15. A GIFT
First she opened the letter from Ginny. Things were still a little rocky between them, but unlike the letter from Ron, she was not dreading its content. Ginny had always been sensible and kind. She imagined this letter would be no different.
Dearest Hermione,
I hope this letter finds you well. I know that things have been difficult between us recently and I know that I am partly to blame. I hope that one day things will be almost as they were between us again. There is never enough time at The Order meetings to truly catch up. I worry that things will be awkward between us forever if we do not make the time to see each other. The reason I am writing, is to let you know that Harry and I welcomed our son, James, to the world last weekend. We are blissfully happy and all three of us are doing well. The only thing that is missing from our perfect picture is you. I do hope you will come visit us soon. Our door is always open and I will always make time for you. Please consider this as an open-ended invitation to come join us some time over the Christmas holidays. Or the summer holiday. Or any other day of the year. Please just come see us. We miss you!
Yours always in friendship,
Ginny
Hermione's face filled with a smile as she folded the letter away. God she missed them; Harry, Ginny and the rest of the Weasleys. Perhaps it was it finally time to go back to where she belonged? Years had passed since. Perhaps nothing would ever be as it was, but she had nothing to lose. She cautiously opened the letter from Ron. Their last encounter had been cold, if not, callous. Whatever his letter said would decide it for her.
H,
I owe you an apology. The way I acted at Shell Cottage was unforgivable. Yet I hope you can find a way to forgive me, anyway. I was cruel to you and I should explain myself. Not that there's an explanation good enough. I was an idiot, a bloody idiot. It's no excuse but I know about you and Snape. I saw you.
I thought I was seeing things at first because there was absolutely no way that you would let that ghoul touch you. Yet there he was, bold as brass, with his hands all over your body. You didn't recoil like you should have. You smiled. You liked it. I freaked out, okay? I know it's not my place to tell you who you can and cannot date, but Snape? Really? It just made me a little uncomfortable. Perhaps I was even jealous, I don't know. I know it's been years, but I still care about you and it's not easy for me to see you with someone else. Especially him.
I can't even pretend to understand. I won't even bother trying. I will drive myself insane trying to figure out what you see in him. But you smiled, Hermione, and I've not seen your smile in such a long time. I hope that you are happy. I don't know if you are telling people about your relationship, but since nobody has mentioned anything to me, I assume that nobody else knows. As such I will keep your secret. I've not even told Juliette. Although she'd probably be upset that I even care at all. I will also try to be less rude to Snape. I guess if you trust him then I should too. After all, your instincts were usually correct.
Anyway, I want you to know I am here for you if you need a friend. We all are. It's been so long since you've been back to The Burrow. Harry and Ginny live there now, and Mum and Dad still live at Grimmauld place. Juliette and I have built a house on a plot of land between The Burrow and the Lovegood place, so we'll always be nearby to help out when Baby Potter comes. Not long now! Please come visit soon. Mum always asks after you and I know Ginny misses you terribly. I know I've made a stinking mess of things, but you are always welcome here. I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise. I'm an idiot, but I am an idiot that cares for you very much.
- Ron
Hermione and Lavender took their time as they made their approach to Shell Cottage. Hermione dragged her feet and kicked up the dirt and Susan tugged on Lavender's hand.
"Come on" Susan urged, "the sooner we get in there, the sooner we can leave."
"I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway", Lavender griped. "What is there to bloody celebrate?
"We're closer than ever before to the end of the world?" Hermione asked, facetiously.
"Woohoo!"
"Lavender! What's gotten into you?"
"I'm just not in the mood, Bones."
Hermione's eyes met Susan's.
"Parvati will be there, won't she?" Hermione said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Can't say I'm in much of a rush to bump into Dean either", Lavender said. "Ugh! When did everything become so complicated?"
"Don't ask me", Hermione laughed. "I don't remember a time when things were simple. Have they ever been?"
"No, I suppose not."
Shell Cottage was a show of festive cheer from the outside in. There was a large pine wreath pinned to the door, and the subtle twinkling of fairy lights lit the pathway. Inside, the lounge area had been charmed to accommodate the large crowd that attended. There were Christmas trees of all sizes, dusted with snow like frosting, in every conceivable corner and crevice. Snowflakes fell from the ceiling that turned to glitter when touched. It was a beautiful show and it stung Hermione. She had always loved Christmas - as a child, it was her favourite time of year because her mother and father would always close their practice and take her sledging at the first sign of snow. They'd unwrap a single gift before bed on Christmas Eve and then open the rest after breakfast on Christmas Day. It wouldn't be the same this year. She was in a room full of people she could potentially celebrate with and yet the idea only irritated her. She would spend Christmas alone, she decided.
The room was achatter; filled with the member of The Order and their allies. Dumbledore had maintained that their 'get together' was an important show of courage against the dark forces but Hermione thought that it was in reality, an excuse to get everybody together for what might be the last time. Lavender took a seat in the lounge next to Susan and glared daggers at Parvati who stood in conversation with her sister and Luna. Hermione wandered into the kitchen, as she always did at parties - maybe there was a little Hufflepuff in her after all. She approached Molly who fussed above innumerable plates covered in tin foil.
"Can I help you with anything, Mrs Weasley?"
Molly spun around and clutched her hand to her chest.
"Hermione!" she said happily and flung her arms around her. "It's good to see you, dear! Oh, you gave me such a fright."
"Do you need a hand?"
"No, no. It's all taken care of. Tell me - how are you? How is life at Hogwarts? How I've missed you."
Hermione politely answered questions and tried her best to act casually even when her head roared with the sheer stress of acting like everything was okay. There was still a palpable tension between Hermione and the Weasleys, but she knew that it was coming from her and not Molly, who was always a warm and welcoming presence. It was Hermione who stiffened in the hug and it was she who made her excuses and made her way to the dining room. She realised then that it was all her doing. All of it. She had alienated her family. And for what?
She caught sight of Ron in an instant. She stared past him to the magical clock on Bill and Fleur's wall. Like Molly's, it had hands that bore the faces of their loved ones. Each hand pointed at 'mortal peril'. Hermione focused on Ron and when she realised that he was staring back at her, she dropped her gaze, unsure of his temper.
He approached with a cautious optimism and leant on the table beside her. He grimaced.
"Hey?"
She smiled at him, to let him know that all was forgiven.
"I got your letter. Thank you."
She watched his entire body relax. Deciding that a quick change of subject would ease the tension, Hermione asked about Juliette. Ron's eyes lit up as he talked about her and Hermione wondered if he had ever looked so in love when he had spoken about her. Ginny popped her head around the door and peered into the dining room. Catching sight of Hermione, she moved in towards her with a beam of sunshine on her face.
"Oh Gods, Hermione!" Ginny said, "I'm so happy to see you!"
"I didn't think you'd be here. I can't believe you've just had a baby, Gin, you look lovely. Where is the little one? I'd love to meet him."
Ginny blushed a shade of pink that perfectly complemented her skin tone.
"Thank you! I feel disgusting, but I'm glad that I don't look it. James is with Harry. I just flooed in to... well... to see you actually. I knew you were coming, see? I received your letter a couple of days ago and I just had to see you."
As Ginny opened her arms in offer of a hug, Hermione felt her heart trip over itself. She couldn't quite believe that Ginny was so quick to forgive her. She had alienated her, and still Ginny loved her like nothing had changed.
"Hang on," Ron said, interrupting the tender moment with his typical flair. "You replied to Ginny and not me... that's... no actually, that's about right".
He and Hermione shared a brief moment of laughter that was sliced through when a shock of black appeared in Hermione's periphery. Ron followed Hermione's gaze to where Severus stood and then looked back to Hermione with a puzzled look.
"How are things between you two?" he asked so that only Hermione could hear, as Ginny moved to greet her father who was deep in conversation with Kingsley.
"It's a little complicated right now", Hermione whispered and shot Severus a polite, uncertain smile.
Severus had been reserved around her since their meeting in the library; not quite himself. However, he nodded and gave her a genuine smile.
"Hermione... Mr. Weasley", he said in acknowledgement, and then flared out of the room in the usual dramatic billow of his cloak.
"Hang on. He looks..." Ron raised an eyebrow of disbelief, "... he looks different, Hermione. And come to think of it, I don't think he's ever voluntarily spoken to me before. What have you done to him?"
"I have absolutely no idea."
Hermione awoke on Christmas morning, feeling far from festive. When her eyes adjusted to the cool blue hue of winter morning, she noticed a pile of gifts at the foot of her bed. Beside them, a familiar house elf nodded to her and bowed.
"Gifts, Miss" the elf said, "for you."
"Oh. Then you must be Santa?"
The elf looked puzzled.
"No Miss, I am Winky."
Hermione chuckled.
"I know, we've met before. Do you remember?"
"Yes, Miss."
"Thank you for bringing the gifts, Winky."
"You are welcome, Miss. Would you be needing anything else from Winky, Miss?"
"Something to eat? Porridge, maybe, if it's not too much trouble? I don't fancy going downstairs-"
"Of course, Miss", the elf squeaked happily. "Winky can be doing that right now."
Hermione smiled and thanked the elf. As Winky turned on her heel, Hermione asked-
"How are you doing, Winky?"
"Much better, thank you Miss. Mr Dumbledore is very kind to Winky. He and the other House Elves is keeping Winky away from Butterbeer, Miss."
"I'm so glad to hear it."
"Winky will be going now, Miss."
Hermione ate her porridge and listened to Celestina Warbeck's Christmas collection on her radio. She sang along with the ones that she knew, but found herself missing her childhood muggle favourites. She hummed 'O Holy Night' to herself as she took a shower. She pulled a towel around her dripping body, and sat on the bed next to her small pile of gifts. She opened the first; a knitted burgundy cardigan from Mrs Weasley - attached was a small tag that read 'come visit soon. you will always be family'.
Hermione felt a stab of grief. She contemplated what it might really be like to walk through the door of The Burrow - her old home from home - into the warmth of their kitchen. Just as she recalled the smell of Molly's Sunday roast, she was interrupted by a gentle rapping at her door.
Hermione froze. There was only one person she thought would come to see her on Christmas Day.
"Who is it?" she asked, stupidly.
She was, however, surprised when the voice announced itself.
"Albus Dumbledore."
Hermione threw her towel to the floor and grabbed her jeans from the mess of clothes she had left by her wardrobe.
"Just a second-" she called, as she pulled a shirt from the pile and shoved the rest of the chaos inside.
"Miss Granger", Dumbledore said with a nod, "is this a bad time?"
Hermione pulled her wet hair into a bun and stuck her wand through to secure it.
"No, it's fine- oh, Merry Christmas, by the way."
"And to you."
He eyed the pile of presents on the bed behind her.
"I see that you've yet to finish opening your gifts. I, myself, tore mine open the moment that I received them. Shall I leave you to it?"
Yes, she thought. If I never saw you again it would be too soon.
"No, Sir. It's fine, please come in".
Dumbledore paused for a moment, as though he wasn't entirely sold on the idea. He nodded anyway, and came inside.
"Please, sit" she urged, gesturing to her bed.
He conjured a royal blue, velvet armchair instead and sat with his legs crossed.
"I suppose you know why I'm here."
"Not really", Hermione replied.
"I noticed your absence at breakfast and I wanted to make sure that you're okay."
Hermione wasn't entirely sure that she believed him. Surely such a conversation could have taken place on her doorstep. It did not require them to sit.
"I would like to be alone today" she said.
"But it's Christmas-"
"I don't feel like celebrating."
Albus nodded.
"I had assumed as much. I wonder if I might ask, if it is maybe for the same reason that Severus too is locked away in his quarters today?"
"I wouldn't know- we haven't spoken for a few days."
"Exactly."
Dumbledore gave her a sad smile.
"I was under the impression that the two of you had become close."
Hermione's eyes narrowed. She considered not answering the question but decided that it was Christmas after all, and she should play nice today.
"We have, yes."
"Forgive me for prying", Albus said, "I hoped that you would be able to speak with Severus, as he seems to avoiding me."
"What did you want to know?"
"I would like to know what he has done, or plans to do, about the cup."
"He's going to get it?"
"He already has it, Miss Granger", Dumbledore said. "He went back to the Lestranges' last night to meet with Bellatrix. I saw him in passing this morning. He was bloody and bruised like I have never seen him."
Hermione's hands flew to cover her mouth.
"Oh, Gods!"
"Yes. I had assumed that he had failed. However, I have been told by a little bird - by which I mean, the house elf, Winky - that the cup sits on Severus' desk. I have called on him, yet he refuses to answer. That said, I have been assured that he is inside and that he is alive, by the very same little bird."
"I need to go!"
Albus fiddled with his wand in his pocket, nervously.
"Before you do, I would ask a favour of you?"
Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"Do tell."
"I hoped that your established bond might coax him out of isolation. However, if that bond has been broken, perhaps not."
A bite of sorrow shocked Hermione, and she braced herself, determined not to cry in front of the headmaster.
"It hasn't broken... I don't think."
Dumbledore made a sound like a sigh, and reached over to pat Hermione on the shoulder.
"When you go him make sure that you thank him for your gift. I believe he put a lot of thought and effort into it."
"How would you know?"
Albus chuckled in spite of Hermione's obvious disdain.
"You will find there is little that I do not know, Miss Granger. Now... I shall be off."
He stood up, and his knees cracked; he vanished the armchair.
"Be sure not to miss dinner! It should be marvellous. I personally picked out- well, never mind that", he said with a shake of his head. "I hope to see you at seven in the great hall."
Hermione nodded and said goodbye to the headmaster. When she was sure that he was no longer in earshot she rolled her eyes and muttered to herself. She hated him for what he had done to Severus. Even if he 'wasn't certain' what he had been through, of which she was doubtful, Severus deserved better.
She pulled the small, rectangular parcel wrapped in brown paper, from the pile. A scrap of parchment attached said 'with love - S'. She read the note over a second time and then a third, before taking the parcel into her hands and pulled open the paper. She was left holding a book with a dusty pink binding. The front read in gold cursive: 'Roald Dahl's Matilda, as it was supposed to be enjoyed'.
She opened it to the first page and her heart was aflutter to see that there were illustrations that, unlike her copy at home, danced across the page. She watched the painted Matilda as she skipped towards the library. Hermione flipped through the pages, when an image at the end of the book caught her eye. A rendering of this very castle, Hogwarts, and a tiny Matilda at eleven years old, walking through the gates.
Hermione's heart swelled. She had never owned anything so precious. What a wonderful and thoughtful gift. And Severus- what a wonderful and thoughtful man to have given it to her. Even after all this time, and all they had been through, still she fell further and harder for him. Her cheeks flushed pink as she imagined him remembering, choosing and wrapping it.
He cared for her. And more so, he had done what she asked. He was trying.
Hermione knocked tentatively on the door. There came no answer, and so she knocked again with fervor.
"Severus" she said gently, "it's me."
The latch clicked and the door broke ajar. Hermione pushed through it and closed it behind her. Severus stood by the leather armchair that she had slept in the first night she had come to his room. She took in his face, which was cut heavily on the left side, under his eye and across his cheek. Thankfully it looked as though he had at least attempted to heal them. Hermione didn't know what to do with her body- where to place herself - should she go to him; embrace him? Should she stay where she was, and allow him to come to her? She even considered turning back out through the door, but after some consideration she opted to go to him.
It had never really been a choice, she thought, she would always go to him.
"Severus? Are you okay?"
He took a moment, then nodded. There was a sadness in his smile but a hopefulness behind his eyes. Not like before- this was a quiet and gentle hope; a kind hope.
"Yes. It is over."
"I'm so glad!"
His black eyes brightened.
"I have the cup!"
"That's brilliant. But I should admit that I already know. I spoke with Dumbledore-" Hermione said, quickly, before she could change her mind.
Bringing up her conversations with Dumbledore had yet to elicit a positive reaction.
"He told me that you'd gone back to the Lestranges', and that you had the cup... I believe he wants to know that you plan to do with it."
Severus' smile dropped to a frown.
"That is why you have come then? On Dumbledore's orders?"
"He asked me to come, yes, but that's not why I am here"
Hermione stepped towards him. She felt a surge of Gryffindor courage, and she took his hand.
"I came to see you."
"Why now?"
"Dumbledore said you were hurt."
"Yes. But what is different this time?"
"What do you mean?"
He narrowed his eyes.
"Well, to begin... why are you holding my hand?"
"I don't know..." Hermione said.
Severus' voice softened.
"I understand why you have kept your distance, Hermione. It has taken me a while but I understand what you were trying to tell me. I think I understand what you need now. Really, distance is a small price in the scheme of things. I'm afraid I deserve far worse."
A small, resentful part of Hermione agreed, however she squeezed his hand to spite it.
"Don't be silly."
He smiled, but still he looked uncertain.
"Why are you here, Hermione?"
"I wasn't sure If I should come... I still don't know how to act around you... But I opened your gift. Such a beautiful thing, Severus."
He looked up at her; the warmth of his smile thawed any remaining frosty feelings she harboured.
"You like it?" he asked.
"I love it. Truly, I do. It is, by far, the most incredible thing that I own. And I cannot thank you enough for it. It's... yes. I love it."
Severus blushed, and Hermione felt her cheeks reddening as a mirror. She had never seen his pallid face colour in such a way; it suited him.
"You said that it was your favourite as a child. I stumbled upon it and thought that you should have it."
She eyed him with suspicion.
"Sorry... Where did you 'stumble upon it'?"
"Flourish and Blotts", he said, a little too quickly.
"I don't believe you. I know every book in that store. Believe me... If they stocked it, I would already own it. And, Severus, I receive a weekly owl from Mr. Farrow who manages the place, with news of their new stock so don't tell me that it was a recent acquisition."
Severus grinned - caught in his lie.
Gotcha.
Hermione raised her eyebrows.
"I say again, Severus, I do not believe you."
Snape dropped down into the armchair.
"Fine", he said, "I sent owls to every bookshop I could locate, until a witch who runs a small shop in Maine returned her owl with confirmation that she owned one and would be willing to sell."
"Why? Why did you do that?"
"... Isn't it obvious?"
Hermione balked.
"No actually, Severus. It isn't. I have my suspicions, but you have never confirmed them."
Severus stood from his chair, and steadied himself as though to say something profound. But in a second, his face fell white as a sheet and he looked at her with purest horror as panic consumed him.
"Hermione I don't feel good"
"Err- Okay, why don't you sit dow-"
Snape's eyes closed as his legs crumbled beneath him and he slumped face down to the floor.
"Severus?!"
Hermione's heart raced a circuit in her chest, and hysterical she forgot all of her ability, and all of her magic. She screamed for help and prayed to the gods that somebody would hear her.