For the Old pairs of eyes who found the alert of this chapter after 5 years, a massive Apology and a huge thank you for coming back to this. I promise this story will be finished properly, life got crazy in the past years (at least it's good crazy).
For the New pairs of eyes, I promise, I won't leave it like that again, please do read it.
This chapter and the continuation of the story wouldn't happen without the help of the amazing Marla1, my beta, amazing friend and savior from Writer's block.
The song in the chapter is "Wolves without Teeth" - of Monster and Men. I would suggest to check it on youtube while on that part of the chapter so you can get in the actual mood of the lyrics.
Enjoy...
Chapter Nine – Unique Opportunities
Hermione was screaming in pain again. The sound went though Harry like physical pain. He had to find a way to save her, his mind had been invaded over and over by Voldemort but right now he had to block him out and think straight. He could lose her.
She screamed once more in pain.
Harry's eyes snapped open and he realized he was fighting for a breath. He groaned and sat up in the semi darkness. Nightmares, of course,would return after stressful days. He rubbed his eyes and almost instinctively reached for his glasses before he could stop himself. He hadn't needed glasses in a long time but habits were hard to kill. He sighed and reached for a bottle of water he had by his bed for the night. He emptied the bottle and took a deep breath.
Now that he was alone, without his best friend slash wife and without his parents, he could accept and admit. All this mess was bound to happen. Usually trouble found him and this time he had screwed up royally.
He knew that after so long suppressing his feelings for Hermione, somehow, they would end up like that. He had been certain for a long time that things would turn out uncontrolled at some point. With a mix of guilt and ignorance, he could only admit to himself that he was happy it was him and not Ron that made all this mess with her.
His skin always crawled at the sight of the two, ever since he was a awkwardness, then annoyance, then an urge to interrupt them like when they shared their first kiss over Ron's stupid and obvious realization of the basilisks fangs doing the job….
He was glad it was he who married Hermione, even by accident. He was glad it was him and her. He was glad he had slept with her even with all this mess.
In the dead of the night, now that he couldn't see her worried eyes, knowing their parents understood and accepted their bond, more or less. He knew that not showing up at the fiesta that night would give the Prophet the perfect opportunity to drag them in mud for the next seventy-three days of their marriage. In the dead of the night, he could admit, at least to himself, that he had one unique opportunity to fix some things between him and Hermione.
He didn't care about the Prophet, the community or the Weasleys. Things with Ron had changed a very long time ago. He didn't even care about what Oliver Wood would say over all this distraction from the national team or what his coach in Puddlemere United would do. He got rid of Voldemort when entire orders of wizards couldn't, he won the cup for his country, everyone should just leave him alone for now to deal with his life. He had two dead parents to take care of and send back to their realm of spirits and the most important person in his life and their relationship to save.
'Penny for your thoughts?' Lily's voice made him look up from his blankets, where his gaze had burnt a hole on.
'So many thoughts, mum.' Harry replied and gestured for her to approach him. She did so with her sweet smile and sat on the bed although she didn't have to, Harry knew she was trying to be more approachable even though… dead.
'Can I give you an advice, sweetheart?' Lily asked softly and Harry looked at her beautiful features, unchanged at the age of 21 when she died. He only now realized he looked older than his parents at his own 30.
'Please do, mum.' Harry replied in a small voice. He never had a moment of peace with his mother before.
'My boy,' Lily started, looking at his eyes, the feature everyone linked him to her. 'When I sacrificed my life for you, I never thought that you'd be in so much trouble and pain. All I wanted for you was and always is to have a happy life.' She went on and paused for a moment.
She continued, 'I thought that you'd be able to live with Sirius and have a wonderful life with him. I never imagined Peter would betray us. I never expected Severus to interfere, I had no idea of the damage he had done until I saw Voldemort reaching us in your nursery….' Lily's eyes moved from Harry, she looked across the room. 'All I and your father wanted was to protect you, we died trying and yet we didn't spare you the pain. Petunia would never accept you, that I knew, but what I had decided upon with Albus was for her to have you for a day per summer…. Not for years…. The rest of your days you were to stay with Sirius. I believe Albus could have kept you in the Wizarding World. He could have spared you the pain, he should have trained you for the battle with Voldermort…. Instead, he decided with Severus to leave you in the dark…' Lily looked back at her son. 'I need you to know that I never wanted all this. I watched over for years, helpless to sooth your pain, unable to somehow change a single thing for you.' Lily finally added and Harry sighed. It hurt him to see her like this and he knew his mother was in pain.
'I know, mum….' Harry could only whisper and she nodded.
'I'm saying all this, trying to show you that life can be so very unpredictable… You know that, you have been through so much and you have been so brave. But now with Hermione and your marriage… I can only say that you should give it a try and salvage what you got by accident…' Lily finally advised, and Harry looked at her with wonder.
'You think we shouldn't break up?' He wondered and she nodded.
'I have been watching you both for years, I know she puts you before anyone else, she proved that with her education, Ron, and even her own parents. I know you mean the world to her. She's not only in love with you like you have been with her, you two are each other's other half. I saved you from Voldemort but Hermione saved you from all the rest… It's the perfect chance for you two keep what you got in Vegas…' Lily replied and Harry felt his cheeks getting warm. It was the plain truth and his mother vocalized it so easily. He wasn't used to talking about such things with anyone, Ron would have never understood, Hermione was out of the question as for the past years she was the person of interest. Yet, talking for the first time about it with his mother was less awkward than he could have ever imagined, possibly because he didn't have any other mother-son talks before.
'You really believe she's in love with me too?' Harry asked although he knew his mother's response.
'You're not a Ravenclaw and nor is she, but you both know you're in love. You're just too stubborn to give in to it and the years pass by quickly.' Lily replied and Harry nodded. 'I was like that with your father, you know. It was very hard for me as well.' Lily added and Harry looked at her with a small smile. 'Both he and I had needed an earful from a very angry -and sick at the time- Remus to stop pretending we didn't have feelings for each other.' Lily mused in her own memories and Harry couldn't stop but ask.
'Did you ever like Severus Snape?' Harry couldn't stop himself; he had probably a very limited time with his parents and so many things unclear. Lily shook her head.
'No, Severus was my best friend until he started joining the ranks of Death Eaters. After he insulted me, as you know, I realized that he wasn't just reacting to our distanced friendship. He was joining a group of people that would gladly, and eventually kill me and my kind, Hermione's kind as well.' Harry could detect the anger and bitterness in his mother's voice. Although he had never thought she'd be able to sound like that, and he half regretted bringing it up buthe needed to know more. For the past years, he knew only Snape's version but he was sure there were more sides to the story. This was another unique opportunity to learn about his mother's friendship.
'Your father was a bully until the end of his fifth year… he was so stupid of bullying people, but Harry, I want you to know. James also was the one to change completely for Remus, he was the one standing up to every student the wannabe Death Eaters almost tortured in Hogwarts, under Albus' tolerance for such poisoning of the student body. Your father and I were Head Boy and Girl, we knew of every single case of actual attacks but Albus didn't want to stigmatize certain people, although they were actual Death Eaters by their time of graduation…Dumbledore couldn't accept he was allowing an army to be built in his castle.' Lily explained and Harry nodded.
'I don't blame dad for anything. I know he was a good man.' Harry reassured her and Lily nodded with a smile. 'All I wanted to know was if you loved Snape, because he did love you...' Harry added and Lily shook her head.
'Unfortunately for us all, he had a very twisted way of loving me that cost me my life at the end.' Lily pondered and for a moment Harry could see she was lost in her own betrayals. 'He loved me yet he never left the Death Eaters…. He knew I was in hiding yet, he was a spy and gave the prophesy without a second thought to Voldemort… He cradled my dead body and knew you were an orphan doomed to live with Petunia yet he gave you hell….' Lily's voice was cold, for the first time ghost-like as the rest of her being.
'I forgive him for that.' Harry dared to whisper but Lily shook her head in anger.
'I don't,' she countered mostly to herself. 'He tortured you through Occlumency with Albus' knowledge…. He made you weak before Voldemort's attacks…. He first destroyed your brain, almost opening it completely to Voldemort and when he trapped you with Sirius' fake capture, Severus made you think he wouldn't help. He wanted to save you because of me but he didn't care into how many pieces you'd make it for Albus to deliver you like a pig for slaughter….' Lily was now seething with anger. Harry wished he could touch her hand somehow.
'Mum…' He could only murmur and she looked back at him, her eyes softening. He knew it must have been hell when all of them met in the other side.
'Sirius' death was not your fault. He wants you to know that.' Lily finally concluded and Harry nodded, taking away tears he hadn't realized that were running down his cheeks. All the years of trying to get over some things obviously hadn't healed many wounds inside his soul.
'I love you all very much.' Harry finally whispered and Lily smiled at him.
'We love you too, dear and no matter our own issues, that have been solved one way or the other…. Eternity is a long time you see, we want you to be happy, especially your father, Remus, Sirius and I. We are your family and we want you to be happy. That's why I think you need to rethink your plan of action with Hermione…' Lily returned to the matter at hand and Harry sighed.
'I just know she's too scared to accept things, and when she's scared, she can be very difficult.' He admitted his fear, remembering her pleading eyes in the bathroom of his hotel room in the States. Lily looked at him with a gleam in her eyes.
'Since when my brave boy, full of mischief and persistence, is afraid of his own favorite person in the world?' Lily asked with good natured challenge in her eyes. Harry grinned for the first time. 'Hermione Potter can't be that difficult to kick some sense into her head after all.' She added and Harry chuckled.
'I like the sound of her full name.' he replied and Lily winked at her boy.
'She's one of us now, she needs to see that.' Lily added and at that moment James showed up as well with a smile and sat next to his wife on their son's bed. Harry felt a feeling of completeness washing over him as for the first time ever; it was the three of them, without fear of dying, without terror, without enemies around. They were there probably because of an enemy but still, he almost thanked that enemy for these moments of clarity and family.
'I thought of showing up now that you finished your talk of the past.' James said sheepishly and Harry smiled at his father.
'Dad, I want you to know, I love you and mum and Sirius very much.' Harry felt the need to let his father know as well. James grinned and nodded.
'I know, son, and Sirius knows too and begs you to give it a shot with Hermione, he really likes her.' James said with the same grin.
'What not to like? She's brilliant.' He admitted what he always knew and James nudged Lily.
'I always praised you too,' James winked at his wife who laughed.
'I think it's too late and you could get some sleep,' Lily finally said but Harry shook his head.
'Is Hermione asleep?' he asked his parents and they shook their heads.
'She's actually in the living room, before the fireplace, she hasn't slept, she's listening to music with wine and Spooky.' Lily replied and Harry nodded as he stood up.
'I still can't believe Crookshanks is your cat,' Harry muttered and Lily smiled sadly.
'He was the only one we could reach in the physical realm who understood us. He did his best to be unlikable for years and he purred so hard that day to be noticed by Hermione in Diagon.' Lily replied and Harry smiled, realizing how special that cat really was, just like his current mistress.
'Go talk to her, son.' James encouraged as if he had read his mind.
'Thank you, both of you, for everything,' Harry told his parents as he stood up from his bed and straightened up his pajamas. James and Lily beamed at their son with the messy hair and unshaved beard. He certainly looked older than them by now.
'We love you!' James almost shouted behind him as he rushed for the door and moved down the stairs. Reassured and ready to talk to Hermione about themselves and their relationship, he could do it. His parents were right, he had an opportunity and he couldn't just throw it out of the window. Somehow, he ended up in the position he could only imagine of being married to the only woman who understood and loved him in the world. They both knew they had feelings for the other; they only needed to admit so and for Hermione to dare try with the right best friend this time.
He halted as he reached the threshold of the living room's door. The radio was playing a song but not too loudly. Only the fire in the big fireplace was illuminating the room. First Crookshanks then Hermione looked up at him. Hermione's eyes were gleaming in the firelight. Harry knew she was crying. He approached the sofa and the cat jumped off it to leave them some space. He sat down and for a moment he feared she would move away but she only moved closer to him.
'I have missed you,' he finally said as he wrapped his arm around her and the other held her closer to him, her head beneath his chin. They rested against the back of the sofa in their embrace. No matter how complicated things had gotten, it was the first time in days that they sought out comfort and support.
'I've missed you too, Harry.' Hermione whispered and Harry kissed her head, her chestnut hair had turned curly with age and possibly some spell of hers. They used to sit like this, in peace and quietness. After the war they had been obliged to follow a veterans and survivors program of psychological evaluation from the ministry both for post trauma stress and for the authorities to make sure they were sane enough to keep their wands. After each session they would end up curled up on that same sofa, trying to heal all the things they had to discuss and analyze through therapy. Harry wasn't even sure if all these methods had worked out in his opinion, it had felt like throwing salt into a wound. However he had gone with the flow as he only wanted to finish Hogwarts and then apply for Quidditch teams.
They remained in silence as the radio started a new song.
Open my chest and color my spine
I'm giving you all
I'm giving you all
Swallow my breath
And take what is mine
I'm giving you all
I'm giving you all
'We have to read a letter that Kingsley gave us.' Hermione broke their silence after a moment and Harry sighed and tightened his arms around her, he wouldn't let her go for a stupid letter.
'I don't care,' He whispered to her and she nodded. She smelled of vanilla shampoo, wine and the perfume she always wore and he liked, something with jasmine.
I'll be the blood
If you'll be the bones
I'm giving you all
I'm giving you all
So lift up my body
And lose all control
I'm giving you all
I'm giving you all
'The Prophet, and everyone else will go crazy at us not showing up for the fiesta of the cup.' She added to her list of concerns and Harry almost chuckled.
'I don't give a damn.' He stated and she looked up at him from his embrace.
'And what exactly you care about?' she asked and he could recognize the challenge. She wanted to play provoking; she would get what challenged him for.
You hover like a hummingbird
Haunt me in my sleep
You'll sailing from another world
Sinking in my sea,
You're feeding on my energy
I'm letting go of it
She wants it
'I had a nightmare of you in the Malfoy Manor again,' Harry started and her eyes immediately softened although they also shadowed at the memory of her torture. In the firelight, he could still see the faintest of scars on her arm, the rest of the world couldn't notice it but he could still see the slightest of traces of "MUDBLOOD" on her skin, made by the magical dagger of Bellatrix Lestrange, it had left a scar no matter how many high-level concealing charms Healers had performed on Hermione.
'Oh Harry, I am sorry, I'm fine now.' Hermione tried to reassure him but he shook his head and kept her in his arms.
And I run from wolves, ooh
Breathing heavily
At my feet
And I run from wolves, ooh
Tearing into me
Without teeth
'No you are not fine, Hermione. We're not fine but we should have been a long time ago.' Harry countered and this time she moved from his embrace to face him fully. 'What happened to us? Why we're 30 years old and still beat around the bush?' he charged and Hermione shook her head.
I can see through you
We are the same
It's perfectly strange
You run in my veins
How can I keep you
Inside my lungs
I breathe what is yours
You breathe what is mine
'I'm not doing this again.' Hermione stated and lowered her head only to find his fingers lifting back up her chin.
'Doing what again?' Harry challenged and Hermione this time stood up from the sofa, moving closer to the fireplace, creating distance from him.
'I'm not sacrificing another friendship for an attempt.' Hermione pointed out and Harry sighed.
'Ron and I are not the same, you with Ron are not the same as you are with me, we're different.' Harry argued.
'Different how, Harry? What the difference will be if we screw up our friendship and nothing is left like with Ron?' Hermione countered and this time he stood up as well, facing her fully.
'We won't screw up!' he declared, his voice rose. Hermione's arms shot up in exasperation.
'You don't know that!' she exclaimed and shook her head. 'We're married for what, three days? And we're barely talking to each other!' Hermione added furiously and Harry took a deep breath.
Screaming at each other, that rarely happened; he had to approach things differently and quickly. She was building up the Granger Wall he knew so well, only he always was on the right side of it, except maybe this time.
'Our friendship is already harmed because we're cowards, not because of our marriage!' Harry tried to reason with her, failing to raise his own voice. 'There is no way back from here, Hermione.' He added and saw her eyes watering in anger and fear. He knew he was right, it wasn't the past three days, it was the past twenty years that brought them to this.
'How we ended up like this?' she wondered desperately as she tried to gather her tears before they could fall.
You hover like a hummingbird
Haunt me in my sleep
You'll sailing from another world
Sinking in my sea, oh
You're feeding on my energy
I'm letting go of it
He wants it
'How long you've been in love with me, on and off, for how long?' Harry approached boldly, deciding to break through every barrier. He could see her widening her eyes at his knowledge of her feelings for him; she was ready to kick back. 'Because I have realized that you were part of me at least since second year, when I saw you recovered from the basilisk. But I don't know how long your voice has been the one of my conscience… I don't know if my heart belonged to you from the moment I saw you falling from Dolohov in the Department of Mysteries.
'Or when I needed your picture to kick Voldemort out of my mind and soul that night at the ministry when possessed me. I don't know if I belonged to you the moment we stayed alone in the tent, when you chose me over everything. I don't know when exactly I started falling for you, Hermione because you're always there, like the air in my lungs. The war confused us but, Hermione when you suggested to stay in the forest of Dean and grow old? I knew I wanted that ever since.' Harry confessed and Hermione was left shocked to be looking at him.
'Answer me, for how long?' Harry challenged her again and this time moved closer to her. He knew she would either open up and give in or he was pushing over every red line they had drawn in vain and she could close up completely.
And I run from wolves, ooh
Breathing heavily
At my feet
And I run from wolves, ooh
Tearing into me
Without teeth
And you can follow
You can follow me
'I don't know since when,' she replied in a small voice. She really didn't know. Was it when they travelled back in time? When she helped him through the Triwizard? At the end of the forth year, when she gave him that first kiss on the cheek? He was right, she was always there, through good and through sick, even her wand worked like his own. They were one. 'I don't know,' she repeated and this time Harry wrapped his hands around her arms.
'Do you still want the two of us to grow old in the forest of Dean?' he asked and Hermione looked deep into his eyes, emerald green and chocolate brown melting with each other.
She couldn't believe this was actually happening. It had almost been a comfort pretending she wasn't in love with him, they had gotten used to playing hide and sick with each other. Suddenly, their cowardice ways had collapsed, living a hangover of responsibility worse than the one they had woken up to, after Vegas.
She knew very well Harry wasn't Ron, she also knew she never was with Ron like how she's with Harry… She had to be brave, she could see the possibility, the terror, the opportunity of it all, and it was now or never. It wasn't that he had the "saving people thing", he really was a hero and at that very moment he was trying to save them both, he only needed one person backing him up in this, like always, her.
'Yes, I do,' she finally replied to the proposal that came after their actual wedding.
Their lips met in a frenzy of relief and uncertainty. She was sober, been nursing a glass of wine all night, she tasted of expensive Black Family wine, he tasted of the chocolate bar he had eaten before sleep, without brushing his teeth, the rebel.
Their arms wrapped around each other and soon the fight for dominance was evident through their entire bodies, his hands roamed around her back, through her curls, feasting in their kiss and he pressed her against his toned body while her own arms wrapped around his shoulders and she traced her fingers on his unshaved cheek. They broke their kiss that left them breathless and resting against each other's foreheads. Their breathing heavy and their eyes closed as the song faded out.
'I…' Harry trailed off, he wasn't sure how to say it, he had never said the words before to a woman, although he felt so strongly for this one.
'I know,' Hermione reassured him in a ragged whisper, she knew, of course she did.
'I love you,' he formed the words, there, as easy as breathing, close to her, fighting a war had been easier, because of her, he was there at that moment.
'I love you too,' Hermione replied the same simple truth. They had been married, magically bound and had sex but this was the step they had to take.
They remained intertwined trying to calm down between caresses. Their bodies against each other in their embrace. Hermione looked up at him and suddenly bliss gave way to worry as a very prominent issue rose inside her mind.
'Harry,' she whispered with her eyes filling with fear.
'What now?' he asked as he saw their moment breaking.
'The marriage enables various energies for a couple, one of them is for fertility, we're bound to be more fertile, both of us, for the next days, I… I wasn't on the contraceptive charm while in Vegas.' Hermione spoke the truth without hesitation although she realized she had completely forgotten about it ever since their return from her parents. She looked up at him; she didn't encounter the feared expression she half expected to see.
'Ok… so, you might be pregnant…' Harry verified and she nodded. 'How can we know for sure?' He asked and she sighed, this was a rare occasion where she was frantic and he was calmed.
'With a spell,' Hermione's voice had the matter-of-fact tone Harry knew so well.
'You know how to perform it? Because I don't,' Harry explained and she nodded.
'What if I am, Harry?' Hermione asked him in worry and Harry cupped her chin gently. He wouldn't have their moment destroyed.
'If you are, Vegas didn't only get us together, it also gave us a reason to find a house close to the forest of Dean, big enough for all of us...' Harry stated calmly and Hermione gazed into his eyes. He was right, the two of them were completely different from all their previous relationships. Maybe because they were exactly like that, no other relationship lasted.
Hermione summoned wordlessly her wand and Harry moved half a step back for her to perform the spell.
'If my belly turns green I am with child, if it turns yellow, I'm not.' Hermione explained and Harry nodded, he felt his heart flutter at the possibility. Hermione pointed the wand on her lower abdomen without a word, she made three flicks of her hand and after a moment her belly glowed with bright yellow color. They both let a breath out, mixed with disappointment and relief.
'We better first figure out what is going on with the stone. Then find a house, then try for a child…. If you want children of course.' Harry stated in a throaty voice and Hermione nodded, they both knew it was better without a child so fast. They needed to set some priorities first.
'I would like one or two,' Hermione replied and Harry smiled at her with hope in his eyes for the future. 'I can't believe we're doing this.' She added quietly as he brought her closer to him, his arms wrapping around her slender body. Crookshanks approached them purring, and rubbed his large head against their legs.
'Took us more than a decade… but look at us now, married, with our first pregnancy test done, all in three days.' Harry added and Hermione chuckled and hugged him tighter to her.
'We can't do a single thing the traditional way,' Hermione observed and Harry laughed.
'I hate tradition.' He replied and kissed her lips once more. It had been easy after all, only about fifteen years indeed. It took winning the World cup for Hermione to get actually drunk which led to them getting married by Elvis in Vegas. Then in true Harry Potter fashion, his dead parents showing up because of some enemy and his parents talking to him about he should stop letting his life pass him by in vain, it would be the only way for them to finally face the truth, piece of cake.
So? I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I wanted to finally add the prespective of Lily for what happened in her family and her friendship with Severus. No, Severus Snape is not in the list of my favorite characters, on the contrary... What you think of the scene between the Potters and what about the scene with Harry and Hermione? I didn't want to drag the angst for too long and I think the pregnancy would be too cliche. After all they can act like adults (like they always do around each other) and trust each other in this. We have the snow to discover and what is happening with it.
If you liked the chapter please leave a review and let me know what you think or just a word of encouragement for me to keep up!
Thank you
CP09