Clarke can tell that Octavia has something to say to her. She seems to be holding it in, her eyes inquisitive, her mouth shut in a tight line. Clarke shakes her head.
"If you want to say something to me, say it," she finally demands after a few minutes of walking in silence. Octavia looks at her, surprised.
"What do you mean?" Octavia asks. Clarke rolls her eyes.
"I mean, you're trying not to say something to me, but I can tell you want to. Just spit it out." Octavia hesitates, and Clarke is sure that she's going to deny it, but after a moment, she sighs.
"Fine," Octavia breathes. "I saw you." Clarke expects her to continue, but she says nothing more.
"Okay," Clarke begins. "What exactly did you see?"
"You and my brother," Octavia says. "When I came to get you." The memory comes back to Clarke immediately: the feeling of Bellamy's hands wound in her hair, the sensation of his breath on her skin. Her cheeks flush as she attempts to push the thoughts out of her mind.
"And?" she asks, acting nonchalant about it. She avoids eye contact with Octavia, hoping not to give her feelings away.
"And I know how you feel about each other," Octavia announces. So much for hiding my feelings, Clarke thinks. "It's pretty obvious."
"Look, Octavia-"
"You don't have to explain yourself or deny it," Octavia interrupts, as if she knows what Clarke is about to say. "Not to me." Clarke nods, and they walk for a few more minutes without a word.
"Does that mean you want me to be with him?" Clarke asks, wondering why Octavia even brought it up. Octavia just shrugs.
"It's not my place to say." Despite her words, Clarke senses that she does, in fact, have an opinion. And her tone betrays her disdain. Clarke finds Octavia's answer to be unsatisfactory.
"What do you mean, it's not your place to say?" Clarke asks a bit nastily. "You obviously have an opinion on the matter since you brought it up."
"Just drop it, okay?"
"Drop it like you dropped your brother?" Clarke retorts. When Octavia glares at her, she knows she's gone too far.
"I didn't drop anyone," she states, her voice hard and cold. "He's the one who dropped us all when we needed him the most." Her eyes are intense, dry storm clouds intent on showering the world in lightning.
"You can't hate him for that forever, Octavia," Clarke declares. Octavia huffs.
"Yeah, and why not?" Octavia angrily chops away at a branch with her sword. "He deserves it." Clarke can't take it anymore.
"No he doesn't!" she yells, stopping so that Octavia is forced to look at her. "You don't know what it's like to be the leader. To have everyone expect you to make the right choice and to keep them safe. Bellamy and I, we try our best. Sometimes, we mess up and lives are lost. And I'm sorry about Lincoln, but we've all lost people we love, and we can't just keep blaming each other for it!"
By the end of her rant, Clarke is out of breath. Octavia just stands there, seemingly shocked. After a moment, she just turns towards their destination and keeps walking. Clarke, unsure of what else there is to do, follows.
"I didn't want this, you know," Octavia mumbles as they trek to the river. Clarke sighs.
"None of us did." They can almost hear the water running in the distance before either of them speaks again.
"You might not understand this, but even though I hate Bell right now, I still love him," Octavia tells Clarke.
"I get that," Clarke responds.
"And you're my friend, even when we disagree," Octavia continues. "I respect you."
"Okay…" Clarke says, uncertain of the direction in which this conversation is headed.
"So I hope you won't take offense when I tell you this." Octavia stops in her tracks, and Clarke catches a glimpse of the most beautiful scene, one she would love to capture in a painting. The river is right behind Octavia, some people working and swimming and laughing. Her mom is there, talking to Kane, her smile wide and happy, the way it only is when she's with someone she loves. The leaves are just turning brown around the edges, the way she's read they do when autumn arrives. And Octavia stands facing her amongst all of this, her face painted with black, her eyes fierce as ever, and her attire striking. The picture is perfect.
All of it comes crumbling down when Clarke hears Octavia say, "You can't fall in love with my brother."