AN: It's my birthday today. Buy me a gift? No? Alright fine, I'll take a review instead. Heh.

4. THAWING

Hermione met with Lavender and Susan for dinner in the Great Hall. The enchanted sky above them was grey but outside the windows, the trees were beginning to drop their leaves and the earth was covered in its thick orange blanket. Hermione loved this time of year.

"Bones and I are going into Hogsmeade tonight", Lavender said. "Are you coming?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes.
"If you plan on heavy drinking then no thank you, I'll pass."

"It's Friday night!" she moaned. "Katie's gone home for the weekend, so it'll just be me and Bones if you don't come."

"Hey! What's wrong with alone time with me?"

"Nothing, Bones, we always have a good night. But the more the merrier, right?"

"True" Susan said. "Come on, Hermione!"

Hermione thought about it. She wanted nothing more than to let off some steam, but there was so much work she needed to be getting on with and it felt wrong going off into the village when, even though it didn't always feel like it, they were at war.

"Not tonight" she said apologetically.

"Then when? Next week? You've yet to go out with us at night. You're missing out. We always have a good time, don't we Bones?"

"She's not wrong, Granger."

"Next week then", Hermione agreed, delaying the inevitable "... when Katie's back. We can all go out together."

"Do you promise?" Lavender said and flashed Hermione the sort of puppy dog eyes that might work on weak-willed men, but wouldn't work on her.

But she was right; Hermione hadn't left the castle after dark for a long time. In fact, she thought, she might have never left the castle at night in the months she'd lived here. She wished she could chalk it up to being busy or respectful, but in reality, there was fear holding her back and she didn't want to be a prisoner to fear anymore.

"Yes" she said, knowing immediately that she would regret it, when Lavender expected her to make good on the promise. "Yes, we'll all go into Hogsmeade next week. Really... we will."

Susan took a mouthful of soup and said, the moment she had swallowed:
"So what will you do tonight instead?"

"I'm going to work on creating healing draughts" she said, moving her fork mindlessly around her plate. "I was thinking... maybe I could create recipes for numerous specific illnesses and injuries? Because the problem is that when you identify a problem with a patient, it's usually too late to brew a potion to treat them because they usually have a few days or even months of stewing time. But what if we had lots already on hand? Or what if I could figure out a way to avoid the wait altogether?"

"That would be brilliant, Hermione" Susan said. "That's exactly what we need down in the hospital wing. You should talk to Pomfrey-"

"Yeah she'd love to know that someone is taking the initiative finally" Lavender said. "She's been talking for months about how awful it is to just wait around and hope that the potions are made in time. Before the patient... you know..."

Susan shot Hermione a knowing glance.
"It's like when you were petrified in second year, Hermione!"

"Exactly." Hermione said, brightly "It was that that I was thinking about when I got the idea. Snape's been helping me learn how to truly understand ingredients, and how they work together. I really think that with a bit of work, I could do it."

"Well if anyone's up to the task, it's you" Lavender said. "Now! Will one of you please come up to my room and tell me which of the two dresses I have chosen for tonight is the most appropriate."

"What do you mean, 'the most appropriate'?" Hermione asked

"I want to look good, but not easy. I've narrowed it down to two options, and I need to know which is the least slutty."

"Yeah and then she'll wear the other one!" Susan said with a roar of laughter.

"Piss off, Bones!"

Susan pulled Lavender into a great bear hug and ruffled her hair.
"Oh you love me!" Susan said, happily and Lavender's pout broke into a smile.

Hermione couldn't sleep again that night, and so she pulled on a pair of jeans and a thick emerald green jumper, and made her way down the stairs to the Potions classroom, careful not to wake the sleeping portraits that lined the walls. There was a comfort in these walls, which she had never felt as a child, and hadn't felt anywhere else since living at The Burrow. Hermione walked into its darkness and felt it envelop her like the embrace of an old friend. Something in the dark caught her eye and Hermione felt her chest constrict- her body aware of potential danger before her brain caught up.

"Professor Slughorn?" Hermione said, cautiously "is that you?"
No response came, but a clattering din of things breaking sent Hermione's heart right up to her throat. She took her wand from her hair and held it in front of her. She silently cast 'Lumos' and the room burst with light. She caught the back of a cloaked figure and readied herself for a duel she knew she wasn't prepared for. If she had to fight for her life, she would surely die. The thought splintered and shook her, but the man spun round to face the bright light of her wand. Her eyes adjusted, revealing Severus Snape standing before her, his hands in front of his eyes. He lowered his hands and blinked.

"Hermione?" he said.

Hermione was taken aback by the sound of her name in his voice. His voice, she noticed, that cracked on every syllable. Was he afraid?

"Are you okay?" she asked, pointing the light of her wand to the mess of broken vials and bottles, and the pile of scattered parchment and books around the desk where he stood. "Do you need help?"

"I'm fine", he snapped, casting Lumos with his own wand. "I just knocked some things over, that's all."

"Why didn't you cast Lumos when you came in?" she asked.

"Why didn't you?"

"I'm hiding" she said, frankly. "You?"

Snape's scowl lightened.
"I was skulking. Skulking requires darkness. Otherwise I'd just be loitering."

And then he cracked that remarkable smile again and Hermione allowed herself to laugh despite her pounding heart.

Snape dropped to his knees and began to pull dripping sheets of parchment out of the shards of glass. Hermione crouched to help him.
"Is there not a spell to clean this? Wouldn't Scourgify work?"

"I'm sure it would", he said, "but I have just never bothered to learn it."

Hermione wasn't sure that she believed him.

"If you want to try it, however be my guest."

He's trying to get me to use magic, she thought. It was such gentle encouragement, so alien from the man before her, that for a moment she considered giving it a go. She knew it wasn't an easy spell, but she had cast it many times before. But that was long ago, and she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of Snape if she couldn't manage it.

"Why didn't you learn it?" she asked, hoping that her diversion was a seamless transition.

"Charms were simply never my favourite, I guess. I've always been more partial to hexes and jin - wait, be careful of the glass!"

Snape and Hermione shared a look of horror, as if they were both offended by the tone of concern in his voice.

"Why were you skulking?" she asked, in an attempt to temper the newly harsh atmosphere.

He considered her.
"Tell me first why you were hiding and I might give you your answer..."

"I... Well, I was hiding from Lavender, actually. I figured she would stop by after a night in Hogsmeade and I didn't want to be there when she did."

Snape raised his eyebrows.
"Go on."

"Well, I imagine she will have had a lot to drink. And when she has had a lot to drink, she wants to talk about Ron. She thinks that we have our broken hearts in common and so we should stay up until the small hours talking about our feelings-"

"And you don't want to talk about your feelings?"

"Not really."

"And your broken heart? Is it... Are you..."

Snape buried himself in his cloak, under the guise of picking up a piece of glass and mumbled "are you okay?"

Hermione laughed. A true belt of laughter that echoed around the Potions classroom, warming its severity. Snape's eyes darkened but the darkness dissolved when he realised that she wasn't laughing at him.

"Are you okay? You don't sound like yourself."

"I don't know, I might be coming down with something. I regretted the words as soon as I spoke them. Let's move on shall we?"

Hermione smiled and raised her eyebrows suggestively.
"I think you secretly like my company."

"Let us not get ahead of ourselves, Granger. But I am perhaps... coming around to you."

"I did not know you were capable of 'coming around' to anything, Snape."

"I'm not a monster. I do have a heart; icy and devoid though it is. I would not take pleasure if you were..." he grimaced "... if you were sad. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy it when you are wound up or stressed out. That pleases me greatly. I have yet to find anything funnier. But I know a thing or two about a broken heart, so I wouldn't want you to... experience..."

Hermione bit her lip unconsciously while Snape busied himself with the mess.

"That is all", he muttered.

"Well, I'm fine, thank you. I just, I don't like to talk about it..."

"If I may give you a piece of advice?"

"Have you ever asked permission before?"

"You're right."

He straightened up and his voice followed in a more severe tone that Hermione was much more comfortable with.

"Granger. Talk about your misery. Share with someone your heartache. Ignoring your hurt will not soften it, only delay it. And pretending that you are not still in love with someone will not make it so."

"I don't love him anymore, but it still hurts that things have changed."

"Things will always change", he said. "Sometimes it is pure agony, no doubt, but usually, things change because they must. If you do not adapt, you will die. It's that simple."

"You're right, I know."

"Are you only just now realising that I am always right?"

"I've been slowly coming to that realisation over the last few weeks, actually, and I have to say... it's devastating."

"Ha! I bet."

He looked at her with what she might have mistaken for warmth if she'd seen it on anyone else. However just the smallest possibility that, it was in fact kindness in his eyes, made her brave, and she decided to test something.

"Severus?" she said, trying his name out cautiously.

The sound of it pleased her, and it felt at home on her lips. She liked the feel of it in her mouth; the way that her teeth grazed the S sounds. The short angry burst of his surname was cold in comparison to the gentle hiss of his first. She enjoyed it; there was something of a thrill in calling him by his name and she thought she might like to use it again. He caught her eye, but he didn't retort, and so Hermione took this as permission to continue.

"... It's your turn" she said.

"My turn? You mean, why I was skulking?"

"Yes. I want to know."

Snape had cleared all the glass, and all that was left was the messy mixture of potion - it smelled awful. Hermione cast a simple "Tergeo" and was pleased to see that it worked. Severus nodded at her with appreciation, or perhaps... pride? He stood and sat in the chair behind his old desk.

"Alright", he said reluctantly, "but If I'm going to tell you, then I at least want to be comfortable. And I'm going to need a drink."

Hermione pushed a stack of parchment to the side and pulled herself up onto the desk. He summoned two goblets and a bottle of red wine, and poured a large glass. He looked to Hermione and offered it to her.
"Will you join me?" he asked.

She draped her legs off its ledge and turned to him. She deliberated for a moment and then nodded. He passed her the goblet and poured another for himself. He leant back in his chair and took a sip.

"Okay. Spill..."

Snape sighed.
"I was ruminating."

"Naturally."

"You recall our vow, I'm sure? And what we have been searching for?"

Hermione crossed her legs and brought the goblet to her lips. She swallowed.
"I do."

"Well, I've found one."

"That's brilliant news!"

"Yes. However it is proving difficult to obtain. It is in the Lestranges' Manor- I believe it to be in their bedroom. Therein lies the problem. It's not like I can just walk in and search for it."

Hermione gave a solemn shake of the head.
"No, I guess not. So you've been plotting?"

"In a sense... I have been speaking with Dumbledore. He has plotted. I am trying to find a way around his plot. So far, I have come up empty."

"Do you want to talk about it? I could help, maybe?"

"I am quite capable of plotting... alone."

He snapped the last word, and Hermione scowled.

"Okay" she said, flatly.

Snape let out a long breath and readjusted himself on the chair.
"Thank you, though" he said "I appreciate the offer."

Hermione cleared up the mess left behind by the third year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Horace Slughorn sat back on his chair with his hands behind his head, and propped his feet up on the desk.

"How are you doing, Miss Granger?" he asked. "Any issues to discuss? Any grievances?"

"No complaints, Sir."

"And are you well, in general?"

"Fine, Sir. Thank you. Are- are you?"

Slughorn stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles.
"Yes, quite fine, quite fine. And you- are you finding ways to enjoy yourself in the midst of all this madness?"

"Erm? I guess. I knit sometimes, and I read a lot-"

"Oh come now, Miss Granger. You are young! The world is full of fancy for you. You have to frolic while you're young!"

"Sorry to disappoint you" she said, scourgifying a forgotten cauldron "but there's no frolicking here. Between helping out with the order and learning from you and Severus, I don't really have time to dally."

"My apologies. Forgive an old wizard for living vicariously through his protégée. I had hoped that you might have tales to tell me."

Hermione choked on her laughter.
"You'd do better to live vicariously through Professor Binns, Sir."

"Oh dear. Well, no bother."

Slughorn flashed Hermione a smile.
"I have heard - we've all heard, mind you - about Miss Brown's escapades into Hogsmeade. She's been having fun. That's a girl who knows how to live, Miss Granger. Maybe you should tag along?"

"Maybe I should."

The door opened and Severus Snape entered the room in his typical flourish of black cloth. There was a frown perfectly etched in to his features. As he took in the sight of him, the irritable lines on his face eased into neutrality.

"Slughorn" he said in greeting, "... Granger."

"Good afternoon, Professor Snape. Tell me; what has your back up today?"

"First years", he drawled. "There's always one. Either an arrogant swine or an insufferable know-it-all."

He glanced at Hermione.
"Sometimes, you're unlucky enough to get both in the same year."

His eyebrows rose to mock her, and she laughed. It was funny that a statement like this would have riled her just a few weeks before, yet she had since learned to find the humour hidden in his severity. She couldn't be sure if it was supposed to be there, but she found it time after time, and enjoyed each and every one.

"What's funny? What did I miss?" Slughorn asked.

"He's talking about Harry Potter- the swine, and me. I'm the insufferable know-it-all. He's goading me, Professor!"

Snape's eyes met hers and he relaxed under the sound of her laughter.
"Is that true?" Slughorn asked. "Were you an insufferable know-it-all?"

"Not-"
"Absolutely", Snape cut in.

Hermione laughed again. Catching Slughorn's glance, Snape traded his smile for a smirk and bustled further into the room.

"Tell me Horace, I am looking for a book-"

"Miss Granger has it."

The line between Snape's eyes appeared as it often did.
"I didn't tell you which book I was looking for."

"Chances are that whichever it is, is in Miss Granger's possession."

"Eldod Kettering: Master Potioneer?"

Slughorn clicked his tongue and looked at Hermione.
"Yeah," she said, "it's in my room. Do you need it now?"

"If it suits you?"

Slughorn and Hermione shared a look that she didn't understand, nor want to be a part of. She placed the clean cauldron on Slughorn's desk.

"Tell me, Miss Granger", Slughorn said, "of all the books you have read, which is your favourite?"

Hermione paused while she contemplated this.
"Well... My favourite wizarding book is probably Hogwarts: A History. I've read that one a few times, but my true favourite is a muggle book that I read when I was a child. It's called Matilda; about a little girl who is poorly treated by her family and she discovers that she has magical powers. I always related..."

Hermione smiled at the memory.
"... to the magic", she added, "not the awful parents. Mine were quite wonderful."

"Were?"
It was Snape who had asked.

"They're in Australia. Minds modified. They don't know I exist."

She tried to sound matter of fact when she spoke, but there was sadness in her voice that she couldn't mask. She swallowed.
"Anyway. Sorry, Professor. Let me just finish up here and I'll fetch you your book? I won't be long-"

Hermione thought she would be forgiven for noticing a trace of sympathy on Snape's face. She ignored it and it soon disappeared.
"I will wait outside."

He nodded at Slughorn.
"Be seeing you, Horace", he said, and left.

Horace dropped his feet from the desk and tucked them under his chair. He leant forwards, resting his wrists on a pile of parchment. He gestured for Hermione to lean in and spoke in a voice that in comparison to his typical roar was a veritable whisper.

"Okay tell me, Miss Granger... how in the world you did thaw out our friend Professor Snape?"

"I didn't know I had."

"He is fond of you, no?"

"Quite the opposite. He has all but hated me since my first Potions class."

"What nonsense! Perhaps, yes, when you were a child he disliked you, but you are no longer his student. You are, I imagine, quite different a person now and I think that he sees it. I think you see a change in him too."

"What makes you say that?"

"He smiled at you, Miss Granger. I saw it! I did not know he was capable. I couldn't be sure he even had teeth. I often wondered if he was hiding fangs behind his lips. But he smiled at you, did he not? And earlier you referred to him, not as Snape, not as Professor or Sir; but as Severus."

Hermione felt that blasted redness creep again onto the apple of her cheeks.
"We have been getting on better I suppose..."

She trailed off at the sight of Horace's grin.
"Oh no. What?" she asked.

"No frolicking you said. You are practically pink with giddiness."

"I have not been frolicking with Severus Snape!"

"But you want to?"

"Sir!"

"Oh I know. But you could do worse-"

Hermione placed her hand to cover her scorching cheeks and stared at him. Slughorn sighed with a chuckle.
"Fine. Fine. But, genuinely Miss Granger, it is good to see him begin to make an honest connection. He has built walls so high that I feared he might never make any meaningful relationships. He's been this way as long as I remember. The only one he ever held in any esteem was Lily."

"Harry's mother?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. If I am not mistaken, he was, I do believe, very much in love with her."

Slughorn grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey from under his desk and dropped it on the table with a thud.

"Now, unless you plan to join me, I suggest you go to your friend. No doubt he has been listening to this conversation from the door"

"God, I hope not" Hermione said.

Horace moved closer to Hermione.
"Do be his friend, Miss Granger. Gods know he needs one."

"I suppose we might be already. I don't know if Severus really has friends, but I think if he did... we might be... it?"

"Go", Slughorn said with what Hermione recognised was finality. "See you tomorrow, Miss Granger."