Patsy Cline. 'I Fall to Pieces'.

That's the song that was being played as Eddie and I began to dance. Once we began, I realized that I had never danced like this,

in a slow dance, with somebody that I really liked a lot.

Dancing with Steven, or Kenny, or Tony, none of them had prepared me for what I felt right now.

He put one hand on my waist, and with his other hand, he captured one of mine, and held it, close to his chest. I put my loose hand

on his shoulder, and he pulled me tighter. Closer.

We didn't talk. Not at all. I just gave myself up to the enjoyment of it all. I would, I thought, store the memory up and

pull it out whenever I could.

The song ended much too soon to suit me. Eddie kept hold of my hand even when the band announced that they were taking a

break. I saw Clare, sitting with Brian, at a table with some other couples, and she gave me a wide smile. Like a true big sister, I

knew she was happy for me.

"I need to be getting to work," he said. "I started my new job a couple weeks ago."

"You finished your welding classes?" I asked.

"Yep. I'm working at the plant in Modesto. It's pretty good money. I'm hoping to save up some."

"That's good," I said.

Eddie looked down at me. "Thank you for the dance, Harlie."

I wondered what I should say. Should I tell he was welcome? Instead, I said, in honesty, "It was fun."

He smiled. "Yeah. It was." He squeezed my hand, and then let it go. "I'll see you."

"See you," I echoed, and then I turned to walk back over to where I'd been sitting.

7

I was still feeling as though I was floating, when Steven came, carrying two bottles of Coke.

When he held one out to me, I took it, saying, "Thanks."

He'd already taken the cap off, so I took a long drink. He sat back down beside me on the hay wagon, and we

watched all the people that were mingling around, talking and drinking, since the band was on a break.

"I think Daniel should have played the music," I said, in conversation. "I mean, I think Pete and his cousin are doing a good

job and all. It just would have been cool if Daniel had done it."

Steven didn't say anything, and I went on. "Of course, with everything that's been happening lately, and as busy as we've been,

he probably didn't think he should."

Still he was silent. I looked at him, trying to study his profile. He looked funny. Sort of tense.

"You alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Sure," he said.

I took another long drink, as Guthrie and Kristin made their way over to us.

They stood, talking, or at least Guthrie, Kristin and I talked. Steven was silent. Only talking when someone asked him

a direct question. Kristin gave me a puzzled look, and I shrugged. I had no idea what was wrong with him.

It wasn't long after that, that Steven sort of abruptly said he was sorry, but that he had to be getting home.

"You can get a ride, right?" he asked me.

I said, "Sure," looking at Guthrie.

"Yeah, I'll give her a ride," Guthrie confirmed.

"Alright." He hopped down from his seat on the wagon. "I'll see you," he said, without really meeting my eye.

"See you," I echoed.

The three of us watched as he walked away, disappearing into the throng of people.

"What's up with him?" Guthrie asked.

"I don't know. He was fine." I tried to think.

After that, we all went to get something to eat, which happened to be BBQ.

"Not as good as Crane's BBQ," Guthrie said, biting into the ribs.

"No," I agreed. "But still okay."

We were finishing up our chips and ribs, when Adam and Hannah came over to where we sat at.

They said hello to Trent and Lori, and to Kristin, and then said they were going on to pick Isaac up, and head home.

"I need to be going, too," Kristin said. "I need to get to work."

Adam asked her a couple of things, like how she was liking her job at the video rental store in Angels Camp, and how

her mother was doing.

"So what's the plan after you take Kristin home?" he asked Guthrie then.

"I'll go on home, I guess," Guthrie said.

"How about you?" he asked me. "Where's Steven?"

"He had to leave. Guthrie's gonna give me a ride."

Adam took a look around at the crowd, which was beginning to thin out somewhat. Most folks would be heading home to do

their chores.

"Looks as though it's winding down a bit. We'll see you at home," he said to Guthrie and I, and he and Hannah both

said goodbye to the other kids.

I finished my Coke, and we left Trent and Lori, walking back to where Guthrie had parked at. We met up with

Evan and Nancy, walking hand in hand.

After talking for a few minutes, Nancy said, "Ride with us," and so I did, telling Kristin goodbye, and going along to

Evan's truck. I was still feeling sort of floaty, after my dance with Eddie and all. So I listened to Nancy chatter on

the way to her house, with only half of my attention.

She knew it, too, because when Evan pulled up in front of her small house, and got out, she turned to me before sliding out

after him.

"You had fun, dancing, huh?" she said, really low.

I knew she meant with Eddie, and not just dancing in general.

I smiled at her a little. And I nodded.

"We'll talk sometime," she said, in a pre-sisterly promise sort of way.

I told her okay, and then I waited, while Evan walked her up to the door, and stepped inside to talk to Nancy's father for a minute.

I propped my feet up on the dashboard, and took a piece of Big Red gum from the packet that Evan had laying in the seat. Unwrapping it, I

put it in my mouth, as Evan was coming back towards the truck.

"Get your feet off my dash," he said, but not in a grouchy way.

I moved my feet, and Evan put the truck in reverse, pulling out onto the street.

We talked about regular stuff, like how well the band had played, and whether the carnival people were creepier than

the year before.

After that we were quiet for a few minutes, each thinking our own thoughts, I guess.

I decided to broach the subject of what was niggling at me.

"Steven left," I said, twisting so that I faced him a little more in the seat. "He said he had to get home."

"Yeah?" Evan said, plainly expecting more.

"It was just weird. We were having fun. And then, just like that, he got weird."

"Maybe he really did have to get home," Evan pointed out.

I shook my head. "I don't think so. He didn't mention it before. And then he went to get us a pop, and when he came

back, he acted different. For no reason."

Evan reached for the pack of gum, pulling a piece out. "Maybe it wasn't 'for no reason'," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Evan gave me a sidelong glance. "Maybe he was upset?" he suggested.

"About what?"

Evan put the piece of gum into his mouth. "I'm thinkin' that he maybe wasn't so happy about you dancing with Eddie."

I wrinkled my forehead at him. "Why would he care about that?"

Evan shook his head a little, as if I was being dense. "Come on, Harlie."

"I mean it. I'm serious," I said. And I was honestly puzzled by what Evan was saying.

"He likes you. It probably bothered him to see you dancin' with Eddie," he said.

"But we're just friends," I protested. "He even knows about Eddie-"

I realized what I'd let slip, just as Evan raised an eyebrow my way.

"Knows what about Eddie?" he asked, but he didn't look upset.

"That I like him," I said. I figured there was no sense in denying it. "We talked about it, even. We agreed. We're just

friends."

"He might have said that," Evan said.

"But what?" I prompted.

Evan gave me another long look, as if he couldn't quite take me seriously.

"He might have said he just wants to be friends with you. Probably because that's what you said. Right?"

I thought back over the conversation that Steven and I had had.

"I guess maybe I'm the one that brought up being just friends," I said slowly.

"Exactly," Evan said.

I looked at him quizzically. I guess he saw that I really was puzzled, because he sighed, and then he said,

"The thing is, Har, any guy that age, they never want to just be friends with a girl. Not a girl that they really like. He just went

along with it because that's what you wanted. And he figures, more than likely, if that's the only way he can be around you, then-that's what

he'll do."

Evan seemed so sure of what he was saying. Like as though he was stating simple facts.

And it upset me. It did. It made me feel all weird inside.

"But he seemed like he agreed. To just be friends. He didn't act mad or anything when we talked about it. He was even

smiling," I protested.

"Well, I could be wrong," Evan said.

I waited a few more minutes, thinking, and we were both quiet.

Then I said, "Does that mean that a guy and a girl can't ever be just friends? Hang out together, without there being anything

romantic between them?"

"I'm not sayin' not ever. But at the age Steve's at, well," Evan let his voice trail off.

"So he was lying to me? When he said all that?" I asked.

"I don't think I'd call it lying, exactly."

I was studying him, trying to understand. It made me feel bad, to think that I'd hurt Steven's feelings. By dancing with Eddie. And yet I knew,

I wouldn't have not had those few minutes with Eddie. Not for anything.

7

At home everybody went about their evening chores, and since we'd all eaten a lot during the day, supper was just

a 'help yourself' sort of thing. I made myself a turkey sandwich, putting on way too much Miracle Whip. All that bread, plus

the Coke I'd consumed earlier, raised it to a 'non-beneficial' day for diabetes.

I would, as I often told myself, do better the next day.

Last minute things were planned to be done in the morning, and talked about as everybody sat around the living room later

that evening, since it was time to head out to bring our cattle down.

I, of course, wasn't in on the short straw drawing, as for who would stay at the house for choring, and of course, for protection,

with all the crazy stuff going on.

Evan drew the short straw, and after some discussion it was decided that I would be able to go up on the first day, and then

somebody would bring me back the morning of the second day, and make sure that Evan was doing alright, handling everything.

If need be, whoever was nominated to bring me back down would stay also, and not go back up.

Hannah said she would like to go up on the second day, and help, and Clare said she was fine with watching Isaac. So, after that

the talk turned to packing of supplies, and Hannah asking me if I thought I could manage my blood sugar, being away from the

house like that.

I resisted the urge to answer her crossly. Sometimes she was just so-well, so 'nit-picky' about the stupid diabetes.

I reminded her that I'd gone camping with Adam earlier in the summer, and been just fine. She, in return, pointed out

that that had been for an afternoon and overnight, versus the entire day and overnight that I would be helping with the cattle.

"I'll be fine, Hannah," I said.

"I just worry," she said.

I was literally feeling my irritation rise higher and higher. I was sitting on the arm of one of the couches, and I felt a hand running

over my back, just really softly. Every couple of seconds, there was the merest amount of pressure from his fingers. I knew exactly

what it meant. Which was, 'stay cool' and 'don't say something you shouldn't'.

"I'll take snacks," I told Hannah. "I'll be really careful."

Hannah nodded, and went on talking to everybody else again. I turned to the left to look at Crane, and he gave me a slight smile

of understanding, and patted my back again. I nodded at him, glad that he understood my frustration at Hannah, and glad too, that

he'd given me that 'hand' of support, so I wouldn't shoot my mouth off.

7

Everybody headed to bed fairly early that night, and I was up early the next morning, packing a backpack with snacks to take,

and my diabetes supplies. I knew I'd have to leave the backpack at camp, while we were out working during the daytime, so I thought

I would be able to carry fruit or granola bars in my saddle bags.

It was early when we headed out, and the air was still cool. I was wearing a jacket, not only for then, but because it would get

colder at night the higher up we were. I thought about riding Petra, but Adam and Brian both thought Old Charlie would be a better

choice.

"He's steadier," Brian told me. "I don't think Petra's dependable, in something like this. Too flighty."

Since always before, I'd ridden Petra on the small amount of time I was allowed to go along on roundup, I knew that with Brian saying

what he did, that they must be planning to give me more responsibility this time. So, I didn't argue. I tucked a couple extra apples in my

backpack to give to Charlie for a treat.

The Jeep was driven to a certain point, by Crane, while Daniel led the extra horse. Parked then, and there in case of

emergency, Crane mounted his horse, and we all rode on.

It was a long ride up, and it was enjoyable really, mostly because I love being outside and on horseback, but also

because of all the scenery, the flowers and the smells in the air.

Charlie is so well trained that I could basically have my hands free at times, and I used the opportunity to

break into my backpack, taking out an apple, before I picked up the reins again.

Ford rode up alongside of me. "What else you got in your bag there?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"Lots of things," I told him.

"Somethin' I can have?" he asked.

I gave my backpack a shrug to ease it off of my shoulder, and leaned forward in my saddle a bit, so Ford could reach it

easier. He took it off of me, and began to root thru it.

He ended up taking out a banana and reached over to hook the backpack back on my back again.

"Good plan," he said. "Bringing snacks."

"I had to. Hannah was about to have a conniption fit," I said.

Ford gave me a half-disapproving look, as he peeled the banana.

"She worries," he said, tossing the peel into the grass.

"I know."

"You shouldn't be that way about it," he told me.

"Having diabetes is hard enough," I said. "Without having people nag me all the time."

"Good grief, Har," he said, and then was quiet.

After a couple of long moments, I sighed. "I guess I'm sort of touchy about it."

"Sort of?" he said, and then grinned at me.

In response I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue at him.

I would have hated to admit it, but after two full hours in the saddle, I was ready to take a break and stretch my legs.

But nobody suggested it. They were intent to press on. And I knew time was of the essence. So I kept my mouth shut,

shifting in the saddle.

I had begun to wonder where we were going to put all the cattle we were bringing down. If three of our cattle were shot

when they were near our cabin, then that meant we'd have to bring these cattle even closer to the house. There wasn't that

much pasture close to the house. Not enough to supply grass to that many cows.

Finally, we were to the point where cattle started being spotted. We made camp shortly after that. I was glad to

get off Charlie and walk around a little.

We ate a quick lunch of sandwiches that had been packed, and then it was back in the saddle again, to start rounding up the cattle,

those that were nearby, and then further on.

We rode thru the afternoon, and until nearly dusk, before we stopped for the day. There were no major mishaps, other than

some skinned knuckles, and, for myself anyway, a sore backside from being all day in the saddle. I was intent to not say a word of complaint,

though.

I was so tired that when I finally got down off of Charlie, it was actually more of a slide down, rather than a proper

dismount. I sort of stood there a couple of minutes, getting the feeling back in my legs.

"Come on," Daniel said, passing by me, with his saddle over his shoulder. "Time for chow."

"I'm coming," I told him, and began to unsaddle Charlie. I rubbed him down, and tied him to the line string with

the other horses, and fastened on his feed bag.

I went back to collect my saddle, but somebody had already picked it up for me, and taken it over to near the

campfire.

I made my way to join the group gathered around the fire, which was going steady, and where Brian was stirring something

in a skillet. Guthrie made a comment about wasting away from starvation, and asked impatiently how much longer

before the food was done.

"Stop hounding me or it'll never get done," Brian told him

I located my saddle, which had been placed between Daniel and Adam, and sat down, wincing a little as I did so.

"Alright?" Adam asked me, sounding concerned.

I told him I was fine, and just sort of sat quietly as they all talked. When Brian handed me a plate, heaped with

some sort of hamburger/vegetable mix, doctored with what looked like plenty of bbq sauce, I took it. I was so

tired that I would have been fine with eating something quick, and then going right to sleep.

"That's too much," I protested.

"Clean that plate," Brian ordered, as he continued to pass out plates of steaming hot food.

I ate my supper, and then Brian and Crane did the 'washing up', of the plates and forks,, with water

from the canteens. I moved stiffly, to get up.

"Where are you goin'?" Adam asked me.

"To check on Charlie," I said.

I did check on Charlie, and then went into the trees to go pee. I was buttoning up my jeans again when

I heard approaching footsteps, swishing thru the grass.

"Where are you, squirt?" Daniel asked.

"Coming," I said. I came out to find him standing there, waiting for me.

"Just checkin' on you," he said, in explanation.

We started walking back towards the rest of the family. "I'm ready to sleep," I mumbled.

"I'm not far from it myself."

Back in my spot again, Adam moved his feet a bit, so I could settle in. I crawled into my sleeping bag, and reached

for my backpack, and while Daniel held the flashlight, I did my shot.

Once I was finished with that, I sank back against my saddle, overturned to serve as a pillow.

After a few minutes, the talk became quieter, and less.

I felt Adam reaching around me, tucking the edges of the sleeping bag in tighter.

"Warm enough?" he asked me.

"Uh huh," I said, sleepily.

"You did a good job today," he said. That got me a bit more alert.

"You think so?" I asked.

"I do."

"Thanks," I said, hugging his praise close. Adam is not known to praise often, so when he does, it really means

something. To me, anyway.

"I could stay around tomorrow, too," I said, half-hoping he would say yes, and the other half not hating the idea of

his saying no.

"We'll stick with our plans of you goin' back in the morning," he said.

"Okay," I said, and snuggled down, listening to the fading voices of my brothers as I fell asleep.

7