November 5, 2016

London, England

Oh, to be home, Logan thought to himself as he sat in the back seat of the car taking him home from Heathrow. The last two weeks have been a marathon of late-night work sessions and business trips. He was just getting back from the second of six trips that he had scheduled for the next month. With his wedding coming up in a few weeks, Logan felt it was important to get all his work affairs in order so he could celebrate the culmination of the "Dynastic Plan" and enjoy his honeymoon with no work worries hanging over his head.

At least that's what he told people.

In truth, he was trying to escape. Trying to escape the profound sadness that had befallen him ever since he got back from his trip to see Rory. He went to see her for closure. He went there with the hope that she would tell him that she wanted to be with him. Alas, he didn't get what he wanted, so he had to move on, move on and embrace who and what was waiting for him in London.

Yes, there was a twinge that something was missing, yes the idea that he was settling was ever present in his mind, but that could be remedied with time. He just needed to get over Rory once and for all and then life would be good.

At least that's what he told himself.

The problem was lately he's been having trouble believing himself.

With each day that brought him closer to his wedding, Logan found his resolve being eaten away by the lingering doubt that was planted a year and a half ago when he reconnected with Rory in Hamburg. Rory's words, "Are you really going to marry Odette?" echoed in his head at inopportune moments, making him lose his train of thought, stop him in his tracks, or catch his breath, The more he thought about it, the more his concerns grew far beyond his feelings for Rory. For the past year, he had been engaged in an affair with a woman with whom he was hopelessly in love. The fact was, if Rory would have told him that she loved him and wanted to be with him, he would have left Odette. But what if he had not run into Rory in Hamburg? What if Rory had not been a part of the equation at all, would he still feel the same way about his impending marriage? It didn't help that he had genuine feelings for Odette. It was not like what he was embracing was so horrible. In fact, the life that he was headed towards would be the envy of anyone. He was marrying a beautiful, intelligent, generous, down-to-earth, strong woman, who was one of his best friends and greatest confidant. They got along well, had the same values, wanted to build a future that would provide the genuine love and comforts lacking in their own lives. Plans had been made, invites and RSVPs sent out, prenups negotiated, a beautiful life envisioned, a commitment has been made. But was it enough? Was it enough to build a life that would be true?

The questions continued to plague him as he arrived home mid-morning. It could very well be cold feet, he thought to himself, it could very well be that life with Odette would make him happy and that this doubt was nothing more than mourning his relationship with Rory. He knew one thing, and that was he needed to talk to Odette about it. He needed to get it out in the open once and for all. No secrets, no hiding, no more letting circumstances control his life.

Logan entered the flat as quietly as possible. Knowing that Odette had an event the previous night, he took great pains not to disturb her in case she was still sleeping. He was a bit surprised to see a pair of men's shoes in the foyer. Moritz must be here, Logan thought. Moritz was Odette's cousin. They were as close as Logan was with Honor. His presence in their apartment was fairly regular. Logan walked upstairs to find no one around. The bed had obviously been slept in so he knew that Odette was home (Odette was very OCD about unmade beds, she wouldn't have left without making it.) He heard noise from the kitchen and walked in.

What he found was totally unexpected.

There standing at the opposite end was Odette, engaged in a passionate embrace with a man he'd never seen before. At that moment Logan felt like he was having an out of body experience. He heard an exclamation in French followed the statement, "Logan I didn't think you would be home until this afternoon."

"Umm, Odette? " Logan said rather neutrally, "It seems we have some things to talk about..."

Logan left to get a tea at the cafe around the corner, giving himself time to recover from the shock and Odette's gentleman friend to leave without incident. Upon his return he found Odette sitting on the freshly made bed. The fact that she cleaned up made him giggle to himself; even in extremely difficult situations, Odette's chosen way of coping was to clean.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she responded.

Logan walked over and sat next to her on the bed. They sat in silence for a while, not looking at each other, not knowing what to say. "I met him six months ago." Odette finally said.

"Uh huh."

"His name is Benoit. He is a research doctor with the Institut de National du Cancer. I met him during a week-long colloquium at the Institut; he had just started which is why I had not met him before. We were introduced, we shook hands and I instantly felt this electricity. It was very disconcerting.

"I see," Logan responded.

"We spent a week together at that colloquium. It very difficult because I felt so attracted to him. I found myself flirting with him rather innocently, I couldn't help myself. Once the colloquium was over, we went our separate ways. I thought this was minor incident; I was engaged not dead, so of course, I would find other men attractive. I didn't act on it. Then around the beginning of July, there was an event and not only was he there, but we were seated next to each other. Blame it on the wine, blame it on the strong feelings, I don't know, but that night is when it started. We were inseparable for the next two months. I knew it was wrong, but again, I couldn't help it. I attributed the affair to what is the term? Cold feet? I thought I was just nervous to get married. I thought I would get this out and then you and I could get married and live in peace."

"Okay."

There was more silence.

"Logan, say something please." Odette pleaded.

Logan got up off the bed and started walking around. He started to laugh in an exasperated, ironic way. How funny that we are in this position, he thought. He looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes. She was feeling guilty, he couldn't let her take all the blame.

"What if I were to tell you that I was seeing someone else too. For the exact reason that you were seeing Benoit? What if I were to tell you that I rationalized the relationship the same way you rationalized your's."

Odette looked at Logan incredulously. "You were seeing someone else?"

"Yes," he said apologetically.

"For how long?"

"About a year. It pretty much ended when you moved in, but was official about a month ago."

"A YEAR!?"

Now Odette was up and stomping around the flat, beside herself, "A YEAR?!"

"Whoa, I catch you with another man and you're mad at me?"

"A year Logan! I was feeling guilty all this time and it turns out our relationship has been a mess for A YEAR! Who is she, Logan?"

"Rory Gilmore."

Odette knew the name. Logan first told her about Rory a few years ago, when she and Logan started getting serious. Odette knew that Logan had proposed to Rory and she turned him down. Her name would come up now and then. Odette would see articles Rory had written on his tablet, or Colin, Finn, or Robert would bring her up in conversation when discussing their college days. Never in her wildest dreams would she have guessed that this mystery woman would play such a critical role in her life.

"I thought you lost touch with her? How did you reconnect?"

"When I went to Hamburg last year. We saw each other in a cafe. She was scheduled for a flight home that day, but her trip was delayed because of bad weather in New York, so we spent the day together playing tourist. Nothing happened."

Now it was Odette's turn for one-word responses, "Ok."

"A couple of months later, she came to London on assignment, and well, that's when things restarted..."

Ode walked to the window and looked outside. This revelation had answered so many questions. Like the earring, she once found on the floor, why she once found her pictures put away in a drawer, and the many times she could not get in touch with him when she called...

"Do you love her?" Odette asked directly.

"Yes," Logan responded apologetically.

Odette walked over and sat next to Logan on the couch. Looking straight ahead she opined in wonder, "We are really awful people."

"The worst," Logan responded in kind.

"When did we become such cowards?" Odette observed.

"I wouldn't call it cowardice, I would call it confusion. You are an amazing woman Odette, I didn't want to hurt you."

"Yes, I get it, I felt the same way. I didn't want to hurt you either," Odette replied. "But Logan, let's follow that line of thinking, shall we? We didn't hurt each other, and yet, there was this need for us to be happy, which these other relationships provided, so we lied to each other about them. We rationalized said relationships by lying to ourselves. Looking into the future, you and I go on, break the other relationships that made us happy and get married, so again, so not to hurt the other. In order to cope with that decision, we have to continue the lie. Then, years from now, when we no longer can lie anymore, we go through a crazy nasty divorce. And why? Because we got married because we didn't want to hurt each other in the first place."

Logan started to laugh, "Wow, now that you've spelled it out it appears not only are we awful, but also pretty damn stupid."

Odette looked at Logan with a wry smile. He smiled back. She leaned over to hug him. They sat there for a minute hugging each other very tight. He kissed her on the head before she let go.

"Benoit came here to ask me to come back to him."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes."

"Well, if that's where you believe you belong then that's where you should be. Anyway, even if you said no, I think the events of this morning have officially put the kibosh on the 'Dynastic Plan'."

"Oh, 'The Plan'! " Odette reflected sarcastically, "No more 'ethereal centerpieces reminding one of a 'romantic winter wonderland' "

"No more 300 guest reception of which we only know 50, and like not even half," Logan added.

"No need to sacrifice 150 lobster for appetizers."

"The crates of champagne would have been nice."

"Well, we would have needed it to get through that mess."

"It really would have been a circus."

"I always despised circuses."

"Your stepmom and my mother are going to crushed."

"Ah, the silver lining."

They both let out ironic giggles and hugged again.

"How is this Logan? How is it that our engagement just blew up in our faces, but we are friends?"

"Maybe because this is how our relationship was meant to be."

'What are you going to do Logan? You said that it's ended with Rory. Are you going to try to get her back?"

"It seems that's my only option right? I have to try."

"I want you to be happy."

"I want the same for you."

Little did Logan know, that at the same time across the pond, Rory was having her own "moment of truth".

"Mom?" Rory asked tentatively.

"Yea?" Lorelai replied somewhat absentmindedly.

"I'm pregnant."

Lorelai looked at her daughter, "That's wonderful honey, " she responded obviously in utter shock, " that's wonderful."