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.................

Tears don't fall.

Come back to me, my lost friend.

Jou

We knew something was wrong.

Yugi was edgy. Convinced that Yami was hiding things again. He said that somehow...Yami had sounded like a lost child. Confused and frightened. Then the switch flipped and the mask was back.

That wasn't Yami. Not the Yami I remembered. The Yami I knew would never let his mask down in the first place.

Could he really change so much in four years?....Suppose four years is a long time....

Something inside me screamed that things weren't right. That Yams was hiding things and I needed to reach him.

Yugi knew. He knew that I needed to say my piece to Yami. Try to reform the broken bonds, fix the broken trust. Yami wouldn't make it easy but I have to try.

That's why I'm here....outside his house...preparing myself for the Yami that lies inside.

Sighing, I knocked on the door, barely having to breathe before it was wrenched open. I recognised the man who walked out as Jamie, the snappy, unpleasant man that had defended Yami.

"What are you doing here?" He growled

"I'm checking on Yami."

He knew who I was talking about and something flashed over his face. He left, barging into my shoulder and turned out of the drive. I shrugged, taking his reaction as an invitation. I hovered in the doorway, unsure, not quiet ready to waltz into someone's house and demand to see a man I wronged so many years ago.

"Hello?" I called out

The raven haired girl, Lucy, stepped out of a room. Her eyes widened when she saw me but no other reaction crossed her face.

"You here to see Atemu?"

"Yes. Yugi was worried about him."

"And you?"

"What?"

"Why are you here instead of Yugi?"

"I...I'm worried too. I want to make amends. Please?"

"What's your name?"

"Jou."

"Go and see him Jou. It might do him some good."

"Thank you."

"He'll be in the living room. Just follow the sounds of the T.V."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Please...make him smile again..." She breathed. I turned back to her but she was gone.

I followed the sounds, it sounded like some documentary. I smiled, Yami used to watch them all the time, trying to make sense of his new world. A lifetime ago. I pushed open the door, glancing around the room for him. I couldn't see him. Just as I was about to leave the room, a flash of blonde caught my eye. I stepped around a chair, finding him huddled against the wall, one hand clasping his neck.

"Yams?" I called out

His head whipped up, frantic, panicked eyes met mine. Crimson so brilliant was terrified in a way it should never be. He shook his head, bringing one hand up to his mouth, trying to stop something. Concerned I walked toward him.

And whatever dam that had been protecting him broke.

Crystal tears started to fall.

Something inside me lurched and I was beside him. He backed away from me, curling in on himself.

"No. No, no!" He moaned

"Yami...what's wrong?"

"G-Go away." His voice was thick with tears.

"No."

"Yes." He knuckled his eyes, not reacting when I drew him toward me. "Go away."

"I can't, Yams."

He struggled weakly as I placed my arm around his shoulders, one fist moving to bang against my chest. I don't think he was trying to hurt me. But the ineffective weapon kept knocking against my chest. I held him to me, guilt building up when he stiffened against me when my grip got to tight for him. When the tears dried, to quickly, I could tell that there were still more tears to cry. More tears that he wouldn't allow himself to cry. He pushed away from me, standing and leaning against the wall.

"Why are you here, Jou?"

I gapped. How could anyone change emotions that quickly? It took him a matter of seconds to pull the mask back on. Looking at him now, I could see no trace of tears. It was impossible to tell that he had broken down. Now, he looked calm and collected. Exactly how I remember him.

"I...I wanted too see you."

"Another misguided attempt at forgiveness?"

The barb hurt, striking that part of me that only he could control. He had a small part of all of us. Slowly he was allowing us to reconnect with it. All the time making venomous remarks, purposely hurting us. But I understand. He's hurting us like we hurt him. But unlike us...unlike me...he'll never use violence against us. He's just not that sort of person. He just won't. But I know the damage he can inflict with the words he can deliver.

"I suppose. I want you to forgive me."

"What makes you think I'll forgive you?"

"You're trying to hard to convince me that you won't."

Nothing. No change. "Nah. I'm just making sure you know I won't."

So calm. With that mask he knows how to play the games. Knows how to bend the rules and turn them back on me. He's a master. He won't fall for my tricks anymore. He won't be sentimental. The time of witnessing his emotions has passed.

....Meet the Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt....

My lost friend, my brother....

...Find a way, Jou...take down the mask...find him again....

"You're starting to forgive otherwise I wouldn't be here. You'd have kicked me out."

Eyes that flashed in the light turned to me, a smirk played on his lips. "Believe me, I still can."

I didn't doubt him for a second. "So, why haven't you?"

"Thought that if I gave you the chance to speak you'd leave me alone. But you're not going to are you?"

"Not a chance."

The smirk didn't leave his face. He leant his head back, closing his eyes, waiting for me to start the conversation. I had nothing to say. The words I had wanted to tell him stayed hidden.

"You know." He said suddenly. I glanced to him. "I don't respond to Yami or Yams anymore."

"I know."

"So why'd you keep calling me it?"

"Because that who you are to us. This..." His hair, his clothes, his attitude "Isn't you."

He opened his eyes and raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Oh? Who am I then?"

"Not this. You're not this cold and closed off. You're not supposed to be this way."

"I'm not any different to how I was the day I left."

"Not true! Before you left you were starting to trust us."

"Yes. STARTING! But I don't anymore."

I groaned. "You've always been cold, Yams. But you've always cared."

"I used to care. But you showed me that I was a fool too."

I chocked on the air in my throat. I had taught him that? Taught him not to care because it meant getting hurt?

"You're wrong. You are so wrong. Of course you should care! You don't always get hurt!"

"I have to say though, I like your lesson. I learnt a lot from you. Now I know not to let emotions get in the way." He looked at me, through my eyes almost into my soul. "Thank you Jonouchi. For my lesson."

Once again the Pharaoh had rendered me speechless, the rules shaping to fit him. The cards in his hand. The monsters behind him. He was ruthless and he didn't care. I saw all this, the man he had become, the boy I had lost and I felt sick. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

"You're a Yami. Yugi's protector...How did you turn into this?"

"Events shape the person that you become. The events in my life made me this."

"Where's my best friend?"

Something in the shell cracked and his posture slumped a little. "He's not here, Jou."

"But where is he?" There was no logic to my words. I knew the boy I had known, had fought side by side with was gone. Swallowed by years of grief and anger. A victim to society and betrayal

But Yami said something that surprised me. "Somewhere even I can't reach him. Even if I wanted too."

I knew then, that he had tried to reconnect with his past. But every time, something inside fought back and the child slipped away from him. I looked away, trying to recover myself. When I looked back up the mask on his face was stronger than ever.

"You need to realise Jou. What happens if I forgive you and you do it again? There's nothing stopping you. Words are just words, not contracts. They're easily broken."

"Even promises?"

"Even promises. They're still just words. Humans are fickle creatures. Words are easily broken when to make someone's life easier."

"Even so, I promise, if you return to us, I'll never lay a hand on you or call you names."

"You can't keep that."

"Yes. I can."

"That day, Jou. Why did you hit me? I've been going over it and I can't work out why."

"I overreacted."

"But if anyone was going to hit me, shouldn't it have been Yugi? It was him I was speaking to anyway. Why did you chose to hit me?"

Why did I? I don't know.

"I don't know, Yams. Something snapped inside me. A part of me thought it was wrong."

"You and me both. But what did I do to you? I don't even recall insulting you. Why did you have to do it to me?"

He was staring at me, trying to understand and I had no answers to give him. I shrugged, watching as his head bowed momentarily.

"Until you can tell me why you did it. I can't forgive you."

It's what I expected. I knew he wouldn't forgive.

"I'll keep telling you I'm sorry. So will Yugi and Seto. We'll keep saying it until you believe us."

He smiled slightly. "Yes, Yugi said the same thing. And I'll tell you what I told him. Don't hold your breath. I won't forgive you."

"I'm sorry, Yami. I was so very wrong."

"You've said. But you haven't proved it yet."

I stepped forward, staring into the face of my lost friend.

So close...but so far away....

He didn't move, just watched. Pulling down the fabric of his shirt, I touched my fingers to his collarbone and he tilted his head slightly. Suddenly the scar, the one I had left him with came into view. It stood out against his skin. Marring his neck and climbing up his jaw. I traced it gently. He flinched beneath my touches, his breathing increasing. I pulled back, a sad smile in my face.

"I wish I could take it away."

"But you can't." He pulled the collar back up around his neck. "Go away Jou. Just go."

This time I listened to him. I wasn't any closer to him but I felt like something had been cleared. Yet I knew that something deadly lingered in the Pharaoh, closely guarded but ever present.

"Do you still love Yugi, Yams?"

HE looked up, smiling sadly. "You think I'd honestly tell you that?"

No. I suppose not.

Come back to me, my lost friend.

................................

SORRY! SORRY! SORRY