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Tears don't fall
Face my fears....sounds so easy....
Atemu
Someone once told me that tears are for the weak.
I refuse to be weak, therefore I shouldn't cry.
But deep down inside....all I want to do is cry.
But these tears won't ever fall, won't ever stain my cheeks.
Furious with myself, I pushed away from the wall, watching Jou's retreating back. A part of me wanted to call him back, wanted our friendship back. But a louder, more violent part drowned it out, screaming rage and insults. I listened to it and turned away from the friendship offered by old faces.
Even though....I know you'll hurt me...I WANT to know you again...
.
.
But you're not showing me....not reminding me what it's like to love....to see friends where now I see enemies....
Annoyed, I rubbed my hands over my face, irritating my eyes but removing any evidence of tears.
"I'm sorry Yams." Jou's whispered apology reached me as he left.
I won't cry. His words won't reduce me to tears anymore. No words will.
...Jamie....TRATIOR!
I let the rage fuel me, let it squash my insecurities and fear. I'd fought too hard to be labelled...that word again. Achieved too much to let a narrow minded fool bring me down.
Jamie...face me...your fears...The Dark Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt....Let me watch you fall.
The door opened and Jamie's voice sounded. I smirked.
Checkmate.
The air in the kitchen was strained, atmosphere so tense it made the stomach churn. I didn't feel guilt that I was the one causing it. I didn't attempt to stop my glares. Didn't stop to think who the glares were aimed at. Kyle shuffled uneasily, guiltily, even though he didn't know why. Lucy's hands were focused on her coffee mug, avoiding me. Scott's face was hurt and concerned, not knowing why I was acting like this. And Jamie...he meet my gaze, trying to let me see him flinch. I smirked again. This time Jamie shuddered, I watched the fear roll around him.
"So...um...what's everyone done today?" Kyle's attempt to break the tension nearly brought a bubble of laughter to my lips.
Scott grabbed at the opportunity to talk, launching into a animated tale of his day. I couldn't hold onto his words, allowing them to wash over me.
When did this place stop feeling like home?
When did these people become....strangers to me?
I pushed away from the table, rising before Scott's story was finished. I ignored the eyes following me and the outburst of questions. Suddenly one voice reached me, stopping my footsteps and boiling the anger in me.
"Sit down Atemu. We need to talk." Jamie's voice was calm, not a hint of the malice I knew was there.
"You have no right to tell me what to do."
"I know. Still, sit. This needs to be sorted."
I turned to him, anger so close to the surface. I needed the burn of anger and the ice of my heart. It made me feel alive, strong.
"What's to sort out?"
He fidgeted. "What I said to you."
"Ah that! Mm, funny, I never realised that you're a backstabber! You're a nasty piece of work. Tell them what you called me!"
"What's going on?" Scott asked timidly
"Atemu. Stop it." Jamie begged
"Oh, don't you play the victim. Tell them what you said."
"No..."
"Fine I will. You said faggot! Faggot! Faggot! Faggot!....BASTARD! I HATE YOU!"
The stunned silence amused me, sending a thrill of adrenaline around me. Jamie seemed close to tears, his eyes shimmering in the light. I smirked again, watching as the tears built.
"That's right. Cry. Pathetic man."
I turned away. Not caring about the stunned, horrified faces. Throwing the door open, I ran. Away from them and away from me.
I watched the sun dying, bleeding red into the sky. As the air grew colder, my longing to return back to Scott weakened. Suddenly it felt like I didn't have a home. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around my chest, tightening the hold, trying to bring myself some comfort. Life never used to be this complicated. I used to know what my heart wanted. Know how to keep everything that hurt me away. I used to know my emotions, used to understand them. But now...I don't.
Oh Ra....when did I become so wicked?....So jaded?
"Hello Yami." A smooth, confident voice greeted.
I stiffened, refusing to turn around to meet the blue eyed man behind me. "Kiaba."
Kiaba stepped around, coming to a stop in front of me. Annoyed I raised my head, meeting those cool blue eyes with my own burning crimson. Rivals. But why doesn't he look at me like we are anymore?
"Are you here to convince me to come back?"
"In a way, I suppose."
"Why do you care? You're supposed to hate me."
"I never said I did. You just assumed."
"I assumed right."
"You didn't."
I rolled my eyes, the banter between us soon becoming pointless. Kiaba sighed and sank down into a nearby seat. His eyes didn't leave me and slowly I walked over to him, cautious. A gentle nod was all I got from Kiaba as I perched on the edge of the seat. Kiaba's eye rolled made me self conscious.
"Sit back properly, Yami. You aren't going anywhere."
"If I want to I will." HE opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "But I'll listen to what you have to tell me."
"Good."
I shuffled backward.
"Are you going to tell me anything new?" I asked "You all keep repeating the same thing."
"That's because we all want the same thing."
"But why do you?"
"Because I want what they want."
"I see. Kiaba...how's Yugi? Really?"
"Really? He's devastated. He's trying not to let anyone see but you've affected him so much."
I lowered my gaze, guilt rearing its head. "I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. You deserve to feel like that."
"I know you don't believe that. And this act of yours has to stop."
"It's not an act!"
"Yami, come of it!" Kiaba snapped, I fell silent. "I know you miss him. Miss all of us."
"So what if I do? What you gonna do about it?"
"Nothing except tell you to go and talk to Yugi. Go and talk to everyone."
"I...can't...I won't!"
"Sooner or later you're going to have to. You're both incomplete."
I groaned "I wish you'd all stop saying things like that. Tell me what you really think."
"What I really think?" I nodded. " All right. A part of me hates you. You tore us apart when you ran, you didn't give us a chance to apologise and you still won't. You won't listen to us. You intentionally hurt us, you know what to say to make it hurt. You scream and yet don't tell us what you're thinking!" He paused and something softened in his eyes. " A part of me wishes you'd come home. Not just for Yugi and Jou but for myself. I miss you. I'm not all that sure why but I do. I want us to be friends. I want you to stop looking at me and seeing an enemy."
"K-Kiba...I..."
"It's all right, Yami. It's a lot to take in. Yugi told me something yesterday. He said he'd give anything to bring you home. Anything. The price isn't to great where you're concerned."
"I don't understand that. If I'm so amazing why did you act like that?"
"Because we were surprised and we didn't understand. In a way, I envy you. You were able to speak, be different. Until we took it away from you." He sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Show me you're sorry. Please stop telling me."
"All right."
"I got your letter, Kiaba." He looked back at me, interested. "And I'm trying. If anything is going to happen, any hint of friendship it'll take time. To reconcile with Yugi and Jou will take time."
"Are you willing to try?"
"I don't know."
"Here." He shoved a piece of paper into my hand. "This is where we're staying. Come and talk to us."
He stood, starting to move away, leaving me sitting with a crumpled paper in my hand. A dream hanging in the balance.
Face your fears and take it like a man.
"Kiaba! Wait!" He turned, surprise colouring his face. Suddenly my heart took over my head, the childlike part of me bursting forward. "S-Show me?"
He understood. "Come on then. Yugi's waiting."
I smiled and walked to his side.
Maybe truces can be made...maybe I can forgive....
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Sorry. I couldn't think of anything else to put.