more than a bit in shock, as her friend pulled out her phone from her pocket.

"Ruby…" There was this emotional tug on her heart that made the tears all the more prevalent. "You don't…"

"Yeah, we do." Ruby looked up at her then. "You're wrong, Emma. He doesn't have the right to do this to you. You two have lived together for over a year now. He doesn't just throw you and your belongings out just because."

She blinked her eyes closed. "I wouldn't consider this as 'just because.'" She looked back at her, and there was such gratefulness in that look. "Thank you, Ruby."

Ruby only spare her a small smile. "And you always have a place with us, Emma. Always."

She didn't want this to be her day. She didn't want the breakdown and the tears, but she couldn't help the emotional overload due to the gratuity of her true friend.

Emma moved back into her arms, holding Ruby close. A lifeline. That's what she was right now. And it was so hard to let go.

Ruby held on tight, hugging her like she knew how much this meant to her.

"Hey, that cough is starting to sound awful."

Ruby's words confused her, and she moved back just a bit to look at her.

"What?"

She shrugged. "If you're coming down with something, Ems, then maybe you should take the rest of the day off."

"What are you…"

"I can take care of things here," Ruby told her softly. "I can rearrange some therapy sessions. I can see if… who comes in tonight- Donna. I can see if Donna can come in a little early." Her smile was smile. "Why don't you get out of here and take care of yourself? And I'll call you when Victor is on his way. Okay?"

Emma stared at her friend, completely in awe at that moment. She was amazing, her friend. And... she was being everything that she needed in that moment.

.

.

She wished that she had just pocketed the key from Neal's key ring before she left. It just hadn't a crossed her mind that Killian would have kept avoiding her all day long.

How had this become her life? How had she gone and lost… everything in a single night? Neal didn't want anything to do with her. He had forced her out of the home that had been theirs for an entire year. But that wasn't what hurt the most. It wasn't because he had retaliated. It was because she hadn't straightened everything out before it had to come to that. And she had no one to blame but herself.

And now Killian was avoiding her. Emma knew that he had been upset when she left with Neal that night. She knew that he felt that she had chosen Neal over him. But that wasn't the case. Not really. It had all made sense to her when she left. And yet now, knowing the consequences of it, she didn't know anymore.

Emma stood there, staring at that door for just a moment. Because if Killian didn't open that door and let her in…

If he continued to shut her out…

Why was she so emotional? Did she even have the right to have tears staining her cheeks? Was it even fair to have shudders racking her body like crazy just because she may have lost so many things that were important to her?

Maybe she was in the wrong for all of those things. But that was how Emma felt as she stood there in front of Killian's apartment door. And she knew that it was only going to get worse if she was turned away.

It was a flat and moist palm that hovered over the wood of the door for just a moment. It was the uncertainty that gave her pause before she laid that hand to the door. Because if he…

That hand formed a tight fist, and for just a moment longer it laid there. A knock that was a little less than steady finally sounded against the wood. And, as if it had burned her knuckles, she drew her hand back. Her hands flew to cover her face. She didn't like the feeling of being off-balanced. And there was nothing about her situation that made her feel anywhere near close to stable.

He wasn't going to answer. He didn't want anything to do with her. It was because of her that he had gambled a ten-year friendship in the sake of her name. And when he had asked her to stay- when he had essentially asked her to give up on Neal- she hadn't done that. She had followed her heart and had left him to deal with his issues on his own.

She thought she had imagined the turn of the lock. She looked back up, her eyes wide as she watched the door swing open. And she felt as if her heart was going to explode at just that gesture.

"Killian!"

Emma couldn't stop any of the knee-jerk reactions to having him in front of her. She found herself flying into the apartment and into him. It was like a rush of relief running through her as her arms wrapped around him, hugging this real person who was a part of her life so close to her. Her eyes closed and her face found and buried in that strong and soft spot there between his shoulder and neck.

"Killian." His name- Killian- fell from her lips over and over.

She felt what seemed like hesitant arms encase her in a hug. And she didn't want that to break her heart. She didn't want any thought of him being caught off guard as the only reason why he would hold her. Because she needed…

"I'm sorry, Killian," she murmured against his skin. She couldn't get lost in that scent that was him, but it was the only thing she wanted. But when his arms tightened around her, she did let herself hold onto him even tighter.

"Emma, what-"

"Everything that happened? The way he found out? Killian, I didn't trust Neal to be safe last night. I couldn't have just stayed here and not care what happened to him. I had to leave. But that didn't mean that everything that you said didn't matter to me. It did. It meant everything to me. You finally said it. You told me that you loved me. So… don't stop loving me. Don't stop because I left."

"Emma, what are-"

"I've been calling you all day," she told him, burying herself all the closer to him. "All day long, And you wouldn't answer."

"Emma, I…" She felt his fingers slowly slip through the strands of her hair. It was a light hold, before it tightened on a mass and pull tight. "That isn't exactly true, Emma." And then, with a slight wince, he tried to step back- to step away from her.

He was trying to slip away, and she couldn't let him go. Not yet…

"I love you, Killian," she whispered fiercely into him. "I love you so so much. I never wanted anyone the way I want you. So don't tell me that I ruined everything. Because I didn't mean to ruin everything."

"I… love you, too."

It should have been reassuring and everything that she needed. But feeling him trying to detach himself from her still in that moment told her something else.

I love you, too. But it's too little, too late. You made your choice when you walked out that door…

If he said that… Emma's arms closed around him even tighter. She felt the tears, wet and hot, sliding down her cheeks again.

All her fault. It was all of her fault…

Killian's groan sounded full of frustration as he took hold of her arms. His hands held on firm, and he let them slide away from around his neck.

"Emma, stop crying." It was a soft command, but a command nonetheless. "Do you hear me?" His hands tightened on her arms and he gave her a little shake.

She blinked her eyes open. The sting of tears hurt, so she pulled one arm away from here.

"Yes." She had heard him, but she didn't trust it.

"Now." Killian took in a deep breath and stepped away from her. "Do you see me? Do you actually see me, Emma?"

She took her own step back so that she could do so.

"I wasn't avoiding you." His covered those steps that had suddenly separated them in the space of two seconds. "Not on purpose, anyway." And his hands found hers, his fingers entwining with hers and bringing them up to his chest.

Emma's eyes searched his. And she saw. For the first time…

How had she missed it? She had been thinking solely of herself and not taking in everything that he had been through.

"I had one hell of a night that lasted way into today," Killian said softly, watching her closely.

It hadn't looked that bad last night, the remnants of the fight with his best friend. But maybe it was because she hadn't had enough time to focus on that part of it. But now…

Emma's fingers escaped the hold he had on her to lift up and touch the bruised cheek. The discoloring wasn't… the prettiest thing she'd ever seen. And neither was the swelling that had yet to fully go down on his bottom lip. She ran her fingers down to his mouth, only slightly stroking …

Killian sucked in a small breath and winced in pain from the touch.

"Damn." He rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "It still hurts."

"Are… you okay?" Because he did look awful.

He had been cleaned up- professionally it looked like.

"I'll be fine," he whispered, staring hardly in her face. "I spent the night here, trying to decide how bad everything was. I sure as hell wasn't meaning for it to be the main focus of my thoughts." And those eyes traveled down a path that told her everything.

"I'm sorry, Killian." Because this was her fault. She had reacted… the only way she knew how to. It didn't make the situation any better though.

He gave a stiff nod and held on to her tightly. "I didn't think anything was broken. Just bruised as hell. My face hurt, but it was trying to lie down that made me think twice about it. I couldn't sleep on my stomach or side, and when I was on my back it was still hard to breathe." He stepped back then and lifted his shirt.

"So I finally took myself to the hospital to get checked out," he continued. "Nothing was broken, believe it or not. Just a lot of bruising."

Emma looked at the tape that wrapped completely around his ribcage. She could only imagine what it looked like underneath that tape. It was all her fault…

"Neal didn't have a scratch on him," Emma murmured, mesmerized by the stark contrast in the two.

Killian groaned, his eyes finding the ceiling.

"Well, go ahead and rub my nose in it, Ems." His groaned turned into a moan. "You know what? Don't. Because it may not be broken, but there's no need to cause it any more pain." His fingers came up to delicately touch the injured spot on his face.

Emma's face scrunched up in deferred pain. And she should have been hurting.

"God, I'm so sorry, Killian." She wanted to hold him. She wanted him to hold her. But the stiffness that she had ran into had not been him being cold to her, but had been the physical pain that was caused because of her.

Killian looked back at her. He sucked in the right side of his bottom lip- the healthier looking side of that lip- and his eyes darted across her face.

"I thought you wanted Neal," he whispered darkly. "I thought you didn't even care. As long as you could fix things with Neal. I… begged you to stay, Emma. I begged you not to leave with him."

"I know what-"

"Because it seemed more important to you to… fix things with Neal rather than go ahead and do what you said you ultimately wanted. Which was to be with me."

So he didn't hate her. But he wasn't so happy with her either. Emma felt the quickening of her heart as they watched each other.

"You… saw him, Killian."

He was slow to nod. And he was slow to move away from her.

"I saw him. I saw him leave out of here and I saw how you ran after him." A careful hand went to cup his own chin. He was watching her so closely.

There was something that she couldn't read in his gaze. Or maybe there was so much fear inside of her because of that look that she didn't want to read it. All the anxiety that had been leaving was now coming back in droves.

"I told you, Emma," Killian finally continued. "Just what you wanted me to tell you. That I love you. And it wasn't enough."

But it was enough!

"I had to at least… try," she said, wide-eyed and in need of him to understand.

"And did you succeed?" The question ripped from his mouth immediately. And maybe there was a mutual amount of fear between them both.

He couldn't have thought…

"We got to the apartment and he went straight to the bedroom," she answered. "And slammed the door behind himself. But he was home. Safe. Just where he needed to be."

He was moving then, that ferocity plain over his face. A hint of fear was mixed in there as well as he grabbed at her waist.

"So what does that tell you, Emma?" Killian shook his head. "Are you done trying to fix things now? We all know that Neal didn't deserve any of this. We're both… damned sorry about how it happened. But nothing is going to make this any better or change what it is. Do you get that?"

She got it. That it was a whole lot of fear and hurt and pain that was mixed in those words. That there was a need that he had for her to understand all the sacrifices that had to be made because they chose to be together. There was a need from him for her to remember their past and not be overruled by seeing the effects of what happened.

And that was more difficult than she had ever thought it would be. But he was right.

Emma closed her hands over his firmly. Hadn't this been everything that she had wanted?

Yes.

"I get it," she assured him with a nod. "It's over. Not the way that I wanted it to be, but it's done."

I am with Killian. Those had been her words to Neal. And now, standing in front of him, there was a bit of that burden of pain being lifted off of her. And it felt really really good….

"Killian?" Her hands tightened over his as she watched him.

It was the way that he returned her look. It was the shared moments that had brought them here. It was… everything that had led to this right here. And maybe, for now, that was enough.

It was that thought that made her move then, clasping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her close.

"Damn." His body stiffened as the curse left his mouth. "That still hurts."

"Oh. Right." She offered him a small smile in way of an apology. "Sorry about that."

His hand was making its way up her arm. His eyes took a different path, taking in her face in a way that made her heart stutter. His fingers stilled there, at her elbow and…

"What the hell."

Killian's mouth falling softly over hers made her heart do something more than just stutter. It was gentle, careful. Firm lips that were bruised but still felt incredible against hers.

And for the first time, it didn't have the tinge of being forbidden.

This, as her hands slid cautiously up his chest, felt like one of those forever kinds of things. And, as far as she was concerned, it always would be.