The New and Improved Logan Huntzberger

January 2017

New York

It was great to see you too. The evening doesn't have to end. Would you like to come up for a drink? Catch-up a bit more? It has been a while...

The evening started innocently enough. Logan attended a dinner, a medium sized gathering

celebrating the 40th birthday of Logan and Honor's cousin Darby. Attending this gathering were Honor and Josh, Logan and Honor's other cousins, and close friends of Darby's from various stages of her life, including Claude, an old family friend and one of Honor's infamous bridesmaids.

Logan and Claude had a history. Her family and the Huntzberger family had been linked for generations. Logan and Claude played together as children, she went to Brearley with Honor, and she and Logan engaged in a 'casual" relationship during his first two years at Yale. When he and Rory broke up the first time, Claude became a source of companionship in the days and weeks following culminating in a one night stand. It was Honor's suspicion that Claude, despite her subsequent boyfriends, never totally got over Logan. "Please be kind to her." Honor implored to Logan while having lunch a few days before the party.

"What do you mean?" Logan asked genuinely innocently.

"Claude? How she feels about you? I swear, boys..." Honor answered rolling her eyes.

Although it was a nice evening, Logan found that he could not fully relax and be present because he had so much on his mind. It had been a tough month. Having learned that he was going to be a father, Rory and the baby were naturally what he thought about 24/7. Luckily, when needed, he had the ability to push the thoughts aside to deal with matters of work and such, but the situation with Rory was ever present.

It wasn't just Rory and the baby haunting his mind, but also himself and the decisions and events that led to where they were now. He asked himself time and time again what in the world possessed him to make the choices he did in regards to his relationship with Rory. Here he was, a respected person in his field, being groomed to take over one of the world's most influential media conglomerates, and yet he was such a mess when it came to his private life. He had become a cliché and that bothered him to no end. Rory was right, it was like being part of a telenovela, although there was no outlandish storyline to save them from themselves.

His feeling and thoughts about Rory would go from one extreme to another. Generally, he was still feeling angry with her, and his the memories of her would reflect this. The fight they had in the diner, his confusion when she proposed the "Vegas" agreement, the sadness he would feel when they would say goodbye, how he had to consciously compartmentalize his thoughts and

feelings when he was with Odette, and the overall awful feeling he harbored as the result of the constant deception in which he was engaged for the past year.

However, every once in a while good memories would creep in. Waking up in each other's arms on weekend mornings, engaging in their easy banter as they cooked dinner, taking long afternoon walks, laying around the flat on a rainy day reading. Yes, he would tell himself when feeling reflective, there were some wonderful moments, but overall our relationship was messed up.

He felt angry. He felt hurt. He felt alone. He felt very lonely.

And he felt like he was on shaky ground.

The last time he felt this way was when he moved to California. He recalled the emotional pain he endured during those years in Silicon Valley. It wasn't just that Rory rejected him, but also the fact that for the first time in his life, he was totally on his own. He took a big chance leaving the safe confines of the East Coast. He had no idea whether or not this venture he committed to would succeed. He was walking a tightrope without a net; no birthright that guaranteed him a job, no family to provide unlimited financial backing, no friends or family to distract him, no fiancée/wife to love and support him. It was just him, and it was scary as hell. So, he put all his energy in what he could control, throwing himself into his work, putting in 12-18 hour days, sometimes spending the night at the office. When he took his focus off of work and gave himself time to have some semblance of a social life, he would go out on thrill-seeking adventures; skydiving over the California plains, rock climbing Yosemite, heli-skiing in the Canadian Rockies.

But then things started looking up. His success with his business in California boosted his confidence. There was no better feeling than knowing that he was able to build a life on his own terms. He learned, that if needed, he would be able to walk away from his father, the Huntzberger destiny, and all that was attached to it and be ok. It was with this knowledge that enabled him to return to the Huntzberger fold without reservation. He was ready to accept the responsibility and privileges that he was blessed to have. He had grown, and that made him feel good. But while his professional life was working well, he still felt disconnected from the personal. While he didn't live like a monk, he wasn't interested in commitment either.

Then he met Odette.

They bonded after being thrown together at a dinner, good-naturedly arguing over who was more mischevious in boarding school. A Miata at the bottom of Lake Rutherford was ranked against pictures of half-naked administrators stealing kisses in coat closets. "I went to Catholic school, run by nuns! By extension, I was offending GOD, so that gives me extra points and therefore I win!" Odette definitively stated after about an hour of trying to one-up each other with stories. The declaration made him laugh, really laugh for the first time in years. In her he found a kindred spirit, a connection unlike any he encountered. He admired her independence and her drive to be more than her upbringing. He marveled at the quiet strength in which she carried out her life. He began to rely on her as a partner and confidant. Their relationship brought comfort, safety, and understanding, enabling them to develop a true love for each other. Yet, despite their compatibility, despite their genuine feelings, it wasn't enough to keep their feeling for others at bay.

So now he was alone and untethered again, but this time with a baby to complicate matters.

"Hey, are you there?" Logan, deep in thought again, was brought back to reality by Darby, who as snapping her finger in front of his face, "did you hear what I said?"

"Sorry Darbs, I zoned out there for a bit. Long week."

"Well, again, thank you for coming dear cousin."

"My pleasure." He said hugging Darby, "I can't believe you made it to 40!"

"Ha! I know, right?! Neither can I! There were some close calls there. You ok? Did you have fun? You seem preoccupied."

"I have a lot on my mind, but celebrating you is a great distraction."

Darby leaned into him, whispering, "Are you doing better? I mean since Odette and everything."

'Yea, yea, I'm good, I'm good." He mockingly whispered back.

"Uh huh...well, you know who to call if you need a night on the town to forget. I may be old, but..."

"You will NEVER be old Darbs." Logan said with a smile.

With that, they took their leave. Logan rode the elevator down with Honor, Josh, and Claude. Outside a car was waiting to take Logan home. He instinctively turned to Claude and asked, "Do you have a ride home?"

"Oh, I was going to take a cab or call a for a ride," Claude answered. "Nonsense. You're on the way home anyway. Hop in."
"Ok, thanks!" Claude said excitedly.

Logan made sure Claude was in the car before he turned to Honor who had a serious look on her face. "You are just dropping her off and that's it, right?" it was more of a command than a question.

"Yes, why are you being so weird about this?"

"Because I know you and I know her. You are emotionally fragile right now, and she is an extreme empath with a very, very, very soft spot for you. You two together alone is asking for trouble. You know what? We'll drop her off."

"Her neighborhood is in the opposite direction of where you are going. That and traffic would mean adding at least an hour to an already long drive, so no you will not! I promise no extracurricular activities."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well, ok."

Honor kissed her brother goodbye and with a last warning look, got into her car. Logan waved as she and Josh drove away.

A minute later, Logan and Claude were on their way. During the ride to her apartment in Chelsea, they caught up, updating each other on their jobs, families, gossiping about mutual friends and acquaintances. Finally, they arrived at Claude's building. Logan got out of the car and helped Claude out and walked her to the building entrance.

"Well Claude, it was really good to see you." Logan said, with a hug.

"It was great to see you too. The evening doesn't have to end. Would you like to come up for a drink? Catch-up a bit more? It has been a while..."

Logan felt a sense of foreboding. He knew what 'come up for a drink' could lead to. It would be nice to go up with her, he thought, to find solace in the arms of the familiar. She had been a source of comfort before and she seemed more than willing now. So what would be the harm?

"Thanks, Claude, but I had a long week and am barely hanging on. I don't think I would be great company. But hey, let's have lunch sometime. I'll get in touch, or you get in touch."

"Oh, ok" the disappointed Claude responded, "well, thanks again for the ride."

"Anytime, good night."

Claude turned and walked into her building. Once he saw that she was safely inside, Logan got back into the car and went home.