I'm so sorry for being late! My internet went out for a whole day and a half, and then I had so much other things to catch up on that I totally missed updating. TT_TT sorry. But I'm here now!
Well, my friends... I regret to say that... This. Is the end. The last chapter. I hope that you've enjoyed this as much as I have, and that somehow I have managed to convey to you some kind of message through this story that will help you in life. :) As always, thank you for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites!
So, Nai Tiruvantel, ar varyuvantel, i Valar tielyanna nu vilya! Namaarië, Mellyn nîn! (May the Valar guide you on your path under the stars. Farewell, my friends!)
Disclaimer: I own nothing but Eruanna. (Which is still under debate as far as Glorfindel is concerned) and her flute. I think that's about it. Besides Ciaran. *muffles sob* oh! and the chest. Ah, and some of the words in Ciaran's last letter are taken from the song Clarity by Zedd and sung by Sam Tsui.
Chapter 29
To Eruanna, everything was a haze. She knew nothing after that, saw nothing. She struggled against the mist that covered her, attempting to smother her, to choke out whatever life left in her. Sometimes she would break through and manage to stay awake for a few hours before everything would grey again.
"We are at Imladris, seler. We're home." Glorfindel's voice told her gently, and a hand brushed over her hair. Eruanna thought she managed a smile, but she wasn't sure.
The grey haze took over again for a while, until she managed to gather enough strength to push through again.
"No, Ada, we won't stay here forever. We only want to stay until Arwen and Aragorn... Leave, and then we will come and join you in Aman. We promise." Elrohir's voice said softly.
"I will stay with them, my lord." Her brother spoke up, his familiar hand running over her locks.
She felt herself almost panic. Glorfindel staying!? Her leaving without him!? She must have stirred in distress, because immediately her bond with Glorfindel flared to life, sending soothing feelings across.
"Shhh seler. I'm sorry, but I must. You must go without me, you cannot stay like this. I will join you as soon as I may, I promise." He whispered. She felt herself calm. Yes, yes, she wanted to go, to heal...
Her strength ebbed, and the mist covered her vision as she sank into its dangerous depths to regain enough strength to break through once more.
"Goodbye, penneth. We love you. Be careful and heal well." Elladan and Elrohir murmured, and her pallid cheek was kissed by the both of them.
She managed to grasp their hands weakly, looking at them through blurred eyes. They smiled weakly.
Then Glorfindel appeared, gathering her into his arms and kissing her gently. "I will see you again, seler. Please, heal well." He pleaded thickly, and she managed to press his hand in a small promise. He sighed.
"I packed for you the chest Ciaran gave you, and your journal and belt." He said softly, and she smiled weakly in thanks. Then her eyes closed, too exhausted to even be grieved about leaving.
Her eyes closed, and the darkness overcame her battered soul and spirit and mind, broken beyond repair. She hated the darkness, and she loved the darkness. For with the darkness came memories, both good and bad, but also with the darkness came the lack of pain. And so it was.
Time passed sluggishly, it seemed to her, filled with traveling and conversation that she did not understand. It seemed as though there was always someone at her side, though it was not always the same person.
"Please hold on, miss. We're going to Aman now, where I, too, can heal." Frodo's wearied, patient voice echoed through the mist.
"Yes nephew, tell my fellow barrel rider that if she gives up I will never allow her to forget that I outlived her." Bilbo's voice added primly, and she could not help the small smile that crossed her lips.
It fogged over, and the next time she resurfaced she managed to figure out that they were finally at Lindon.
"Oh Valar." A horrified voice was saying, and a hand ghosted over her forehead gently. She breathed. In. Out. It hurt. It took effort. But this time, she didn't fall into her comatose state again. She stayed awake, and she heard the sound of the sea for the first time.
The waves sloshing gently against the shore. The cry of the gulls, and the creaking of rocking ships. The thud of rope against the dock, and the hammering of wood planks. She breathed more easily. Pain lanced through her stomach.
*Olòrin.* She tried weakly, feeling a bit panicky. His familiar, rough, careworn hand smoothed her hair.
"I am here, Eruanna. We shall leave very soon. Do you think you can stay awake?" The Istar asked her softly. Her eyes opened, and everything swam dizzily into view.
"Good, good. Hold on, Eruanna, it shall all be well. You have been strong to last this long." He said gently, and she sighed wearily.
"Is she awake?" A voice asked, and she turned her head to see a fuzzy Celébrian and Elrond smiling at her in relief. She thought she returned it, or at least she tried to.
Then she raised a weak hand, motioning for a book questioningly. Gandalf handed her her journal, which had been kept by her bedside along with her belongings. She clutched it gratefully, but soon had to let it fall out of her fingers, too weak to hold it.
Then she turned to Gandalf pleadingly, managing to push the book at him. Elrond and Celébrian left them, sensing the need for privacy. The white wizard took the journal.
"Where would you wish for me to read?" He asked gently, not opening it.
*Letter. Inside- roll of paper.* Even in ósanwe her voice was barely there. Gandalf opened the thick tome, and a sheaf of paper fell out. He took it up, closing the journal, and smoothed the papers over his knees as he began to read. Eruanna struggled to stay awake to listen, needing to hear Ciaran's last words that he had penned to her, desperate for the closure she knew it would provide.
Dearest Eruanna;
Since you have allowed me to write so freely to you, and since you have not shunned me, I will dare to write you in such an intimate fashion. Forgive me.
Dearest, do not forget me, please. I know that one day I shall leave this world, never to return until it is remade, but I would not have you grieve for me too much. I know that you love me, and I love you as well.
I only wanted to write to say that I will miss you, and I shall never forget all you have done for me. You have been my sanity in all of this Void of war.
I had died in the frozen waves where the past comes back to life, but you brought me to life again. I hope that you will hold still and firm when we crash, dear heart, because we both know how this will end.
For I know that the clock ticks, and it is only a matter of time before it breaks and I shall drown again- but this time I shall drown in you. In thoughts of you.
Because you, Eruanna, are the piece of me that I wish I didn't need- chasing it relentlessly when I know I cannot have it forever. But in what little time there is, I will cherish you. I still fight the inevitable, and I don't know why.
If our love is tragedy, then why are you my remedy? If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?
I'll try to leave you, but please don't push me too hard... Because then I will most certainly pull too hard and fall right back to you again.
I do not know what to write to you. I cannot speak my heart into paper; the quill is too weak. I cannot say enough, and I cannot say too little at the same time. It is a conundrum that is almost hysterically amusing in its irony.
As for my vision; if it comes to pass, I am sorry. More than sorry. But please, do not fade away for me; that would disappoint me because of all of the grief you would leave behind. But know that my last thoughts were of you and all you did for me, and how much you are the daughter I never had.
Thank you.
I cannot find it in myself to say anymore, for I have not the means. I can only hope that somehow, I have managed to convey to you something of what is in my heart. You understand me better than I do, Eruanna.
So saying this; I ask you to always keep a small piece of your heart- or even just a single thought- for me, and not to forget the base human who has dared to love you so. Perhaps I am selfish. But this is all I ask.
Forgive me, but I must say it: I love you, my daughter.
Always and Forever Yours,
Ciaran
And Eruanna wept, falling asleep once more in emotional and physical exhaustion. Gandalf sat there for a long time, pondering the words of the letter and wondering at the strength of the bond between this elfling and a human.
LOTRLOTRLOTR
This was not the way she had been expecting to go to Valinor. This was not the way she had expected to go- to go- well, it wasn't really home for her, not yet. There was no home without Glorfindel, really. She would have to find a home, assuming that Elrond and Celébrian would consider her part of their realm, which was obvious.
And on the other hand, did she really want to stay with them? Oh, she loved them for they were her lord and lady, but in reality it was Eärendil who was her lord and to whom she had pledged vassal-ship. Would he take her in, or would he not?
Eruanna sighed in exhaustion, feeling absolutely miserable and worn out from worrying about it. She had been able to stop slipping into a comatose state ever since they had neared the sea, but she was still exhausted. And now she was annoyed from the nonexistent view that was her cabin in the ship that they were currently sailing to Aman in.
She wanted to see the sea! Hadn't she dreamed about it for weeks and months and years? Determination cropped up within her, and she swung her legs over the side of the bed, slowly lifting up her head so that she wouldn't pass out from dizziness. Although she felt a seasick, she had been able to handle it better than say Frodo, who was miserably heaving over the sides of the ship. Even Erestor was rather miserable.
But it was getting better for her, and she wanted to go up on deck. Teetering precariously, she began to make her way up the stairs, staggering with the rolls of the ship and dizziness. But she was determined. She would get up to the main deck if it killed her to do it.
When she finally managed to climb the stairs, she was reeling from fatigue and collapsed on the deck, breathing heavily and pale. Immediately Gandalf was at her side, picking her up.
"Dear child, what have you done?" He scolded her, albeit gently and with concern.
*Wanted to see...* She sighed, looking up at him pleadingly, a hungry look in her eyes that he saw and could not deny.
He nodded. "Very well." He agreed, and set her down on the railing of the ship, holding her firmly but gently so that she wouldn't topple off.
For the first time, Eruanna smiled genuinely as she looked over the softly rolling waves, no land in sight. The white foam from the sparkling waves spattered her feet like miruvor, making her almost think she could drink it.
"We are several days away from Tol Eresseä, my dear." Gandalf murmured, and she looked up at him. His eyes softened in mingled relief and joy, for her eyes were bright and curious albeit her pale and wan state as she lagged against him, her skin like a sheet of paper.
*Really? Does Ossë and Uinen and the other Maia live in these waters?* She queried, leaning down to see into the water as he chuckled and held her so that she wouldn't actually go down and see.
"Yes, little one, although they might not be here at the moment." He answered amusedly.
*I've never seen a Maia except for you before, and you're not in your natural form.* She said innocently and without rancor, honestly curious. *I've dreamed of seeing them before- and- and the Valar.* She added shyly, leaning back and hiding herself in his white robes.
"Oh? And why would that be?" He asked her with curiosity and not affront.
*Because- Because they- I- I just want to see them. I've heard so much and they've had such a part in my life- and...* Eruanna struggled to put her feelings into words, while Gandalf nodded.
"I understand, Eruanna. I do." He said softly, and she smiled at him slightly, though it didn't reach her eyes.
*I don't know them, and I can neither hate nor love them, for I do not know them well enough to do either.* She said thoughtfully, eyes closing in sleepiness as she yawned and snuggled into his robes.
*I really- like- the sea, Olòrin. It's so- pretty- I've always wanted to- see it.* She sighed, and fell asleep.
Gandalf said nothing, merely holding her to himself and pondering many things as he watched the waves roll by below and the clouds up above. When Elrond and Celébrian and Galadriel approached them in surprise to see Eruanna, he merely smiled absently at them, stroking her hair and nodding to himself.
"Yes, yes, Eruanna, I do believe that you will love them, unlike your brother." He chuckled, and the three were left to puzzle out his statement with raised eyebrows as he took her down below once more.
LOTRLOTRLOTR
Eruanna was sitting on the deck, wrapped in a blanket and clutching a mug of hot tea in her hands. It wasn't cold, per se, but Eruanna enjoyed the comfort the blanket gave her and the extra warmth. She had been staying awake for longer the closer they arrived to Aman, but she was still not much better. Gandalf found it telling that she refused to look at the chest and her journal or belt.
They were just a day away from Tol Eresseä now, and Gandalf was looking forwards to the greetings that would take place there, for he knew that Eärendil would be there if no one else. Most likely Arafinwë and Eärwen would be there, along with Finrod, to greet their sister, but no one else.
He wondered what Eärendil would think upon seeing Eruanna, and smiled slightly at the thought. Most likely hug her to death and then realize her condition and demand that the Valar do something.
He turned to look at the elfling of his thoughts when he suddenly realized belatedly that there was something wrong, very wrong. Celébrian suddenly screamed. Everyone looked up, and immediately began to panic. Gandalf paled.
There was a wave coming towards the ship from the left side, unnatural and certainly not caused by any weather patterns. No, that was caused by a Maia. And he had a sinking feeling that he knew who it was.
Eruanna looked up, eyes widening as she realized that the wave was coming towards her and the rest of them. But unlike the others, she stood to her feet, cup dropping onto the deck, and ran towards the left railing. Gandalf shouted and lunged after her, as did Elrond.
But Eruanna stood there, looking at the wave with amazement on her face. Then she scrambled onto the railing, and reached out for the wave as it neared. Elrond faltered in shock. The wave came closer, and Eruanna's hand entered the wave.
She felt the coolness of it on her fingers, and she could have sworn that she felt another's fingers wrap around hers. She had seen something in the wave, and it had captivated her. It was... Incredible. Something she had never seen before.
And then the wave engulfed her and somehow, mysteriously, disappeared without touching the rest of the ship. Gandalf sighed, shaking his head. Elrond stood there, frozen, his face pale. Galadriel had suspicion in her face as she studied Gandalf. And Celébrian screamed.
Eruanna was gone.