I apologize for the long wait!

Thanks to all of you sending reviews and following my story! I am currently reviewing the following chapters and I am already working on chapter 12… so there is a lot more to come!

gllover22 and RVNola546: What happened to Rachel will come up, but a bit later in the story.

I don't own glee or its characters.

Chapter 6

After Rachel had left, Quinn sat for a while at the table, not knowing what to do. She had to fight the urge to run after her friend again. She was so afraid that she had hurt Rachel, afraid that she could not make her understand what she really felt.

How could she demonstrate to Rachel that her motives were far more than simple pity? Quinn was most afraid that Rachel thought she wanted to stay in contact just because she felt sorry for her. Rachel would never accept that. It was all right to feel sad; it was also all right to cry together as they had done in the hallway that morning. But Quinn once promised herself to never feel pity for anyone and Rachel would never see that on her face. She deserved better than that.

Quinn had always perceived it as one of the worst feelings someone could confront her with. Feeling pity for someone meant that you belittled the other person. The picture of someone sitting in a ditch and other people were looking down thinking 'boy, am I glad that I am not in that pit' had always appeared in her mind whenever she thought about pity. She always imagined that this was where the word 'pity' came from. Or from the French word 'petite', which meant small or little. In any case, it only held negative connotations for her.

She had learnt the hard way at high school after her car accident. She could handle open and honest questions, even rudeness or carelessness by others whenever another backpack smacked her again. But never pity.

Pity told her that people only saw her loss and what she had become on the outside – a girl sitting in a wheelchair. But they never looked deeper. Because they wallowed in their own relief at not being like her. Actually, pity was quite a selfish feeling for people who thought themselves being in a superior position.

She did not confuse this with feeling for someone. Empathy was a good thing to a certain degree, which brought Quinn back to her initial thought. How did she feel, really?

Quinn was shocked beyond measure when she learned the reason for Rachel's disappearance. Though she dared not ask how it happened – somehow it had not felt right to ask yet. She had been treading on very thin ice already. Thinking about Rachel's loss, she felt as if her own heart was squeezed by an iron fist. Bravely, she fought to keep her composure.

What did it mean for her that she would never to be able to hear again? Not only was she unable to communicate to a certain extent, but she would also never be able to hear music again, to sing. It was the greatest tool Rachel had to express herself. If words failed her, she could always rely on her music. Now that that was taken away from her, what was left of Rachel? Who was she on the inside? Where did she take the strength from to get up every day and keep on living? Quinn was not sure she would have been able – would have wanted - to carry on in that situation. So what was it that kept Rachel going?

Rachel intrigued Quinn yet again. There were so many layers to the other woman. And she had thought she already knew Rachel so well. Apparently that did not seem to be true.

Quinn wanted to peel away all the layers and find the inner core that fueled Rachel. It would be the most precious thing Quinn could ever discover, that she was sure of. Maybe Rachel was not aware that she still carried this inner treasure. She would very much like to help Rachel rediscover it.

If that motor had driven Rachel over the past years towards her dream, it could help drive her again towards a different goal - whatever that goal would be now. Maybe they could find out together. As long as that motor was still running, there was still hope.

And not only for Rachel, but also for Quinn, because that motor also fueled her life.

This revelation finally reached Quinn's consciousness. Had she allowed herself to dig a little deeper in the past, she would have noted that a long time ago. Why else was it so difficult to stay away from Rachel and at the same time still secretly following her path? Just to stay connected to her somehow. Even if it was just knowing where she was and what she did and nothing else. What a fool Quinn had been to deny herself her true feelings and to waste all that precious time.

The waitress gave her a worried look when she collected the bills.

"Is everything ok, hon?"

Quinn shook her head and answered with a thick voice.

"I don't know." Quinn did not kid herself. Even though Rachel had not given up yet, the blonde had noted the toll the whole condition took on Rachel and how much it had dampened her spirit.

She stood up, collected her bag from the seat, and put on her jacket.

"Oh, don't worry, everything will be fine. Some things just need time." The older woman assured her with a warm smile.

Quinn had no idea where the elder lady took that confidence from. But she knew one thing. She would do whatever it took to show Rachel how much she meant to her; had always meant to her.

Before leaving, she finally made a long overdue dash into the bathroom. She had not dared to leave Rachel during lunch, fearing she would come back and find an empty table.

When she stood outside on the sidewalk she had already formed a plan. Quinn felt the fist squeezing her heart loosen its grip for the slightest bit.

She traced her way back to the Community Center, hoping to find Carmen, because she wanted to ask her for some advice.

... ... ...

Quinn found the dark haired woman in the same classroom she had watched her exit from earlier. Carmen sat behind her desk, bent over some papers, a pen poised over the text.

The white blouse she was wearing was a stark contrast to her raven black hair, Quinn noticed. Again, the woman reminded her of Santana and Quinn made a mental note to call her old friend. They had not spoken in weeks, both being very busy with their careers, and somehow the days were always too short. Then again, what happened to Rachel taught her a lesson. You could lose what you took for granted a little too quickly. Quinn knocked on the doorframe and waited for the other woman to look up.

"Excuse me."

Carmen recognized her immediately. "Oh, hello! Quinn, right? What can I do for you?" She motioned at a chair for Quinn to sit.

Quinn stepped closer and took a seat in the first row. Carmen stood up and came over to sit next to her.

"Ms Rodalaba…"

"Call me Carmen." She offered with a warm smile. "Is everything ok?"

Even though Carmen had not mentioned Rachel's name Quinn instinctively knew that she was asking about her. Quinn simply nodded. Then, without beating around the bush, she decided to come straight to the point.

"Carmen, I would like to learn sign language. And I would like to know…" she paused, searching for the right words. "I would like to know how to avoid stupid mistakes when being around a person that… that cannot hear." She finished quietly.

Carmen studied her for a while. She also had dark eyes, but compared to Rachel's warm brown tone, hers were almost black. It was hard to read what went on behind them. Quinn had the feeling Carmen was measuring her up; searching for something. What was she looking for? Sincerity, perhaps?

If Quinn had never been sincere about anything, she was absolutely sincere about Rachel. She never wanted to hurt or disappoint her again. She needed Rachel in her life. Quinn would learn everything that was necessary in order to enter Rachel's new, soundless world. She just hoped that Rachel would let her in.

Whatever Carmen was looking for, she seemed to be satisfied, judging by her next words.

"Quinn, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. And I think Rachel could use a friend right now. A real friend. Especially someone she could communicate with."

She quickly looked away before fixing her gaze again on Quinn.

"I couldn't help but overlook what happened in the hallway this morning. Are you two close friends? Rachel never mentioned…" Carmen broke off when she noticed Quinn shaking her head.

Ashamed, the blond young woman fixed her eyes on her hands in her lap.

"Quinn, please don't get me wrong. I do not want to pry. And I am not judging you. However, I noticed that Rachel is not well. She is depressed and I fear that she has isolated herself completely from the rest of the world. I am actually surprised that she still comes to her lessons every day. She built all these walls around her, keeping everyone at a distance. What I saw this morning was the first time that Rachel let down her guard and actually connected with someone."

"Connected?" Quinn asked doubtfully. "Carmen, I… " Quinn took a deep breath debating on how much she should actually open up to the woman that she barely knew. However, there was something honest and caring about her that made Quinn trust her.

"Carmen, Rachel was a successful Broadway singer before she became …deaf." It was so hard saying this word. "Losing her hearing was probably not just very difficult. It must have meant losing her life. Losing all her dreams, everything she has ever lived for. But I'm sure you already know that."

All of a sudden, the words came rushing out of Quinn's mouth before she could stop them.

"And it hurts so much to see her so defeated and broken. And the worst part is that I wasn't a good friend to her. I broke off contact with her four years ago." Quinn wrung her hands in her lap. She felt so stupid and selfish all of a sudden. Ashamed, she continued, not having the strength to look Carmen in the eye. She kept her gaze trained on the floor.

"Rachel just has this incredible voice and talent and I feared that I would drown in her shadow if I stayed near her. I was working on my own career to become a singer and actor. So I stopped talking to her, taking her calls… I basically pretended that she did not exist. And I never even explained to her why."

"So this is about you, and not Rachel? About your guilt?"

Carmen sincerely hoped that she had not misjudged the young woman sitting in front of her. She hoped for Rachel's sake. The girl desperately needed a person she could confide in, trust, communicate with and share her feelings with. Otherwise, Carmen was not sure how much longer Rachel could stay upright, even though she was already positively surprised to see her entering the classroom for their lessons every day without failing.

"Yes. No. I don't know! I just know that staying away from Rachel was the hardest thing I ever did. I don't know how I could ever believe that just because Rachel had such a great talent I would never have a chance to succeed. She had always believed in me. But I didn't. I did not believe in myself. I knew that I could not live depending on her belief in me alone. I had to find my strength on my own. At what cost?" She shook her head. "And I never managed to completely shut her out of my live. I secretly followed her career, even went to see her on stage once."

A smile graced Quinn's features at the memory. Carmen noticed a light starting to glimmer in Quinn's eyes.

"And she was so amazing! You should have seen her on stage! Her voice, oh god, it is the most beautiful and powerful voice I have ever heard!" Then, as if a switch had been turned, her eyes darkened.

Carmen crocked her head slightly but stayed silent. She knew that not only the person becoming deaf suffered a lot. The people that cared about them also had to come to terms with it somehow. After a moment Quinn continued.

"And then, all of a sudden Rachel disappeared. I couldn't track her, no one knew what happened. I could not stand it any longer. I had to find her. I had to know what had happened. I was so worried! I didn't understand why she would give up her dream at that point of her career." She uttered a sad laugh. "Now I know."

"So you came here." Carmen stated.

"No. Not on purpose. I ran into her by chance this morning. She was on her way here and I was accompanying a friend to an audition at the Beacon." Quinn let her eyes wander around the room, not looking at anything in particular. "I called Rachel on her mobile yesterday, though. I called her! I mean…How inconsiderate was that? Well I didn't know about it then…" She rubbed her fingers across her forehead.

The dark haired teacher placed a hand on Quinn's knee. There was something about the young woman that intrigued Carmen. The way she spoke about Rachel and the emotion that filled her beautiful face led Carmen to believe that Quinn was not looking for a quick fix to remedy a broken friendship. She seemed really sincere about Rachel; she seemed to care very deeply. And something told her that Quinn would not give up easily, that she would fight for this friendship to be built up again. That was something that Rachel desperately needed - someone to show her that they still valued Rachel as a person, trying to find means and ways to go beyond the outer surface.

"Quinn, don't berate yourself. This accident was not your fault. I can understand that you feel guilty. That you feel you missed wonderful years with your friend. And that you missed hearing her singing, something that will probably never happen again. Look at me." She then gently prodded.

"What happened to Rachel was not your fault. Ok? This could have happened even if the two of you had stayed friends."

"But maybe not! I mean, I don't even know how it happened." She looked questioningly at the older woman.

"Well, you better ask Rachel herself. You know, Quinn, you should not lecture yourself over the past. These things are done and cannot be changed."

Quinn knew that in her heart, but it still stung to hear it out loud. Oh, how she wished she could go back and make everything right!

"Maybe you and Rachel can become friends again. This morning, you gave Rachel something very special. Something she probably did not receive from many people since she became deaf." The last word felt again like a slap in Quinn's face. It sounded so final. And so wrong!

Carmen continued when Quinn did not comment. She smiled when she said the next words.

"Quinn, you gave her respect. And you gave her acceptance." When Carmen noticed that Quinn did not quite follow, she explained.

"Rachel has probably made the experience that people turn away from her, that they do not know how to communicate with her, that they feel uncomfortable and awkward around her. She probably anticipates these reactions with every encounter she has with another person. And these expectations are already so anchored in her mind that she decided to not get in touch with anyone at all, out of fear of being ridiculed or not being understood. So she has isolated herself, she feels left out. People just don't make an effort to take a step towards her. She has become an outsider."

Carmen smiled again at Quinn. "Then you came along, and upon learning about her condition you did not turn away. You did not leave her and you did not make her feel like a fool by making exaggerated hand gestures or by over pronouncing your words and lip movements. Believe me I have seen that happen and it can be offending if it comes across in the wrong way, even if people mean well. This is another level of extreme compared to the other ignorance."

Carmen leaned forward a little to emphasize her next words.

"You, Quinn, you acknowledged her condition without question. And you had the courage to address it head on by asking her what would make her comfortable. Honestly, I don't think anyone has asked her that simple question before. Most people think of how uncomfortable they feel instead. You took her face value and most importantly, you did not allow her to think anything less of herself. You stepped up to her and did not look down on her. And by holding her back, by not letting her escape, you made her realize that there is a person who still cares about her, no matter what."

"But I didn't for a long time! I mean, at least I did not show that I cared. I cannot blame her for wanting to run away from me. How can she ever trust me again?" Quinn sounded desperate.

Carmen smiled encouragingly. "Quinn, for what it's worth. You were here today and you stood by her. And in the end Rachel agreed to have lunch with you. Believe me; you must have done something right." She ended with a small laugh that provoked at least a tiny smile on Quinn's lips.

"Yes, but then I didn't. She left me at the restaurant after we finished eating."

"Give her some time. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel? With your honesty and openness towards her and her condition, you walked right through her walls. Well, at least dented them a little. Let her digest what happened today." The teacher paused for a moment.

"I did not know that she was a singer." Carmen then added. "She does not talk much about herself, we mostly stick to the lessons in the books. She blocks any attempt at social conversation as soon as it goes into a personal direction."

"Oh." Quinn had a stricken look on her face. "My god and I blurted everything out like a babbling child. I am sorry, Carmen. I really did not mean to pour my heart out, much less betray Rachel's confidence by talking behind her back if she…"

Carmen's hand on Quinn's forearm stopped her.

"Quinn, I am actually glad you told me. This helps me understand Rachel a bit better. And I will not tell her. Maybe you should tell her about our conversation eventually. This would be the honest way."

"God, and she will hate me for that. First, I didn't show for years, then I broke into her world twice and talked to her teacher behind her back. And all that on the same day."

"Well, life's a bitch." Carmen chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Come one. As I have said. I am sure you two will find a way back to your friendship. It just needs time and patience. Maybe let Rachel take the next step. Now, you wanted to know about ASL and behavior around deaf people?"

Quinn nodded. She told Carmen about the lessons in ASL she had in middle school and to her surprise, when Carmen showed her some basic signs Quinn's memory came back with some things she remembered.

The two women also agreed on a schedule so Quinn could take up regular lessons. As she had to attend most evening shows for the upcoming weeks, they decided on early morning meetings for two consecutive weeks to jumpstart Quinn's conversation ability.

When Quinn left the center, the sun came out between two clouds. She turned her face towards the sun and closed her eyes, savoring the warmth on her face. This warmth made her think of Rachel again. She wondered where she was now. And how she was feeling.

Slowly Quinn turned towards home. She had texted her friend this morning that she would call her in the evening to learn how the audition went. Luckily, Jenna was understanding, as she had observed the meeting between Rachel and Quinn in front of the theater.

Rachel.

She wished she could call her as well.