Of Wyverns and Brands

Chapter 9

At some point in my sobbing fit, I must have fallen asleep. I come to feeling completely drained and empty. But at least I feel a bit more emotionally stable.

I stare at my cramped, dark enclosure for a minute before remembering that I was, in fact, covered by Midnight. I had just tried to hide against her side without thinking last night, but now that I'm more or less in my right mind, I find it amazing that she would shield me like this. It also feels as if we're a little closer now. From the slow rising of her chest, I'm guessing she's still asleep.

Not yet ready to leave her side, I stay curled up and simply ask myself, what now? The battle for Crimea's capital was over. A few pockets of resistance would rise everywhere, but the war was pretty much over. The real question would be if General Shiharam would let me leave now. After all, Daein's attack no longer needed to be kept under wraps, and I had fought as requested. Just let me collect my pay and leave. Well, I would leave without even collecting whatever was due me, except for the fact that I would need enough to last me until I found the mercenaries.

Why am I even trying to find them still, anyway? I mean, if I join them, it will just be constant battles and another war. I'm sure I could find some work elsewhere. But if I did that, what was the point in anything? Why am I even here?

Pointless question after answerless question ran through my head as I sat there. After letting my mind wonder a bit, I finally reign it back in. I need to start planning. Whether there's meaning or not, the only thing I know to do at the moment is meet up with the mercenaries, so I need to head to Port Toha. I know I'll have to wait a while until they finally reach the port, but it's the only spot that I know for sure where to meet up with them.

As for options, I could leave and go there, or wait with Jill and them and end up there as they try to leave town. Maybe even join Jill as she follows them across half of Goldoa. Yeah right. Leave the army it is.

My next step settled, my mind begins to stray to the battle yesterday. Not including the several that Midnight slaughtered, I killed at least two, maybe three men last night, and none of them in outright combat. I only even looked one of them in the face. I can still recall his face, too. How he looked eyes with me. The spark of panic, the quick change to determination, then the sudden lack of any expression at all. I killed him. I don't know if I'm still numb to it all, or just too bone tired to care about anything at the moment, but right now, it's not bothering me too much. I'm not even bothered by the fact that it's not really bothering me.

Looking down at myself, I see that I'm a mess of tears, snot, and blood. While I think I remember Daren saying that blood washes off wyvern armor, my white pants are definitely ruined. They're so covered, one couldn't tell if they were white with red splatters, or red with white splatters. My hands are covered as well, and I'm pretty sure I didn't clean my sword either. I'm a bloody mess. Literally. And the fact that I'm able to have such morbid thoughts right now means I've probably broke something somewhere inside.

Knowing that I'll have to face the world again soon, I try to wipe off as much snot as I can and try to lift Midnight's wing. She repositions herself as she instinctively retracts her wing, still asleep. She actually looks rather savage herself, with blood covering her all over.

Looking around, I notice that the sun is already high in the sky and people are already moving about the camp. The camp is significantly smaller now, with just the wyvern section left. The rest of the army must be occupying the capital right now.

I head to a wash basin first thing and scrub the caked blood off of my hand and face. The cold water is quite refreshing, though I realize too late that someone won't be happy that blood is now mixed in it. Without a change of clothes, they'll have to wait till later.

I'm just finishing cleaning my sword when Daren suddenly rushes up to me. "You're finally up. I was worried about you, but Midnight wouldn't let me get close to you yesterday. How are you?"

I knew the question would come, probably from each of the Black Platoon, too, but actually being asked that felt suddenly very irritating.

"I don't want to talk about it," I snap, my voice sounding very hoarse at the moment.

Hoarse or not, it still catches Daren by surprise. It's the first time Daren's ever seen me snap at someone, especially him. And usually I don't. It usually only happens when I'm either really tired or really annoyed, which I feel like both at the moment. Okay, so maybe I'm not emotionally stable just yet.

"Well…how about some food?" Daren asks.

Food I could do. I feel like I am completely on empty at the moment. I nod, sheathing my sword back on my side.

As I walk with Daren to the mess tent, I notice that everything felt just a bit different. From the people to the tents to even Daren, everything felt…off somehow. And yet, despite this strange feeling, I couldn't seem to work up the energy to care much.

Nothing really matters anymore. Isn't that, like, a tell-tale thought of depression? Okay, I'm not about to go and become some kind of depressed idiot out of nowhere. I need energy, and I need it now!

Trying to get myself to start thinking more positively once more, I grab the now usual marching rations and find a spot to sit down and eat. Daren joins me and the first half of the meal is in silence. The food is tasteless and bland, and the exact same thing I've had now for a few weeks, but it did wonders for my stomach this time.

Feeling a little better, I decide to start talking. "So what's the news?"

Daren gives me a searching look before finally cracking a small smile. "Well, we won the battle of course. Melior is now in Daein's control. We've sent missives to the other forts in Crimea to call for their surrender. Apparently, both Crimea's King and his heir are dead, effectively ending the royal line of Crimea altogether. So, the war is pretty much won.

"There's word that an army is being formed to the west, but a large contingent of troops is already on their way to end it if so. There's not much to do for us riders, really. We'll probably be heading home once things settle down fully in the capital in a few days." So I was right.

"What about Black Platoon itself? How are you guys faring?"

Daren's small smile disappears. "We lost both Catherine and Phillip yesterday, both of them excellent riders. We've already collected their bodies and their wyverns. The General plans to give all the fallen riders a proper burial back at Talrega."

Finishing up the meal, I stand up quickly. "So, what do we do now?"

"Honestly, nothing right now. Unless you want to spar," Daren says with a grin.

"I'll pass today," I reply, still sore from the battle.

"Thought you would say that," Daren says, chuckling. "Besides, the healers are all busy with actual battle wounds right now. I don't know if you would survive it."

"You better watch it. I have actual experience now," I shoot back with a forced laugh. I inwardly wince, though. Not the best comeback to use right now.

"You're right. This time you might even start crying." Having given me his final blow, Daren walks off with a wave.

Waving back, I head back to Midnight, who is now awake and eating from an abandoned pail of meat. The fake smile I had plastered on my face disappears as I sit down against Midnight with a sigh. She growls a bit at the disturbance of her meal, but keeps eating.

With a little bit of food in my stomach and trying to have a lighthearted chat with Daren, I felt a bit better, but it was still as though I was in the dumps. Maybe it was because I had crossed barriers that were never meant to be crossed. Whatever the reason, I would just have to try and work past this phase.

For the next half hour, I rubbed down an annoyed Midnight, cleaning off all of the dried blood. It would have been so much simpler to have gone to the stream, but Midnight decided that she wanted to stay put.

A few minutes after I finish cleaning Midnight, Jill approachs. "The General has summoned you."

With a nod of assent, I start to follow her back toward the center of camp. As we walk, it feels as though she wants to say something, but can't. So I decide to start to conversation for her. "Well…I didn't die."

Jill simply nods. After a few more steps, however, she stops and looks at me. For a moment, I am sure I see a look of nervousness and confusion on her face, as though she felt lost. She even looks away and avoids eye contact after that initial moment, something she's never done before. But then she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and the expression is covered up by her usual demeanor as she turns and continues walking.

After another minute, I start to realize what she wanted. This was her first battle as well. What was she facing right now? How was she feeling after taking a life? How was she taking it? Maybe that's what she had just tried to talk about.

But, I don't have any answers right now. I can't even explain how I'm feeling. I'm about as lost as you are, Jill. Sorry.

We finally reach the General's tent, distinguished from the others tents only by being a bit large and having a small banner on top.

Jill motions for me to go on in. As I pass by her, she quietly says, "You fought well."

I nod in response before heading inside the tent. Besides a table and a few chairs, the inside of this tent seems no different from the rest. I'm surprised to see Daren here standing at the table with General Shiharam.

The General waves me on over as he begins to speak. "I heard about it from Commander Haar and Private Daren. You fought in the battle. You followed, you killed, you broke down, but you did your duty and fought. Nothing more can be asked of a soldier. You did well."

Normally I am a sucker for praise from any of my superiors. Like, it's normally really easy for a teacher to make my day with just a few words. But right now, I don't really feel that great from his compliment. Rather, it makes me a little sick. So instead, I just nod.

"With the capital won, the war is pretty much over. Soon we'll be returning to Talrega, and soon, you'll be released from service in Daein's army."

Wait…soon?

Before I can speak up, General Shiharam continues. "We have a few more small tasks to wrap up, and we're finished. In fact, I have a task for you and Daren to do right now. Your final one. After this, we'll give you your pay for your time in service, and you'll be free to do whatever you like."

I inwardly sigh, but relent, as I didn't feel like arguing that much right now.

"General Petrine wishes for a few men to be sent after a small group of troops that had rushed headlong after some Crimea soldiers. You're to follow after them and report back if they've been killed or order them to return if they're alive. That is all."

Okay, that was surprisingly simple. And now I remember Petrine's name, though I'm sure I'll forget it again.

Daren salutes him and replies, "Yes, sir. We will follow after them immediately."

I'm already ready to go, but a thought suddenly strikes me. "What about Midnight?"

The General seems to take my meaning as he answers, "Midnight is a valuable asset to our platoons. As you probably noticed in the battle yesterday, she's one of the best trained mounts we have.

"However, I also believe she's been through enough. You're the first person she's opened up to since her last rider, so as long as you recognize the difficulty in keeping a wyvern, she'll be free to go with you.

"And should you wish, you'll even be free to join our riders after this is all over. This isn't an opportunity that comes often or offered lightly, so you should take some time to think on it. You are both dismissed."

Outside the tent, Daren gives me a big grin and slaps my back. "So the rookie is finally growing up. Maybe you'll even become a true member of the Black Platoon now."

I roll my eyes and force a laugh, but suddenly find it hard to banter with him as a pang of guilt hits me. Daren assumes I'm going to stay with the group, of course, especially now that this flash war is over. And normally, I could see that being the case. I've grown to enjoy Daren's company, even during his vigorous training. He's literally my best friend in this world right now, which is only making that feeling of guilt grow.

Daren continues a mostly one-sided conversation as we prepare and take to the skies. Once we find the trail and begin tracking, the conversation comes to an end. As he would be the lead following the tracks, I'm left alone to agonize inwardly about the situation at hand.

My mind isn't on this final mission at all. Instead, I am stuck on the fact that I am already planning to up and leave my first real friend here behind. It hadn't really hit me that that was what I'd be doing until Daren made that comment. He thought I would soon join his team, but in reality, I was really planning to leave and join the army that would crush Daein. And unlike Jill, he wasn't one of those players units that I would see again. He was an NPC that I probably wouldn't see again until we were on opposite sides of the battlefield. This was probably the last time that I would be able to consider him a friend.

Unless I stayed. I guess it could be possible. We would return to Talrega wait until Crimea counterstruck. Then I could convince Shiharam not to flood the valley and convince the others to join them rather than fight. It's not like Ike and his group needed my help. In fact, if I did nothing at all, they'd win the war in the end.

But my player side still said to follow after Ike. I mean, for one, he is one of my favorite characters, but still. Ike's story is the one I know. It feels like a safety net while I'm stuck here in a strange world until I can stand on my own. Following any other path not only felt wrong, it was filled with the unknown, the unexpected.

What do I do!?

Right now I just feel like screaming to the top of my lungs, but I know that would only raise a lot of questions.

By the time the sun is setting, I am still without a solution to my sudden dilemma. We land along a path, but we'll be camping with only the trees for cover tonight without tents.

"I can't believe they would chase a few Crimeans this far," Daren comments, getting into the small amount of supplies we had brought.

I start a bit at his comment, having completely forgotten about the mission by now. But I do realize that he is right. We had been flying slow to make sure we were still following our troops, but we had flown half a day without catching up. What in the world were they after?

However, I am soon back to my personal problem as we begin to eat. Maybe…maybe Daren would come with me. But I would also have to tell him about my plans to leave. But I need to at least try to discuss it.

Yet I can't. I repeated try to work up my courage to tell him, but each time I awkwardly stop, too afraid to speak. Too afraid that our friendship would be over. I've never been one to make friends, so I've always considered each one of them special. But now…

"What's bothering you, Drake?"

I jump slightly when Daren suddenly speaks, but the look on his face is completely serious. Looking back to the ground to avoid his direct stare, I take a breath and finally force out, "I…might not be joining the wyvern knights."

Daren leans back a bit and turns his gaze to the sky. He takes in the statement for a bit before replying, "Well, I guess that's your choice. You've seen firsthand of what some of our tasks are as soldiers, and battle is the same whether it's a war against other humans or hunting down feral sub-humans. Some people just aren't cut out for it. You've been forced through what you have faced, too."

A load seems to lift off my chest with his words. At least he didn't outright hate me for it. Now that the first sentence was delivered, I found it easier to continue. "I have a group I need to join back up with soon before they leave, so I'll be heading to Port Toha once the General releases me."

"Well…good luck out there, Drake," he responds. "Don't go being caught as a spy again."

I hesitate for a moment, but decide to go all in. "Would you leave with me?"

Daren suddenly bursts out laughing. "You know that's impossible. I'm a full-fledged wyvern rider under General Shiharam, a member of the Black Platoon. I don't have time to travel around the continent."

"So you're still going to serve under Ashnard, then?" I demand, irritated that he took it so lightly when I was being serious. "Didn't you see how he razed right through Crimea and destroyed his neighbor without any kind of provocation or reason! Just how many innocents were killed in those villages that he had you riders waste? How can you consider what he did just and moral?"

My rant quickly lights Daren's flame as well. "Don't start in on morals and justice like a child, Drake. This is war. This isn't some fairy tale where all the enemies get taken prisoner and no one dies. You saw what a real battle was like at the capital. You saw those others die. You killed some yourself. People die in war, it's a given.

"Trying to make any war just is ludicrous. It's what Begnion does to soothe their people's conscience for murdering others. 'Our precious holy Goddess decrees it!' We struck and defeated Crimea in one fell swoop without prolonged war and devastation and you call it unjust?

"And King Ashnard could have good reasons for attacking, but it isn't a leader's place to go and explain his actions to everyone. It's his place to give the orders. You saw him lead the troops himself, when most men would have stood at the back or even huddled within their own borders while the war raged."

"A person who blindly follows others is a fool," I argue. "You need to weigh each choice you make as an individual. Killing others and hiding behind the simple fact that you were ordered doesn't make you any less of a murderer!"

"You're wrong, Drake. A person who faithfully carries out his orders is a soldier, no more and no less," Daren retorts.

"Then you've chosen the wrong man to follow," I say, throwing my hands into the air and walking away to the other side of Midnight.

My temper quickly dies as I sit against Midnight's side, but I decide to stay out of sight from both stubbornness and some embarrassment at my sudden outburst. I guess that plan didn't work. I really am going to have to leave him behind. My argument from a moment ago helped set my mind right, though. I can't stay under Ashnard's command. His very goal is to start a world war so that he could attain power equal to a god. Ike might not need me specifically, but I am going to throw my lot with them anyways.

Goodbye, Daren.

…And yet that thought still weighs so heavily on me.

-o-

AN: Ah, hah! Another chapter up and about. Anyway, I'll quickly post this and let ya'll read it. The next chapter will end up much more climatic, so look forward to it.

Book Recommendation: Spice and Wolf my personal favorite series at the moment. A light novel series combining action, romance, wolves, and even economics. A must read!

Update: Fixed some errors, etc.