Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Also yes this is yet another generic Harry goes back in time and is more carefree etc or whatever, take it or leave it :)
Warning: Swearing (probably every chapter so if its not your thing, you know what to do)
Harry woke up to someone banging on a door. Apparently there is no peace in death after all.
"What?" He grumbled,
"Go make us breakfast." A shrill voice sounded,
"Fuck off." Harry replied angrily, you'd have thought for sacrificing his life to save the world from an evil dork, sorry, dark lord that he would have gone to heaven. But no, he's stuck in hell, with the Dursleys. Typical.
"Excuse me boy, get up! Get up right now!" Petunia shrieked, and it was at that moment Harry realised where exactly he was, in his ten year old body, in a cupboard with a spider getting dangerously close to his face. Quickly getting out of the way of the eight legged arachnid Harry opened his cupboard door, after scrambling around on a shelf for his glasses,
"Chill out woman." Harry said, realising in retrospect that that was probably not the best thing to say to his already enraged aunt.
"Go, kitchen, now. Vernon and I will be speaking with you later." Harry went to the kitchen, knowing that by "speaking" she meant beating. He quickly fried up some food before serving himself a plate, he was already in trouble right? May as well eat before he got beat. Vernon growled at him as he walked in, attempting to snatch the plate away from Harry who looked innocently up at Vernon as he moved the plate away. Vernon cuffed Harry over the head and walked over to serve himself large amounts. Soon Dudley and Petunia had joined them and were all sitting round the table, then they heard the shuffling of mail through the letter box.
"Well boy, are you not going to get it?" Vernon asked Harry,
"Get Dudley too, I'm busy," Harry replied loading up his plate, however after a whack from something Harry begrudgingly went to get the letters. There it was, just the same as around eight years ago was a letter. From Hogwarts.
"Hurry up boy!" Vernon demanded growing impatient, Harry brought the letters through to the kitchen and laid them on the table, opening his and briefly reading what he could, most of it being the exact same as every other year.
"Harry's got a letter!" Dudley shouted, "Who would want to send a letter to you freak?" He asked,
"Um everyone... I'm awesome." Harry replied ignoring Vernon growing red and Petunia becoming as pale as a ghost.
"Give that to me boy!" Vernon said grabbing the letter from Harry, trying to prevent him from reading it.
"Why, it's just a letter, it's not as if I don't know what it says and all."
"What?" Petunia gasped, "You know that you're a freak."
"No. I know that I am awesome. Awesome now being another word for wizard." Harry responded causing Petunia to need to find a seat. "Look I don't know about you guys, but I've been here, I've had this conversation, I've lived my life, so I don't really care about any of you." Vernon was now reaching a shade of purple which Harry had only seen once before, when Hagrid had give Dudley a tail. "So, you guys are going to give me some money, and then I will leave, forever. Deal?" Harry asked.
"How much money do we have to pay for you to go away for good?"
"One thousand pounds." Harry answered causing Vernon's eyes to open wide. "If you think about it, it is not that much. You don't have to buy me any more food, clothes, and you don't have to waste time trying to act like you like me around our neighbours, I'm saving you money really." Vernon slowly nodded, desperate to get the 'freak' out of his house. By the next day he had the cash, and sent Harry on his way, laughing as Harry stood on the streets with no means of transport. "Bye uncle." Harry waved, and walked to the nearest bus station.
He'd already planned his route, it was pretty simple, Diagon Alley, get money from Goblins, rent a room at the Leaky Cauldron, then go to Hogwarts, and not die this time. This was his second chance, to live up to his destiny, to be what he was supposed to be. A marauder.