5. YES, HERMIONE?
"Maybe I shouldn't go out tonight. I have so much work to be doing."
Lavender sighed and pulled a cream leather jacket over her white shirt.
"Don't be silly. You need some fun and you are not backing out on me now. You've already bailed twice this week and I won't stand for it, Mimi!"
Hermione loathed that ridiculous nickname, but Lavender had been so kind to her in the past months that she allowed her this one offence.
"Come on", Lavender said, gesturing to the chair in front of her. "Let's sort your hair out."
Lavender stood behind Hermione who sat in front of the mirror of her dressing table. With a wave of her wand, Lavender smoothed Hermione's curls and twisted one in her finger. She caught sight of Hermione's anguished face in the reflection.
"Listen. Dumbledore said that we need to carry on as usual, right? I have interpreted that to mean that I should continue to have fun. I also intend to make sure that anyone who may be concerned, knows I am still here and I'm not off conspiring against You Know Who."
"But it feels wrong, don't you think? Us out on the town while others put their lives on the line to search, or to recruit. We're just stuck here."
"That's why you're here isn't it? And not in Australia with your parents? We need to be seen. If... You Know Who... thought for a second that The Order was preparing for battle, then he and his Death Eater buddies would arrive at the gates and kill us all. We each have our orders, Hermione. Tonight yours come from me, and I say... we're going out!"
Hermione handed Lavender a silver clip with a pink plastic peony on it. Lavender took out her wand again and with a flourish, she brought the peony to life.
"That's gorgeous!" Hermione exclaimed.
Lavender put her hand to her chest.
"I knew you'd like that trick... are you ready?"
Hermione looked at herself in the tall mirror beside the dresser and pulled at the hem of her dress. It felt too short, too feminine. Too Lavender.
"You look lovely, stop it!" Lavender said, slapping the hand away. "Don't stretch it out or I'll make you transfigure me a new one"
"I couldn't transfigure a dress if You Know Who himself asked for one."
She and Lavender shared a look of mock horror and then burst with laughter.
"Now that would be a sight."
Through Lavender's door came Katie Bell and Susan Bones, for whom she had dropped her shield charms, an hour before. "Yay!" Lavender squealed, "You're so late, but yay!"
"We knew you wouldn't be ready on time" Katie said with a light chuckle.
"I was ready first for once", she argued and gestured at Hermione. She dropped her voice to a whisper in jest and said, "it took us a while to sort out her hair. It's been quite the challenge."
"Oh be quiet. How are you guys doing?" Hermione asked.
"Much better thank you, Hermione" Katie said "I'm exhausted. I think we all are."
She looked at both Lavender and Susan who nodded their agreement and murmured.
"It's just so tiring!" Katie said. "There's so much to learn and of course it's all necessary but every time we think Madam Pomfrey's done for the day, someone else shows up at the infirmary and we have another-"
"Invaluable learning opportunity" all three sung in unison, an impression, Hermione assumed, of Poppy Pomfrey herself.
"That bad?"
Hermione turned to face Susan.
"How are you getting on?"
"I know they need all hands on deck for when the battle comes, but-"
She shook her head, as if clearing away the Nargles and snapped back to Hermione, Katie and Lavender.
"Enough of that misery" Susan said "How about a nice drink?"
"That's drink, Lavender", Katie added emphasising the 'k' with a howl of laughter. "Singular. As in one single drink."
Lavender let out a playful 'pah!'
"Sure" she said "let's see how that turns out."
Hermione and her unlikely new support system left the castle and headed towards the gate so they could take the port key to Hogsmeade. As they turned the corner, a surge of black fiber moved towards them. Snape looked angry and Hermione felt her stomach drop to her heels. He stared at her, in that intense and haunting way he did when faced with an unpleasant task or person. Suddenly she felt under-dressed and ridiculous in her borrowed outfit and, as she tried to take a step backwards her shoes slipped in the snow underfoot. Susan caught her arm and pulled her upright.
"You okay?" she whispered to Hermione.
Still Snape stared at them.
"Are you alright, Professor?" Katie asked.
He blinked and assumed a less offensive position.
"Fine, thank you Miss Bell. Are you all going in to Hogsmeade?" he asked, addressing the group at large, but looking only at Hermione.
"Yes" Lavender said "what's it to you?"
She was surly, but understandably so. Lavender had liked Snape almost as little as Hermione had when they were at school. He had never been kind to any of his students unless they had slithered into his most pure house. Katie rolled her eyes, and Susan moved back a fraction so that Hermione stood between her and the irritable bastard.
"Have a good evening", Snape said and with his velvet voice he surprised them all. "You look nice like that".
He took his eyes from Hermione.
"You all look nice" he said. "Be safe."
When Snape had left, the young women stared at each other in silence. It was Lavender who finally broke it.
"What in Gods' names was that all about?"
Susan and Hermione let out a small lilt of laughter but Katie looked white as the snow under foot.
"Do you think he's dying?" she said and then lost her composure in a snort of amusement.
Hermione looked over her shoulder and saw the black figure get smaller and smaller until it had left her sight completely.
"Mimi" Lavender snapped "Are you deaf? Come on!"
She sprung back to the present, and nodding to Susan, put her hands on the flower pot and disappeared in a roar of excitement into the night.
Hermione decided that she had hit one too many Firewhiskey shots somewhere between number eight and number eleven. She sat slumped in the corner with Katie, who left occasionally for the bathroom to throw up. Lavender showed no signs of slowing down, even in these small hours as she stood atop the bar at The Three Broomsticks, dancing to the Weird Sisters song that blasted from the magical jukebox.
"If she breaks anything, Miss Bones, you will pay for it", Madam Rosmerta said irritably, looking to the most sober of the four women.
"Couldn't you just clean it up with magic? What are you, a squib?"
Susan grinned at her.
"No, I am not! Call it an inconvenience fee."
"Alright, fair enough!"
Susan swaggered back from the bar, holding three Butterbeers.
"I think Lavender's had enough, but what about you two?"
"I couldn't drink another drop, Bones" Katie said, retching. "It's ever since those damn Weasley twins gave me that Nosebleed Nougat in sixth year. I can't handle my drink and I can't fly too high before I get a migraine."
"I knew they'd break someone" Hermione said, slurring her words slightly.
She felt a tug of sadness in her stomach when she thought about Fred.
"That's fine, Katie", Susan said, with a grin that stretched between both ears, "all the more for me!"
"Look at her", Katie said, gesturing towards Lavender who had now come down from the bar, and was dancing with an older wizard with dark hair and a thick moustache. "Have you ever seen anything like it?"
"She said she wants to be seen" Hermione said, raising her voice over the sound of the jukebox that grew louder as Lavender put her arms around the man's neck. "I guess she's accomplished that."
"Leave her be, she's having fun" Susan said, and smashed the tankard down onto the table and it shattered. She quickly muttered "Reparo" before Madam Rosmerta could take notice and made a cheeky, pleased with myself kind of grin.
Katie, Hermione and Susan, sat on their table in the corner of the pub, waiting for Lavender to finish being seen.
"I know it would be wrong to just leave without her, but it's tempting isn't it?" Susan said, as she sat back in her chair.
"I know! I wanna go home and throw up in the comfort of my own bathroom."
"You two go ahead", Hermione said, who was beginning to sober up a little. "I'll stay with Lavender."
Katie and Susan muttered 'are you sure?', 'if you're sure?' while they were already pulling on their coats. Hermione laughed.
"Go! It's fine. If you guys apparate, we can use the portkey to get us close to the castle and we'll walk the rest. I dare say that the fresh air will do her good."
"You're sure?" Katie asked.
"Yes. Seriously, go! Before I sober up and change my mind."
Katie and Susan left and Hermione tried to pull herself together. Even though she was no longer seeing two of everything, her brain was still rather muddled. She wasn't entirely sure that she'd seen it, but something fell to her feet. She hopped off the chair and grabbed it; a tiny piece of parchment with words in Susan's pretty, curly script that read:
Heads up! Snape is outside.
As soon as she had read it, the note evaporated in her fingers, and just at that moment, she was shrouded in the unmistakable shadow of Severus Snape.
"You're drunk?" he said, as he leant in towards her.
"Yes", Hermione said, decidedly.
"And you're alone? Where are the others?"
"Katie and Susan have headed back home but, Lavender's still here."
She pointed to Lavender who was now becoming acquainted with her new friend, who had her pressed up against the door to the bathroom.
"What has Miss Brown been drinking?" he asked.
"Everything."
"How much?"
"Too much."
"We should take her back to the castle... now!"
He shot a look at Madam Rosmerta.
"Right!" Rosmerta said into her wand, which magically magnified the sound of her voice "That's it! Everybody out!"
Hermione grabbed her coat and Lavender's jacket from the window ledge and looked at Severus with a flicker of fear. He had seen the danger before she had, but she'd caught up quickly.
"We need to take her back to the castle!"
"I just said tha- oh never mind. Excuse me!" he said, approaching the couple and forcibly removing the older wizard's hands from Lavender's breasts. She tripped back into him and he held her in his arms as though precious cargo.
"It's time to leave, Miss Brown" he told her kindly.
"And who are you? Her Father?" the wizard spat.
"You know damn well who I am, Keever, now back off!"
Hermione rushed towards the two men, who looked as if they were about to duel; Lavender between them. Hermione put herself in front of Snape. The feeling of his body behind her sent a rush of blood to her cheeks. She tried to shake it off. This is why you don't drink Firewhiskey, she chastised herself.
The older wizard, Keever, stepped back from Severus, and Hermione felt the odd sensation of pride swell in her stomach.
"Oh fuck off, Snape" Keever said "it's all a bit of fun."
"I hardly think I have to tell you not to hit on girls so drunk they can barely stand, Keever," he snapped. "I know it's difficult given that a girl her age, of her caliber, wouldn't look twice at a man like you in her right mind."
Keever puffed up his chest and squared up to Snape. His grey eyes were laser-focused on Severus' black ones.
"Well, you're no spring hippogriff yourself, Snape!"
"Exactly, and that is why they would no sooner look at me. But do please try to keep your little dirty hands to yourself."
"Go fuck yourself!" Keever spat, "she was having a great time, weren't you, pet?"
"I am warning you..." Snape's voice was gravel, "... if you dare touch her again, you deplorable piece of shit, I will appear in the dead of night and I will-"
"Come on, Severus", Hermione interrupted gently, and pulled him away from Keever. "Lavender needs to get back."
Snape looked down at the girl in his arms. She was frightened, confused and struggling to stand. The way he held her, fierce and protective, made Hermione's fragile heart sing. Lavender, however, was uncomfortable and vulnerable. Hermione reached out for her friend, and draped Lavender's arms around her neck.
"I got you", Hermione soothed, and felt a rush of warmth in her chest as Severus took her arm in his hands.
"Hold her tightly, Granger", Snape said and he apparated, with Hermione and Lavender by his side, to just outside the castle grounds.
He flicked his wrist and his doe patronus shot out from his wand. It galloped off towards the castle. Snape held Hermione's arm tight, supporting her as she supported Lavender. Dumbledore, McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey appeared at the castle gates as they approached.
"Is Miss Brown okay, Severus?" McGonagall asked, her face white with worry. "Are you okay, Hermione?"
Hermione nodded and took Minerva's out-stretched hand. She squeezed it.
"Miss Brown will be fine, Minerva", Severus said. "She had had just a little too much to drink and a run in with Keever."
McGonagall sighed with relief and just as quickly, her eyebrows furrowed so that they joined almost together. She looked like Severus.
"That creep should be locked away in Azkaban" Pomfrey said, reaching to take Lavender from Hermione's arms. "I'll look after her, love".
"Thank you for bringing her back safely, Miss Granger" Dumbledore said. "I take it that you will be okay?"
"Yes" she replied with a gentle sob.
"Severus", he said, "would you meet me in my office for a chat?"
"Yes, Headmaster. I would first like to see Miss Granger up to her quarters."
"I can do that", McGonagall offered.
"No Minerva. Severus can see to her. I'll meet you later. I imagine I won't get back to sleep now, what with all this excitement. So..." Albus said with a knowing look at Snape, but Hermione couldn't tell what it was he knew - "... whenever you are ready."
Snape nodded at Dumbledore and, once he'd left, Snape turned to McGonagall.
"I didn't expect you to bring the whole bloody staff!" he said, his eyes narrow.
"I thought I'd surprise you" Minerva said, nonchalantly "unfortunately Slughorn was in bed otherwise I'd have dragged him along too."
Snape rolled his eyes and Minerva put her hand on his shoulder.
"You did good", she said and she too, left the group, leaving just Hermione and Severus. He looked back to her; his face serious but not severe.
"Will you come downstairs?" he asked, and slipped his arm under hers again.
"You're not taking me to my room?"
"Not yet."
"Are you hurt?"
"No?"
"Dizzy?"
"No."
"Upset?" Snape ventured.
"Nope" Hermione said, popping the 'p' with finality. "Just really, really stupid".
Snape smiled. Again that beautiful trajectory, with its gentle quiver. How she loved to see it, and how desperately wished she was still so drunk she was seeing double, so that she could take it in twice over.
"Here" he said, and pulled down a bottle of Wit-Sharpening potion from his personal stores. "I think you can do without a sobering potion, but I'd rather you were running at least..." he looked at the bottle, "... seventy five percent of your usual brain capacity".
He passed it to her, and a glitter of electricity ran through her fingers when they brushed against his. She took the potion, unstoppered it and drank it down from the bottle. Hermione sat and wondered at the brilliant and unknowable man in front of her. He gestured for her to sit in his armchair.
"How long should it take to work?"
"Any second now."
Hermione felt the warmth of sense wash over her, yet it failed to dull the rush of magic that had run from her fingertips to her toes when he'd touched her. Still it sparkled and she relished it, in spite of herself.
"I'll walk you back whenever you're ready."
"I want to stay... for a while..." she ventured. "If that's okay?"
Snape bowed his head. The Wit-Sharpening potion had worked, she knew, because it had just occurred to her that Severus could have summoned the potion from his room, and yet he had chosen to take her there himself. He wanted her here.
What a strange evening it had been. She glowed in the knowledge that he - Severus Snape - the terrible and talented wizard she had so feared and admired in her school years, had become fond, in his own way, of her - Hermione Granger - Insufferable Know-it-all.
"How are you feeling?" Snape asked her, after a few minutes of worried silence.
"I feel a bit nauseated but otherwise just fine."
"I can find something for that?"
"No" she said, waving him off. "Let the inevitable hangover serve as a warning not to go frolicking with Lavender Brown."
Snape laughed. He laughed. Hermione was paralysed as though hit by the full body bind curse, at the glorious sound that came from his mouth. She felt her entire body flush pink and her skin prickled as though given a thousand loving kisses. She gazed at him.
"What?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
"Your laugh..." she said, feeling as though she was still very much drunk "... it's like music. God! Do it again."
Snape smiled at her patiently.
"You... are pissed."
"... Not really."
"If you say so, Hermione."
The sound again of her name on his lips filled her body with another wave of pink cloud. She pulled herself away from it so that she could think clearly. Snape looked at her with a bemused expression, but he didn't question her silence.
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"Why were you at The Three Broomsticks?"
He gave one soft chuckle.
"It was late and you weren't back in the castle, so I went to look for you."
"That's sweet... and a bit creepy."
"It is, isn't it? Fortunately for you it was not on my own sweet or creepy volition that I came for you, but Minerva's. She sent me looking for you. Three of you are her own little lion cubs, don't forget."
"Oh" Hermione said, and it surprised her that she was disappointed.
Then she smiled.
"Lion cubs... that's cute. A baby snake is called a snakelet you know? Isn't that just ridiculous? Is that what you call your Slytherins? Snakelets?"
"Definitely not."
"What do you call them?"
"Little arseholes, mostly."
She felt the call of sleep and rubbed her eyes. She wanted to stay awake with him for a little while longer. She moved her body, pulling herself up in the armchair in the hope that the position would delay the inevitability of the night.
"Severus?"
"Yes, Hermione?"
"Are we safe?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, and he moved closer to her, transfiguring again like he had before, a stool; this time it seemed to appear as if from nothing.
"Will You Know Who attack again before we're ready to fight him?"
"Possibly."
"Do you still think he'll go for the school, first?"
"Last time, he moved in on the ministry first. He did not want to, but he was seen when he tried to get the prophecy. You were there, I believe? He will not make that mistake again. From what I have gathered, he will strike here first without warning. A lot of powerful wizards work here. Dumbledore is here. It makes sense to make short work of them before moving into the open. It's been six years since he returned to his body and showed himself. It had been three since his last attack on the school. He spent years in waiting before and he is biding his time again. He strengthens his army and we tighten our defenses. He is fairly sure that he could defeat us now but he will not try until he is certain that he cannot lose."
"I'm scared", Hermione said, and she felt the cold hand of Severus Snape drop into hers.
The pink cloud draped itself around her shoulders as he cradled her hand, and then clutched it tightly.
"I understand", he said. "I too, sometimes, feel... that way."
Hermione rested her head back on the chair and they sat together in comfortable silence. She broke it moments later.
"Severus?"
"... Yes, Hermione?"
"When you said before that you knew something about having a broken heart..."
"... Yes?"
"It was Lily, wasn't it? She is the reason for your broken heart."
Snape's eyes widened.
"What makes you say-"
"Slughorn", Hermione said. "Slughorn said that he thought you were in love with her; that she was the only person you were ever fond of.. And you said that you'd had your heart broken. I know that you hated Harry's dad and you definitely don't like Harry, yet Dumbledore trusts you to protect him. I just sort of, figured it out. He killed her - Voldemort - that's why you turned your back on him... right? That's why you risk your life for Harry... because you loved his mother? You loved Lily..."
Snape's gaze was fixed to the floor. When she caught his eye, she saw both surprise and what looked like devastation.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"No" he said, "it's... it is fine, I suppose. You're right, of course. Maybe you are the brightest witch of her age. Yes, I was in love with her. Perhaps I still am in a way..."
Hermione felt a stab of irrational jealousy in the pit of her stomach.
"Nobody can know", he said with a voice so gentle and so imploring, that it concerned her.
"But if you just told The Order, then perhaps they would be less inclined to distrust you? If they knew your motivations-"
"They wouldn't understand. Nor does it particularly change anything."
"It changes everything, Severus?"
He shook his head, solemnly.
"No, Hermione. It changes nothing. I loved her, yes. We were friends and I care deeply for her still, yes. But it does not change the facts. I still destroyed our friendship; I still fell in with death eaters. I still went to them, thinking that it would make her respect me, if she could not love me. I still heard Trelawney's prophecy and relayed it to The Dark Lord. I still begged him to spare her life - only her Hermione, not Potter or the boy - I still sent him, though unintentionally, to her door. I am the reason that she is dead. That changes nothing. Harry has no parents because I chose to tell The Dark Lord what I knew. I hardly took the time to even contemplate what telling him what I knew would mean. If I had... if I'd known... If I thought he would..."
His voice broke, and Hermione moved forward in the chair. She patted his hand gently.
"You were young..." she said.
"I was not much younger than you are now, and you are sharp and focused and good. Age is no excuse because there are no excuses. If he had not gone after Lily, I do not know if I would ever have switched sides. That frightens me. I did not care what harm The Dark Lord meant to do until he meant to do harm to someone I loved. That is not a good man. That is not a noble person. I will never be a hero-"
"Maybe you don't have to be a hero?"
"What do you mean?"
Hermione sighed.
"Perhaps it's okay to simply be a man who once made horrible decisions, who once did awful things, and is trying to make amends..."
"Do you think so? Do you really think there is anything I could possibly do right to make up for a wrong of such magnitude? I could never make amends to Lily for what I did."
"Probably not, no - but over two decades in opposition to the man who killed her; protecting her son in her memory... that seems like a good start."
She wrapped her fingers around his.
"Look, I'm tired and I'm perhaps still a little drunk, so if you want to talk about it tomorrow I'll be able to explain myself much better."
"No, that's quite alright. I thank you though," he said, warmly. "You make perfect sense, even in this state."
Hermione dropped her head to her shoulder, closing her eyes.
"Severus?"
"Yes, Hermione?" his voice was thick with a smirk.
She could hear it - tell that his face was smug - even with her eyes closed.
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
He took a quick breath before he answered.
"You said... before, if you recall it, that you need me. It's been a long time since I have been needed."
"Is that the only reason?"
Snape took another breath- longer and deeper than before.
"I say this only because I am not entirely sure you will remember it when you wake. But you are the first person in two decades to show me kindness. I have a sarcastic agreement of friendship with Minerva and a respectful understanding with Dumbledore. I even have a mutual professional relationship with Slughorn. But you, Hermione, you have been open with me and kind and... well, I appreciate it. I wasn't born to be a cruel man, but I did become one. Maybe I could, in another life..."
And that was the last Hermione had heard before her body had given into the heavy pressure of sleep's embrace. She had woken with a blanket draped across her knee. There was a bucket by her feet and a glass of water next to a bottle of Pepperup Potion on the table to her side. Tied to the neck of the vial was a scrawled note that read - "drink these, you'll need them".
It was so small a gesture, but he had cared for her. She smiled as Snape entered the room. He tucked his long hair behind his ear, and sat on the bed.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Surprisingly well", she said. "Thank you".
He nodded stiffly and there was a thickness to the air between them. Hermione thought she understood. His behaviour last night had been entirely out of character for him; she imagined he hardly knew how to act this morning. He had responded to her distress as though by instinct in the cover of darkness but in the harsh light of the morning, there was nowhere to hide. That was something she could understand. The evening and its shadows allowed you to be whoever you needed to be to free yourself of your self-imposed shackles. You just had to be able to face yourself in the morning. She imagined Snape had many self-imposed shackles. He was so tightly buttoned into his costume that she wondered if he could breathe. She too wore a mask - she marched around the castle like she was whole and in charge of herself, but someone only needed to look a little closer to realise that she was not coping well within the new world order. She watched Severus busy himself with a stack of papers on his desk and enjoyed the momentary illusion that maybe they were no longer alone in the world.