Chapter 13

Networking events, conferences, mixers, any kind of social event – Hana was there as long as there were interesting guests to speak to.

She had a game plan this year. She didn't have a modelling career to balance with her school work. Now, networking was the only option. Networking, studying, and praying for a summer internship – preferably one that actually paid.

Landing a job became her goal and it was much easier said than done.

Her name was Marielle Sawada, and she was careful to not mention a word about what family she hailed from. She most certainly wasn't the youngest daughter of the Sawada Corporation in Japan. She was just a regular middle-class student who needed a decent job for experience.

Because modelling experience meant nothing when it came to handling hedge funds, or which stocks to invest in. Because her good looks could only intrigue others to beginning a conversation, but nothing concrete. It drove her mad, especially by the end of the first semester when she had absolutely no chance of working on Wall Street, or pretty much anywhere in the field of finance.

Her resume was practically empty.

Hana sat in her apartment, staring at her computer screen. It was her winter break, but Hana had decided to stay in New York. Going home was not an option anymore. Hana was not prepared to face the wrath of her mother. The former model had quietly ended her contract, without telling anyone but the agency.

The hope was that she could lay low until next summer, when her mother would realize that she had no projects lined up. By then, Hana would have a summer internship – some kind of excuse to prove that she wouldn't have to go back into modelling as an option.

She had a plan. But things weren't going her way. Job searching became a lot harder than she had expected. Networking felt like an endless stream of fake smiles and flattery that Hana couldn't handle another night of.

Hana's attention was caught by a Google Alert. Her name was trending in Japan.

What?

She quickly did a search of her name.

Hiro Sawada, uprising EDM artist that goes by the mononym HIRO, dropped a mini-album of his earliest tracks featuring his own model sister, Hana Sawada.

Hana hit her head against her table. This was not part of the plan. This wasn't meant to happen.

The album is on sale with all profits going to charity – a birthday gift from the elder brother to his younger sister, she continued reading.

"It's really not much. I mean, these are all old tracks. I was still trying to find my sound back then. My sister was a big part of the beginning of my career. She's wonderful. I love her," says Hiro when asked to comment on the album. "It's the most I could do for her."

Hana groaned. Hiro meant well. But he was garnering a lot of fame as the years went by and as a result, the spotlight just so happened to land on her. Hana quickly dialled her brother on the phone. He never hesitated to pick up immediately.

"So you heard the news, eh?"

Hana made an affirming noise. "Yeah, um, thanks Hiro."

"You don't sound as excited as I thought you'd be," Hana could just see him pouting. She heard the door close. "I thought you'd appreciate the whole charity thing."
"No, no, I do. I just… I was laying low from the media, you know?"
"Hana, you've always laid low," Hiro pointed out.

The sister sighed. "I wasn't expecting this."
"Well, now the whole world knows you can sing! Isn't that awesome? And you're doing something great by helping charities! That's your thing, yeah?"

The sister coughed uncomfortably. Donating to charity isn't the only solution to the issues at hand. Money was only a band aid to a deep cut. But Hiro wouldn't understand and Hana didn't have the time to explain the logistics of charities and how their finances broke down.

But instead, Hana did what a sister should have done.

"I'm glad you thought of me," she answered. "I appreciate the gesture. I really do. Listen, I won't be coming home this year."

"I'll come to you," Hiro offered. "I'm playing in New York in February."
"We'll see what happens then. It's past midnight, Hiro. I'm going to sleep."
"Alright, sis. Love you."

Hana ended the call. She couldn't utter out an I love you back. She closed the lid of her laptop.

Fuck this, she thought. My resume is shit. She needed a new plan. But most of all, she needed sleep.

"I've applied to these positions, but no interviews. Just radio silence. I've called. I've emailed. It's driving me mad," Hana raged. She spoke with her grandfather every few weeks, usually in the early morning as she got ready for school.

"You know what your problem is?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Your goddamn pride. You think you're capable of a job like that? What are these investment things and big companies – to hell with that. You aren't ready."

The young woman huffed. "This is my fight. I have it under control."

"And yet, you're losing, real bad. You're on the ground, Hana. You're on your knees."

Hana didn't answer. It was true. It was nearing the end of the semester. Investment firms weren't looking for summer interns. It was much too late, unless you had connections. Hana knew exactly which strings to pull if she just dropped her name, her Japanese name. But she didn't – she couldn't. Sawada was not a name that was hers to keep.

"I'm not coming home." If Hana was sure on one thing, it was that.
"I didn't ask for you to come home, you little brat," her grandfather spat.

"What if I take some summer courses?" She said to herself. Hana pulled up the portal to the courses at her university.
"What if you get a goddamn job that you can actually do?"

Hana scoffed. "I'm not modelling."
"Something more useful than looking pretty, kid."

She paused. "Like, working for a charity?" She'd always wanted to do something like that.

Her grandfather groaned. "Hana, would it kill you to something simple? Even Takashi shelves books for a job. Why can't you do something simple like him?"

Hana didn't think of that. Her head was up in the clouds, planning and thinking ahead when she hadn't even realized the Help Wanted sign at her local café. Perhaps she was being too ambitious after all. But Takashi. How was he? What was he up to? Why did feel like her heart skipped a beat at his name when they hadn't even seen each other in months?

"How uh, how is he?" Hana awkwardly asked.
"He hasn't come around," Sawada-san casually answered. "Said he's busy with a class."
"A class?"
"He got hired for some teaching assistant position, he says. Some kind of Intro to Philosophy class for the summer."

Hana couldn't quite imagine Mori as a TA. For some odd reason, she pegged him to be less helpful given his quiet nature and lack of explanation on a variety of things.

"I thought he was shelving books?"
"He's doing that too."
"Oh," she said, feeling dumb. There was a moment of silence as Hana tried to think of things to say. The topic of Takashi always made her feel strange.

"Um. Tell him I say hi."
"Tell him yourself, goddamn it. Am I some kind of messenger to you?"

Hana had to dial his number 3 times. And each time, she hung up before she heard the dialing tone. It was in the wee hours of May 5th. It was her third try this time, and it was her last chance. Hana wasn't going to hang up this time. She secretly hoped that it would go to his voicemail. She didn't know why she reacted this way, why was she so nervous? Why was it so awkward?

"Hello?"

He actually picked up. Holy shit, I thought it was going to go to voicemail. Why didn't I think of anything to say beforehand?

"Hi," Hana finally spoke. "It's me."

"Hi," Takashi answered. He must have been wondered why she called him out of the blue. Hana really wished she tried to keep in contact with him more – but in the midst of the school year, she never really knew what to say to him and she didn't have the time to stress over such menial things.

"Sorry um," Hana stood from her desk and began circling around her small apartment. "I know it's out of the blue."

"That's fine." She heard traffic in the background, and it turned quiet. He must have been walking somewhere, perhaps to and from class. Maybe through the park. Maybe he was picking up groceries. She had no clue.

"I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday," she finished. That's it, Hana. You can hang up now. But she didn't want to say bye, not yet. She heard him answer with an affirmative noise.

"Thanks," he politely answered.

"You're over two decades old," Hana wasn't sure why she said that. He was 21. Big deal. "You could um, you could go out for a drink. Have some sake for me," she tried making small talk. But things just seemed weird. Both were hanging onto the line without much to say yet neither wanted to hang up.

"Maybe."

The clinking of the cups in her kitchen carried over the line. Hana was in the midst of making tea. Even though it was nearly 1 in the morning. Hana had an odd nocturnal schedule. Little sleep, long days. It became an unwarranted routine.

"Are you tired?" he asked.
"Quite the opposite," she replied, muffling a yawn. "I can't sleep, even if I tried."
"Why?"

Of course he'd ask why. He always asked why when she didn't want to ponder the reasons why. He forced her to reflect, to seek answers when she was too afraid to face the truth. But this time, she wasn't losing sleep over the truth. Hana was losing sleep because she was feeling lonely. It was a feeling that gnawed at the back of her mind as she worked during the day.

"Hey," Hana changed the topic. "Remember how I told you how afraid I was? Of the future, of my life ahead?"
"Yeah." Those one-worded answers made her smile. They used to bother her a lot. Now she embraced them.
"I don't remember when I stopped feeling scared. Or confused. Or lost."

He listened to her chuckle over the line. He heard the whistle of the kettle. Hana poured the water into her cup and waited for the tea to steep.

"I've been so distracted. Grasping how to be an adult, focusing on my studies and planning ahead that my fear turned into anxiety, and in turn it evolved into initiative. I was motivated by fear – how silly is that?"
"Why is that silly?" Mori took a seat on a bench, beneath a cherry blossom tree that shielded him from the sun. The park was quiet today. It was perfect.
"I should have been motivated by a goal. Or a dream. But the reality was, I was afraid of being a failure. But what is defined as a failure? Society places so much pressure on our generation. We had such unrealistic expectations. We were all just set up for disappointment and failure."

Hana took a sip of her tea.

The words resonated with Mori. It was true. He had felt that way for so long. Like a disappointment, lagging behind while his friends were off doing great things. Honey, pursing his engineering degree and internships. Tamaki and Kyouya were both off studying to take over their own respective companies. Haruhi aspired to go to law school and began studying in Boston. The Twins were across the world studying at a fashion institute. Expectations were so high and Mori consistently felt like was unable to meet them.

"Sorry, I'm rambling. I heard you were a TA from Ojii-san," she directed the conversation back to the young man. Mori was slightly disappointed. He wished that she continued rambling, but it was hardly a ramble. It was intriguing.

"Yes," he confirmed. Hana asked what his job was like. "It's interesting." Did he like it? "Yeah. Teaching is… fun."

He imagined her smiling. "More fun than our adventures in the wild?"
"Less fun," he admitted. Takashi itched to go for another run in the woods, now that she reminded him of last summer.

It took a few minutes for them to ease back into their old conversations. Without the awkwardness and silence where neither of them could say a word but they weren't ready to say goodbye.

"How did you—" Mori coughed. He was still trying to put together a coherent sentence. "Figure out all of that?"
"Out of what?"
"About failure and society."

Hana eased her way to her sofa with her cup of tea in one hand and the phone in the other. She sprawled her legs over the length of the grey cushions, leaning back. She closed her eyes. Hana hadn't felt relaxed like this in a very long time.

"I was thinking about it. I no longer feel confused when I go to the bank. I'm not nervous to sign legal or important documents. I don't feel scared about being lost in the city. I've grown up, in small ways. I guess I was feeling happy about all the small victories and wondered how I became… less afraid. Don't you feel less afraid, nowadays?"

She had a point. Mori no longer felt like he was lost when he wasn't distracted by school. He had another job now, one that pushed him out of his comfort zone. He answered questions during tutorial sessions about philosophy, he guided younger students towards the teachings of what he'd learned only three years before. Takashi was forced to speak more than he had in his entire life, but there was something satisfying about seeing others reach their epiphany moment.

"I don't feel disappointed or angry about where I am anymore. I'm not working on Wall Street, but I have nothing to prove. I'm never going to be the heir to the company, but I mean… the world still goes around, and I'm still here. Am I a failure? I have nothing to show for the 19 years I have been alive. But who does? And if they do… who cares?"

Hana smiled to herself. It was nice to say that aloud to someone.

"Will you ever come back?" he softly asked. She had nothing to prove, after all. What was she doing out there? Takashi suddenly wished she was beside him. Talking to him on the bench. Staring into space, like she usually did so he could steal glances at her.
"When I'm ready," Hana answered. "But for now, I'm still learning. Growing. Accepting. Figuring out my future."
"Okay," Takashi understood. She sounded happy and for that, it put him at peace.

"What about you?" she mumbled. "What have you learned over the past 21 years of your life today?"

He thought about it for a moment.

"I'm still piecing it together, I think."

Silence. Did she fall asleep? He wondered.

"Hana?"
"Mmm…" Hana sighed. She sounded sleepy. "Yes, Takashi?"
"Good night," he smiled, not that she could see. But he didn't want her to see a stupid grin on his face anyway.
"I'm sorry. I chose… a really bad time to call in the middle of the night."
"Sleep."
"I will. Take care. Happy Birthday, Takashi."

She didn't want to hang up. She waited. He waited. She let out a quiet laugh.

"Text me, okay?"
"Yeah."

They both hung up, feeling ten times lighter than they were before. It was something about their voices, something in the air, even. But their day was made. Neither of the two made any effort to analyze their relationship. Emotions were complicated things. But the feelings they had with each other were simple.

They could laugh. They could smile. They were happy when they spoke to each other and that was all that mattered. What more needed to be analyzed?

Mori got up from the bench and walked over to Sawada-san's home. He was greeted by the dog at the door, who often sniffed him first. Takashi always brought treats and of course, he brought apples for the elder. His favourite fruit, Mori had learned over the years.

"Happy birthday, Sawada-san," he greeted the elder at the door.
"You too, kid." The grandfather took the bag of apples off of the young man as he stepped into the home. He hadn't visited in a few weeks.

Mori spent some time with Yakkaina first, rubbing her belly and scratching her ears after he fed her. The dog too, had missed the young man's presence. As always, the furry friend cozied up towards Takashi when the elder came around with sliced apples and a bottle. Usually, they had tea but today was a special occasion.

"So the brat sent this over for my birthday," he held up the bottle of sake. "Said to share it with you," the elder grumbled.

"It's fine," Mori shook his head. It was the middle of the afternoon. He wasn't going to be day drinking.

"Do it for your elder," the grandfather snapped. "Just drink a shot. Or two. Maybe three. Just drink with me, alright?" He poured Takashi a shot of sake and gestured for the young man to take it.

Mori downed it in one go, masking the bitter taste in his mouth with a neutral expression. The elder did the same, except he ended off with a sound of satisfaction.

"Oh man, Hana sent over the good stuff, didn't she?" He poured Takashi another cup. The men downed the alcohol again.

"She called me today," Takashi blurted out. "Wished me a happy birthday."

The elder raised an eyebrow. "Alright then."

"We talked."
"About?" Sawada-san stealthily poured another glass.
"Being failures," Takashi mumbled.
"For such youngsters, you two do seem very depressing…" the elder grumbled before drinking.

"You two aren't failures," the grandfather assured. "You two are well on your way. Your grandfather and I didn't raise two failures."

"Nah, you raised her…" Takashi downed his glass of sake. "Really well."
"How well?" The older man smirked.

"Like, perfectly. She's perfect." The grandfather chuckled.
"Well, for that, you deserve another shot."
Mori nodded and smiled. The alcohol was really getting to him and the grandfather had no regrets watching the kid get a little buzzed.

It was fun. Maybe a little too fun.

"So why is she perfect, kid?"
"Everything," he slurred. "Even her singing."
"What? You've heard her sing?"

Mori nodded with a big grin on his face. "Hiro released songs… featuring Hana." He pulled up his phone and showed the elder all the songs.

"Had no clue she could sing," the grandfather was pleasantly surprised. "She's always been a surprise."

Takashi agreed and drank the last glass.

"I thought I was dreaming when I saw her calling... I miss her," he mumbled. Mori laid down beside the dog and petted her until he fell asleep in the middle of the day.

"That makes the two of us. But god damn, I really need to stop giving you Morinozukas alcohol… your grandfather passed out here last month."

Hana spent her summer working at a local café while taking summer courses. Extra credits allowed for her to take less classes during the school year and gave her a little more time for interviews and job-hunting if needed.

Mori spent his summer as a TA while shelving books. He kept up with his morning jog every day, working out was always part of his routine. The summer went by quicker than he thought and soon enough, Takashi was in his last year of his undergraduate studies.

Three years ago, he was feeling inadequate in just about everything. Takashi now considered graduate programs, continuing on with his studies in Philosophy. He also enjoyed teaching on the side, a result he hadn't ever expected. He took up the teaching position over the summer as a means to earn extra money, but it was much more rewarding than he imagined to be.

Hana began her third year of university hiding away from her mother. She didn't answer any of her calls. No text messages. Radio silence. She was like the poster-child of running away from her problems. Hana knew she was in a good place right now. She was determined to make this year count. More networking events, conferences, and mixers to attend. Not to mention, keeping up her GPA.

And so, Hana most certainly didn't require her mother telling her how to handle her career, or to get just get married. She was not in the mood to hear about prospective bachelors or why quitting her career as a model was the worst decision of her life. She was in no mood to think about where she belonged in her family. Hiro had wrapped up his global tour and his second full album was due in a few months time. Hana was envious of her brother, who never had to deal with the nagging of their mother. Their father was always out of the picture – Hana never had a clue where he was at.

It was the winter when she received a phone call from an unknown number. She'd recently done a few phone interviews for a few positions that she had applied to for the summer. Beginning early was a good idea. Hana had gotten farther than she did in the previous year, where she was offered no interviews at all. It was a small victory.

"This is Marielle Sawada," Hana answered, professionally.
"Get home now."

Hana instantly regretted the decision to pick up the phone. This was not a Fortune 500 Company who was vying for candidates in their summer internship program. It was her mother masking her phone number. Hana gritted her teeth.

"I'm not coming home." Her peripheral vision caught a Google Alert of Hiro. Probably just another tabloid, she thought.

"You dare not come home when your brother is in the hospital?" her mother shrieked.

Hana snapped out of it. She quickly clicked on the link that had popped up onto the screen.

Hiro Sawada, better known as HIRO, the internationally-acclaimed EDM artist, has been hospitalized from a traumatic car collision involving a drunk driver after his last show in Tokyo. Heir to the Sawada Corporation, the Sawada family is now in shambles as they—

She stopped reading.

This was not part of her plan. She still had one last exam to finish before her winter break began. Hana couldn't go back until she completed the term.

"What's happening?" Hana stayed calm. This was not the time to panic.
"He's in surgery. Hiro had a very serious head injury. We're in the Ootori Private Hospital—"
"—I'll be home as soon as I can," Hana assured. She hung up.

[...] the Sawada family is now in shambles as they consider the future of the company without the original heir. Hana Sawada, a former model who ended her contract from her agency a year prior, is now studying at the Stern School of Business.

She paused. No one was supposed to know that. No one knew where she was studying, specifically. How was this leaked?

Now well into her third year of business school, Hana is now the next viable candidate as the heir to the Sawada Corporation.

She read the sentence again.

This wasn't real.

It couldn't have been real – it was impossible.

A/N: Fanfiction was being awfully glitchy over the past few days, so this is up a little later than expected. If any of you are curious about the "mini-album" from Hiro that I envisioned, I have a playlist of it over on my tumblr with a couple YouTube links. Your thoughts are always appreciated. As usual, thanks for reading.