November 8, 2016
Stars Hollow
Lorelai was cleaning her kitchen, meticulously scrubbing the grout on the kitchen counter with a toothbrush. This was perhaps the first (and probably last) time she ever spent time cleaning anything so thoroughly in her kitchen. Her efforts are interrupted by the doorbell and an urgent knocking on the door. Lorelai walked over to find the silhouette of her mother standing on the other side. With a resigned sigh and a roll of the eyes, she opened the door, barely stepping aside as Emily barreled in with determination and without invitation.
"I have to talk to you" Emily she said tersely as she walked past Lorelai. "Let me guess, Rory told you." Replied Lorelai.
"She did, and I can't believe it."
"I know, what was she thinking?"
"Her?! I'm talking about YOU. I can't believe you! Shutting out your daughter at her time of need. You should be ashamed Lorelai, honestly!"
"Excuse me? Rory is single, and pregnant by a man who is engaged and ***I*** am the one who is in trouble? I cannot win!"
"Lorelai, when your child is in trouble and needs counsel, you sit there and talk to them and not shut them out. I can't believe I have to remind you of that!"
"Listen to them? Give them counsel? Who ARE you, Dr. Phil? I seem to remember when I was in this situation there was no listening to me, but telling me what to do."
"Yes, I was giving you counsel!"
"You were trying to control me!"
"This is a completely different situation!"
"How?!"
"I may have been mad and disappointed Lorelai, but NEVER did I shut you out! You may not have liked my methods, but at least I was talking to you. I could have kicked you out of the house, I could have sent you away and not dealt with it, but your father and I didn't because we loved you and had a responsibility to you as your parents. You were sixteen-years-old for God's sake! We had to take charge. Rory is thirty-three! She is not a child living under your roof dependent on you for her basic care, but an adult who can make her own decisions. And she has to make decisions! You shutting her out? You not talking to her? Tell me Lorelai, how do you feel about her making those decisions without your input, hmm? "
"Pretty damn crappy!"
"I should think so. She is confused and scared, and thanks to you and your attitude, now hurt and ashamed. I expected more from you. Your actions really surprise me."
"Well, you're not the only one." Lorelai sat down. "You think I like feeling this way? You think I like the way I am reacting? I don't, but I can't stop myself. I worked so hard so that Rory doesn't repeat my bizarre self-sabotaging patterns, and yet we are here! Full! Freaking! Circle!"
Emily sat down in the chair next to her. "Yes, I understand. I suspected as much, which is why I am here. You didn't want Rory to repeat your mistakes, well I don't want you to repeat mine."
Lorelai looked at Emily dumbfounded. My mother is admitting to a mistake, Lorelai thought to herself, mark the date and time.
"I have regrets Lorelai, deep regrets. After you took Rory and came to live here I couldn't get out of bed for a month. In that time you know what I kept asking myself? What did I do? What did I do wrong? It's awful to be rejected like that by your own child."
"Oh mom, I'm sorry. I was angry and confused..."
"Yes, but I could have handled it better. It was my pride Lorelai, my damn pride and my anger at you for ruining "the plan". Well you know where that line of thinking got me? Alienation from my daughter and itinerant and strained contact with my granddaughter. I missed so much Lorelai, your father and I missed so much. And now I see you repeating my mistakes. Say she decides to have this baby and raise it on her own. How would you feel about not being part of that? She won't necessarily need you know. This baby is half Huntzberger meaning that her physical and financial needs are guaranteed. There will be no going to you for prep school tuition, no opportunity for you demand Friday night dinners."
"Mom, I never knew you felt this way. You've never told me this before."
"Well, you do now. Your father being gone has changed many things, including my perceptions of certain aspects of my life." the teary-eyed Emily responded. "There are times Lorelai that you have to suck it up and put yourself aside for the greater good. This is one of those times. Can you do that Lorelai? Can you?"