Evaluation

June 2017

New York

I need to talk to you. Can you call me when you're free?

Feeling a bit surprised by the message, Logan immediately texted back, I'm free now.

Ok, I'll Facetime you. A minute later the face of Odette appeared on his Ipad.

"Hey, how are you?" Logan greeted confused yet brightly.

"Surprise to hear from me?" Odette asked.

"Seeing that you're getting married in two days? Yes. What's going on? Are you ok?"

"Logan, why did you ask me to marry you?"

"What?"

"You know what? Bad question. Better, what were you thinking when you asked me to marry you?"

"I don't know how to answer that. What exactly do you want to know?"

"Did you do it because you thought you were in love with me? Did you see us growing old together? Did you succumb to pressure? Were you afraid to be alone? What was it?"

Logan propped his Ipad on the dining room table and sat down. He took a deep breath not knowing how to respond.

"I don't know. Everything you said and more in various degrees?" Logan responded, "Why are you wondering about this now? What happened?"

Odette sighed in frustration, putting her head in her hands. After a moment she sat up and looked at Logan.

"Things have been happening the past month that had me thinking about you, me, Benoit, and marriage. It was driving me mad. I realized that you were the only one that could help me work through this."

"Ok. So tell me, what's going on?"

"At the beginning of May, Benoit and I had plans to spend the day with his family to celebrate his niece's 5th birthday. Benoit comes from a family of six children and they very close not only to each other but also their parents. Anyway, we were set to go, but then something came up at work. In retrospect, it was relatively minor, something that could have been handled by someone else or could have waited, but I felt the need to address it anyway so I told Benoit that to go ahead without me and that I would catch up as soon as I was able and that's when the fight started."

"Fight?"

"Yes, the biggest one of our relationship thus far. It was a full-on argument. He accused me of not putting us, our relationship, and family first. "

"And how did you respond?"

"Well, I was flabbergasted. After all, I had been through in my life, he and family were my number one priority, and I told him as much. Then he proceeded to point out that this was not the first time me not attending to family happened. He reported about a dozen or so occasions where I either did not show up, or was very late, or was there but not present because I was on my phone. Some of them could genuinely not be helped, some of them involved my father and the wife so that somewhat understandable, but most of them? Most of them Logan could have been avoided. It was all me making other matters a priority."

"Ok, so now that you realize this, make a change. This is easily fixable."

"Is it?"

"Yes, you are self-aware enough to know when you need to make adjustments."

"Am I?"

"Odette?" Logan said, a bit impatient, "What else is going on?"

"After that incident, yes, I resolved to be more aware of my priorities. Benoit and I talked it through, I apologized, he apologized and things went back to normal. And then about two weeks ago the questions started happening."

"Questions?"

"Yes, from my father, Jeanne- Marie, my friends, Moritz, all asking in various way, 'Are you sure you want to get married?' I think Jeanne-Marie was the worst, 'What makes you think that you can make this relationship work when you had way more in common with Logan.' I think that sent me on this anxiety attack."

"Yes, but Jeanne-Marie is crazy. She was more concerned about how our marriage would up her social status than if we were happy. Look at that crazy wedding she and my mother were planning. You should not concern yourself with the opinions of a crazy person."

Odette was quiet.

"Oh, but you are." Logan continued, "Odette are you having doubts about getting married?"

"Yes, that's why I needed to talk to you."

"Ok"

" I was thinking about us, back before we got engaged. We got along well no? We had fun, we were happy. Why was that not enough? I had never been in a serious relationship before, so I thought you were it. But then I met Benoit, and it was totally different. I had this feeling, that I was...home."

"I know the feeling."

"You do?"

"Yes, I had experienced it before, with Rory."

"And not with me?"

"No," Logan said apologetically, "I'm sorry."

"Then why did you ask me to marry you?"

"You were the first woman I connected with in a very long time. Yes, our relationship lacked a certain feeling, but I thought that feeling was Rory specific, that is, she was my first real relationship and I thought that that was first relationships felt like. I was happy with you Odette, please don't think that me asking you to marry me was in anyway insincere. I really thought you are I were it, I really believed that until...well...the universe showed me we weren't." Ugh, that sounded lame, Logan thought.

Odette went quiet.

"What are you thinking?" Logan asked.

"Yes, I can say that I felt the same way. I thought you were the one for me...until you weren't. Have you ever thought about what would have happened if Benoit and Rory had not come into our lives? If we had actually gotten married? What do you think would have happened?"

"What do you think would have happened?"

"Now that I am talking to you, I think we would not have lasted."

"You needed to talk to me to come to that conclusion?"

"Yes. You see, when Benoit and I got into that fight, I was initially offended. I thought, how dare he think that he and family were not a priority. I made a promise to myself, to not repeat the mistakes of my parents and I thought I was doing well. But then, Benoit started pointing out specific times that I did not live up to my word. It was a long list, Logan. I thought I was living up to my expectations, but I was failing miserably. It is only now I realized why. I was acting on what I learned from my relationship with you. While we always said we would but each other first, the reality was we didn't. How many dates were rescheduled? Dinner did we miss? Holiday plans scrapped? Do you remember why we chose New Zealand for our honeymoon? Because we kept putting it off that trip."

"Yes, I know. If it makes you feel any better, I had a similar epiphany a few weeks ago during a rather intense discussion with my mother."

"Really?"

"Yes. She believed that you were better suited for me because you are 'one of us'. When she said that it occurred to me that we were not right for each other for that reason. Being together was a bit too easy, that is, because of who we were and what we were used to, there was no challenge. There was no "other side" to challenge our instinctive behavior. Of course we let each other put work and other obligations first an foremost, we are conditioned to do that."

"So, what do you think would have happened to us if we did get married?"

"I think it would have started out great but we would have lost steam along the way. At worst we would have ended up hating each other, best we would have stayed together out of convenience or fear and lived separate lives, but still pleasant."

"Basically we would have become our parents all over again."

"Well, I hope that we would have treated the children better."

"Can I do this Logan?"

"Do what?"

"Get married to someone so different from me and make it work? That's what got to me about that conversation with Jeanne-Marie. She got it in my head that I would be incapable of maintaining a marriage with someone so different from me."

"Hey, Jeanne-Marie does not know YOU. She only sees you as a means to an end. Do not listen to her. You are a wonderful human being Odette, capable of so much. In your heart you know that Benoit is right for you. So marry him, be happy, and screw the rest."

Odette smiled at Logan.

"I'm glad I called you. Thank you, I feel better."

"I'm happy to be of service," Logan replied with a smile.

"How about you Logan, how are you progressing. How is Rory?"

"She's good. She is ready to have the baby like yesterday. Actually, I am packing right now. I am moving in with her for the next couple of months."

"Oh really?" Odette exclaimed curiously.

"Yes, but for practicality sake, nothing more."

"And you are disappointed by this?"

"Yes, but things are progressing, albeit slowly. I am optimistic that we can work things out."

"Well, I hope that it does." Odette started to giggle

"What?" Logan asked

"I just find it funny that I am seeking relationship advice from my ex-fiancee who I cheated on. Life is so funny."

"Well like I said before, we will always be friends."

"I'm glad for that Logan. I really am."

"Me too Odette. Me too."