Chapter 12

She was startled at first. The way he so spontaneously pulled her against him, the fact that her heart rate soared through the sky was embarrassing enough.

It was the second time.

And he was sober.

Hana instinctively snaked her arms around him, keeping him close. He was like a warm furnace, shielding her away from the cold. If she had the choice, she would melt into his embrace – feeling content for the first time in a long time. She didn't want to think about why. Or how. Or what was running through his mind.

She just wanted to stay.

Hana hadn't realized how lonely she was, spending her days alone. No friends, no family, just herself in a little bubble. She was lucky that she was distracted by her work and university life – but otherwise, it was nothing. This embrace reminded her of what it could be.

If she had been surrounded by genuinely good people. With family, with friends, with an actual support system. But it wasn't like that, she was raised as a fighter. Hana buried her face into his chest, refusing to think of hypothetical scenarios. This was reality.

And the reality at the moment, was feeling like she was home. Life stopped for a moment, a time where she didn't have to live constantly on edge, her mind reeling through different possibilities in life, planning, worrying, feeling terrified of the future. Hana felt secure.

In the midst of living like she had nowhere to go, as though she dangled from a cliff with and no other path to walk upon, she felt at ease. The longer she lingered, an overwhelming sensation came over her. It reminded Hana that the world was waiting. Her legs were still dangling over the cliff, and it was almost taunting her to jump.

Into her studies, her responsibilities, her future was waiting ahead – below wherever the cliff led. It was no time to be dilly-dallying.

Hana took all her strength to gently pull away, looking up towards those dark eyes that stared right back at her.

"You okay?" she asked, her voice breathless. She could've sworn that she'd recovered from sprinting. It was a lie she was telling herself. She was breathless because of the run, and nothing else. No one else.

He nodded, reluctantly pulling his arms back. Takashi looked away, clearing his throat and reached for his water bottle. It seemed as though she wasn't about to pry. He wouldn't have the words to explain why he reached for her.

There was something very settling about the fact that she always seemed to accept him for the way he was. No explanation, no words, nothing. She had an incredible amount of patience for him, and Mori had no clue how to repay her for her patience. Hana shined, even on a dark gloomy day like this.

Hana was in no rush to understand him. She watched him take a sip of his water. She was reflective in her nature, but such thoughts came naturally with ease. Takashi was just one of those things where Hana felt comfortable with letting go and waiting for the rationale behind his thoughts to gradually form. But as of now, she was content with living in the moment.

She spent most of her free time wondering what was ahead, but little time capturing what was happening in the present. The raindrops fell from the trees, the pitter-pattering of the water in the background was soothing, and the skies refused to let up. But that didn't matter.

Rain or shine, they would push themselves farther. They grew up learning that adversity was a way of life, to face challenges and opponents head-on. A little rain was nothing.

Hana smiled at the gentle giant. She waited for him to pack up their belongings. This time, he would bear the weight of the knapsack. It was fair. Hana gently tugged on his arm, walking out of their small shelter.

"Let's go. We could both use a hot shower."

And then… Hana didn't wait for him. She sprinted.

And for that, he found her beautiful. In the strangest ways. How she no longer hesitated at the world, the relentless courage she seemed to exude, it was the smallest of things that made him feel like he was watching the most incredible thing in the world. She would run faster and faster, her ponytail swaying from side to side. Hana's legs gracefully pranced over the slippery mud and harsh terrain. She never lost her footing.

When the two finally reached the villa, they underestimated how tiresome the run would be. Soaked from head to toe, with mud up until their knees, the two were quick to go off to separate bathrooms in the home to clean up. Despite shivering in less than ideal conditions, the pair were still content. The exercise had released endorphins making them this way, they both thought, brushing off the idea that they were glad to be in each other's company first and foremost.

Mori walked downstairs to find Hana in a thin maroon cardigan, washing the strawberries in the kitchen sink. Her damp hair was let down to dry, an ashy brown colour that reached to the middle of her back. A plate of pancakes had been placed on the counter, along with warm coffee.

She turned around, startled by his presence. He made no noise as he sat down, and Hana nearly dropped the plate of strawberries. She put a hand on her chest, putting herself together.

"Sorry," Takashi mumbled as she put down the strawberries on the counter. The girl smiled and shook her head, brushing it off. It was her fault for getting scared, not him.

The two ate silently, sneaking glances at each other without noticing. It was at the opportune time when Takashi glanced up when she happened to be gazing at him with her wide eyes, a strawberry at the tip of her fork as she nibbled on it.

"What is it?" his deep voice brought her back from her daze. Hana cleared her throat and composed herself.

"Your hair… you got it cut," she did this half-smile thing, the way her lips moved to the right side of her face and it drove Mori mad. In the best way possible. Was it her being playful? Or just happy? "It suits you, very much," Hana added. Her hand subconsciously reached to her ashy brown hair, still in the process of drying.

Mori looked away at the compliment. The polite thing was to acknowledge the compliment. So he uttered a thanks and continued eating his meal. They sat in comfortable silence again, before Mori tried initiating another conversation with her.

"Your hair too." He wanted to tell her that her hair was just as nice, if not more beautiful than the scraggly mess on his head.

Hana shrugged. "It's fake."

Takashi looked up from his plate. The model shook her head thinking he'd thought that her actual hair had been fake. It was dyed lighter than it was naturally.

"My natural hair is a very dark brown," she explained. "I'd always wondered why I never had jet black hair but… well, you know." Her father wasn't her biological father after all these years. "Perhaps we all see what we want to see, but not what is real."

Hana took another strawberry from her plate, then a bite. She rested her elbows on the counter, peering in closer to Takashi who only watched as she mindlessly poured her thoughts.

"Ignorance is such bliss, don't you think? But ignorance is terrifyingly dangerous. Would I have wanted to live in oblivion forever?"

Hana chewed on the strawberry quietly, pondering in her own thoughts as her eyes looked ahead into a daze.

"No," Takashi answered. He wouldn't. Something about living in oblivion just didn't sit right with him.

The girl looked up at him. The young man answered with such seriousness, and it felt like he knew her in ways that she didn't know herself. He was older and obviously wiser.

"What's it like?" Hana asked him. "You have such a level head. You seem to know what you're doing, all the time. You always exude this… aura of wisdom. I wish I was like that," the young woman smiled at him in admiration.

"It's fake," Mori quoted her. She laughed in disbelief.

"How?"

Takashi put his fork down and gave it some thought. "I never feel wise."

Hana smiled. "A wise man never thinks of himself as wise, Takashi." She winked and grabbed his empty plate to place into the sink, smoothly turning away from him. She came back and cupped the coffee into her cold hands. Takashi wondered why she thought of him so highly when he honestly was nothing in comparison to her.

Hana was a model. She was also a student in a prestigious university, staying in a competitive program, with so many prospects in the future. She was intelligent and seemed wiser than he would ever be. The young woman took a sip of the now lukewarm coffee. He did the same, mirroring her.

"I'm not…" Takashi wasn't good with words. His thoughts were different. But he just couldn't communicate. "What you think I am."

"And I'm not what you think I am," Hana reflected. "People see me as a model first and foremost."

Mori was almost taken back at how accurate she was. His first thought was that she was a model and for that, he felt guilty for labelling her.

"It's alright," the young woman noted his expression. "It's not your fault."

He sipped on his coffee. He wanted to tell her that she was more than that. But he couldn't piece the words. He only had a feeling, a strong urge, a longing for her to know. But in the end, she was oblivious. She was living in oblivion and he was letting her be that way.

"So what are you, if you aren't what I think you are?"

He put his coffee down. "Just as ignorant as everyone else."

Hana looked him in the eye and shook her head. "I don't think so." Mori raised an eyebrow, as if to ask why not? She understood him well enough. She was catching on.

"You lack confidence, Takashi."

Confidence, he repeated to himself.

"A wise man never thinks himself as wise but he certainly does not see himself as ignorant, don't you think?"

He let her words sink in. Hana took another sip of her coffee.

"We were never raised to be leaders. We were raised to obey and to follow," Hana pondered these thoughts. "We fought because we were told to and we rebelled because we knew better than to throw senseless punches at each other."

She did that half-smile to herself, like she caught herself before she had a silly grin on her face. Mori couldn't take his eyes off of her, even if he tried. She ran a hand through her hair, deeming it dry enough to be braided. Hana fiddled with the strands mindlessly.

"So it's time to rebel, Takashi. You know better. Do what you want to do. Push yourself. Make selfish decisions. It's your time. No one will hold you back. No amount of rain or mud will get in your way. Go out there and make yourself proud before anyone else."

Her words resonated deep within him. He was motivated to do something. Anything. He felt like he was ready to take on the world.

She laughed. "Well – at least that's what I've been telling myself."

It stopped raining. But the skies were still overcast. The two decided to head outdoors again, this time for a hike on new trails. It was always a risk to go off-trail, but they had the whole day to find their way home if they had to.

They walked wherever their legs took them. In the midst of the deep woods, where the birds began to chirp again and small critters began scurrying after the rain died down. Shielded by the forest, they were caught in their own bubble as they explored through the terrain.

No one will hold you back.

Do what you want to do.

Make selfish decisions.

His mind was running through these words like no tomorrow. She made perfect sense. But he wasn't sure how to act upon them. What made him selfish? Selfish was just not a trait he learned to be. Takashi was stopped by his arm being tugged by Hana.

"Do you hear that?" she whispered.

The rustling of the leaves from the cool breeze. His heart beating rapidly through his chest as her firm grip caught his hand and led him closer to whatever sound she was hearing. She looked up to him, waiting for him to catch on.

Water. It sounded like a river. Takashi could only nod.

"Let's go find it."

She quickened her pace and let go of his hand, meandering her way through the depths of the forest. Mori could only follow, his heart raced at the adrenaline rush. Wherever she led him, it felt like an adventure. Her excitement was contagious. The fact that they had gone off-trail was a dangerous move but it was the last thing he wanted to think about. Takashi didn't want to lose sight of her.

Hana eventually stopped before the terrain dipped downward, stopping herself just in time by holding onto a branch so she didn't slip. Mori caught up to her as he listened for the water current. The sound gained momentum as he reached closer and closer.

It was probably a small waterfall when the skies were clear and if there had been no torrential rain. But today, it was magnificent. The way the water pounded down to the ravine, and the strong current that carried the power flowed endlessly down the terrain – it oddly reminded him of her. Hana only smiled at the sight.

"Look how stunning that is," she raised her voice so it could be heard over the thundering falls. Mori only nodded and looked at her. She pulled out her phone and took a picture. They stood for a while to admire the scene.

"I don't know if or when I'm coming back," the words just decided to roll off her tongue at that moment. Perhaps part of her wanted the waters to drown the news. Takashi turned his head away from the natural wonder and looked at her. Was she saying what he thought he heard?

"This might be the last time I see you," Hana kept her gaze at the water. Mori only stayed silent. He averted his eyes from her and pretended not to hear.

It was inevitable, after all. She was going to leave. He was going to stay. She wasn't someone to be kept grounded. Mori refused to acknowledge the ache in his chest after being reminded of her leaving again. It happened so often, he wondered why he wasn't used to her coming and going.

Hana always came back. But now it was certain that the chances of their orbits crossing would be slim to zero. Takashi's head faced the ground. He noticed a speck of red that caught the corner of his eye, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes followed the trail into a small puddle beneath Hana's right hand.

She must have cut her hand while grabbing onto the branch to gain back her balance. Mori was quick to grab her wrist to cut off any circulation so she didn't bleed any further. He silently led her away from the scene.

"Hey!" Hana didn't appreciate having her arm being grabbed while she admired the view. "I'm fine, Takashi." She tried wriggling out of his grasp, but it was of no use. The silent giant dragged her away from the waterfall and through the trees of the dense forest.

"It's nothing," she tried again, tugging her arm away. It was like playing a tug of war but Hana was losing badly as her legs moved forward with Mori to get back on trail. "A little bit of blood isn't a big deal."

She tried putting up a fight.

"We can still make it up to the peak. The blood will dry and I'll be good as new. We can get some moss from the ground and soak up the excess," Hana reasoned. Mori was having none of it. They were going back to the villa and he was going to tend to that wound.

"Are you angry?" Hana murmured. He hadn't looked back at her once during the time she tried reasoning with him. The girl wondered if she had offended him. He kept walking rigorously with his hand rightly wrapped around her wrist.

"I'm not," he answered coolly. And that was it. Nothing else was said.

They made it back to the villa after an hour in pure silence. Hana being dragged by Takashi who only looked forward. She stopped putting up a fight. He sat her down at the kitchen counter before getting the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet.

Gently, he cleaned the wound with antiseptic. Hana looked away, muffling a wince. Mori knew it hurt and despite that, she stayed silent. The amount of blood absorbed through the gauze was a little frightening. It was definitely a deeper cut than he imagined. At this rate, Hana would need stitches to sew up the laceration.

"Don't you dare drive me to the hospital for stitches," Hana seethed. She looked at her hand and couldn't deny that the cut was deeper than imagined.

Mori raised an eyebrow at the girl. She bit her lip and relaxed. "I hate hospitals. Anywhere but there." Takashi looked back down to her delicate hand. The bleeding had thankfully stopped. He wrapped up the hand tightly in gauze and left her to it. Hana hopped off the ledge instantly.

"Thanks," she murmured. She was obviously irritated. A part of her kicked herself for being immature about it. Hana could have handled her injury on her own and deep down she knew she was thankful for his help. It was petty thing in the end, feeling weak. She'd been vulnerable too many times around him. It wasn't like her to do so. But in the end, if it had been anyone else to see her vulnerable – she'd rather it be him.

Hana began cleaning up the counter before Mori gently shoved her away.

"You'll reopen your wound." Takashi put back the first-aid kit. He left her to put the case back while she changed from her hiking gear into a more casual outfit. He too, changed into his usual outfit. Dark tank top with cargo shorts that went down to his knees. They bumped into each other when they walked out of their own respective rooms.

"Aren't you cold?" Hana was wearing her maroon cardigan again. The mountains were usually cooler than the city, even in the summer. The rain had brought cooler temperatures than usual. He shook his head. Hana shrugged and walked down the hall.

"Are you sure?" he called out to her. It struck him the wrong way when he watched her walk away from him, even though he knew Hana was just walking down the stairs. She turned around, confused by his sudden outburst.

"About what?" Hana casually leaned against the railing.
"Not coming back," he clarified, his eyes moved upwards from the hardwood floor to meet with her own. Hana sighed and looked down to her bare feet. She shifted in her position, a little uncomfortable at having to answer his question. Not coming back was an understatement. She wanted to disappear without a trace.

"I don't belong," Hana knew it wasn't a very good excuse to leave her home behind. But it was the only one so far that made sense.
"What about Sawada-san?" Hana wouldn't leave her grandfather, Mori thought. She lived and breathed for him.

She shook her head. "You know him. He'd kick me out even if I wanted to stay by his side. He wouldn't hold me back from doing what I want."
"What do you want?"

Takashi was grilling her with questions she wish she knew the answers to. For god sake, she was barely nineteen. She didn't know what the hell she wanted. She wasn't sure where to go. But her instinct told her that staying in Japan wasn't going to help and at this point, that was the only direction she had.

"I'm going to find out," she decided that it was the only good answer she had for that question.

Takashi knew he was in no place to ask her to stay. Why did he want her to stay, anyway? What did it matter to him whether she left or not? It was an unsettling feeling in his chest that he couldn't quite pinpoint. No amount of philosophical theories could pinpoint these emotions running through his mind.

He was happy for her, watching her soar across the sky as she left to explore. But a part of him felt disappointment. In himself? Or in her? What was it?

"What about you, Takashi?" Hana turned the tables. "Why are you staying?" She was curious to know what went on in his mind. Her deductions could only take her so far. Something about him made her draw in closer. Emotionally, intellectually, physically – he was like a book that never seemed to end. She wanted to read him but he only offered so much.

That was also a good question, he thought.

What made him stay?

"You could hop on a plane and leave whenever and to wherever you please. You have no obligations here, except Toudai and Honey," she pointed out. From what she could tell, Honey and Mori were no longer attached at the hip. Honey seemed to be living well while Mori was still wandering. Wandering with her, in the middle of forests when he could be off doing whatever he pleased.

She walked towards him, not afraid to look him in the eye this time. Hana got closer to him, standing right in front of him, almost daring him to back away. She had the fearless look in her eyes. The kind that took him off guard. The sort that brought him out of his own thoughts forcibly.

"Remember when you grabbed my hand?" Hana lifted her injured arm. "And you wouldn't take no for an answer?"

He nodded. His breath hitching as she pushed him against the railing to prove a point.

"You need to do that more often. Take control," she smiled. "You are capable. You are incredibly intelligent. You are more than what you believe."

Her voice turned into a whisper. Where did all of this come from? Hana had no clue. But she meant it. She meant every word.

"What are you afraid of, Takashi?" She did not pry. She observed how cautious he was about everything. He was not a reckless person. He'd never be. It just wasn't in his character. But just once, Hana wanted to see him lose control. Make mistakes, unapologetically – because he was allowed to. Everyone was allowed to. Mori just never seemed to realize that fact.

He only shook his head. He didn't know. It was a sensation of fear, or anxiety. A feeling of inadequacy. Mori had no clue where it came from. He never properly analyzed emotions. Takashi analyzed theories, he analyzed schools of thought. His own thoughts weren't the same.

Hana sighed. His silence became the norm and she wondered if he was even listening to her rambles. It didn't matter either way.

"Maybe one day you'll share with me what goes on in that wonderful mind of yours. You'll tell me about your own thoughts on the world, or teach me about what you're studying – anything."

Takashi only wished he had wonderful thoughts to share. But instead, she was stuck with someone who could barely piece together a sentence around hwer. He would never be as eloquent as she was.

Hana held out her pinky. Takashi reluctantly mirrored the move. She was quick to latch her own finger onto his.

"I think we'll grow to be very different the next time we meet. I promise we'll cross paths again. Someday, somehow."

That was it.

Their last encounter.

A/N: Been a little MIA - apologies for that. Left it in such a way where it could've been an ending - but it certainly isn't the end, not yet. Though I did promise myself that I'd finish this story before school began. So... we'll see. Your thoughts are much appreciated, and as always, thanks for reading.