Chapter 8

Hiro huffed out of frustration and plopped himself on her bed. He was her big brother who was always there with her, every step of the way. Literally, every step – he even remembered her first step as a baby, granted he was only two but he remembered. Hiro had a great memory, despite what most people took him for.

"I just wished I was first."
"You were. You just didn't see my text."

Hana got her acceptance in the middle of February, during Tokyo Fashion Week. Needless to say, feigning an apathetic expression became extremely difficult while she walked down the runway. She wasn't expecting it. She knew the odds of being accepted into Stern, especially as an international student. For the first time, things began to look less impossible than she had imagined. Like a world of opportunities had opened up.

Naturally with the news, the Sawada family gathered for a belated celebratory dinner in May. When Hana finally had her Lobelia diploma in hands despite never attending her graduation ceremony – she had a shoot in Singapore to blame for that. It was years of private tutoring and attending the school twice a year to write her exams, physically. Regardless, she graduated secondary school and managed to surprise both her parents with the acceptance from one of the most prestigious schools in business.

"Hiro, you should follow in suit," their father broke the ice during their family dinner. "Hana isn't dilly-dallying around like you are with nonsense like music."

Hiro had just landed a record deal and his father did not think much of it. Hana snuck a glance at her brother, almost to assure him that she was proud of him, even if their father wasn't. Hiro only shrugged, he saw it coming.

"Dear," the mother patted her husband's arm. She tried reasoning with him. "Hiro just signed a record deal. His career is taking off, he can't just leave music right now."

Their father grunted and continued cutting his salmon, obviously disapproving of this so-called career. Their mother tried to look on the bright side. "Besides, the ladies sure love a man who can play music, right?"

Hiro cleared his throat. "Guys love music too."
"Of course, but I mean, young men aren't going to marry you."
"…or are they?" the son raised an eyebrow.

Their mother laughed off the comment. "Oh Hiro, what a sense of humour you've grown to have. Right, dear?" she turned to her husband who only rolled his eyes.

"Hana, I'm sure you'll meet many prospective bachelors at Stern," the topic shifted over to the daughter.

Hana kept her cool demeanour. "I'm not there to find a husband."
"Well then, what are you there for?" her mother laughed.

The daughter looked up from her plate and gave a cold stare. "Everything except a husband. A degree, perhaps? Maybe a job?"
"Darling, you have a job. You don't have to give up your career for some silly—"
"—It's not silly," her tone grew more assertive by the second. "It isn't just a piece of paper. It is an education. One that you clearly take privilege of, and I will not."

The sudden change in tone provided a long blanket of silence over dinner. A tense atmosphere that seemed to grow by the second.

"You would do well to hold your tongue," the father scolded after their main course was finished. Like a balloon of tension that had burst, the patriarch of the family continued. "You think you're suddenly too good for this family, don't you? Speaking disrespectfully to your mother, throwing away the life we've given you so you can go run off to school to prove whatever you're worth."

Hana put down her cup of water and looked up at her father. Their mother's head looked down at the table, while Hiro mirrored the exact image. No one dared to speak. No one would dare face the patriarch of the Sawada family. Except the youngest.

Hana opened her mouth to say something only to be cut off.

"That better be an apology coming out of your mouth or you aren't going to speak at all."

The daughter shut her mouth and pursed her lips. Instead she coolly took a sip of water.

"What do you think your education will get you? Who do you think is paying for it? How dare you speak—"
"What would it take?" Hana spoke calmly over her father's rant. She did not waver. Her expression almost taunted him to answer her question. "What would it take for me to prove my worth to you as an heiress?"

The father leaned back and smirked. He shook his head.

"Nothing in the world would prove your birthright to my empire, child."

And with that, Hana stood from the dinner table.

She had enough.

Hana showed up one morning at the dojo. It was a Saturday, as usual. She caught her grandfather at the punching bag, holding it steady for Takashi who was in the midst of throwing punches. Kaina had been watching obediently on the side, but as soon as the door quietly shifted, the dog came to greet the familiar guest.

While the two men were still training, while Hana sat on the sidelines petting Kaina. The dog sprawled over her crossed legs, missing her presence after all these months. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail, dressed in tight athletic leggings and a casual blue hoodie. She watched patiently as the two trained, almost wishing she could be a part of it.

But instead, she brought apples. Apples, because it was her grandfather's favourite. When the men settled down after their morning session, Hana watched as they approached her slowly, as if wondering what made her come visit. Instead, she threw them both an apple with her non-dominant hand to which both Mori and her grandfather took note of. Her aim was off by just a bit.

They sat on the bench while Hana sat on the mat with Kaina, petting the dog lovingly. They were silent before her grandfather noticed the horror on his granddaughter's dominant hand. The hand that she threw the best punches with. It was bruised and battered, swollen with a nebula of colours on top of it. She should have been wincing in pain, or at least been in some kind of discomfort from the bruises.

"Child, what the hell did you do to your hand?" Hana did not scare easily, not anymore by her grandfather's scolding. Takashi looked away from her calm face, she wore a small smile as she rubbed the belly of the now full-sized dog on her lap. When he noticed the bruises on her hand, Takashi immediately understood the question. He too, widened his eyes in horror.

"I punched a wall last night," she calmly explained.

"You…" the grandfather was trying to make sense of it. "You reckless child." He settled.

The elder shook his head and laughed at the girl's injury. "Fucking deserved that bruise for being so stupid, I'd say."

Hana joined in with a chuckle. "Yeah."

Takashi was still horrified by the colours on her hand. The blues that faded into greens, purples and black, mingling with reds and yellow on the edges. He wondered if her hand had been broken.

"So amuse us," the grandfather pried. "Tell us which fucker made you so angry."
"That fucker happened to be my father who told me nothing in the world would prove my birthright to his empire," Hana seethed. Her attention was still towards the dog, but Mori noticed the slight waver in her grandfather's expression. It was too brief for Takashi to figure out whether it was a look of pity or guilt.

"You want his empire?" The grandfather reverted back to himself. "You can build your own, why have something that is second-hand?"

Hana sighed. "It isn't about that. It's about the way he treats me. It's about how mother treats me and how the world seems to belittle my worth."

"Then what do you think you are worth?" the grandfather asked.
"At least a chance to prove my worth," she murmured, scratching the underside of Kaina who was thoroughly enjoying the belly rub. But the two adults were wary of Hana's dejection.

"I didn't raise you to give up," the grandfather reminded. Mori felt like he was watching a scene that he wasn't meant to be a part of, as if he seamlessly blended into the walls. He watched Hana nod.

"I'm not giving up. I'm just…" the granddaughter could not think of what to say. She sighed.
"You're just punching walls, eh?"

Hana chuckled while shaking her head. "Yeah, punching walls."

"Did you at least break the wall?" the elder Sawada smirked.
"I punched through the wall. Someone is going to find out about that today, I'm sure." Hana rolled her eyes, she wasn't particularly proud of that feat. The grandfather nodded in approval. He wasn't angry at her, but rather amused.

The elder finished off his apple and looked at Takashi who had been quietly observing the family's banter. He stood when the elder stood, believing that it was an appropriate time to leave the Sawadas alone to respect their privacy. But instead, the grandfather looked at the tall young man and then at his granddaughter.

"I have to take Kaina to the park. Goddamn animal needs its exercise too. Takashi, help Hana with her dumb injury back in the house."

Takashi obediently nodded in acknowledgement. He could not reject an order from his elder. Kaina quickly got to its feet when she saw her owner walking out of the doors, which left Hana and Mori alone. It was a comfortable silence that blanketed over them for a few seconds.

He looked down, while she was in his shadow looking at him who stood stiffly on the mat. He offered his hand to pull her up, carefully grabbing her forearm and not her hand. He wasn't aware of how much momentum he had put into his pull until she stumbled forward accidentally, into his chest. Hana quickly got to her feet, regaining her balance before making it seem awkward.

They looked away from each other, almost embarrassed to be missing the warmth from their bodies colliding together. Mori tugged on her arm gently, leading the way out of the dojo and back to her grandfather's home.

He didn't let go of her arm and for some reason, Hana had no will to pull it away as they walked together. It was May, meaning the weather had gotten warmer despite being cool in the mornings. When they reached home, Mori took off his windbreaker while Hana settled by the table. He swiftly went to grab the first aid kit. He came back to find her with her tank top, the bare shoulders lined beautifully with the muscles that delved in and out of her skin caught his eye. She took off her hoodie since it must have been warm. Mori didn't usually stare but today he caught himself before she turned.

He slowly made his way towards her, careful to keep his eyes on the kit and not her. Hana touched the top of her hand, and winced at the pain. She tried to keep herself quiet, but instead Mori was quick to take her hand to carefully wrap it in gauze. There were no apparent cuts, just an array of bruises on her delicate hand.

"I know I was stupid," Hana mumbled. "Like a child throwing a tantrum, punching a wall when I couldn't have waited just twelve hours before using a punching a bag to relieve my anger."
"At least you know," Mori answered back, his baritone voice piercing through the walls.

Hana was surprised to hear him answer with something almost offensive. His tone was disapproving, even with only four words. She sighed out of embarrassment and then silently watched him wrap up her hand. He was so careful, his touch was so gentle as if he was afraid of hurting her any more than she already had.

She half-expected him to say something comforting. But she felt more relieved as he refused to do so. He was honest. He wasn't there to play games with her emotions.

"Thank you," Hana quietly said when he finished wrapping her hand. He lingered for a few seconds before letting go to put the first aid kid away. When he came back, Hana was sitting crossed legged as she observed the gauze wrapped on her right hand.

"Too tight?" Mori asked, lowering himself down to her level so he could look at it.
She shook her head. "No, it's um… it's perfect, thanks." Hana shyly put her hand away, refusing to look at him. "I should… make tea before Ojii-san comes back."

Mori shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder telling her to relax. He scurried away into the kitchen, obviously familiar with the home. He must have spent a lot of time here, she thought. Hana was grateful for him either way, spending time with her grandfather. She knew that the upcoming years would mean sparse visits to one of her favourite places. Hana felt guilty for wanting to leave, and wanting so badly to do so that she would leave one of her most loved ones behind.

The worst part was knowing that her grandfather would set her free, regardless. He would do nothing to keep her rooted to the ground, and all he had ever done was to nurture her into pushing her limits. Her grandfather seemed to be the only person in the world who refused to underestimate her skill. It struck her right then and now that she could not pay him back for all the years he put into raising her. She had not once said thank you, or told him how much he meant to her. And now, in a few months time, she would leave for the other side of the world.

Mori came back to find Hana frowning, in a daze towards the ground. She put a smile on her face when he came back, thanking him again for the tea.

"You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Hana took the teapot with her non-dominant hand shakily and poured precisely when her left hand began gaining control. He sipped the green tea quietly, and she did the same.

"You sure?" he tried again.

Hana laughed. "I'm very sure, Takashi."

They sat in silence for a bit longer, while Mori watched her carefully to see if she was actually alright as she claimed.

"While I'm gone," Hana cleared her throat. "I know it is a lot to ask of you, with your studies and all but if you could take care of my grandfather… I would really appreciate that."
"Of course," he nodded. He already did so, without any obligation.
"Text me often," she added. "Let me know how he's doing and how you're doing as well."

Mori nodded again, assuring her that he would do it. She sipped her tea, and put down her cup shakily with her left hand. They waited, though they weren't quite sure for what. Takashi could have easily left right then and there, given that he had no obligation to stay. But his legs refused to move.

"I understand," he murmured.
"Hm?" Hana looked up from the reflection in the cup of tea.
"Why you're angry," Mori explained.

Hana blinked. She was under the impression that Takashi saw her as childish. Throwing a tantrum like a brat, for purely selfish reasons of needing the approval of others. A child who knew nothing of the world, someone who obviously needed attention and got none for being the way she was. He was older, after all. He had more perspective than she did, even if he was only a year older.

"What?" she didn't expect him to understand. They came from two different places, brought together by a pure stroke of luck.

"You're more than what people think you are," he continued. "You just don't know it yourself."

Hana tilted her head in confusion. She still wasn't following what he was saying.

"You're insecure," Takashi pointed out. "You don't have to prove your worth if you know what you're worth."
"And if I don't?" she meekly asked.

He shrugged. He could only offer so much. Takashi couldn't tell her how he saw her. She was kind, thoughtful, intelligent, strong, enchanting…

"Then what do you think I'm worth?" Hana wondered. She took him out of his daze.
"Everything."

No hesitation. Not even a single thought. He couldn't have taken it back even if he tried.

Summer vacation allowed the Host Club to gather once again as a whole even though Mori and Honey went back to visit during the school year whenever they could. It had been a tradition to stay in Hiro's summer villa, and this time Haruhi had reluctantly come along after much pestering from Tamaki. Hiro informed her sister about it casually.

"Will… Mori be there?" Hana asked. Hiro popped into her room as she was in the midst of packing for a trip overseas. This time she was heading over to New York to sort things out before college.
"Yeah, of course," he answered. Hiro paused. "Wait, why are you asking?"

Hana zipped up her luggage and shook her head. "Nothing, I won't be able to come around if that's what you're here for. We don't have any rooms left in the villa, plus, I've got a trip during the days you've invited the Host Club over. It's probably better that I don't intrude, anyway."

"Hana, why are you rambling?"
"I'm not rambling. I'm explaining," Hana corrected. She turned away from her brother and typed away on her laptop, printing her travel documents in an attempt to cover the silence so that her brother wouldn't interrogate her on questions she had no answers to.

Why are you asking about Mori? Do you like him?

It was her greatest fear to have her brother meddle. Hana was also in no condition to let her mind wander. She had to compose her university schedule while somehow figuring out how to balance work. Shifting her modelling career over to the States was no easy feat.

Hiro let his sister go, knowing that the more he pried, the more distant Hana would become. She would be ready to come back to him when the time was right.

He knew his sister.

But who he didn't know, was Mori. Sure, they had been part of the club together but rarely did they ever have a solid conversation. His presence was nice to have around, he completed the puzzle with the Host Club but otherwise, their conversations ranged from a nod of acknowledgement or a hello and goodbye.

So when Hiro caught Mori up early during the wee hours of the morning, he confronted him as an older brother would. The club had been staying in the villa for a day, and Hiro had just found Mori back from his morning jog.

"Morning Mori," Hiro casually greeted. He poured him a glass of water to which Mori swiftly thanked him for.

"So," the brother had no clue how to segue his way into the topic. The silent giant raised an eyebrow. "Hana."

Mori slowly looked up from his glass of water. His heart skipped a beat. He wanted to inwardly kick himself for that reaction. The giant was careful to keep a neutral expression. Hiro noticed the intrigue and tilted his head. What was the connection between this guy and his sister? Hana would hardly have the time to date someone, or anyone. If anything, Hiro expected Hana to be closer with Kyouya given all those emails they relay to one another. Mori was… a wild card. The wild type after all.

"What do you think of her?" the brother tried starting off generally.
"Why?" One worded answers were not getting Hiro anywhere. Mori sure lived up to the silent type, too.

Hiro was stuck. "Uh, just curious? I mean, you've met her right?"
"Yes," Mori nodded.
"And…?"

Takashi had no clue what Hiro was trying to get at, but it seemed suspicious and to be honest, he wasn't particularly comfortable discussing about his feelings out in the open.

"She's nice." Technically it wasn't a lie. In fact, it was the truth. She was kind.

"Oh," Hiro looked a little dejected by the lame answer. "Hana asked if you were coming," he explained. He tried looking for some sort of change in expression in Mori's face. He found none. What's with this guy?

"I don't think she'll be stopping by, but… I think she'd want me to tell you hi from her," the brother smiled. Mori nodded and finished off his glass of water before excusing himself.

The Host Club decided to stay a few days longer at the villa because of Haruhi's late arrival due to her summer job. It wasn't the same without the entire gang, claimed Tamaki. It didn't matter to Mori, seeing that he was free and he was fine as long as Honey agreed. Things fell into a comfortable routine during the summer as Mori began spending time like he usually did with Honey.

Mori had a morning routine at the villa. Up at 5 AM, off for a run and hike until about 9 in the morning so that he got back in time for Honey to wake peacefully. He ran the same routes as Hana had showed him a year prior. He ran fast enough to catch the sunrise every morning, and then hiked up the scenic route to the peak that overlooked the city from the mountains.

He jogged alone, but his mornings were oddly comforting. She wasn't physically there with him, but the tough trail always reminded him of her. His heart beat faster and faster, his breaths irregular, but the air was crisp and the birds sung.

The sun hadn't risen yet, and Mori was beginning to think he was late. He slowed down his pace when he knew he got close. But from afar, he saw a figure. Hair braided, bare shoulders, dark tank top, pale skin. There was a backpack situated beside the person on the rock.

Mori was careful to keep his steps quiet, watching the figure stretch their arms letting the muscles on their back become more defined. He stepped closer. He recognized those lines, the beautifully formed grooves that accentuated the shoulder blades. Takashi found himself staring again when he really shouldn't have.

"Hana," he greeted from behind. It caused the girl to jump from fright, nearly falling over the edge of the cliff that she sat on. Hana turned to see Mori standing casually behind her, sweat dripping down his neck as he ran up the spot to catch the sunrise.

"Takashi," Hana said when she finally caught her breath. She moved over her backpack and let him sit. "I thought the club would have left the villa by now."
"Haruhi came late," he explained. "Tamaki wanted to stay a few more days."

Hana nodded. She handed him her water bottle. She noticed his hesitance and assured him that it was fine. Mori took a swig and gave it back.

"You're back," he said. They both kept their eyes towards the East, waiting patiently for the sun to rise between the two trees. This spot became theirs. It was their own little secret. It was a mutual understanding.

"Yeah, sorted some things out in New York," she answered. She took a sip of her own water. "I didn't think you'd be here."
"It's beautiful," Mori said. It was enough of an explanation for Hana. She came as often as she could to escape. "What about you?"

Hana shrugged. "Escaping, as usual. Needed time to think." She had to catch another flight later in the evening. This escape would be brief as she explored the woods and got back in time by nightfall to the airport.
"About what?"

She was silent for a moment, mulling over her thoughts. She watched the sky turn from darkness to a gorgeous array of colours. Mori snuck a glance at her. It began as a glance, but turned into a gaze. The way she watched the view so peacefully, her hair tucked to the side with the braid cascading over her shoulder and down to her waist. The way the golden light kissed her pale skin, she smiled to nothing in particular.

"Your words," she said. "I've been thinking about my insecurities. But I began to wonder…" Hana trailed off. She turned to face him, and Mori couldn't even hide the fact that he had been staring at her. She was oblivious. "What insecurities you had," she finished.

Hana got up from the cliff when the sun had risen. She offered a hand to Mori, to which he gladly took. Her soft hands had a firm grip as she pulled him up with ease, and then reached for her backpack. But Takashi got to it before she did. He refused to let her carry the weight, being the gentleman he was. Hana wasn't going to argue. She thanked him and they were well on their way on their usual hike.

"It's just a very unpleasant feeling," Mori answered after a few hundred metres uphill. They climbed upwards with their legs, refusing to take a break.
"Hm?" Hana turned to face him. He always trailed behind her, just in case she slipped or fell. He was there to protect her, just in case.
"My insecurities," he specified. Hana shook her head. She was on higher ground than he was, allowing her to look at his face. His eyes were the same as she remembered the night he got drunk. He couldn't pinpoint his insecurities. No words to explain. It was a feeling that hovered over him from time to time if he wasn't distracted.

"I didn't mean for you to share something you didn't want to," Hana apologized. She instantly felt guilty. She didn't want him feeling bad. "I was just… I mean…" she sighed. She took his arm so they could hike side by side instead of having him trail along.

Hana had a lot of respect for Takashi. He was older. Wiser. Calmer. She strived to be like him. He was like a rock. Nothing fazed him, nothing seemed to make him angry or would cause him to lose his cool. Hana on the other hand, was quick to let her emotions take over. She still felt like a child, being forced to grow up in a world she knew nothing of.

"You're very… collected," Hana explained. "I just thought you wouldn't have any insecurities which led me to wonder."

Mori shook his head. He was sorry to disappoint. The truth was that he often felt inadequate. His friends were going off to university, one by one, and each had their own ambitions. Hana too, had ambitions. But Mori was stagnant. He thought about things, but he never quite got anywhere with it. Nothing to make him useful. Nothing to really make him see the purpose in living.

Hana tugged on his arm.

"Hey," she brought him back to reality. "I guess we all are just… human," Hana shrugged. "We all struggle and… get lost, maybe that's just part of life."

Mori looked down at her who smiled. She tried offering words of comfort, though she herself was unsure if her word had an effect or had any truth. What did it mean to be human? What was life meant for?

He pondered those questions while he hiked alongside. When they reached the peak that overlooked the city, Hana settled down onto the grass. They sat in silence for a bit, sharing a bottle of water between each other along with protein bars that Hana had in her backpack.

"I'm scared, Takashi," Hana confessed. She escaped because, "I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready for the real world. I can feel it. Life is ready to throw hurdles at me and I'm not ready for what's coming."

Mori let those words sink in. Life hadn't thrown him hurdles. Life had only thrown him into an abyss of emptiness as he struggled to find his way. The summer was a distraction as he spent time with Honey. But as soon as the school year begins, Mori knew he was going to be thrust into the same cycle of wandering aimlessly.

He picked up a wildflower nearby, and tapped Hana on the shoulder. She looked at him, curious to hear what he had to say. Instead, he took a strand of her hair that had fallen from her braid and tucked it behind her ear. He had the gentlest touch, the warmest gaze and the most mesmerizing eyes. He placed the wildflower behind her ear.

"Neither am I."

Hana took his hand that grazed her ear. Her hand, as usual, was cold. He easily enveloped her thin fingers within his palm, warming them up. Just months ago, it was covered in bruises. He was glad to see them gone.

"You give me hope," she quietly said. Hana didn't look away from his eyes.
"Hm?"
"That I'm not alone in this."

A/N: As usual, thanks for reading. Your thoughts are always appreciated. (: