Chapter 4
I'm Lost Without You
On Monday morning you wake up with a good feeling. You have your appointment with Dr. Fleming and Brittany will accompany you so everything is fine. Due to your appointment and Mercedes' visit Brittany will miss work for two days. You told her you could go on your own but she insisted to go with you, she wants to be there when you find out the gender and a bonus she says, she won't see George so soon.
You are both in the car driving silently. You are having mixed feelings. It drowns on you that you are getting closer and closer to labor and you have nothing bought for the baby yet. You know you need to start to look but you have no money and you don't want to ask Brittany again. You are looking for a job but with being pregnant no one wants to hire you and Brittany wants you to wait till you deliver the baby. Your life is pure chaos yet with Brittany it feels the most organized.
"Are you nervous?" She throws you a few glances.
"Yeah, I feel like this is it, you know. This time we will know for sure." You give her a little smile and she reaches over and gives your hand a squeeze. When she wants to pull her hand back you grab her hand tighter to hold it in place.
"Is it ok?" You look at her hand in your palm asking to hold on a little longer.
"Of course. Whatever you need." She gives you a supportive smile and keeps driving. You can't help it, your nerves are having a party in your system and someone's hold makes you feel better.
"Can I confess something?" Brittany asks you out of a sudden and you wonder what she could be hiding from you so you nod when she looks at you.
"I'm not nervous. I have-I mean we have waited so long. It's like- I don't know how to explain it. It feels like I'm connected to the baby even though I have nothing to do with him or her, you know. I can't wait to meet your baby, San. There will be two of you I can't believe it." She beams with excitement and lifts your joined hands up in the air. You laugh she is so cute. She always surprises you and makes you feel better.
"Can I confess something, too?" You ask. She needs to hear what you have to say. She is the reason why you are smiling now and she has a right to know.
"I thought you have already said that you were nervous." She answers back.
"No, it's not that. I just wanted to tell you the reason we are on our way to the doctor is because of you. Britt, without you I wouldn't be alive now. You pulled me out of my darkest phase, of the strongest depression I've ever experienced."
You see Brittany parking in the first lot she finds, turning off the engine and turning to you and taking both of your hands in hers. You are looking at your lap, feeling your heart drown in memories of a few months ago. It wasn't that long ago but now, you feel like a new person.
"After he went missing, my father got arrested, the FBI shut my house and my bank accounts got blocked the pregnancy was the last straw for me. I wanted to end my life whenever you left for work. I thought I didn't have anything to loose. But I was wrong. You. I had you and still luckily have you, Britt. I thought this baby would always remind me of him but you proved me wrong. It is mine, it belongs to me, and it is a part of me. I couldn't even think of giving birth to this child before you told me otherwise, before you taught me how to learn to love my child. I will always be thankful for that. I finally think I can breathe now."
Your nose is running due to your crying and Brittany is too. She takes back her hands and this makes you sadder so you look back to your lap as you cry harder. Brittany is the hugging type so it doesn't surprise you as she hugs you and puts her chin on your shoulder.
"Don't ever leave me okay?" She whispers in your ear.
"Never, Brittany. But please don't ever give up on me, please." You beg her.
"Never! I love you, San." This breaks your heart and makes your heart soar at the same time and the only thing you can say back is
"I love you, too Britt." You keep hugging for several seconds. Brittany pulls away first but remains close to you.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I feel better thanks." She begins to wipe your tears away and tries to make you smile.
"I know what can boost your mood… this little one here." She puts her hand on your belly and you look down and smile. After you both share a smile she turns on the engine and drives straight to your appointment and you try to make yourself presentable again.
You arrive and go in when your name is called.
"Hello, Ladies I'm happy to see you again. How did it go with Dr. Montgomery?"
After she shakes hands with Brittany and you, you share a knowing look with Brittany as you remember what happened at the hospital.
"Let's say Santana didn't like the doctor." Brittany smirks and because you are already laying down you can't withhold Brittany from speaking.
"I'm sorry?" Dr. Fleming looks confused at you and you feel slightly embarrassed.
"I wouldn't say didn't like, it was more a disagreement so we left before any treatment could be made. That means we still don't know the gender."
"Well, I suggest you to cross your fingers Ladies and hope for good luck." She rubs your belly with gel and starts roaming the ultrasound device until she finds the position of the baby. On your request she turns on the volume and you hear that heartbeat you missed to hear but always felt.
"It looks like we are lucky this time." Dr. Fleming smiles at the screen and you look closer but you can't recognize a thing, just the little figure.
"I can see it, too." Brittany smiles with wide eyes at the screen and you don't get what they see and you don't and since when is Brittany specialized in the field of human growth and development?
"Okay, I'm about to freak out here can somebody please tell me what you see cause nothing I see is new to me." You look between them and point at the screen with your hand.
"Is something wrong with my baby?" You frantically ask and try to get up a little bit to have a closer look. Brittany gets up from her seat and comes to you grabbing your hand.
"What do you think, Mrs. López? Is it a boy or a girl?" Dr. Fleming asks you still smiling and Britt squeezes your hand with both hands and does little jumps out of excitement. You don't know how to react. You thought about it before but now you are obviously clueless. You look at Brittany and the answer comes to you sort of naturally.
"It's a girl, isn't it?" You ask, positive about your answer.
"She is indeed, congratulations!" The doctor gives you tissues to wipe your belly and you stand up the smile still attached to your lips. No, not a smile, you are grinning and Brittany is, too.
The rest of your appointment goes usual. The doctor reminds you of do's and don'ts and soon you are leaving and heading towards the grocery store since you are awaiting a guest. Brittany walks a few steps ahead and opens the door for you.
"Well, thank you gentlewoman but it wasn't necessary you know I can do it on my own, Britt." you say as you get in the car.
"Yeah, I know but this way it's faster and I can call my parents sooner." Of course the Pierces. They waited for your call last time but with the fight you had with Brittany you forgot about it. Luckily Brittany informed her parents that day with an exception of your fight which you are glad for. You don't want the Pierces to hate you they really grew on you and you don't want to disappoint them. Brittany takes her phone, dials her parents and puts it on speaker.
"Pierce Pierce." He answers the phone with a casual tone.
"Hey dad!" Brittany answers happy to hear her father.
"Hey, sweetie how is school going?"
"Dad I graduated high-school eight years ago! Wait, never mind is Mom home? We need to tell you guys something." She looks at you excited and you just rub your belly sharing this moment with your baby girl.
"Give me the phone Pierce. I said GIVE ME THE PHONE!"
"NO!"
"Britt, what are your parents doing there?" The noises on the other side of the phone were getting louder and you could hear a lot movement from the Pierces.
"They are wrestling for the phone again." She sighs and faces the phone again.
"Hey GUYS! Stop the violence!" Britt shouts but no difference does it make.
"I swear Pierce if you don't give me the phone right away, I'll head to the bedroom, take your souvenirs from the Amish farm and burn them in our garden!"
"You wouldn't dare!" He sounded shocked.
"Don't believe me just watch!" Whitney sang but her hold on the phone didn't ease.
You had enough of that. The noise gave you a headache so you just shout
"IT'S A GIRL!"
Dead silence.
"Ahhhhhhhh CONGRATULATIONS, Santana. I knew it, Pierce you owe me fifty bucks…. Really Santana we are over the moon."
"Wait, I thought we were on earth?"
"Hahaha Thank you Mama Pierce." Everyone was beyond happy and you loved it. It felt like you belonged to their family. Your happiness was also theirs. You are blessed with the people around you. You never want to leave Boston. They say your home is where your heart is and your heart is here in this city.
"Wait, does it mean I have to stop asking around for baby clothes for boys, Brittany?"
"What?" You ask dumbfounded. Brittany isn't looking at you.
"I will just put your baby clothes in the box and send it with the crib next week."
Has Brittany been asking her mother for baby stuff? But why and why didn't she tell you about it.
"Eh okay thank you Mom. I'll call you later. Bye, kisses." End of the call.
She still avoids your eyes.
"Is there maybe something you wanted to tell me, Britt?" You ask half rhetorical and half wondering. Brittany sighs and looks apologetic.
"Guilty on all counts… Look you are almost six months pregnant, San. I know my mother preserves my baby clothes and my crib. We just thought that it would be a great present for the baby shower even if we are celebrating on our own. It was meant to be a surprise but my mom just ruined it, thanks to her for that." Brittany looks at the phone at the last part although her parents are no longer on the other side.
"And you thought the right way to do it was going behind my back?" You raise an eyebrow and look intimidating. You are not angry with her, but you feel somehow… betrayed maybe? You don't know maybe betrayed is not the right word but something similar to that.
"I wasn't exactly going behind your back. I told you it was a surprise. Your child's due in a little over three months and we didn't discuss about anything yet. You know she needs a bet to sleep, clothing to wear and all that jazz."
"You do so much for me Brittany, thank you. Normally I would kindly decline but the circumstances force me to accept your gifts. Once my baby is out, I'm gonna find a job and pay everything back, I promise."
She laughs a little and shakes her head.
"You have nothing to pay me back for, San. We are a family and family is a place where everybody loves you no matter what and they accept you for who you are, especially if you are pregnant."
She does it again. She is not only books smart but she is people smart, too.
No words can clarify her. She is Brittany.
You bump her nose and ask "When did you get so smart?"
She seems to think about your question and after a short while
"Somewhere around senior year, I think. Yes, I've got the highest score back then on the SAT test, I proved it to everybody that I am not stupid. You were the only one believing in me though."
She is right. Nobody saw her with your eyes because nobody was as close to her as you. You two have always been a two-shot since you met. You guess there was Quinn you accepted and formed unholy trinity with but even she wouldn't get Brittany like you do. Everybody tried to turn her down because they would think Brittany wasn't normal. They just couldn't follow Brittany's words. They never made sense to anybody else but you. Even teachers who sincerely wanted to help Brittany with her learning "difficulties" wouldn't succeed because they thought it was a psychological problem. She just had her own studying techniques. That's probably why she decided to take the opportunity at MIT and not pursue her dancing. She wanted everybody to see what a genius she is and she is doing an excellent job at it. In her first year she developed the Brittany code which every scientist works with now.
In the meantime you arrive at the supermarket near your apartment. Brittany buys everything she thinks is necessary for Mercedes' stay. You talk to her about buying less but you get out with a full packed shopping cart anyway.
When you are back Brittany goes straight to the kitchen and begins preparations for the next day. You begin to get nervous. There is this pressure on you what if Mercedes sees through your lie? What if she asks questions?
You stand in the living room leaning on the bookshelf, thinking of all the questions in your head while you watch Brittany. She cooks some Dutch meal and runs from the stove to the counter and back and throws vegetables in the simmering pot. You have nothing to do. You cleaned your room, cleaned the toilet, vacuumed the whole place, you are ready, are you really? Are you emotionally ready? You feel guilty because you are guilty. You feel guilty because you are putting Brittany into your situation, too. She doesn't deserve anything she went through because of you. The least you can do is help her cooking so you step in.
"Hey Britt, I am done so let me help you what are you cooking?" You ask as you walk towards the stove but Brittany stops in front of you so you can't take more steps and have to stand still.
"I suggest you to leave the kitchen, San. I'm going to make my famous bacon pie so you better go before you faint or something." She winks at you and you immediately leave the kitchen you don't need to be told twice. Meat uhhhh you are going to throw up. Think of something else, think of something else!
"Uhh Brittany close that door!" You shout from the couch you start to smell the bacon and it definitely doesn't make you happy.
"Sorry!" She shouts back and finally closes the door. The time she's finished she comes back and sits beside you and throws her head back leaving a big sigh and a yawn.
"Everything is prepared, I hope Mercedes will like it since she lives in a villa with maids and so on." Brittany is looking really tired.
"Oh come on, we are talking about the Mercedes Jones here. Money and fame didn't and never will change her she has got too much sass for that she is like unbreakable she has got a pretty thick skin." You answer because Mercedes? She would never let money rule her life. After she became famous everyone from the glee club thought they would never hear something from Mercedes again. You have to admit you had the same thought but it turned out Mercedes Jones values every friend of hers and even planned some of those get-togethers of the group.
"See, you said it yourself, San. She is the same old diva from high-school we don't need to hide things from her." She looks at you knowingly and you figure out what she is doing. That whole conversation is a trap she wants to manipulate you so you expose all your hidden secrets to Mercedes.
"Britt I know what you are doing right know and we talked about this okay? It's not only about me I have to think of it's also about my baby."
She yawns again, you wanted to end this conversation anyway so you call it a night giving her a goodnight kiss on the cheek and go to bed. Mercedes will arrive early in the morning so you better get some sleep.
5:07 a.m.
You can't be serious! At this hour?! Your left hand goes to your mouth, your right hand rips the blanket off, you jump from the bed, without turning the light on you run to the direction of the bathroom. You don't want to wake up Brittany but if you don't hurry up you will puke all over the floor but shit you can't see anything. On your run-walking you knock your pinky toe on you don't know what the hell it was you can't see anything in the darkness. Even you want to scream your pain away and wake up all the neighbors you press your left hand tighter to your mouth. You don't have time to dwell on it you need to reach the toilet bowl. Somehow you manage to get to the bathroom, without switching the light on, you tumble in front of the bowl, open the toilet lid, squint your eyes and finally let go. Suddenly you feel a hand on your hair and one another on your back caressing it. You are making strange noises but you can't help it, when you think you are done and want to lean back there comes more. Eventually the puking stops and you throw your arm across the toilet seat and put your head on it. You are exhausted, you don't have the strength to flush the toilet.
When you open your eyes you have to close them again because now the light is on and it burns your eyes.
"Hey, it's ok you are fine." She still caresses your back. You can't answer or just let her know you heard her you feel so weak.
"Do you want tea for your stomach, honey?" You just shake your head.
"Ok let me put you in bed come on." She pulls at your wrist and you stand up with her help, flush the toilet, wash your face and your mouth with water, you don't brush your teeth you don't have the energy for that. You throw up and don't brush your teeth afterwards, so what? You will just do it in the morning.
Brittany tucks you in, sits on the edge of the bed next to you and looks at you worriedly.
"It didn't happen in weeks hmm?" She caresses your right arm. You are lying on your left, both hands are under your head.
"Yeah…. What did you wake up? My running or my collision with whatever it was?" She gives you a chuckle.
"Lord Tubbington did. He literally jumped on me and when I heard you I knew what he was up to." You only have a little smile to offer.
Eyes are getting heavier, you struggle keeping them open. Building thoughts is also exhausting. Sleep is taking over slowly and you can't fight it any more.
You don't notice Brittany leaving you a kiss with a 'sleep tight, San'.
8:15 a.m.
The alarm goes off. You grunt and stretch your arms and legs. In less than 45 minutes Mercedes will arrive so you get up and go to the bathroom.
"Morning!" Brittany shouts from the kitchen. She puts three plates on the dining table with cutlery on the side, her best ones. She makes remarkable afford.
"Morning, Britt! And thank you for taking care of me last night." You shout back from the toilet.
"Don't mention it. How do you feel now?" You hear her cutting something on a board.
"I'll feel better once Mercedes departs and goes far faaar away." You shout to her as you leave the bathroom and go back to your room. You cleared the drawers and moved your stuff to Brittany's room just in case. It would be suspicious to have so much stuff here if you are just visiting your best friend.
Back in your room you look at your outfit for the day that you picked out with Brittany the other day. You put it on piece by piece looking at your image on the mirror.
"Britt, hey Britt! Can you come for a second?" You shout and a few seconds later Brittany appears at the door and holds the door frame with one hand.
"What's up?"
"Is that ok? Can you see my baby bump?" You turn to her you pull on your dress make it look different in various angles.
"Don't San, you are gonna rip it to pieces if you keep doing that." She takes your hands so you can't touch the dress any longer.
"You look just fine and your baby bump is well hidden there." Brittany's phone signals that she's got a text. She throws a look at it and makes a silly face.
"Don't freak out but she will be here in ten minutes."
You take a deep breath. You can do it, yes you can, think of the positive aspects. You missed your friend and you will see her after all this years. No need to be overwhelmed, one more breath….
9:02 a.m.
The doorbell rings.
"I'll get it." Brittany says and goes to open the door.
"MERCEDES!" "BRITTANY!" They shout excited at the same time. They hug it all out and you only stay and smile at them both.
"Damn gurrrl! You look fantastic! Did you age at all? Let me look at you." Mercedes pulls away from the hug and puts some space to give a look at Brittany.
"What can I say Santana keeps me on my feet, always." She whispers the last part in Mercedes' ear but you hear it nonetheless.
"Haha very funny, Britt. If you let the superstar breath I would like to bid our diva welcome, too." Mercedes ultimately becomes aware of your presence, lets Brittany go and comes to you with open arms. That alerts you and you unconsciously take two steps back. You may have hidden your belly but if she hugs you she will definitely feel your bump. So no there is no possibility of exchanging friendly affection. She is an arm length away now and gives you one of her biggest smiles. It feels like slow motion. She comes closer and closer. No No No No No
"NO!" You scream at her. She stops immediately and both Mercedes and Brittany look at you startled.
"What?" Mercedes asks unsure.
"You can't hug me!" You take another step away from Mercedes.
"Why?" She sounds confused.
"Yeah why, San?" Brittany looks irritated by your behavior. She didn't think about your bump, just like you.
"Because I… Because I.. have a terrible cold, right Brittany?" You prolong the last part and look deep in Brittany's eyes and wrinkle your eyebrow a little bit to make her understand she has to go with it. No answer from Brittany.
"I also have gastro-enteritis." You lay your hand carefully on your belly and Brittany seems to get it. You cough a couple times to make the act believable.
"And you just started your tour, which you are totally going to tell me about, I'm probably highly contagious so stay away." Mercedes looks like she is wavering between her moral to hug her friend who she didn't see for years and her sense. The tour is the best thing that could happen to her and she is too smart to risk it by getting infected.
"Ok, ok! I won't even touch you. You should wear a mask you know you are a danger for Brittany's health, too." She points her index finger at you and walks to the couch. You finally take a breath and sigh quietly on the outside but very loudly on the inside. You exchange looks with Brittany. She shrugs and as she wants to go to Mercedes you grab her arm and pull her ear to your lips.
"Where the hell am I going to find a mask?" You rashly whisper to her.
"You got it upon yourself, San but I'll be your savior and say don't worry I have some in the bathroom go and get one."
"You are a mathematician, physicist and chemist why are there medical masks in your house?"
"Because I like to be prepared for the worst case scenario."
"Ladies you've got a guest here you know, well Brittany you've got two now so double the work." Mercedes smiles from the couch.
"Oh god what did I let myself get in to? Come on I made breakfast." She jokes with Mercedes they both laugh as Brittany leads her to the kitchen and when you make your way to the bathroom Mercedes turns and asks if you are not joining them. You inform her that you'll get your mask and be right there with them. She apologizes and says that she normally wouldn't make such a deal about it but she can't chance getting infected. Of course you know where she is coming from you are not offended but in that mask you. just. can't. breathe….
Breakfast goes by with chatting and doing catch-ups. After you are finished you move to the couch. Brittany makes you tea and gets you a blanket for the sake of your plan. You let them mostly do the talking.
"So Professor Pierce what are you currently working on?" Mercedes asks with interest. Brittany loves to talk about her projects but is very modest about it. She doesn't like to make her personal achievements public she looks on it as teamwork.
"Well, sorry I am not allowed to talk about it until it becomes a thing but all I can say is it got a big of a bang to it." You all laugh.
"Is that so? Then my new target will be… Santanaaa! Tell me how married life is going, does he treat you right?" She looks at your ring finger but fails to find one specific ring. "Where is your wedding band, Satan? You didn't dump him, did you?" She asks. You leave a fake chuckle.
"Of course not. It must be here somewhere. My life is boring tell me about yours. Beyoncé! Really?! How did you do that?" You ask amazed.
"I'm just her opening act, just a couple of songs you know, not a big deal. Haha what am I saying, of course it is. Last night we had our first concert of the tour and she bombed it! It's such an honor to sing on the same stage as her." Her eyes shine with pride.
"Normally I would be totally jealous but you deserve it 'Cedes, really." You feel like crying out of pride but you can't give your hormones the opportunity to overcome you. Not in front of Mercedes she never saw you cry and this will not be the day it happens. You squeeze your eyes and take a breath.
"Thank you girls, you have no idea how much it means to me. You know impressing the big people is one thing but having the support of my old glee fellas is another. To know I can come to you no matter how long we haven't seen each other shows I made the right choices back then." She winks at you both and you smile back.
Then a phone starts to ring everyone looks for theirs.
"It's not mine." Mercedes says and looks at you both. You still try to find yours but it's nowhere.
"Oh it's mine. Sorry I got to take this one it's from work, I'll be right back."
Brittany excuses herself and goes to her room for some privacy. You are left alone with Mercedes.
"So Satan don't you think it's about time to put your education to use and try it out for acting?" She asks as she drinks her green tea to smooth her throat for the night.
"Please don't start like Berry. She tried to talk me into Broadway whenever we would talk. This dwarf doesn't get a no, you know. I can't be near her without having the desire to strangle her, cutting her to pieces and dump her in the nearest forest and set her dead body on fire. Ughhh she frustrates me so much I'm so glad I blocked her on every social media and changed my number."
Mercedes breaks out laughing and ok you get it for somebody who is not you, it sounds hilarious but you mean it. Berry brings out the worst in you, she is annoying, loud, short, never stops talking, puts her deformed nose in things that is nothing of her business, is married to that tall Frankenstein who makes her even look smaller than she already is and the only positive thing about her is her talent but that doesn't make up for all of the other things.
"What is so funny, hmm?" You ask her annoyed.
"Nothing, nothing, just please never change okay?" She stills her laughter and wipes a single tear from her right eye. That's so hilarious for her when you are dead serious. You always mean it if your insult is about or for Berry. Now she awakened that `Berry' side of you there is no back.
"You know it's not just her. The Frankenteen- now Frankenstein she married? Why would she do that – why would anybody with a sane mind want to marry that, that thing?" You sigh.
"Who are you complaining about again, San?" Brittany tugs her phone away as she comes back and sits in her prior place.
"Rachel and Finn." Mercedes answers and they change a knowing look.
"What? You two know how crazy she drives me. I have absolutely no idea- and I admire my strength to have myself under control- how I didn't kill her in high-school."
"Thanks to you I had to spend the whole midday with her. I had to fake a phone call to get away from her. Nonetheless it was good to catch up. All I'm saying is don't be so hard on her she means- well I think she means good."
"She is okay." Mercedes and you look at Brittany immediately.
"Okay, geez. I'm not keen on spending time with her either." Everybody laughs. Brittany's phone rings again and she sighs looking at it.
"Sorry guys, work again I'll be quick." She stands up.
"Brittany you don't have to stay, if it's that important I'm sure Satan and I can manage."
"No, no it's just about the machine in Europe our colleagues are building. It's kind of our invention but they do have the space to build it so they have questions about that. Actually they should be fine but I'll just check on them."
With that she leaves the room again and leaves you two alone.
"She is so smart wow, who knew all that genius could be packed in that little head." Mercedes comments and it makes you feel strange.
"Well of course she is. She is smart like she has always been you guys just couldn't see it before…. Did you know that she almost failed senior year and that she nearly had to retake it? While you were helping Puck pass his test to graduate, Brittany and I were in her room studying day and night and developing new study techniques so she could pass that ridiculous test. She studied 4 years' worth high-school material in a couple weeks."
"Wow I, I didn't know that." Mercedes was surprised. No wonder, no one paid attention to Brittany until her SAT results came in.
"You couldn't because you were so busy with Puck who does what by the way? He is a Disney prince at Disney world, wow way to go."
"Why are you talking like that, Santana? You dated him remember?"
"So what? Doesn't change the fact that he is a loser. I'm so glad that I broke up with him in senior year, that he didn't take it so well and decided to harass me afterwards until he ´dated´ Shelby just proves my point."
"Okay, okay I'm back. I promise no more calls, to prove it I will just turn off my phone. Here – off." Brittany turns off her phone and sits one more time.
You have a really good time together. You drink tea, you laugh, you talk, and nothing seems out of place. Friendships like these make life worth living.
Time flies by and you only become aware of it when somebody rings the doorbell like a maniac. You jolt and look at the door, at each other and at the door again.
Now the person rings the doorbell and also knocks aggressively on the wooden door.
Adrenaline rushes through your body now, you don't understand what's going on and it terrifies you.
"I'll go get it." Brittany says it meaningless and walks to open the door.
"God, finally! What took you so long?! You know what I don't have time for that where is Santana?" Was that Quinn? But what is she doing here?
Before any of you can react Quinn barges in the room.
"WHY IN THE HELL DIDN'T YOU PICK UP?! I CALLED YOU A BAZILLION TIMES!
Quick! The Agents are coming. It could be in 10 minutes to an hour, I don't know. I could gain time by saying I needed to talk to my client first but I couldn't do that because neither my client nor her roommate picked up."
She takes a deep breath after that rambling and continues.
"Oh good your belly isn't showing good, you don't have to change, good okay well I need to drink water right now, I've been driving for 4 hours I'm exhausted also we need to go over the case again. I know you don't want to hear it but your dad wrote you a letter again and insists for you to read it."
You are sure that all eyes are on you. You can't lift your head. You keep it down and your eyes closed. Your hands are the only things that keep your head steady in place. You wish the ground would open and swallow you up. You form your hands into fists and press them on your closed eyes. They are supposed to keep your tears in. You knew it, you knew it! Everything was too good to be true. Everything was fine and now Mercedes- she-she knows everything. You cry without shame no you cry freely and uncontrollable. You are not ashamed by your tears, you are ashamed of what Mercedes heard. Now you can't look up. It's over – Game's over….
Brittany takes you in her arms and you let her, you always do, you hide in her arms, you hide from this situation, from your responsibilities and from the world. Too much to take in. Quinn seems to notice the other guest in the room because she tries to apologize over and over again.
"Will somebody please explain to me what's going on here? Santana are you….pregnant?"
You know it's useless to keep still so you part yourself from Brittany and face Mercedes but don't look at her face. You are still crying because you have no control over the situation, because you are angry – not only at Quinn but at everything that happened to you, everything that wasn't your fault but gave you the worst life experience you definitely didn't need. You look at Quinn. There is pain written on her face, she is really sorry but you don't care. It's her fault. Why couldn't she wait? Why did she have to blab? You literally glare at her.
Mercedes comes to your vision. She kneels in front of you and holds you by your arms.
"You can tell me anything, Santana. Come on."
Can you? Can you really? Deep down you know that she is trust-worthy but this isn't about her, it never was. It's about your self-esteem, your urge to take on the world alone or at least with Brittany by your side. You look at her face and she still holds you upright with patience. You just lock gazes, unable to say something, anything.
"I'm so sorry, San but they could come any moment, so…" Quinn tries to interfere but Mercedes cuts in.
"It's ok she should take the time she needs."
"No, Quinn is right. I should just… I- I guess I deserve you an explanation, Mercedes." You sigh, you try to prepare yourself for what is coming. You don't talk about it regularly only if you need to and you don't remember who you told last but you guess in front of you is somebody you are going to let in your secret now. It's terrifying. You are glad Brittany is with you though. But this is something you have to do on your own. You free your arms from Mercedes.
You wipe your eyes, sniff a couple times and straighten your posture. You take the hem of your dress and lift up to you breasts so Mercedes can see your bump. She looks at it with no emotion on her face. She is just observing like it would make a change if she looked long enough. And then she raises her glance at you.
"Why did you want to hide it?" Still, you can't read what she is thinking.
"The things I'm gonna tell you now are in confidence, do you hear me? No one can know about it!"
Mercedes sat beside you and promised you her secrecy. You don't have much time so you begin.
"I guess it would be better if I start from the beginning… 7 years ago, a few days before our graduation. My father came up to me and wanted to talk. He knew that I wanted to go to New York and study at NYU, we had talked about it before I applied to NYU. He agreed with my choice and was supposed to pay everything for me. My parents and I were supposed to move there because my father wanted to move the HQ of his pharmacy enterprise there. So everything was ready to go. That day he called me to his office I should have known he was up to something, never mind... He told me he needed more financial support to move his company to New York, he said that the market there wouldn't be the same as in Ohio and that he had a friend in the same field and that they wanted to merge their companies to dominate the pharmacy market or something like that, I don't remember the details. I didn't understand what all that had to do with me, so I asked him why he was telling me this and I know it might seem unbelievable and old-school to you but he wanted me to marry the son of his friend because they were a family business and very conservative about it and wouldn't let strangers in their company. Believe me, my refusal to obey his order didn't get me far. He threatened to leave me high and dry regarding to my tuition fees and any sort of financial aid. He was too powerful and would always get in my way. He said I wouldn't gain a foothold in any area of work."
You keep crying and pause to gather all your thoughts.
"Did you tell anybody?" Still no judgement in Mercedes' tone.
"Back then? No, no I didn't, not even Brittany." Brittany wipes your eyes and gives you a weak smile.
"Why?" Mercedes really wants to know, hmm?
"I don't know, I guess it was too personal and I kind of didn't put anyone in the way of my father. All everybody was thinking about was the last days of high-school and what the future was holding for them. I didn't want to drop such a bomb. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right... so eventually I had to surrender to his wills. To be honest it wasn't that bad to be married to Tri- him. We barely acknowledged each other, not when we were alone. There were no feelings involved. He got to be the head of the company, my father as his partner, and I was able to study as I intended. He had no interest in me until a year ago. He started to treat me to dates and sent me flowers and gifts. I haven't dated since I got married at the age of 20 so I enjoyed the attention of my 'husband', maybe too much. I really thought he liked me, maybe even fell in love with me but he was planning his escape all along. He and my so called father tinkered with the numbers and sold crap to people instead of real medicine. He made it look like my father was in charge all of the mess when in reality both were involved.
He succeeded to flee and my 'innocent' father had to go to prison. My mother still supported him after what he did, can you believe that?"
Your voice rises, your gaze hardens and tears stop falling as you look directly in Mercedes' eyes.
"He is partly responsible for the death of so many people who took the 'medicine', he was the CFO he evaded taxes and stole money from the company and almost got away with it. When I came home from a shopping tour. I had the 'pleasure' to find the FBI in and around my house with countless cameras. The agents thought I was a part of the crime, it took a long time to convince them I was innocent and had no clue what was going on. They froze my accounts, shut my house, took the cars, I was forced to tell Brittany and then Quinn who as you can see is my lawyer. Now I'm living with Brittany and am pregnant and hide that fact from the FBI that pays me a visit here and there. Nobody knows I moved away Mercedes and I want it to keep this way, okay? We still don't know where he is and how dangerous he really is. He can't know where I am and that I am carrying his child, I mean it, I trust you with my greatest secret."
You never break the eye contact you have to see it in her eyes, see that she will not tell any soul. She looks perplexed and lost for words.
"You were right, it's impossible to believe something like this and I thought that this was a prank but nobody is laughing by now so-"
The doorbell rings.
"They are here." Quinn voices out what everybody thinks and goes to buzz them in.
"Quick! Hide in Brittany's room and be quiet!" Mercedes rushes in the next room she thinks is Brittany's and thank god she ran in to the right room.
"Are you ready?" Brittany wipes the last of your tears gently as always. Even in a stressful moment like this she is gentle with you.
"It's ShowTime." You breathe out…
Well here it is! Thank you for the favorites and follows for my stories and some even favorited me! Your reviews are always welcomed and I enjoy reading every one of them and to know your thoughts about the story.
I know it took me 3 months to update so thank you for being patient with me but that's because I really needed to put effort in this chapter here are 7,5k words for you. All comments and improvement advices are appreciated.
Very important questions are answered in this chapter like promised.
Wow Santana had to go through so much but we all know she is a fighter, right? Forcing marriage on your daughter Papa López?! We are not living in the 17th century! You and your heartless soul can rust in jail!
OMG I almost forgot, the baby… it's a she! I can't wait till Santana gives birth and I have a felling Brittany can't either ;)
For any questions don't hesitate to review, dm and if you want I'm on twitter, too.
twitter: zepolzoom
See you next chapter.