A/N: Okay, I'm just rounding everything together to get to the conclusion guys.
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"It's going to be just few more minutes, sir," the cashier informed him with a face the read apologetic. "Sorry for the inconvenience."
"No problem at all," Killian assured him with an easy smile. He pushed himself off of the counter, quickly moving away.
It didn't matter that Emma had called the order in and was given a wait time of fifteen minutes. It didn't matter that that was closer to twenty-five minutes. What was a couple more minutes?
He scanned the small waiting area of the fast food Chinese restaurant. There was only one of those few booths that lined the wall that was empty.
Killian pulled his phone out of his pocket, walking over to the lone solitaire booth. He knew that Emma was at home (the smile that crossed his face was only for him, thinking of home and Emma all in one sentence). She was there waiting on him and dinner after a very long work day. He imagined an easy and simple meal with an easy clean up, followed by some cuddling. Yes, cuddling. Holding her close and snug in his arms for as long as they both wanted.
They seem to be a bit backed up, love. I'll be home soon.
Killian sent the quick text to Emma before he slid into the booth.
It hadn't been a full minute before Emma's answering text came through.
I'm feeling authentic. Make sure they pack chopsticks!
It made him smile. His mind conjured up images of her in nothing but s mid-thigh length T-shirt, sitting there in front of the coffee table, and scooping up noodles between the two chopsticks.
Sometimes they can be skimpy with the soy sauce. Check that out.
There's probably some of those things already there. Hence the reason why they are skimpy with passing it out.
He'd loved that this was them now. This casual thing that developed within a relationship. It had been a friendship first. And now…
There would never be a day that he wouldn't remember the how's and why's, but did it stop him from being happy now in this moment? No, it didn't.
The back and forth text conversation held his attention. A great distraction as he waited.
The ringing of bells, signaling of the door being opened, drew his attention for just a brief moment from his phone. His eyes lifted, curious to see the entrance or exit of one more customer.
At just the thought of his eyes not deceiving him, he felt a sudden a quick reaction to what he thought…
Was…
Killian felt the buzz of the phone vibrate in his hands.
It was.
His eyes tracked the path that Neal made from the door to the counter, unbeknownst to him. There was still that instinctual slouch in his seat, keeping contact between the two nonexistent.
There had been a sudden quickening of his heart, could feel the nervousness spanning and reaching out throughout his body.
They hadn't seen each other since the infamous fight. There had been an amount of time that passed between then and now. Still.
Killian's fingers slid across the now normal-looking mouth that had taken longer than he had ever imagined to heal. Each breath reminded him of once taped up ribs. All at the hands on Neal.
It began as apprehension, seeing his ex-best friend- who had yet to notice him- standing there so nonchalantly. This was something that he knew could happen. Hell, had known would happen. They ran in similar circles. Lived in similar neighborhoods. It was more surprising that it had taken this long. Two friends- three friends. Three people who had shared a lot of life together would not be able to disappear so easily from the others' existence.
But it wasn't all apprehension. There was a sort of pain that began to run deep as well. Ten years. They had been friends for a decade. And Killian never thought he would see the day that it would end. Neal had said the same thing. Over a woman.
It was more than just a woman. If there was anything that he wished Neal could understand, it was that Emma wasn't just a woman. He wouldn't have risked (risked?)… He wouldn't have ended his friendship so carelessly and recklessly.
"Jones?"
Damn.
Killian hadn't exactly came up with a final decision of how he wanted to handle the situation before his order was called. There was a part of him that believed it was too early- too raw- for a confrontation at this point. There were too many feelings, and he could only imagine what Neal would be feeling. And then there was a part of him wanted nothing more than to man up to the situation at hand. It was what it was. Emma and Neal had been in a relationship for two years. And now Emma and he were in a relationship, at the expense of Neal.
His eyes never left Neal's back. With a string of curses under his breath, he slid very carefully and very cautiously from the booth.
It was immediate. Maybe it had been the trigger of a common yet familiar name. Maybe it had been the sound of movement from behind. Neal did a quick spin around, bringing them face to face.
Killian saw the gambit of emotions running across Neal's face- saw it in his eyes, in his mouth, in the way he held his chin. All too quick to think about each one, but he could imagine.
It felt like the moment lasted forever, this standoff. Two men only feet away from each other. Neal's grim mouth set in a firm line as his eyes roamed him from head to toe. Those hands maybe itching to punch his ex-friend at least one more time, if seeing the clenching and unclenching as any true sign.
Killian wanted nothing less than a fight. Seeing Neal standing there in front of him, it wasn't that possible fight that he thought of. It was the years of friendship. It was all the trips and journeys that they'd been through. It was hand claps on the back and the easy grins of two pranksters. It was….
All of the good things that had been them and their friendship. A decade was a long time. He didn't have many friends like that. And, now, he was down one more.
"Jones."
Maybe they stood like that longer than he had thought. The call of his name broke some kind of spell, taking him out of his reverie and back to the present.
He felt the click of something inside him- something telling him to handle this. Killian's steps were firm and confident. There was no place for timidity or sadness. If Neal said something…
"Killian." The murmur was accompanied by a challenging bump of arm against arm.
The instant grab of that arm, yanking him forcefully into him, and letting him no without a doubt that it wasn't going to happen was the thought that came to Killian's mind. Just a thought. Ten years…
"Neal."
It was only a second more. Just one second. And then Neal gave him a simple nod. Nothing more.
Killian only hesitated for a breath. He knew that that physical contact was probably an instantaneous reaction in the same way that almost made him grab him. So he would let it pass.
But he wondered. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? He was sorry. Sorry.
His nod was even less significant than the other. But with that acknowledgement, he continued towards the counter.
The plastic bags that held the platters of food sat expectantly on the counter. There was only a brief acknowledgement from the cashier, an apologetic look on his face as he pressed the bags Killian's way before he turned his attention somewhere else.
His food was there. So he was supposed to turn around and…
"I'm guessing that Emma has an order of chicken chow mein in there somewhere."
The quandary from Neal hit Killian right in the heart as he turned to look at him.
He was standing just as he was before. There was a slide of his hand into his pocket and a smile that just wasn't right across his face.
"Along with some spring rolls maybe," he continued with a light shrug. "Did you remember to make sure to extra soy sauce for the fried rice? It would be a pain to have to run back out and get some, right?"
So he knew Emma. Knew what she liked. Knew how she liked it.
Was Neal trying to prove something with that fact? Because Killian knew Emma as well. And he was learning so much more about the woman who had so easily lead him into her heart. So the words didn't make him respond to that aspect of it.
Neal did know Emma. But apparently it wasn't as much as he had thought. Because it hadn't been a careless act. It wasn't about something tawdry and messy.
He hadn't been what she needed. Hadn't been what she wanted. Hadn't been what she truly desired. And Neal… he didn't get that.
His steps were slow as his eyes darted across his face. Killian swallowed back the lump that had threatened to close his throat.
It was everyone that was around them. This wasn't the place. Too many people. All strangers. And they had had their say.
They were close, shoulder to shoulder.
"Not here." It was meant to be heard by only him, and with a finality he felt coursing through him. "Goodbye, Neal."
And there was a sense of sadness for the one of the three that was left alone. There was a sadness for a friendship that was no more.
It should have been left at that. Was that just wishful thinking? Because Killian didn't feel alone as he walked the short path to the door. In fact, he heard the footsteps. He heard his breathing, shallow huffs coming from behind. He heard the rustling of his coat flapping with each step.
"Hey!"
The turn was automatic, leaving no room for thought or question. So was that burning sensation. An emotionally-charged confrontation was not his idea of a good night when he had Emma waiting at home for him.
Killian's smile was small and just friendly enough, but his hand tightened on the bag he held.
"Here's the thing," he practically purred. "Although the last time we met I didn't mind much that my face paid the price for your anger," his eyes squinted, "I unfortunately am not in the same mind frame. Sorry, mate."
Neal's hand went to swipe over his nose, hiding a grin from underneath. And if it hadn't been for the circumstances, then this would have been something that was quite them. The banter. The grins.
"You still have a whole hell of a lot of nerve," was the answered murmur.
He had the right to feel any sort of way that he wanted to, Killian knew that. But it wasn't going to change anything, so standing here and listening to it was nowhere near ideal.
"Was there something that you wanted, Neal?"
God, his best friend. Was he the only one who felt it? Felt the stab of pain because of everything that had happened? Well there was nothing that he could do about it now.
"Do you think you have the right to even look at me with any shred of remorse?"
He hadn't tried to look remorseful. He hadn't tried to look as if he was anything but what he was.
Killian was slow to shake his head. "I… wasn't the one who sought you out here, Neal. So…"
It was that same quick flash of anger that could be seen in Neal's eyes- just like last time. The only difference was the Killian's reaction to it was a far cry from what it had been like last time.
He got it. Goddammit, he understood what the situation must have been like for Neal. But he couldn't do anything about that.
"Listen," Killian said, watching Neal's step towards him. "All I can do is apologize. And I've done that. What I can't do is keep coming to blows with you over a situation that is over and done with. What I can't do is walk on eggshells because of what happened."
Toe to toe. That's how they stood. Eyes on eyes. Two men who had so much history and so much fresh pain between them.
Killian felt the still increasing heartrate. It wasn't out of fear. What was it?
Pain. Hurt. Hell, he was remorseful. Sorry that his happiness came at the hands of Neal's hurt.
"How about this, Killian?" he whispered quietly. "You- and Emma? You stay out of my way."
There was a promise in there that was hard to keep.
"Like I said." His gaze on him was steely. If this was the way it had to be… "I didn't seek you out. And as far as Emma."
There was a definite flash of something in Neal's eyes that should have been considered pain.
"I'm sure she will feel the same way."
Just the thought of Emma brought a new surge of anger in Killian. He had taken the beating- had expected far worse. But…
"No matter how much she hurt you, you didn't have to do what you did," he whispered. You didn't have to throw her and everything she owns out on the streets."
Neal shrugged. "It never made it that far."
"I could handle what you did to me," Killian assured him. "I damned well deserved it. I deserved even worse. But Emma." He was slow to shake his head. "Emma?"
"Emma deserved everything she got and a hell of a lot more!" The shout was full of pain and bitterness. But there was more, because he took a step back, his head ducking and a curse falling from his mouth. "I…wouldn't have… I wouldn't have thrown her stuff out." He looked back up suddenly, his eyes searching Killian's, and maybe for some understanding. "You know that. But… she would have deserved it if it had come to that."
It was with that look that Killian realized something. It wasn't a complete hatred that filled any one of them in the situation. Even Neal. But it didn't change the circumstances. There would never be a time where any of this was acceptable. In that way, they had all lost.
Killian took his own step back, the weight of the bag in his hand becoming heavy and noticeable once again.
There was nothing else to say. Nothing that was going to seem right. He watched his old friend, saw the flicker of indecision crossing over his face.
"You want to hit me?" It was a question, but could have easily have just been stated.
Another huge grin crossed Neal's face. "More than you'll ever know."
Killian nodded slowly, a complete knowing and understanding of his frank answer. He took another moment to look at was now his past- there was no other way to look at it. And then it was over. No more.
His eyes fell to the ground, a slight bob of his head. Then he turned his back on Neal.
The metaphor was not lost on him in those moments. And yet…
This time there were no footsteps that followed. There was no whisper of coat whipping and matching every one of his steps.
He chose not to question the hollowness that was invading him.
What had he expected? Hey, no answer or thought for that one either.
If he let it, the whole thing could have eaten away at him. And it was so very close to doing that. But no matter how and why it had happened, the fact was that the end result had him going home to Emma.
For now, he only had room in his head to think on that one. Even if he had to force all the other thoughts away.
.
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"I am really curious to know what you are thinking," Emma said, sitting there with eyes only on him.
And that had made him curious. What? Had she seen something in him? Had he been so transparent?
And yet Killian didn't even know himself what it was.
Or maybe he did.
Emma's fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp, had magical properties that he didn't know if he would ever understand. But he didn't need to understand, as long as there was still magic there.
Killian liked the way she felt sitting on his lap. He liked the way her body fit so perfectly right there. He loved the smile that he recognized as her genuine and loving smile. A smile that was just for him.
So why did his mind drift? But of course…
Emma's head tilted, her eyes crossed the path of his face. There was only a small smile there, and maybe just a tiny bit of worry.
It was because she knew him. And that was a fact that made his heart blossom. Had let him know that nothing else mattered. That this- that they- were worth it.
Killian's hand smoothed over her leg, pulling her all the closer to himself. It was on the tip of his tongue, to share with her.
"What?" Emma's question, and her look of curiosity, was the final push.
"I saw Neal tonight." And as the words left his mouth, he watched for any signs. First reactions- looks and body language- were important.
He expected a stiffening and a need to close herself off. He expected an off-putting that would only cause him a sense of pain as well.
It had been difficult for Emma, and Killian knew that. Where he knew that she had always believed that the transition would be easy, it hadn't been as simple as that.
But she didn't tense up. It was quite the opposite. Emma moved her hands so that her arms could wrap around his neck. She settled even deeper into him, holding him close. And her eyes weren't sad, as he believed they would be, but still curious.
"You didn't tell me earlier," she reminded him quietly. "How did that go?"
"It…"
The movie of their recent lives played out in his mind in that space of a second as he looked at her. Those things lost and those things that were gained.
"It went," was his answer with a frown.
Emma's hold on him tightened, staying quiet for a moment.
What was she thinking? Sometimes it was a lot easier to put the whole situation into perspective. And other times nothing was able to do that.
He never wanted her to regret the decision. And with Neal finding out in the way he did, he knew that sometimes it was difficult not to have some odd feelings toward it. So…
What was she thinking?
"Hands to oneself?" Emma whispered.
Were her eyes looking for telltale marks as she watched him.
A shoulder lifted into a shrug. "For the most part, yeah."
There was a frown on her face now, along with another pause.
"Did you come out of it okay?" Emma rolled her eyes. "Other than feeling the need to keep it to yourself for so long?"
It was everything about her. Killian loved everything about her. He hadn't known what to expect. But the way she held him. The way she approached this whole thing with softness and care. He was in love with her…
"I came out of it better than I ever thought I would," he answered. His smile was sudden and driven by his heart.
Emma's head turned again. "And did Neal come out of it okay?"
That's when his eyes darted across her face, taking her in in every way possible.
"He came out of it okay," he told her. "He's trying. He's… Neal. You know?"
Neal. The all-around good guy. The guy who lived life easily and liked it that way, without so much of a care in the world.
"I know."
Maybe there was a bit of sadness in her acknowledgement- and Killian expected that. But he didn't expect for it to disappear so quickly, being replaced by a tiny happy smile.
"I'm glad."
"Emma?" It was sudden, the need to pull her close. His fingers moved to her face and slid across into her hair. It was a firm hold, bringing her close.
It was all worth it, right?
Soft. She was soft. And was sweet. And she was…
Emma.
"Emma?"
There was something about her. Something in the way that she looked at him.
She nodded, her eyes closing. "I know."
And when she kissed him, which was just as soft and sweet as she was, he knew that she did know. Without words, she knew.
So…
Yeah, it was worth it.