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Tears don't fall
Bridges across chasms
Atemu.
Okay, why am I here?
What on earth possessed me to go with Kiaba?
I'm out of my mind...I must be...
But I want to be here, the thrill of fear is exhilarating.
Kiaba brushed past me, sliding the key into the lock of the rented apartment and pushing the door open. Leaving it wide for me. The gasp of air I inhaled did little to calm the nerves in me. I could run and they'd never catch me. But they'd be back tomorrow. I know that. I forced myself forward, crossing the threshold. Kiaba stood just inside the door, hidden from sight while I'd been out front. Confused I stared up at him "You hid? That's a bit childish, isn't it?"
"I wanted to see you make your own decision."
"Oh. Did I pass?"
"Yes. I'm impressed. For a moment I thought you'd run."
"Yeah. You and me both."
He chuckled. I hadn't heard him laugh in amusement before like that. It made a laugh rise to my lips, I battled it away before it could escape.
"Do they know I'm here yet?" I asked
"Doubt it. I didn't call ahead. Ah well, surprise them won't it?"
I frowned. "I don't want to be a surprise Kiaba."
He rolled his eyes, a grin tugging on the corners of his mouth. "Whatever you say, Yams. Come on, let's go find them."
"Don't call me that."
He didn't answer, the grin threatening to become a smile. With his arm thrown around my shoulders he lead me through the flat.
"You know what Kiaba?"
"Hmm?"
"You're not a prick anymore."
There was a moment's pause and a scowl fitted across his face before he laughed. "Thank God for that. You'd still be sitting on that bench if I was. Not to mention Jou would probaly be hospitalised and Yugi would be without his best friend."
"What happened?"
"Life."
I hadn't been expecting that answer and I had no come back. I blinked up at the older man, seeing how different he was for the first time. The change in him made me wary. I had failed to notice this change straight away. How much had I missed in the others? He stared back at me, the blue eyes no longer ice.
It was...strange....
The sounds of a TV blaring hit my ears and I turned my head in the direction it came from. Ryou looked up from the screen as we entered, his eyes widening in surprise.
"Yami?"
"Erm...Hi, Ryou."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm not sure myself."
Ryou's eyes turned to Kiaba. "What did you do?"
"Nothing. I meet him in the park and invited him here. HE agreed."
"How long did that take you?"
Kiaba smirked. "A while."
The white haired man turned to me, a smile stretched across his face. "I can't believe you're here!"
The bubbly nature was so similar to what I remembered I smiled. Suddenly my arms where full with an excited Hikari. I staggered slightly but before I could do anything, Ryou was gone, stepping back. He looked embarrassed but the smile never left his face.
"I'm sorry! I just...can't believe you agreed! Oh man! Where's Yugi? I gotta tell Yugi!"
He dashed out the room, practically bouncing, I stared after him, blinking in shock and slowly looked up at Kiaba.
"Is he always like that?" I asked hesitantly
"Yup. He's been like that for a while. Keeps us entertained."
"Oh. Are you all here?"
"Yeah. Well everyone except Honda and Anzu. Honda's looking after his parents and Anzu's caught up with her latest boyfriend. They want to see you again."
"How's Mr Mouto?" Something flickered across Kiaba's face. I panicked "What? Is he okay?"
"Easy, Pharaoh. He's well." I relaxed. "It's odd hearing you say Mr Mouto instead of Grandpa."
"W-well...what else would I call him? He isn't my biological grandpa. I don't deserve him as one."
Kiaba groaned. "We are working on your self- confidence."
"Whatever you say, Kiaba."
"Pharaoh."
"Priest."
He pointed to me "Loser."
I pointed to my chest. "Victor. On several occasions."
I watched Kiaba gap, trying to come up with a comeback but grasping none. I smirked. Eventually Kiaba threw his hands in the air.
"Fine! Victor! I bow to your superiority!"
"That's more like it."
"So...The Pharaoh's returned."
I groaned, turning around the meet the white haired Yami. "Bakura."
"I wondered what had gotten my Hikari so excited. And what do I find? Pharaoh Atemu and his High Priest squabbling like children."
I snarled.
"Hello Bakura." Kiaba greeted
"Kiaba. Pharaoh."
"Tomb Robber!" I spat
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Well that's original."
He sank down onto the couch, watching me with hawk like eyes. Moments later Kiaba sat down, leaving me standing feeling awkward. Suddenly the longing to run flooded through me.
Why am I running...From them?...Look at them...What are they going to do to me?...I still have shadow magic...
...Well yeah....but that didn't help you last time...you wouldn't even use it...
Of course not! I don't actually want to hurt them!...Shadow magic is so...
...Unstable?...Course it is...it's a part of you...
I studied the two men before me, assessing them, looking for threats. Sensing my change in attitude, Kiaba leant forward, his eyes locked on mine. Bakura was suddenly coiled, waiting to spring.
Would I get to the door in time?
"Sit down , Yami." Kiaba ordered
"I'll stand."
Kiaba growled. "So stubborn!"
Footsteps on wooden floorboards made me tense, eyes snapping open. Jou and Yugi rushed into the room, hope on their faces. I'd never seen Yugi smile so bright. I'd never seen Jou's eyes so clear. They were happy, ecstatic that I'd come, that I'd stayed.
"Yami!" Yugi smiled, stepping closer to me. I didn't move.
"Hi, Yugi."
"Did Seto drag you here?"
"I wanted to come. I... think we should talk...all of us..."
"Really?" Jou exclaimed "You're serious?"
"Y-Yeah. I'll...try and make it work...but don't hold your breath...I don't think it's going to work."
"If you try we'll be happy." Yugi reassured.
"All right."
"Yami, forgive me but I need to do this."
Before I could ask what I wanted, Yugi had crossed the small space between us and placed his arms around me. I stiffened, considering pulling away. But Yugi's grip was strong, his hand moving soothingly across my shoulders and down my back. I heard my heart increase, the fractured cracks starting to knit together. The child in me sob in relief, wanting to be held, to be loved, while the adult part of me hushed it and shoved it away. I didn't move my arms but slowly my body relaxed into familiar arms. He still smelt the same, his hair still tickled my face. His mind brushed gently against mine, not intruding, just letting me know he was there. His head rested against my shoulder instead of my chest. He was taller now, four years taller...it was...nice. Reassuring in some way. Against my better judgement, I smiled.
...I remember you...how you made me feel...surely...you won't be cruel again...you won't take it away...will you?
His arms loosened and he stepped back to stare into my face. "Thank you." He murmured
My mask started to slip again. "Y-You're welcome I suppose."
His eyes were bright, like something had fallen away from them and he stood a little straighter. His expression was soft, caring...almost...loving...
I shot that down before I could start to believe it.
...Atemu, stop! Don't fall for love again...you know he doesn't mean it that way...
"Thank you." He whispered again
A hand grasped my chin gently before pulling away. I followed his progress, watching as he came sit beside Jou. I hovered in the middle of the room, uneasy and nervous. The gazes on me made me self conscious, I dropped my eyes to the floor, suddenly interested in the bland carpet. Someone's hand found my sleeve, I looked up, meeting the back of Jou's head. He settled me down on the couch, between Yugi and himself. A gentle smile was his reward, a grin lit up his face.
"So, Yami. What did you want to talk about?" Kiaba asked, leaning around Bakura to see me.
"Uh..well..I...you see..."
Do I tell you what's in my heart?....How do I say it without hurting?...Without driving more barbs between us?
...Do you even want to know?...
Unsure, I looked away again. A gentle nudge on my hand brought me round to face Yugi.
He smiled sadly. "It's all right, Yami. Say what you want to say and don't worry about upsetting us."
Jerking up from the seat, I turned around, glaring at Yugi. "You wanna hear what I really think? I think I hate you! No...I'm almost certain I hate you. But you know that, I've told you all the time."
Yugi nodded, standing up to stand in front of me. "I know that. We all know that. What else do you think?"
"I...I...Why did you do it to me?"
Yugi sighed. "I don't know. I was surprised, I didn't know you thought of guys like that, of me like that. Before I could say anything, get any thoughts in gear, Jou hit you." The blonde shuffled guiltily. "I was going to talk it through with you in the morning but you'd gone...I couldn't find you..."
"You weren't supposed to find me. But Ryou messed that one up."
"And I'm glad I did." The white haired Hikari growled. I never heard him talk like that before. " If I had kept quiet I would have lied to my friends and we'd never be here. Because let's face it, you wouldn't have called, would you?"
"No...I wouldn't. I didn't want to. In years to come, I might have. But certainly not when you showed up."
Ryou nodded, satisfied his point had been proved. "I thought so."
I growled at him, watching as he flinched back. Bakura snarled at me on reflex, I pointedly ignored him.
"Why didn't you want us to know where you were?" Kiaba asked
"You remember last time, right? You hit me. You honestly think that I wanted to be around you?"
"I understand. But what about after? Years after, why did we get a phone call?"
"I didn't want to talk to you."
"Why?"
I missed you all...so much...
"I just didn't want to."
Kiaba frowned, Jou jumped up placing a hand on Kiaba's arm. "Sit down, Seto. It's all right."
Furious blue eyes turned to Jou. "But Jou!"
"No, Seto. I want to hear what Yami has to say. Including the bad parts."
A curt nod was motioned in my direction and Kiaba sank down into the couch.
"...Seto...? Not Kiaba?"
He smiled, sympathetically, understand immediately. "Seto. Not Kiaba. Not anymore."
"Why?"
"Because now I have friends. I don't need to be Kiaba anymore. I let him go a long time ago. You could do the same."
Leave the Pharaoh...leave Atemu behind...become...Yami again?...Could I do it?
"I..."
"Take your time." Yugi smiled
"Yami. Call me Seto."
I faltered. Call him Seto? My rival, forget all those years? Add another friend to all those I left behind me?
"Maybe one day."
He nodded "That's good enough for me."
I sighed. "I have no new accusations for you. You all know what I think."
Yugi gently touched my arm, curiously I meet the amethyst eyes. " Yami, I know that you won't trust us that easily. I know it will take you even longer to forgive us. We're not expecting miracles. We just want you to try. And you are. I can see that now. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I am trying."
"Yami, remember that duel with Dartz? What you did?" I nodded. How could I forget? I carry the guilt and fear deep within me. It isn't going anywhere. "I forgave you. Jou and the others forgave you. You understand?"
I shook my head, the cryptic message lost on me.
Jou smiled patiently. "He means, we forgave you. Isn't it time you did the same?"
"You compare this to Dartz?"
Seeking to sooth my anger, Yugi's hand rubbed soothing circles into my skin. " In a way, yes. We both made mistakes, acted before we fully thought the consequences through. You played the card. We hurt you, hit you. We didn't think about what happens afterwards."
"I understand, I do. But I'm not as forgiving as you. I need more time."
"You've had four years!"Bakura spat
"I've had four years of hating you! I didn't ever think about forgiving you. As far as I was concerned you were all dead! History to me. I have no reason to forgive history!" I snapped
Beside me, Yugi had flinched at my words, tears collecting in his eyes. I watched the build up and slowly I started to panic.
"No...oh, Yugi...please...don't cry. I didn't mean it."
"No, Yami. Don't ever take back what you say. It's what you felt. I understand."
Guilty, I stared down at my feet. "I'm sorry, Yugi."
"Don't be. I'm not."
I smiled. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket before I heard it. Annoyed I hooked it out of the pocket, glaring at the screen.
Jamie...I glanced at Yugi.
"Can I...?"
"Go ahead."
I smiled, snapping open the phone.
"What?" I growled
"Where are you?"
"Out."
"Don't be like that. I'm sorry."
"I don't want your apologises."
"Até. Please." Tears were building in his voice.
"Oh, go cry to someone who gives a fuck."
"You're a cruel, disgusting faggot!"
Funny...that word doesn't hurt as much anymore...
He hung up, the dial tone rang in my ear. I took the phone away from my ear, throwing it away from me in disgust. It settled next to Bakura, who pocked it.
"Who pissed you off, Pharaoh?"
"None of your damn business."
"Yami. Are you okay?"
I turned to the owner of the voice. My once aibou...can you be my aibou again.
"I'm not sure."
"I'm here for you."
The pale hand I remembered so well. The one I dreamed about, cupped my cheek.
....See me now...building bridges across chasms....
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I am so sorry.