AN: A longer one to make up for the measly offering of the last chapter.

18. LOVE ALWAYS IS

The Burrow was as it had always been from the outside, but as Hermione stepped through the door, she noted that Ginny and Harry had made more than a few changes. The living room had been updated with blue and white, with cheerful pops of yellow. As if sunshine on the inside could negate the grim reality of life on the outside. Ginny said it was a tranquil sanctuary away from all the madness. With Severus stood beside her, Hermione moved around the sofa and dropped onto the floor, crossing her legs. Severus sat on the seat behind her and Hermione turned to lean on him.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to transfigure up a chair, Hermione?" Ginny asked as she bustled into the kitchen, the spitting image of her mother.

"I'm fine down here, thanks Gin."

Bill and Fleur apparated into the hallway with a crack, followed closely by Remus, Tonks and Little Teddy, and they all spilled into the lounge in a cacophony of excited chatter.

"Happy New Year, folks!" Tonks said in a general greeting to all present, and then plunged herself on the sofa next to Snape with a loud sigh. "Budge up, Severus."

Hermione felt Snape's legs lock beside her, and then he moved further to the right, and Hermione shifted sideways, to accommodate the fair, blue haired child that popped himself between his mother and Severus. The boy stared at Snape and Snape locked his gaze in return.

"Hello", he said stiffly to the child, "how do you do?"

"You're Snape!"

"Why yes. Keenly observed. And you are Teddy."

"Yes! How did you know?!"

Hermione stifled a laugh and looked at Severus. She could hardly contain herself when she saw that he was physically recoiling from the boy.

"Dora, could I talk to you for a moment", Remus said, from the bottom of the staircase where he was draping his scarf on top of his coat on the banister.

"I only just sat down, you bloody pest", she said with a grin. "Alright. Severus, can you keep an eye on Ted?"

Before Snape even had time to consider his response, Tonks nodded at her son and swiftly left. Severus' eyes shot wide and Hermione let out a gentle lilting laugh that seemed to comfort him.

"What do I do?" he whispered.

"Just talk to him..."

Teddy at happily on beside Severus, staring at black the eyes that glared at him, yet Snape gave Teddy as much space as he could, like the child might detonate.

"Is it true you used to be a bad man?"

Hermione's eyes flew open but to her surprise, a devious grin spread across Snape's face.

"What stories have you been told?"

"Nobody tells me anything. I just listen a lot."

"Nobody tells me anything either" Snape said "that's the curse of being a child... or a Death Eater."

"Woah. Cool" Teddy said.

Severus shifted on the sofa.
"Cool? Do you think so?"

"Yeah. It's bad, I know. But dragons are supposed to be bad. And dragons are cool."

Snape looked at Hermione and raised one eyebrow.

"Did you know I was cool?"

"I had suspected", Hermione said.

"Can I see it?" Teddy whispered, "the mark thingy?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I told you", he said, furrowing his eyebrows "I listen."

Snape sighed and lifted his sleeve.

"Coooool."

"I thought it was cool too when I was your age, and I still thought it was cool twelve years later when I was waiting to be given it. I'm sorry to disappoint you but in reality, it was very scary."

"I bet!" Teddy said and then gently patted Severus on the shoulder. "Are you still scared?"

"A little".

"I get scared sometimes too."

Snape looked up at the boy and all of the darkness, temporarily, lifted from his face.
"What are you scared of?"

Teddy beckoned Snape to come closer, so that he could whisper in his ear.
"Same as you."

Lupin and Tonks returned in a bustle of whispers.
"Ask him", Tonks said, digging Remus gently in his ribs. "Go!"

Remus gave Severus an awkward grin.
"Could I trouble you for five minutes of your time, Snape? I need some advice?"

Snape nodded coolly and patted Teddy on the top of his head, with an awkward glance at Hermione, and the boy's hair turned to a shocking pink. Hermione began to chat with Teddy about Hogwarts, which was always a safe bet with children his age. They loved to think about a future in which they could use their magic freely, and well. Tonks took a seat next to Hermione on the floor, leaning on the legs of the armchair and letting out a dramatic sigh.

"Men!"

"Is everything okay?" Hermione asked.

Tonks exhaled heavily, and the breath rippled on her lips.
"Potion stuff, you know?"

"Not really."

"Oh right. Well, Remus has run out of Wolfsbane potion. The place he usually gets it from has closed down, due to we believe, interference from the ministry. Severus gave him some from his stores but really he needs to learn to brew his own."

"Oh god, it's all starting isn't it?"

"It's already started, Hermione. It won't be long now, I'm sure", Tonks said. "So..."

She chirped up and kicked her boots off her feet, "... we'd better make the most of it."

Hermione gave her a stiff laugh as a reply.

"Are you okay, Hermione?" Tonks asked, "how are things with Severus?"

"They're good."

Tonks leaned, conspiratorially, towards Hermione and said softly
"Is he treating you well?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Good, I told him that he needed to get his shit together if he wanted you back."

Hermione took a moment to digest what Tonks had said.
"You told him? When? What did he say?"

"He didn't go into detail if that's what you're worried about? He said that he'd done something pretty awful from the sounds of things. He said that you'd figured him out and that you'd not spoken to him since. As for the 'when' of it - I don't know? A few weeks ago? He popped round for dinner-"

"He popped round for dinner?"

"Well... yeah?" Tonks bit her lower lip. "Is that a problem?"

Hermione chuckled. The image of Severus just dropping by for a quick bite at the Lupins' was so far from anything she considered a possibility that she couldn't help herself.

"No, it's fine", she said. "I mean, it's ridiculous... and amazing".

Tonks smiled, and Hermione knew that she understood.
"Yeah, it was really lovely, actually. It turns out that there's a decent man underneath all the posturing."

"Isn't there?! Anyway, how did that even come about?" Hermione asked, tucking her hand under her leg. "How did he end up on your doorstep?"

"Not sure exactly but Albus put Remus, Severus and Bill on some top secret Order business. They've been working on whatever it is for the last month and so, I think they just sort of... came to an understanding. I know they've had their issues. Remus has been pretty open about the way that James and Sirius treated Severus, and that he stood by and watched. He feels pretty guilty about it. But Severus told him something about two weeks ago... something that more than settled the score. In fact, Remus was livid; he was about ready to kill him. Never told me what it was, mind you. He said it's not his secret to tell. Either way, he's since come round. He went to visit Severus when he was in the hospital wing and everything. They seem to be... I wouldn't say 'friends', that's much too strong, but they seem to be... getting along."

Hermione's lips twitched and she felt the flutter of a smile.
"I'm so glad", she said.

"So. Can I ask... what did Severus do to hurt you?"

"That's a long and sordid story", Hermione said.

"Brilliant! Those are my favourites. Teddy go find your father, I anticipate that this won't be suitable for small ears! On with you!"

Teddy dragged his feet as he walked away, muttering "nobody tells me anything".

"I think we need wine", Tonks said, happily. "Red, Hermione?"

Harry approached with a tiny blue bundle - baby James - nestled in his arms. He handed the bundle to Hermione and she popped him in her lap, raising his head slightly with her hand.

"He's absolutely gorgeous."

"Isn't he?" Ginny said, looking lovingly down at her son "I can't believe Harry and I made something so perfect."

"Just you wait until all that ridiculous Potter hair grows in", Ron said with a laugh and put his arm around his wife's shoulder.

Hermione looked around the room at the faces of those who surrounded her. Bill sat on the yellow wingback armchair that stood proudly by the window. Fleur perched on the arm with her legs draped across her husband's lap. She curled her finger through a lock of his auburn hair, and he held his hand protectively on her stomach. Ron and Juliette stood, arm in arm, beside the open fireplace, where Teddy sat warming his hands. Tonks leant back beside Hermione on the sofa, with Remus and Severus perched like bookends on either side of them. Hermione fussed over the baby, and she assumed that Severus rolled his eyes, not that she cared to look. Ginny stood in the doorway with a pair of oven mitts slung over her shoulder and she could hear Harry bustling about in the kitchen. Hermione felt a gentle sting in her eyes and smiled as she took in the scene. Everything was as it should be. She was back with her family.

"Mione, pass the parsnips?" Ron said, holding his arm out.

Hermione grabbed the large casserole dish with her napkin and handed it to Ron who sat next to her. He nodded his thanks and stuffed one into his mouth, as he poured a large helping onto his plate. Gravy splashed onto this year's 'R' jumper from Molly as the parsnips splattered on to his half-eaten mess of Christmas Dinner.

"Honestly, Ronald", Hermione said and pulled out her wand without thinking. "Turgeo".

She put the wand back into her pocket and then realised what she'd done. There was something about being here in The Burrow, with her family, after all this time, that shifted the world back into place. She'd used magic by instinct for the first time in years. It hadn't even occurred to her to be frightened or to overthink it- she'd just done it, as she had many times before. She glanced over to Severus who sat opposite her and he flashed her a small but proud smile. Then he turned to Remus and opened up in conversation about some of the changes he'd made to his curriculum, based on Remus' successful tenure as Defence Master all those years ago.

Hermione had never seen Snape like this. He was pleasantly making small talk. He was polite. He smiled. He didn't gripe or snipe or sulk. He just sat, happily at the dinner table, and humoured each person in turn, making gentle conversation. Teddy had requested that he sat next to Severus, and so she had also watched him help little Teddy fill up his plate, and even cut up his chicken for him. He was a perfect gentleman.

It was that that worried her. How long before the mask slipped? How long before he snapped at the boy like she knew he was capable? How long before he bellowed at someone for saying the wrong thing? How long before he made a scene? Still, Severus was on his best behaviour throughout the whole dinner party. He chuckled amiably at all of Ron's poor jokes and listened intently when Ginny talked about Quidditch and new motherhood. He was nothing but cordial with Harry, who would, from time to time, throw her a look of puzzlement and she could only shrug.

Harry stood to his feet when everyone but Teddy's plates were cleared and held his glass tankard aloft.

"I'd like to thank you all so much for coming", he said, proudly "I know that some here, namely Ronald and Teddy, are easily bored and so I will keep this short. I am so grateful that you are all here; each and every one of you. To my lovely wife; thank you so much for all you do, and for putting together this delicious spread!"

"Hear hear!" Tonks called.

"Tonks, Remus..." Harry continued, "we are so grateful for all of your support and wisdom. You are true friends."

Tonks gave a tearful smile and Remus gave Harry a simple and grateful nod.

"Juliette, I've said it before, but again, welcome to the family. Ron, you're the best friend anyone could ask for. I'm so glad you have found happiness with each other. Bill... Fleur..." he said, gesturing to the couple who quietly extricated themselves from one another with gentle laughter, "your continued love and generosity is much appreciated it and we love you both. We can't wait to meet your little one."

Hermione looked up at Fleur with wide, excited eyes.
"What? You're pregnant?"

Fleur nodded with a shy smile.

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

Harry drew the attention back to where he stood at the head of the table, with an impatient cough. He reminded Hermione of Dumbledore, truth be told.

"Hermione, I am so glad to have you back in my life. I can speak for both Ginny and myself, and I'm sure everyone else here, when I say that we have missed you dearly. I'm sorry that I have not been a better friend to you but I promise that in future, I will always be here for you, as I always should have been. We love you so much, Hermione."

Harry looked to Severus, who stared at him with an expectant interest. Harry spoke stiffly, but with sincerity.

"Snape. I trust Hermione's judgment; I always have. Any friend of hers is a friend of mine. You will always be welcome in this house."

Snape gave Harry a stoic nod. Then Harry looked to little Teddy.

"Teddy, thanks for being so well behaved today. I'm sure you will be such a good friend to James. He'll need a big brother like you to keep him out of mischief if he's anything like his Mum and Dad. Although, if you turn out anything like your parents, we might need someone to keep their eye on you too."

Teddy smiled proudly. Harry raised his glass.

"I'd like to propose a toast..." he said, "... to new beginnings!"

Bill, Fleur and Juliette left for Shell Cottage after a final course of coffee and mints. Hermione and Ron insisted that they cleaned up, leaving Severus in the sitting room with Tonks, Remus, Ginny, Harry and Teddy. Ron and Hermione filled the dishwasher. Arthur had been so pleased with himself when he'd found it at the side of the road and fixed it up. He'd been even more pleased, ecstatic in fact, when he learned what it did. Harry and Ginny had kept it, because it worked just as well, and with less effort, than magically washing and drying up. Ron sat on the counter with his legs dangling off the side and with a flick of his wand, he cleared the table. When the kitchen was tidy, and the dishwasher rushed to life, Ron jumped down from the counter and moved towards Hermione. It seemed like the running dishwasher worked as well for him as a Muffliato charm.

He leant in towards her.
"How are you doing, Hermione?"

Hermione nodded and smiled.
"I'm good, Ron. Are you?"

"Yes, very much so. Thank you."

Ron blanched and leant back on the counter.
"About Bill and Fleur... they're, err- not the only... I- err. I wanted you to know, from me, that Juliette and I are... err- we're having a baby..."

Hermione felt a sting of sadness in her gut, but just as quickly as it had come, it was replaced with a wash of relief and then came elation. She was happy for him; truly pleased for him. It surprised her, in fact, how easily she had accepted it.

"That's wonderful news", she said, and she knew that she meant it. "I'm over the moon for you. Congratulations."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm certain. You deserve to be happy. When?"

"She's pretty far along, she's been hiding it for a while. It's the reason we got married actually. She's due in March..."

"Wow, so soon?"

Ron screwed up his face.
"Yeah. I'm kind of terrified."

"Of course you are", Hermione said kindly. "If you weren't nervous, I'd be worried about you. It's a big deal, after all. But I know you'll be great, Ron. I'm really pleased for you... and Juliette. She seems really sweet."

Ron put his arm around Hermione's shoulder.
"You're the best, you know that?"

Hermione closed her eyes and smiled. It was the first time in years that she and Ron had even touched, and it felt as unfamiliar and strange as it did perfectly natural.

"So... Snape?"

Hermione bristled.
"What about him?"

"He seems normal, that's what... seriously, what have you done with him?"

"I wish I could tell you."

"Does he make you happy?"

Hermione sighed heavily, and she prickled at the sound of it. She had not anticipated the automatic honesty in her reaction.
"You're not happy?"

"I am", she said, resting her head on Ron's shoulder. "I am. He's been wonderful. I just can't help but worry that something's going to go wrong. What if he gets bored of acting ... 'normal'? What if it doesn't work out between us? What if- what if this war separates us forever? Not just him. All of us. What the hell would I do without you all?"

Ron pulled her gently into his embrace.
"Hermione; of course he will get bored of acting nice all the time. Nobody can. Nobody expects him to. I've judged him harshly in the past, we all have, but we're beginning to see another side of him. I guess he's not all bad after all. But he's still human, Hermione. He's bound to lose his temper every once in a while. As for it not working out- that's the risk you run isn't it, when you give someone your heart... they could take it and destroy it. But from what I've heard he's besotted with you and as for the war-"

"What have you heard?" Hermione asked, in interruption.

"Just what Bill tells me, which is that he doesn't stop bloody talking about you. I can't lie, 'Mione, the thought of it makes me a little queasy, because an infatuated Snape is pure nightmare fuel."

Hermione laughed; although the thought made her giddy.

"As for the war... we're going to lose people, that's a given. I just... I hope you are happy after all of this is over. You deserve happiness too. I'm so sorry that in the past I have impeded your joy- I have never deserved to-"

"Ron, it's not like that. Remember, we fell together because the fucking world was ending. We have hurt each other, yes but we are both very sorry for it, so let's leave it at that, shall we?"

"I know things might never be entirely as they were, and sometimes it can be a little awkward between us, but we can still be friends, right?"

"Yes, Ronald. We will always be friends."

"You know I love you", Ron said, pulling a lock of Hermione's hair from in front of her hair and tucking it behind her ear. A let over habit from their relationship together.

"I love you too."

Ron threw his arms around Hermione and pinned her tightly to his chest.
"If he hurts you, I'll kick his ass", Ron said, then with a light chuckle he said "... alright, I'll get The Order to kick his ass. I'd probably need back up."

A gentle cough alerted them to Severus' presence at the doorway. Hermione unpeeled herself from Ron and turned to face him.

"Hermione?", Snape said, his voice was a couple of tones higher than his usual drawl, "... I should get going... if you would like to stay, I can meet you back at the castle?"

"I'd like to come with you?"

Snape nodded, and gave almost a little bow.

"Goodnight, Mr. Weasley", Snape said with a forced smile. "I look forward to seeing you again soon."

She wrapped her small hand into Severus' larger, open one, dropped her fingers between each of his and held tightly. Hermione said her goodbyes with hugs and kisses to all those present- Severus thanked Harry and Ginny warmly for a 'lovely evening', gave Ron a stiff nod, kissed Tonks on her blushed cheek, shook hands with Remus and then did the same to little Teddy. Severus held Hermione tightly as he apparated them both to Spinner's End- Severus' childhood home, of which he was now the sole occupier. Hermione approached the crooked, grey brick terrace, and took in the sight of it. It was hardly a home from the outside. More like a Dickensian nightmare than a place of refuge. And this had been his family home? This was where he had spent his childhood? The question of Severus Snape was becoming clearer.

If Hermione had thought that the house would be nicer on the inside, she was sorely mistaken. The doorway led directly into what she assumed was the living room. It was neat and clean, but there was hardly a splash of colour in sight; greying wallpaper and dark, almost black, wooden furniture pushed tightly to every wall. There was no sign of life except for the bookshelves that filled three of the four walls. Where a muggle family in the surrounding dwellings might have kept a dining table and chairs, Severus kept a beautiful and monumental black baby grand piano. She looked at it, and then up at Snape. His face was unreadable, as often it was. She remained silent as he led her to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Severus pulled out a corked bottle of red wine and placed it on the counter. He then sought two long stem glasses from the cupboard. Hermione took in her surroundings. The kitchen was small and tightly packed with mason jars filled with spices, herbs and ingredients. It reminded her of the potions stores at the school. This was a potioneer's kitchen, she thought.

When she caught Severus' eye, he grimaced.

"It's not much", he said.

"It's enough."

Hermione took the glass from Snape's outstretched arm and swilled it gently, before putting it to her lips.
"Severus?"

Snape let out a low chuckle.
"Yes, Hermione?"

"Are you okay?"

Severus moved towards her where she stood with her back pressed to the counter. He placed his wine glass with a clink on the surface tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Yes, love, I am more than okay. Why do you ask?"

Hermione dropped her head so that it rested on his chest.
"You seem... different."

Snape pursed his lips.
"And that displeases you?"

"No not at all", Hermione said quickly, "it's just that... you don't seem like yourself, and I worry that you will..."

Hermione trailed off and took another sip of her wine. Snape studied her face, and with a gentle upsurge of his eyebrows, he urged her to continue.
"You're not a people person, Severus, but you're trying, I think... and I appreciate it, but I don't know... how long you..."

"You don't know how long I'll be able to keep up the act?" he guessed

Hermione nodded solemnly.
"That's fair. I've certainly given you every reason to believe that I am incapable of being polite or mild-mannered. I am, simply put, a monster-"
"No, Severus, I don't mean-"

Snape placed his hand to Hermione's lips and quietened her

"If I could finish?"

"Yes, sorry, go on."

"I have, all my adult life, been rude and sour and at times, cruel. I am not proud of it. I wish that I could say that I am a changed man, but I do not believe it to be so simple. I am not so changed. When I saw you with Weasley, his arms wrapped around you, I wanted to rip his red head off his scrawny shoulders. I have never had deeper bite marks on my tongue. However, when I have found myself irritated of late, I have taken a deep breath and counted to five. I had to count to fifteen when I saw you with him so that I could approach you properly. Because you see, although I am still jealous and selfish, I am trying to do better. I want to be the kind of man that deserves you. If I was a good man, I would have been kind, simply because it is right. Alas, I am not a good man. It took being with you to realise that there is more to life than misery and it took losing you to realise that if I do not at least try to be a better man then I will never know anything but misery. I know I can't keep acting like an abominable prick all the time. I never want to be that man again. That man does not deserve you."

Hermione snatched Snape's hands tightly in hers.
"I understand what you're saying and I'm happy that you want to let a little more joy in your life, but Severus... I like who you are. When we spoke before... I never meant that you needed to change; I only meant that our relationship had to change. It wasn't healthy... it wasn't good for either of us."

"I know Hermione, but I would continue to disappoint you. Our relationship was the way that it was because I was the way that I am. I won't do it to you anymore. I believe that you want a real relationship... a committed one... am I correct?"

"Yes", Hermione said, and her voice cracked.
Snape nodded.

"Then to offer you that, I need to be worthy of it. As of right now, I don't believe that I am. I want to give you the world, Hermione. I want to give you everything that you deserve, but right now, all I can offer is broken shards of a man."

"I know you're trying. That's good enough."

"No, Hermione. It isn't".

Hermione nodded, and bit her tongue.

She wanted to stop him; to tell him that everything was okay, that he could save himself the bother of explaining. She knew him, didn't she? And still she had come back to him. However, one glance at the sad look on his severe face and she knew that this needed to be said, and she probably needed to hear it. Snape's head sagged as he readied himself to continue.

"That morning in your room, when I was in your thoughts; when I understood how I had made you feel, I wanted... not to put too fine a point on it... but I wanted to die. I don't know if I could forgive myself if I hurt you again like that. Do you know why I did it? Why I couldn't bring myself to break the connection when I'd made it? Because I saw how you felt about me. I saw that beautiful, desperate pink smoke and I needed to see it again. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't understand that you could feel so fondly for me. I was so miserable, and lonely, and pathetic and fucking greedy, that I had to see it again and so I didn't break the connection, even though I knew that I should. Have you ever heard anything so selfish? Isn't it just deplorable?"

Hermione placed her hand, sweetly, on Snape's cheek.
"Severus, don't-"

"Is it not? Is it not disgusting?"

"Perhaps. It's selfish, no doubt. But you are not the only selfish creature in this room. I too am greedy. I listen to you, I have heard you; I know who you are, yet I don't care. I want you anyway. I want more than you are willing to give. I want to be with you. Every bone in my body vibrates with longing every time we are apart; even if you just step out of the room, I miss you. All I have wanted is for you to place my needs on the same level as your own. That was it; the beginning and end of all our problems."

"I fear that is hardly the end of our problems, Hermione. I am still contemptible at my core. I am fighting it, and I will continue to do so, but I am still the same man."

"Fine", she snapped, "but I can't be apart from you now. Not just because of who you are but because of how you make me feel. That's selfish. Love always is."

"Is it?"

"Don't you think?"

She had cracked the door ajar for him, hoping that he might say that he loved her. He didn't answer. Instead, he pulled her head into his chest and kissed her hair. She kicked the door open this time.

"I love you."

There was a question mark in her voice. She could hear it; she assumed that he could too. Severus looked at her then.

"Thank you", he said. "To think that someone like you would love a man like me? It blows my mind. I have done nothing in my miserable life to deserve something so incredibly precious. I am so in awe of you and your ability to see past my shortcomings. I am not a good man; I am not a hero and you know that, don't you? And you love me still. I almost can't believe it."

Hermione stroked her thumbs across the small of his back.
"But you do believe it?" she asked.

"Yes, Hermione. I do."

"And you will let me stay with you tonight?"

It was hardly a question, and Severus knew it.

"Yes."

"Then that is enough."