Chapter 16

Hiro stayed in bed while his friends crowded around him. Overjoyed by his presence, the Host Club reverted back to the way that Hiro had always remembered them. Tamaki and the Twins, arguing over something that Haruhi had said over text while she was in Boston, Kyouya reminding him of the ridiculous hospital bill that had to be paid, and of course, Honey peering over to ask if Hiro was well enough for the sweets he brought over.

It felt odd having to observe, and not being a part of the chaos. Hiro was never quite in this position before. Honey was the first to leave, citing that it was his afternoon nap time. The Twins bid their farewell to the musician because of a fashion runway they had to be a part of, dragging Tamaki along just for the fun of it. Which only left Kyouya and Mori, both of whom were the quietest of the bunch. The Ootori slipped away to patrol the hospital, and Mori was the only one.

"You didn't leave with Honey?" Hiro asked. In fact, Mori had been so quiet during the visit that Hiro hadn't even noticed him.

"He's fine," Mori explained, cutting off the last 3 words of the sentence. He's fine on his own was what he meant. "I came late," the gentle giant added.

Hiro wondered how much he had missed. Since when were the cousins ever apart? What happened? Was there a riff of some sort that he hadn't known about? Hiro stopped to think for a bit and concluded that the cousins would never fight. It was impossible. Honey was the most forgiving person Hiro knew, despite being a monster when he was sleep deprived. Mori on the other hand, was incredibly patient. He was gentle. He always had that aura. Even if the two hosts were never quite that close.

"How are you?" Mori cleared his throat.
"I've been better," Hiro smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
The giant nodded in response. He was never quite the conversationalist.

"So… how've you been, Mori?"
"Fine," he answered.

Hiro couldn't move his neck, so he averted his eyes towards Mori who stood quietly by the bedside. His eyebrows raised when he noticed Hiro looking at him – as if he was caught doing something wrong. The musician knew he wasn't the most intelligent person. He couldn't write an essay of the utmost quality nor could he remember what historical figure did what. Never was he ever book smart, but Hiro could've sworn that his intuition was always on point.

"What have you been up to lately?" Hiro casually asked, ignoring the look he had just seen on Mori's face.
"Essays," Mori answered. "Graduate applications."
"Oh." He wasn't sure what he was quite expecting.

The two let the silence sit for a while as Hiro watched Mori closely. The gentle giant had his mind elsewhere. The same kind of feeling he got when Hana was around. It was like déjà vu. And so, Hiro asked the same question he had asked his sister.

"Who are you thinking about?"

Mori raised an eyebrow. What do you mean? Hiro assumed that he was speaking his own silent language.

"You just seem… somewhere else. Who are you thinking about?"
"No one," Mori lied.

Hiro found that interesting. "You know, Hana said the same thing when I asked her that. You two are awful liars."

Like a deer caught in the headlights, Mori froze in his place and wondered if Hiro knew. It wasn't even a big deal, right? A kiss on the cheek. It was quick and chaste, the most innocent kiss. A kind that showed gratitude, but nothing more. If only his heart could think of it as nothing more. His heartbeat still skipped when he thought of it. It must have been at least an hour ago by now. But the memory was still fresh.

The feeling of her lips grazing by his cheek, leaving a slight residue in the hue of pink. He almost didn't want to rub it off until she laughed and apologized for it. Her swift cold fingers were quick in wiping it away, telling him to go and visit Hiro. She wished him luck in his graduate studies. She whispered that she hoped their paths would cross again, somehow, someday, if ever.

"So who is it?" Hiro snapped Mori out of his thoughts.

The giant stayed silent.

"You're like Hana, you know? She's slyer about hiding things than you are, of course. But she thinks she can get away with it."

Mori relaxed for a bit. Perhaps Hiro didn't know about the kiss after all. Why was he even afraid of the brother? The giant tried brushing the feelings away.

"I worry about her," Hiro continued. "Hana takes on a lot of pressure and… it always feels like she never had the chance to be happy. It's my fault, really. I'll always be indebted to her."

Mori nodded, listening to the brother speak. Hiro could see why the club was friends with Mori. He may not contribute much, but his presence was always calming in contrast to the chaos. Mori and Kyouya balanced what shenanigans the rest were always up to. Mori was a valued member, lending an ear whenever needed. Without any judgement.

"Do you think she'll ever be happy? I mean, genuinely."

Mori could only shrug. He was no fortune teller. Nowhere near an omniscient figure.

"What about you, Mori? Are you happy?" Hiro tried to keep Mori in the conversation. It wasn't fair to be the only one speaking after all.

He didn't answer. Hiro couldn't force an answer out of Mori, anyway.

"Do you think happiness is worth chasing for?"

"Happiness is chasing for the dream," Mori loosely quoted Hana. He thought of her when posed with concept of happiness. He wondered why that was. It was so odd how his brain thought of her, first and foremost of all the things that he could have associated happiness to.

"That sounds like something Hana would say," Hiro chuckled. He was truly her brother. "She used to be so optimistic, you know? The past few years have really wore her down."
"Or she grew up," Mori added.
Hiro nodded. "You're right. My sister grew up, and I wasn't even there to see it. In a blink of an eye, she was suddenly shouldering all the burdens. What kind of dream do you think she has?"

Mori never quite thought about that. What kind of dream did she have?

"Explore the world, maybe," he guessed. Hana had always been a free spirit, wanting to explore, to go on adventures. She was fearless in that sense.

"Hm, I don't think so. I always thought her dream was to be purposeful, in some way or another. Like, doing charity or whatever, you know? I wonder where that part of her went… now she's always the person to tell others to chase their happiness, without thinking twice about even considering to take her own advice."

The gentle giant nodded in agreement. That was very much like her.

"So what about you? What would you chase for?"

Mori shrugged. He didn't know. He never thought about that.

"For me, it's music. The perfect harmonies, the way melodies intermingle but still stay independent. How everything works in the ultimate synergy. I love that. I love creating music, any kind. All kinds."

His friend nodded in understanding. He respected Hiro's love for music. It was what made him interesting, seeing him work at his own passion. Seeing others happy certainly made it easier, and Mori understood why Hana told him that seeing Hiro happy would make things alright.

Hiro watched Mori closely, letting his words sink into his mind, processing what had been said. He was such an interesting character, Hiro regretted not getting to know him more during their time in high school. Now it was years ago, and Hiro couldn't remember what Mori was like. Only that he had changed, and quite significantly so.

Of course, the man was still quiet as ever. He seemed to be lonesome. No, independent, Hiro corrected. Mori grew to be more independent. He seemed wiser. He still had an aura of mystery, waiting to be unlocked. Mori was someone you would confide in, no matter what – and with his loyalty, Hiro was sure that Mori would not let his friends, or anyone down.

"She stopped fighting," Mori interrupted Hiro's thoughts.
"Hm?" Hiro was confused. The comment seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Hana stopped fighting," he clarified. "Against... life," Mori tried to be more specific. But he wasn't quite there yet. He was still trying to fully comprehend her, but it wasn't easy without her being with him. Like finding scraps of paper in the midst of putting together a book, Mori could only do so much with what he had.

"Huh?"

"She stopped chasing for her dreams," Mori tried to put it in the right context. "Because she has none." Hana had nothing to chase for in the first place. Under the false pretense structured by society, Hana set off on her own to find something to chase for. Only to find that there was nothing in particular to chase for in life. The chase was the freedom to choose, to grow and to learn at her own accord. The chase was her freewill of being independent. She was the happiest being free, with no bounds.

"I guess?" Hiro thought about it. He surely missed out on quite a bit of his sister's life. "That's a shame, isn't it? Not having a dream, I mean."

Mori shrugged. He had a feeling that Hana had come to that realization on her own. Dreams, aspirations, passions – they were overrated. Though of course, all of these were respectable to have. But it wasn't for everyone. Both Hana and Mori had lived long enough to realize the struggle to survive from day to day, the realistic notion of being able to even breathe from day to day was enough reason to fuel one's reason to live.

Dreams were for the privileged. The optimistic. The sheltered.

But dreams were also for the ones most curious, the most imaginative, the most creative. It was all a matter of perspective. Mori wondered where he fit in on that spectrum. He thought Hana would have been part of the spectrum for the sheltered, before she had gone off into the world on her own. Now, she was wiser and much more practical. She was mature. She didn't need dreams. Hana created her own opportunities. She took charge.

"She'll be fine," Mori assured.
"Yeah," Hiro murmured. "I hope so."

"How are you?"
"Fine, thanks. And yourself?"

She wasn't fine. Hana politely ordered her lunch and sat on her own indoors in the restaurant.

She was drowning in work that she had no idea how to do. Training sessions were of no particular help during her first few days at this internship. Hana began working at an investment firm – grabbing coffees for employees, running her way to make copies of documents, researching on companies, potential investments – the list never seemed to end.

But anything was better than being back in Japan. Anything.

Her work became a good distraction to the unsettling thoughts at the back of her mind. It was a painful process just finding a job in the first place. Hana was determined to make this experience count – but each day she came home to feeling more fatigued and unmotivated as time went on.

Hana began to become wary of the corporate 9-5 schedule, with bustling colleagues and an intense pace – she soon realized that it wasn't for her. It wasn't so much that she wasn't capable of handling the job – Hana was certainly sure that she could handle whatever was thrown her way; she'd been through enough over the past few years that nothing would faze her. But each day, it felt like something had slowly been chipping away inside of her as she came to work.

And soon, she was at a dead end.

Was this internship worth it? Why did I think this was ever a good idea?

She was stuck. She was lost. It was such a nostalgic feeling. Only this time, she wasn't scared. More irritated and frustrated at herself – because she was meant to have this figured out by now. Wasn't she? She was on her lunch break, contemplating these thoughts that ran through her mind every so often when she had a minute to calm down. The panini on her plate was getting cold but she had no appetite anyway.

Hana spent most of her days alone, sometimes with friends. But they were people of convenience – colleagues who had connections, classmates who worked for decent companies to gain intel, even professors who had taken a liking to Hana for her genuine efforts in class. All of these people were important in their own way – but none of which she would pour her thoughts to.

That was quite alright with her.

She wasn't depressed. It wasn't like she couldn't function physically. She was socially adept, and she was happy being on her own. Hana was the most comfortable on her own. It was a good place – but heavy thoughts always weighed on her chest every so often.

Her phone rang. Hana assumed that it was the firm calling – probably asking for a document or asking for her to end her lunch early for an impromptu meeting.

Hiro is calling.

The sister was surprised and didn't hesitate to pick up the phone.

"Hana! You're on your lunch break right?"

"Uh, yeah – it'll be over in half an hour though," she added. Hiro was well aware of her 9-5 schedule, mostly because it was the same nearly every day. The brother made an effort to call every other week, updating her on his physical therapy sessions and sending her samples of his new music. Hiro was still working on his dexterity, so playing real instruments became difficult. Instead, he began experimenting with new synths and sampled music.

"The Host Club are heading over to Boston in a few weeks to visit Haruhi, you should go down for a bit. Say hi or something."
"You aren't going?"
"I can't get away long enough without another therapy appointment," Hiro explained. "But I'm sure they'll be happy to see you."
"That's nice," Hana thought about vacationing somewhere. But her internship ended at the end of summer and it was barely enough time to go anywhere far. Besides, she had to save money – not spend it. Working in finance and all, Hana became well adept at managing her own finances.

"Is Mori coming along too?"
"Of course," Hiro shrugged. Then paused. "Wait, why?"

Hana thought for a moment. Why did she ask that?

"Do you have like, a crush on him or something?" the big brother cooed. "Hey, he's attractive. Well I mean – the whole club is attractive, but I can see it. Like –"
"—No," Hana grumbled. "I have to go."
"Hey, no! You can't leave your temporarily disabled brother hanging on the phone!"

The sister rolled her eyes and sighed. "You're so dramatic."
"So, Mori eh?" Hiro was grinning.
"Nope, goodbye."
"Look, I'm just saying… he's got the looks. He just… you know, doesn't talk."
"He talks," Hana's mouth had a mind of its own. Why wasn't she filtering herself?

"Wait a minute—he… he talks to you?" Hiro was far from surprised, he was shocked. Since when did the silent type ever talk to his sister? And why wasn't he there for it? When did this ever happen? Hiro had so many questions to ask, he didn't even know where to start.

Hana shook her head. That was enough. She knew exactly the interrogation that was running through his mind. "I have another call on the line. I have to go." Hana hung up. She pushed the thoughts away from her mind and ate the rest of her lunch. Hana had heaps of work to do and no more time to waste.

Mori was due to begin his graduate studies in the autumn. Now that it was the end of summer, the Host Club was led by Tamaki to a trip to Boston. However, Mori had his own plans. He sent Honey off to the airport after the club had ended their time in Boston, and he took a train to upstate New York.

He wanted to go for a hike. A quick one, just for a day. Mori wanted a change of scenery. Nothing special. Quick enough to head back to JFK and then a flight back to Tokyo. A part of him wondered if he would run into her now, given the close proximity.

But the world was vast, and she had an internship in the large city. Mori didn't plan on visiting the city. He lived in Tokyo, after all. He had enough of the bustling city life as it was. His plan was to take the train, and then hike his way through a state park.

It was nearing the end of August. The sun glared in the sky, the searing heat was more than uncomfortable as his backpack weighed on his body. Luckily, Mori found the trail through the deep shade of the Appalachian forest. The birds sung, various insects buzzed by, and he felt at peace with nature. Mori took his sweet time walking through the terrain, listening for the waterfall that was his destination point.

He didn't know why. He was always reminded of her. In each step Mori took, he could easily imagine Hana walking right beside him. He could see her ponytail swaying from side to side, as she pointed out the wildflowers.

He could hear the way she'd take each breath. She'd smile at sights that she'd find gorgeous, like she wanted these moments to last forever. He wanted to hike with her. But of course, he couldn't. Hana was out of reach. She was busy. She had a life to live.

A life much different from his. A kind of path that wasn't meant to cross with his own, simple way of life. He wouldn't ever be up to the same par as she was. Mori knew that. For some reason, that fact weighed heavily on his shoulders. How could he ever compare to a soon-to-be Stern graduate? A woman who is likely working on Wall Street right as he was taking another step in the dirt? She had a great future.

His was nothing but a simple one. One that was just satisfactory to many. But it was enough for him. Mori was alright with it – he didn't live for anyone else but himself, after all.

Mori's peripheral vision caught onto another hiker. They were a few hundred metres ahead, and suddenly they had disappeared. The figure distracted him from his thoughts, and suddenly – they were gone.

Mori wondered if he had been imagining things. He took another sip of water to keep himself hydrated and pushed on.

Hana's internship ended by the end of August. She made a spontaneous decision during her few days of rest. But she had missed the quiet, peaceful nature outside of the crazy city. Hana took a train to Upstate New York for a quick getaway at a state park. She planned her route the night prior and by 6 AM, she was off to the wilderness.

It was fun – despite being alone. But Hana wasn't afraid of the wilderness. She had heavier things weighing on her mind, heavier things that were much scarier than the thought of getting lost in the dense forest.

But she needed a getaway. A quick one. In and out. Hana set her pace quickly, refusing to stop. Only to sip water, and on this hot day – it turned out that she was taking more breaks than usual. But nonetheless, she was determined to reach that waterfall.

There was something very exciting about hiking for Hana. The thought of knowing that there was a reward after a rough trail or the long hours was very satisfying. The journey was the best part, finding the small things in the forest, or on the trail that caught her eye. Things seemed simpler. Life seemed nicer. Everything fell into place when she escaped from reality, even just for a small period of time.

But a part of her longed to have her hiking partner back. So she could point out the butterflies that danced under the sun, or to share the love for finding that one spot of a gorgeous view. Hana thought of Mori in the strangest of ways.

Afternoon coffee in a quaint café. Disorganized books that laid lazily on a shelf. The coziness of hot chocolate on a particularly windy day. Coming home to blankets and the quiet tapping of rain on the pane of her window. Her mind often wandered and suddenly, she was reminded of him in more ways than one.

Hana brushed these thoughts off most of the time. Smiling at the thought of him, but quickly reverting back to her original task. Did she long for his presence? At times. Except, Hana was well-aware of his life in Tokyo, as he would pursue his graduate studies this autumn. He had things to do. She had things to do, as well. They were leading different lives, like two paths slowly diverging.

Hana stopped at the trail that diverged into two pathways. One led to the waterfall, the other led towards a scenic view over a cliff.

She contemplated the idea of swaying from her original plan. Though her mind couldn't quite understand why a pang of sadness hit when she thought of her future diverging from Takashi's. It was an inevitable fact. It was to be accepted, regardless of what she wanted.

But what did she want?

She had his friendship – occasionally, of course. Hana knew she had no right to call him her friend when she personally hadn't been the most committed to maintaining the relationship. Hana often chalked it up to being busy, which she often was – but it was an excuse.

It was an awkward thing. She wanted to talk to him – but she didn't know how. What was there to say? What common ground do they have? He wasn't the easiest to communicate with, either. Yet regardless, she was drawn to him. Continuously drawn to the tall giant who never failed to show at her lowest points in life. In all honesty, Hana was indebted to him with no way of knowing how to repay the favour.

She felt guilty. Hana knew she was in no position to rely on him. Besides, Takashi likely found her to be burdensome with all her issues that she carried with her, no matter where she went. At the end of the day, Hana was most comfortable by herself. Without burdening others, without needing to explain her thoughts to those who would not understand.

Hana continued on with the trail wondering how Takashi would have thought of her now. Had she changed? Was she any different? Had she grown? It was a period of self-reflection as she continued against the upward incline. Her calves began to ache, but Hana pushed on. Her mind was off somewhere else, refusing to think of the soreness of her muscles.

It was then that she realized she hadn't felt so alive in months. The feeling of the slight breeze in her hair, the grazing of the wild bushes through her hand. It was nice to feel something in this quaint environment. Even the feeling of her calves aching over the terrain, even the beads of sweat that rolled down the side of her face. Hana wiped it away and took another sip of water.

It felt like she was home. It felt like he was around. The silence reminded her of him, once again. Hana couldn't pinpoint why her mind always wandered to him, ending up at the same place. Over and over again, Hana couldn't even find these thoughts of him annoying. They were pleasant reminders of someone who was important in her life. A comforting feeling. A feeling that gave her a sense of peace in the midst of the thousand thoughts running through her mind.

He noticed a fork in the road. The path split to two options: waterfall, or cliff? Mori wondered if it would've been wise to stray from the path. He noticed the print of shoes in the dirt and wondered how far off he was from another hiker. He looked up at the sun.

It felt like she was there. Right at that moment, like she must have been close by. A gut feeling. As if fate had a part in bringing them together, no matter what. Mori shook his head. The heat had gotten him to become disillusioned. He was halfway across the world and his heart tugged at the back of his brain, reminding him of her in the smallest of ways.

Mori finally understood why Hiro had asked him who he was thinking of. It took him months to realize that his brain wandered to her on those off days when he wasn't busy teaching or writing. On those days where he would let his body rest from working out. He thought of her when he felt the sun on his skin, he thought of her when her song came up on his iPod as he ran. She seeped into his daily life, and he had gotten to the point where it was normal.

And he wouldn't have dared to want anything more from her than their occasional conversations, the rare occasions where their orbits aligned so he could see her. Takashi had her ingrained in his mind as someone untouchable, she was much too great for him to even dare disturb her. She was the sun. He was the sea.

Mori decided to push forward after he had hydrated himself.

A/N: In before all my midterms begin. This is all I've got so far. Nothing else has been written. Not much has been planned. So this is it for quite some time (as I go down under with my labs, midterms, and finals). I know these two move at a glacial pace (romantically, and even to a platonic degree). This chapter was more geared towards chasing for one's dream vs fulfilling the society's pragmatic cookie-cutter standards. It's tough to write these two in a (somewhat) realistic sense. But my brain isn't focused on writing and I'm afraid I can't produce quality work until I can settle down again. Regardless, I'd love to hear your thoughts. They keep me motivated and I appreciate everyone who has kept up with this pairing. As always, thank you for reading and of course, waiting.

P.S. Will these two meet in the next chapter? I'm curious to what you all think.