Cam turned over and watched Joe sleep. As she brushed back a strand of hair in his face he woke up. "Hey…"
"Hey I didn't mean to be a creeper… I just-"
"Miss this?" He looped an arm around her yanking her across the bed and flush to his body. "Me too babe."
"Do you remember the trip we took with the restaurant in that scary ass yet beautiful mountainside?"
He scowled. "Yeah why?"
"You told me that if he died or really when he died we'd just hold on to each other and keep moving. Thank you for trying to keep your word. I still wonder if heaven is like that sky tram ride."
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before tucking her head beneath his chin. "I think heaven is whatever we choose. I think it's whatever Luca needed. At least I hope heaven is like that."
"I just hope it's enough to make up for all his suffering. Sometimes I wonder how I can still believe in God at all, then I remember what a miracle he was, or how blessed I feel to know where I came from and where I ended up. I look at Tessa, Jonah, you even and it starts to make sense again. "She drew imaginary designs on the skin of his side as she spoke.
"You're something Cammie." In a quick turn and flip she is beneath him. "You know the doctor said we need to make at least one intentional act for or about the other once a day? What'd you so you say we the action part in a literal sense?" He asked pressing kisses into her collarbone.
"Joe!" She feigns shock as she hold back laughter.
"What? Making you come is a mutually intentional kindness." She covered her face laughing and blushing a pretty shade of pink. "Now see the fact that I can still make you blush after twelve years makes me feel good." He said in puffed up pride.
"I'm not blushing…." She denied.
"Woman please don't even try." He pulled off her top. And leaned in to kiss her. "Morning breath." They say in unison silently agreeing not to kiss.
"I haven't shaved my legs." She said almost in an afterthought.
"I just don't care at all." He kissed her neck as their doorbell rang. "Fuck them whoever they are." Joe said.
"Probably a Jehovah witness…" She sucked in a breath. "Ooh do whatever that thing was again."
They knock in earnest. "Well shit! They ain't going away. Let me up." She complained as Joe considered rolling away.
"It's like that frozen parody," His voice took on an unusually high pitch. "Hello I am Jehovah witness I need a moment of your time…" His eyes go unnaturally wide. "I see your feet!"
"The fact that you just sang that too me while laying a top me tells me you have been very bored lately, put on pants in case it's that lady down the street who hates the kids. She loves you!" She shoved him off her to sit up.
-/-/=
When they swing the door open the find Sage on the other side. "Hi Sage Sweetie." Cam said while she signed and watched as Sage opened and closed her mouth as if to speak. When speaking proves pointless she signs.
Cam sucks in a sharp breath.
"Is my ASL rusty or did she just say she was pregnant?" Joe asked.
-/-/-
Nikki's niece hangs upside down on the jungle gym as her nephew races by trying to get his kite to take flight on the clear San Diego day. "Brylie Grace! You are a girl; do not flip down from there in your skirt!"
"Athleticism has nothing to do with my gender Mommy." The girl said in reply.
"You sure she's only five?"
"Bryan and I are teaching gender equality early sometimes it back fires. Kind of like your nightlife as of late." Brie throws out.
"Brie, don't."
"Don't what Nicole be your sister and call you on your shit? Fat Chance! I need to go rescue my feminist daughter before she passes out. Be right back this isn't a closed subject." Brie said and Nikki watched her shoot of
"They're 7 and 5. Gender equality should be the last thing on their minds. Kids should be worried about missing My Little Pony or breaking a Tonka truck." Nikki says when Brie returns to her park bench seat.
"Probably, but I'm trying to raise aware compassionate individuals."
"How about you compassionately stay out of my life Brianna."
"I'm only looking out for you Nicole." She replied softly.
"Save your hippie bullshit for Brian and your kids."
She nods. "All right but I will say my peace. You need to pull it together you're sleeping with any low bar road rat you can find. You drink every night! It's not good for you. Hitting on Joe, that is just about the dumbest move you could make! "
"I didn't hit on him Brianna. Leave my personal life out of this conversation. Who I sleep with and what wine I drink or don't isn't any of your business. I am trying really hard to keep this G rated but you're not making it easy." She muttered lowly.
"I didn't get my info from some dirt sheet. I know what you're doing and it isn't helping anyone. You didn't want to be with John because he's spinning and wallowing. You're doing the same thing and calling it living! Let's face it the minute Luca was gone you realized just how little you had and sure you can blame john but you dove in head first. I get that you're in pain but you've gotta get your head together."
"I lost my son." She whispered fighting off the pressure of the tears building up behind her eyes and in the center of her chest.
"No, Nicole you didn't. Your boyfriend did, I know you loved him but if John honestly gave a shit he wouldn't of let you walk and he'd have given you more than nice things and a lackluster claim to Luca."
"Fuck you! He was just as much mine as anyone's. I held him when he was sick, I helped him study for finals, I taught him how to drive, and helped his wife let go because no one else could breathe long enough to think of her. So yes I lost my child Brie How dare you! Of all the low shitty things to do." She shouts the last bit of the sentence unable to help herself. She wiped hastily at her now falling tears.
"All I really meant was you need to move on because John is not coming to save you. Make yourself happy Nicole truly happy. That's all I want."
"Whatever, I need to go." She bent down to kiss Brylie "Bye sweets, Love you." She called out "Branson, Bye Buddy." She turned and without a word to Brie she left.
-/-/-
As the alcohol floating in John's bloodstream pulled him under he feels a hard jolt and then he hears a blaring sound but it doesn't wake him. He loves this floaty feeling. It blurs the pain.
=/-/=
The silence in the car is unbearable. "Say something Nicole." He said as they pulled away from the jail.
"Go fuck yourself there I said something." She bites out acidly.
"That's hot what I meant." He mutters as she turns out of their parking space and heads for the street.
"Then clarify your requests John. I learned something today despite my sister's shitty delivery. You are the world's most self-centered asshole and you never loved me. Not truly."
"Really, because that's news to me." He says sarcastically. He's dried out and itching for a drink. He knows it's not a good sign but he can't change it.
"You were supposed to refuse to let me leave! You were supposed to fight for me. You were supposed to care that I'm in just as much pain as you! You should have valued me because I'm literally all you have left!" She unloaded on him.
When he doesn't say anything she screams in frustration. "And you weren't supposed to try and join Luca by getting tanked and driving across a goddamn median!"
The pole stopped me." He says knowing its juvenile.
"Have you seen it? Seen your fucking car? Our car?"
"Stop it." He groans tiredly. He has a DUI and a shit ton of fines he doesn't need to see the evidence of his fuck up.
"NO! It looks like a coke can got crushed by the Hulk and swirly strawed with a fucking pole!" "You could have killed yourself and countless others last night John! Do you know what it's like to open the door and find cops on the other side saying you had almost had to be scraped off the ground? Come to find out some butterfly bandages and broken nose was all you got for your trouble fuck it I guess I'll get literal and show you!
-/-
Looking at the damage for himself he can admit Nicole's description was pretty accurate one side of the car is crunched into an unrecognizable hunk of warped metal butted up against the telephone pole.
She gestures to the annihilated Maserati. "You did that! You did that to me and you did that to Campbell. We've lost enough as family, you may have forgotten that I know I did for a while but we're a family and you were selfish! What you did was selfish and dangerous! What if you'd killed someone? Someone else's child? What if you obliterated someone else's world because you can't face yours?"
She's right he can't face his world. It's become filled with nothingness because nothingness is what he feels he deserves on some level. He had never intended to hurt anyone. Nothing he can say here seems right or enough so he remains silent.
"Still nothing? I really am the stupidest woman alive. At least Cam was smart enough to get out before you ruined her. Too bad I can't say the same. I'm done." She snarls before getting the car back in gear.
-/-
"This is just a blood draw to prove you're pregnant sweetheart." Cam signed with a gentle smile while speaking. "We don't have to do the genetic marker test unless you want it and it's not emergent. Let's just make sure the EPT was right first okay love?"
Sage replies before she can over think things. "Okay…If you'd known ahead a time would it have changed your choices?"
"No, not one I'd have just valued my time more."
The girl nods but says nothing in return as they sit in a cramped exam room awaiting the doctor. Cam can hear Joe playing with the kids in the waiting room all loud voices and booming footsteps.
She should stop them but she won't because she'd forgotten what Jonah's laugh sounded like until just then.
For once she thought joy was within reach again.
-/-/-
Cam's phone rings and Joe hands it to her reading the ID. "It's John." He hands her the phone and heads outside to the grill.
"Hey, wanna come over Joey's going all Samoan on the BBQ I know how you feel about that and we're celebrating!" She said brightly.
"Do you love me?"
She leans on the kitchen counter before answering slowly. "Okay and now I'm scared."
"I just need to know…I messed up, and I keep messing up." He said softly and Cam instinctively knows what he's reflecting on
"I always will. Always, no matter what I'm not in love with you but I love you very much."
"I'm a drunk." He said flatly and little bit of her heart broke for him.
"You're human John and this thing we're going through it's never going to change, it'll always be there and we all gotta cope."
He growls at her. "No! Damn it Cam, stop trying to make excuses for me again! I'm a drunk and I need help!"
"I know I was just making sure you knew it. Vince has you a rehab spot in Pasadena reserved. I have Meredith Copeland controlling the media spin for you."
"How did you?"
"I know you… Oh shit listen I gotta go, Joe set Little Jay lose with a sparkler in my house!"
=/=
Nikki's phone chimes showing a text from Cam.
Cam: I know you and John have your problems but I also know you love him. I know you care, deeply. He's getting treatment. He'll likely want to do the admittance stuff by himself but maybe driving him into Pasadena will help. By the way thank you for the flowers on my anniversary I know it was you who sent them. Expect a call from Sage soon.
Nikki: Sometimes I wish I didn't love him so much.
Cam: Welcome to the club.
Nikki: Why're you being so civil? I practically tried to move in on your man. You should hate me.
Cam: Maybe but dishing out more pain helps no one. Goodnight Nik.
Nikki: Night Cam
-/-/-
Sage stared up at the night sky. She can't see the stars for all the city lights but she talks to the man in the moon anyway, or her man sitting somewhere amongst the heavens. "So, we're definitely pregnant…I'm terrified and as for your mother I never can get a read on her." She sighed.
"Your Ta'mah though…" she laughed. "We shot off fireworks at the beach house in celebration. We got fined and all I kept thinking of was that last party we threw? You called it your last hurrah and it was like he could see me thinking you certainly made it count…but then again, you guys always had such a deep connection, he knew you well enough to know last hurrah was going to be taken literally." She sniffed back her tears even as she laughed. She shot a wink up to the sky. "I miss you." She turned and walked back inside.
AN: I own nothing but the OCs! I'm sorry this has been so slow to update. I got bit by another fic bug and it stole all my focus. I experienced some losses of my own so it's been hard getting back to this but I promise to try harder. I hope you liked it. Leave a review if you want! –Thanks, MM